[Hockey247]

I have to start obsessing somewhere right? I really love JM and unfortunately would have been a part of 3 DD club's. My first loss happened before I joined JM. It seemed like it took so long for me to get a BFP (pretty much at least 1 year) and then it would result in an early loss.

I was going to do IVF, even got accepted in to a free IVF trial and when I went in for CD 3 BW-- they told me I was pregnant. That was the cycle that I lost my left tube. I was put on progesterone in oil shots and estrogen patches and I guess it did the trick enough to rupture my tube.

Last November I had the surprise of my life safe to say that with 1 tube, probably scarring from Lap surgery and my reg RE and OB looking at HD pics of my ectopic telling me my right tube was bad. DH an I gave up all hope of a child, I accepted a new position started to travel for business and SURPRISE BFP. Now I knew something was off with that one. I had had af for 8 days then it stopped, I thought I was on to a new cycle and then I started spotting. Thinking it was weird I took a test it was positive. I went in to my RE and we did BW and progesterone and my progesterone was so low he said it was non viable. He refused to put me on progesterone and that was that.

DH still wasn't careful, I am sure he was assuming what are the odds and bam I got another BFP. This time was different or so I hope. Now not knowing where I am in my cycle makes this worse. One thing I knew is I wasn't going back to my RE, I would call my OB get progesterone and BW. Friday of last week the day af was due, I started to have pain. DH was talking to me and I was barely listening it was quite intense and lasted about an hour. I thought hmmm something must be stopping af from coming on hence the pain. I spotted a little that night, went to a concert the next and spotted again and realized on Sunday that something wasn't right. I tested got a really decent line for as early as I am with a 6 day sooner FRER.

My first beta was tuesday the 19th and it was 70. Which if I really was 3 weeks++ or early 4 weeks would make sense. Now the HPT obsession started. I have been testing for almost 1 week and I am not seeing a huge progression

In fact since I don't do my repeat beta until Tuesday???? He originally wanted me to do it 2 days later then changed his mind I have become poas insane. I just went to the store got more FRER, equate, clearblue, answer and EPT. All lines are not what I would want Everyone else seems to have nice lines. MY FRER may not be progressing but it isn't getting lighter either. I am just a freak. Maybe I will post the pics here and someone can talk me off the ledge-- sigh....

I should add I am on 200 mg of progesterone a day and haven't spotted at all since before I started and going on 5 days.

[Hockey247]

Lets see if I remembered how to post a pic. Now these are nor fully dry but aren't they a tad light for 4 weeks- ish???

[Hockey247]

Last 3 days of progression. Maybe this will help.

[Hockey247]

1 week ago today I got my BFP and what an emotional rollar coaster. I'm CD 40, 6 days no spotting and I am just in awe. I am praying with everything I have that my repeat beta shows adequate doubling and I am on my way to getting my first ever good u/s.

DH is starting to kinda come around. Barely but he is. He mentioned that he guesses we will not be dtd for a while, I said I get the all clear we should be fine and he responds with we didn't do all this, for so long to mess anything up. Well, I guess he wants this too just doesn't want to be disappointed again or see me in surgery another time-- I get it.

It still doesn't stop me from leaving my tests all over the br counter (gross I know) but payback for not even talking about this.

Symptoms so far:

Yesterday my bbs started to get tender
I woke up no less than 3 times to go to the br last night
CM is picking up (not sure if that is normal) never had it happen in the past.

I'll probably have to vent more later for now, I am just going to "try" to get some housework done. It's hard when I put myself on bed rest and have a crazy week coming up. Work, 2 Panthers games and a concert. LOVELY!!

Beta is Tuesday and my first OB apt. is Weds

[Hockey247]

Pretty sure I'm out Test was barely visible tonight and I have the tiniest bit of spotting. I've been down this road before.....not even sure why I let myself get my hopes up.

[Hockey247]

Note to self to calm freaking down. Re-took a test and I am adding this for me but if anyone wants to chime in at any time it would be appreciated

[jennyrae03]

Hey girl, just popping in to let you know I'm thinking of you and praying that everything is okay. Your latest test still looks good to me. I wouldn't worry about it too much (I know, I know, easier said than done). Keep us posted, and try not to stress yourself out too much. *hugs*

[Hockey247]

Thanks so much for popping in It means a lot-- really!!

I'm still spotting today, light but its there. I am in a sour mood over the whole thing. I slept sound through the night, boobs are still sore and all the other symptoms from yesterday are still there.

I was supposed to wait until tomorrow to do a repeat beta but I went in today instead. I need to know what is going on and stop with the stupid testing. I don't know why he just didn't do a repeat in 2 days as he originally requested and would have let me know how I was doing last week.

DH pretty much guaranteed that there will be no more ntnp so this is my last shot, last chance to be a mom

[jennyrae03]

Light spotting can be perfectly normal in early pregnancy, so don't get too down about it. Just wait and see what your doctor says. Hopefully good news is on the way. When will you find out?

Have you guys thought about alternatives if this pregnancy doesn't work out? Adopting or surrogate?

[Hockey247]

I really don't think it's normal (in my case with my history) but yes it is normal. I am trying not to be a downer but realistic all the same. I'll find out at some point tomorrow. I can't believe Beta's take 2 days at the Lab?? I have always done them with the requisition as STAT (same day) or at an RE when I get them back in a few hours--- sigh...

Still spotting but its still light no red yet. The second I see that I will fully give up

[Hockey247]

I'm still here... spotting stopped and still don't have my beta back. First OB apt. tomorrow. Wishing myself luck!!!

[jennyrae03]

Soooo glad to hear that the spotting stopped! Please keep me updated after your appointment! I want to know everything they tell you!!! lol

[Hockey247]

Thanks so much, I will post a full update when I get back. Hopefully it's good

[Hockey247]

That appointment went worse than I thought. It took me a while to come here and close out my journal, I am not sure if my journey is at an end but it is for a while. My beta was only 30.

My Dr. again recommended IVF, which he doesn't even do but we spent most of the time talking about hockey-- go figure my OB can definitely change a mood.

I'm numb about this whole thing. Regardless I am getting up there in years so IVF will be a topic that I may consider just not now, maybe ever.

Everyone asks why do you think all the losses, my only guess is endo and my lp defect. I really don't know. I've had almost every test imaginable and time and time again my progesterone is low and my lp is 11 days. I know some were ectopics but the Dr does not think this was. I wonder sometimes how come I got more BFP's after my left tube was removed. I did read somewhere that your dominant tube is normally your worst tube. It didn't make sense but it does to me now. I'm rambling, I know. I hate to even post but since I started this journal since I needed a place to vent and to "hopefully" record what looked like my most promising pregnancy to date.

OK, that is all I have for now. I really from the bottom of my hear wish everyone a Healthy and Happy 9 months!

[jennyrae03]

I'm so very sorry to hear that Sam. I pray that you can find some comfort after this bad news. If you need to chat, you can email me at jennyrae03@gmail.com. Take care of yourself.

[slmehaffey]

Hey, I've been so sick I'm rarely here and just now found your journal, I'm so so so sorry that things went the way they did for you! I'd also like to stay in touch if your interested... I know we don't really know each other, but my name is Samantha too... and I have a short lp 9-11 days, so I guess we have a little in common... again, really sorry about how things turned out for you.
slmehaffey@gmail.com