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Forum: October 2013 Playroom

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  • 2 Post By jennyrae03
  • 1 Post By jamieshalon2
  • 5 Post By Laurenj915

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  #1  
May 15th, 2014, 10:15 PM
ILoveStorm2011's Avatar Mack :)
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,343
How do you deal with the hate?! It's starting to get me really angry when I see other people be like "#nokidstillI'm30" and "I want a life not kids!"Seriously, Phoebe is not holding me back at all! I mean it's definitely harder with her - I won't lie, but I don't want to work because why would I when we have enough for me to stay home and if I work 50% will go to daycare? Plus I move too much lol
I'm young, but I'm not dumb and I feel like I'm too young to hang out with other moms and yet when I bring my baby to lunch with childless people it's like 90% of my attention is spent on making sure Phoebe doesn't put something dangerous in her mouth!
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  #2  
May 16th, 2014, 02:19 AM
jennyrae03's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 2,601
I think the difference between you and the people who are hatin is that you are mature for your age. My sister just turned 24 and *thinks* she wants to get pregnant. Yeah, she's married, but her and her husband have the combined maturity level of an 18 year old. Thy do NOT need a child, they can't even take care of themselves. I think in their eyes, having a baby will fix their relationship problems, which obviously they are very very wrong (I think we all know how stressful a baby can be, especially in the beginning).

You have a good grip on life, you're very intelligent, your husband has a good steady job, you're not the average twenty-something. Don't worry about what anybody says. You're an awesome mom, and you're gonna be a hot-@&& MILF when your kids are in school haha! Unlike the rest of us old ladies...
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  #3  
May 16th, 2014, 05:17 AM
mama2ladybugs's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 634
i really don't care what they think/say. i sometimes feel like they are looking for something to make them feel good about their decision to not have kids. the hundreds of articles i see on yahoo about "i choose not to have kids" made me develop that feeling. my sister in law and my aunt both decided they don't want kids, but neither one of them ever felt the need to bash other people for having them or even put it out there like that.

anyway, i believe, if someone doesn't want kids, great for them, their life, their choice. but we do have kids and love our kids, and that's our life and choice as well.
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Last edited by mama2ladybugs; May 16th, 2014 at 05:25 AM.
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  #4  
May 16th, 2014, 08:21 AM
jamieshalon2's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Virginia
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I had 3 kids before I was 30. I had my first son at 23, my second at 26 and my third at 29. I get the opposite reaction when they find out that I just had a baby girl at 36. "aren't you a little old to be having a baby?"
It just shows their ignorance. I think if you are mature enough and want a baby it doesn't matter if you are 23 or 43. Believe me I know a guy that is going to be 40 this year and his GF is unexpectedly pregnant with their first child and he has the maturity level of a 15 year old boy. I worry about him as a father.
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  #5  
May 16th, 2014, 05:01 PM
Spyctre's Avatar Arwen
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Freaking Louisiana
Posts: 7,697
I had my first at 25(well, one month before I turned 25), and we had been married for 2 years and 8 months at that point. I only had one friend with a child. She's exactly a week younger than I, and her baby was born about 5 months before my first. I never felt weird having a kid. No one ever commented on it except for my brother. I mentioned we were TTC, and he told me it was dumb to have kids yet...he also said my husband and I would never last because we were too nice to each other. lol He hasn't had a relationship last longer than a few months so I just ignored him.

I worry for people that choose to wait. I hear about so many women having problems conceiving later on. "Missing their window." I know, it's not like that for everyone. I just wonder if they consider it, or do they consider that the older they are, the tireder you are? It was MUCH easier with a kid at 24 than 32! Do they think about have each year is a year less time spent with their child?

You do give up a lot, though. I don't go out anytime I want, and I can't do whatever I want. I just blocked one of my girl's view of the TV. I REALLY miss watching whatever WHENEVER and having all of my art supplies in a great big mess around me. I miss having no shirt on and not having some kid dive at my chest to suck on a boob. I miss drinking more often(not that I'm a lush, I've never been drunk in my life), and I miss not worrying about drugs and nursing. I miss sleeping in and not getting up at 6:20 for a school bus. I can't just go to the movies, can't spend money on adult toys... You give up a lot, and with an Autistic child, I've also given all those things up for after their childhood. I don't regret it, though. I can't help but love my kids. I just miss my ME TIME! lol
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  #6  
May 16th, 2014, 05:21 PM
ILoveStorm2011's Avatar Mack :)
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,343
Thanks ladies. I think it has all just been getting to me lately. Haters be hatin I guess! I feel regretful some days when I see people going on about with no kids, but then Phoebe crawls and I just feel like what would I do without her?!?! Sorry for the vent it's just - gosh people!!
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  #7  
May 16th, 2014, 05:42 PM
mama2ladybugs's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 634
i feel like i'm gonna rip my hair out every single day...being a mother is no small thing. but at the end of the day i wouldn't go without my girls either.
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  #8  
May 16th, 2014, 07:08 PM
Laurenj915's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: South Florida
Posts: 2,747
I'm sorry if people give you 20 somethings a hard time about being young moms. If you waited until you were in your 30's they would be commenting on you missing your window, or not having the energy that you once had, or having less time to spend with your child because you are so old you will die sooner!? Lol, actually today is the first time I have heard that one.


I think it is just another mommy wars thing. SAHM vs working moms, older moms vs younger, breastfeeding moms vs formula feeding, co sleeping vs crib sleeping... You get the picture. Dads don't do this. I love women but what is wrong with us?
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  #9  
May 16th, 2014, 11:19 PM
Spyctre's Avatar Arwen
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Freaking Louisiana
Posts: 7,697
My family, especially my mom's side, thinks about how long you will be with them a lot. Maybe because the ladies have a bad habit of getting surprises during the start of menopause. My great-grandmother was 53 when she got pregnant last. Her niece was 57. My mom is 1 month shy of 60, and she bought a pregnancy test not 2 weeks ago. I know it's not 30's, but can you imagine? 57. She lived till like 70. Her kid was 12 when her mom died.

If my mom waited till she was 40 to plan on kids, I would be 2 years younger when she died. I would have loved to have mine younger. They'd all be older, all be potty trained, and I would be at a more comfortable time in my life already, and I would have had 2 more years to cuddle my munchkins.



If you are wondering, my mom is not spilling on if she is pregnant or not. She is only doing things she has done in pregnancy before. She's throwing up every time she drinks coffee, she's incredibly bloated(you can see that easy on skinny people), and she is sleeping all the time. Could be something else. Maybe she geared up for the freak O during menopause that her family likes. We did discuss what would happen years ago if she did conceive in her old age. I get a baby I didn't have to vomit for. I'm hoping it isn't a boy. No one in my dad's family has good luck with the boys.

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  #10  
May 17th, 2014, 12:56 AM
ILoveStorm2011's Avatar Mack :)
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,343
OMG Arwen! I could not imagine.

My mom had my little bro and sis 14 months apart at 38 for the youngest. I tell her all the time she will probably 60 when he leaves the house just to mess with her


And yes, we women are crazy! But what really gets me is I has seen an influx of CHILDLESS people just judging. I can't lie...I did it a little when I was childless, but only in the sense of I can't stay at home - and I still can't (though I do).
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  #11  
May 17th, 2014, 10:28 PM
Iluvmybabies*'s Avatar Proud Mama to 5 girls
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Location: Calgary, Alberta
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I became a mom at 21 and had 5 before I turned 30, my first 2 are 17mo apart me second 2 are 18mo apart my 3rd and 4th are 4yrs then my 4th and 5th are 20mo apart, I'm hoping my 5th and 6th will be under 20mo apart too
Having them young and close was the best for me


I'm hoping to be done by 35
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  #12  
May 19th, 2014, 07:43 AM
Leah
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,830
I think Lauren said it well. Haters gonna hate. It doesn't matter if you're under 30, over 30, whatever. People will generalize and judge. One of my bfs had her first at 17, her second at 23. Now at 33, she's graduated college, works for the city in a steady job, has a house, etc. All things considered responsible, successful adult stuff. She got plenty of side eye and still does. I have my first and I'm now 34 and I get some as well. I've heard the I'm so glad I did it young comments. I get defensive too. It's ridiculous how women can try to beat each other down.

I think eventually my bf started letting it roll off her back, though every once in awhile it still bugs her. Just be prepared to defend yourself appropriately when it matters, whether that's addressing someone or proving it by how you live.
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  #13  
May 22nd, 2014, 06:32 AM
soul_donut's Avatar Melissa
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 3,110
Mack, people are just annoying sometimes! People that aren't secure with themselves and their own choices especially will give you a hard time - regardless of age, if you're someone that lives life how you want to and is happy there is someone that will try and knock that down. Not because of you, but because of their own insecurities. Ever notice how if you find yourself judging someone or being nasty if you think about it, it is likely something you might find wrong with your own life? If you have a nagging feeling like something isn't going right, change it. If you feel happy being a SAHM and young, then rock it! Honestly people are probably jealous. Your friends w/out kids probably don't know what to do with you so maybe you should take the lead and invite them places so that you continue to be on the radar and they know that Phoebe isn't some ticking time bomb but just a little person very much like their friend. As for 30+ mamas - are you sure you aren't fitting in because of them? Try and keep an open mind. Honestly, someone's character and lifestyle would probably be a better indicator of compatibility these days than age. I have friends now that are 25 - 55 and I am 31.. Most people I spend time with are either SAHMs or parents, or spouses like me that have a very hectic life with a busy partner.
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  #14  
May 26th, 2014, 06:01 AM
Lemon's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 3,087
I'm sorry.

People always have something to say about the way people love their lives.
DH and I started dating at 18. We got married right after we graduated from college and were surprised to get pregnant right away at 23.
DH is one of the youngest at his office (at 31) and most of his coworkers are single or just thinking about starting a family. They constantly invite us out on Fridays and we have to pass 99% of the time.
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