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Does baby settle for daddy? (or anyone else?)


Forum: October 2013 Playroom

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  #1  
January 19th, 2014, 09:15 PM
joonzgurl's Avatar Proud mama of 2 girls
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Small Town, Alberta, Canada
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My poor DH, tries so hard with the baby and to help me out when bedtime isn't going that well, etc. But she screams bloody murder when he tires to comfort her from crying.

She is fine when he holds her and stuff when she is calm, but if she woke up from sleeping and is crying from gas or something, there is NO WAY she is having it. We try quite often and I always end up going in there after 10+ minutes because she is so upset. She stops screaming the second she is in my arms and just wimpers.

Just wondering how everyone else is doing with this? It makes me nervous to leave her and it shakes DH's confidence.
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  #2  
January 19th, 2014, 09:38 PM
fancypants27's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Montreal, Quebec
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We have been very fortunate - all 3 kids never had a problem with bedtime and who puts them down. DH and I have for the most part taken turns putting the kids to sleep, so I think that kinda helped.

My 2.5 year old always wants daddy now - because he will stay in bed with her / do what she wants until she falls asleep.
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  #3  
January 19th, 2014, 09:57 PM
Cccbb61013's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 492
My baby & daddy unfortunately haven't bonded completely yet. My husband works away 2 weeks at a time & left when the baby was a week old. I can tell he feels horrible so he tries & tries but I know deep down it's not "there" yet. It will be. But not yet. And I don't hold it against him. I'm sure had he not gotten laid off when DS1 was an infant, it would've been the same thing. He loves his babies. Just, like a lot of guys I know, they are kind of boring & fragile. But DH doesn't know how to do anything but feed & change him when he's upset. And this little guy gets very flustered if something is wrong. There's a slew of different problems it could be, most of which I can figure out. Actually all of which or else my baby would always be crying. Unfortunately DH isn't around enough to know what to do. My little guy's personality has really developed recently so I'm hoping since him & DH seem to get more used to each other each time DH is home, that this time around their relationship will blossom.
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  #4  
January 19th, 2014, 09:58 PM
SierraWinter's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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My husband works so much he doesn't do any night duty but baby girl does great with him when she has meltdowns. He's good with distracting her and getting her mind off her hissy-fits. If she's pitching a total fit and insists on BF then it's all me....
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  #5  
January 19th, 2014, 10:23 PM
ILoveStorm2011's Avatar Mack :)
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Dh made an extra extra extra effort to be the one to put her down, especially since I have her all day and night, so she does great with him. It took a lot of crying and frustration from both though.

Now, sometimes she just wants mommy and Dh gets upset over it when he hands her off and she immediately stops crying, but that doesn't happen all the time.
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  #6  
January 19th, 2014, 11:39 PM
Leah
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,877
Not at first, but when I went back to work SO was having a slow holiday season so it worked out that he stayed home with Logan. We tried prepping for this by having a bottle feeding once a night. That first was a nightmare. Logan fought and cried the entire time I was in the shower while SO tried to feed him. He was so upset SO had to step out for a bit and I tried the bottle. Snuck a few boob sips in to calm Logan down, I then got him on the bottle and after a couple ounces passed him to SO. Definitely not a fun or promising start, but now that they've spent time together, Logan has bonded.

All that said, we still have the random moments when Mommy is needed. Daddy has kind of got the silly, fun role and I'm the nurturer.
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  #7  
January 20th, 2014, 01:44 AM
jennyrae03's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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We go through the same thing here at our house...DH was back to work the day after we got home from the hospital and so the only time he spends in the house with us is in the evenings (he typically works weekends as well). It has just worked itself out that I'm the one to put Logan down to sleep, but he rarely fusses before bed anyway so it's not a big deal. If DH is holding him after he feeds him and he falls asleep, he will lay him down with no issue. But any other time of he day, if something is seriously bugging baby and he is upset, he won't calm down for DH at all. I feel really bad for my husband because he gets frustrated and I think it upsets him a little bit that Logan doesn't respond to him the way he does to me. But he also has told me several times "we make a great team, you're awesome at all that 'mommy cuddly stuff' and I'm good at the rest." I think DH will be better with Logan as he gets older. Logan is starting to become more interactive, and I find DH chatting with him and playing with him now, whereas when Logan was just tiny and didn't make any noise DH got kind of bored with him.
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  #8  
January 20th, 2014, 02:27 AM
sweety_pie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I always do everything here dh will hold him for 5 mins tops. If baby is mad dh can never usually calm him down. He just wants mommy. Lol Even nanny is having trouble with him now because she doesnt know what he likes lol
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  #9  
January 20th, 2014, 05:50 AM
Spyctre's Avatar Arwen
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Lily is fine with whoever as long as she's not hungry. Sometimes she wants just me when she's tired, but for the most part she does well as long as someone is holding her.
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  #10  
January 20th, 2014, 07:39 AM
joonzgurl's Avatar Proud mama of 2 girls
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cccbb61013 View Post
My baby & daddy unfortunately haven't bonded completely yet. My husband works away 2 weeks at a time & left when the baby was a week old. I can tell he feels horrible so he tries & tries but I know deep down it's not "there" yet. It will be. But not yet. And I don't hold it against him.
This is kind of like my DH too, only he is not gone overnight. He is out of the house 12 hours per day 6 days per week for work, and when he is home in the evening he is busy helping with our 2.5 year old. I know in time he will be great with the baby (as she gets older) but it doesn't help right now. I want to go to zumba and I am afraid to!
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  #11  
January 20th, 2014, 08:12 AM
Cccbb61013's Avatar Veteran
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Quote:
Originally Posted by joonzgurl View Post
This is kind of like my DH too, only he is not gone overnight. He is out of the house 12 hours per day 6 days per week for work, and when he is home in the evening he is busy helping with our 2.5 year old. I know in time he will be great with the baby (as she gets older) but it doesn't help right now. I want to go to zumba and I am afraid to!
Agreed! I'm afraid to leave them alone together. Not b/c I think he'd hurt the baby or anything but some idiot coworker to him they put their 6 month old baby in a sound proof room overnight & leave her there until morning. He hasn't said he agrees with it but I'm worried if feeding or changing doesnt fix it, he'll just think he's spoiled & let him cry in his crib or something. Plus I feel like a bad day with the two of them may ruin the bonding process even more!
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  #12  
January 20th, 2014, 08:19 AM
~Momma*2011~'s Avatar I love my little girl!!
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Carter will go to anybody but as for when he's crying (because of a dirty diaper, hungry, over tired etc) it has to be DH or I. DH sometimes gets flustered if he can't get Carter to calm down and ultimately I have to figure it out. DH can get him to go to sleep like a champ though. Whenever I try to get him to go to sleep he just smiles at me and laughs at me. LOL
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  #13  
January 20th, 2014, 10:13 AM
Lemon's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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William is fine with DH, as long as he has been fed.
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  #14  
January 20th, 2014, 10:29 AM
Grlsshp9's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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It used to be like that but now it's pretty even, if I can't get her down he does and vise versa.
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  #15  
January 22nd, 2014, 08:12 PM
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Evenings are rough! Not sure if she is just over tired or what, but all Sydney wants to do is nurse and snuggle with me. She is fine with DH any other time but at night. Poor girl screams her head off and has crocodile tears if DH tries to hold her.
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