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Need some help with the "N" word please.


Forum: Interracial Families

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  #1  
July 17th, 2010, 06:38 PM
missmich
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So today my good friend was telling me about a fight her roommate and bf had. Her roommate likes to date black men and one of them was a jerk and stole from my friends bf. My friend referred to him as an "N".

I told her please don't say that word b/c my son doesn't like it. She then said to me that some are African Americans and some are "N's". That's why she thinks it ok to use the term.

I've never liked the word and have an issue with others using it,even more so now I think that I'm pregnant. She's a good friend and normally very understanding and sweet. She's really the only friend I have and she's invited to the birth. I don't want her there if she's got this attitude though.

How can I make it clear to her that the "N" word is not to be used around me at all and that even if some guy who happens to be black is a jerk,he is not to called an "N".
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  #2  
July 18th, 2010, 12:45 AM
Adriana's Mommy's Avatar I <3 my kids
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If she's your best friend, she should respect your decision. Especially with that word.. Be honest with her and if she continues to say that word around your children, I would distance myself from her. And make it clear to her that you may loose your friendship because she won't respect your decision..
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  #3  
July 18th, 2010, 10:50 AM
missmich
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It's really hard for me right now. I have 2 friends here. Her and a male friend. Neither of whom I see very often. She's the one I've asked to be there with me for the birth of my son. I feel that I need her there b/c I have some issued that I'm going to need her to help explain to the staff b/c I know if she doesn't then I'll have some panic attacks. Just some personal issues really. If she isn't there it will just be me and my doula who doesn't know me as well and can't help me in the same way my friend can.

I did sent my friend a message right after and told her how I felt about the word and how I was disappointed in the way she used and in the way she justified it using it. I said that eventually my son and I will run into racism later on in life and I didn't want it to be like that from her.

My son isn't black,but Latino but racism is racism it doesn't matter which race you hate IMO.
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  #4  
July 18th, 2010, 09:37 PM
Adriana's Mommy's Avatar I <3 my kids
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I understand your situation.. It's a tough one.. I would just constantly remind her not to say that word, say kids are likes sponges and you'd hate for him to be saying that word freely. Be a broken record..

Speaking of the N word.. My DH was teaching my DD colors in Spanish, I told my DH not to teach her the word black.. At least not at her age.. Wait until she's alot older.. I would be so embarrassed if she said that word in public. Even though there's nothing wrong with it, just people may take it the wrong way..
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  #5  
July 20th, 2010, 02:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Adriana's Mommy View Post
If she's your best friend, she should respect your decision. Especially with that word.. Be honest with her and if she continues to say that word around your children, I would distance myself from her. And make it clear to her that you may loose your friendship because she won't respect your decision..
Completely agree.
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  #6  
July 20th, 2010, 06:44 PM
missmich
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This girl knows what kids are like. She was working as a special needs shadow for kids with autism and things like that. That's why it surprises me. I'm not sure when this new attitude came to her either.

My son isn't born yet,but I like to use him as an excuse for things all ready lol When he is born though I shouldn't have to repeat my likes and dislikes for him though especially when it's something that like with an adult.

I've been thinking of not inviting her to the birth now. It's a huge deal to me though too. I'm prone to panic attacks and need her to be there to explain some things to the staff when I admit myself (stressful legal name situation etc...) and the only other person that will be there for me is my doula who I don't know well.
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  #7  
July 26th, 2010, 04:02 PM
missmich
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I've decided that my friend is not going to attend my birth. There were a couple of smaller issues I worried about but this "N" word thing is pretty big. She's aware how I feel about it and hasn't responded to the message I sent her about it. I haven't told her she's un-invited and probably won't really.

As for my issues that I'm stressed and worried about I did some personal work on them and talked to my doula and made some plans to deal with them on my own and with her help. I'm pretty confident that I'll be fine with out my friend there.
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