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My son is 11 and Trouble! He tries so hard to make us happy and I've been so proud of how good he's been doing until I got the call from his teacher ..... He's nit been doing his homework . He's 5 weeks behind in school!!!! So I did what I could and took away the Xbox and ds .... I unplugged the Xbox and dropped the cord behind the tv .... Well this morning he was up at 5 am watching YouTube on his Xbox.... But when asked he said he wasn't. The friends list says different . He climbed behind the tv to get the cord although he was told he was grounded from it!!! I dunno what to do ! He sneaks food, he lies , this has been going on for a year ..... I'm almost o the point where I'm going to send him to live with his dad , I don't know what else to do!!!!
Thank you to Vicki.. For my amazing Siggy
Last edited by chelseamb; March 20th, 2013 at 11:09 AM.
I am so sorry your going through this, and please dont take this the wrong way, but I think sending him to live with his dad is going to send the WRONG message. Have you tried a counselor? or the school counselor may be able to give you ideas. I have never been where you are with an 11 year old, but I have a pretty rough time with my boys sometimes, and I just have to find age appropriate things to divert their behavior. Right now my 4yo does a token chart, he loves it and it helps tremendously , I know thats too young for an 11yo, but maybe google something else to do. I would take his xbox OUT of the room. Take his door off the hinges if you have to. I know its hard mama, (hugs)
We are thinking maybe no longer getting his own room in the basement ??? Sharing with his brother??? He didn't have an Xbox in his room thank god ! It was in our a segment living room , but that s here his room Byers onto . I just dunno what to do. We tried chore bored with extra marks for doing homework and stuff, incentives being new games or books, we stripped his room of everything once! He had nothing but a bed, pillow and blankets, still lying..... Well I've packed she Xbox now... We are considering making him take the upstairs room instead of letting him take the basement room in the new house , even though that third upstairs room was going to be for the baby
Girlfriend, that is my 14 year old! I'm at wits end. All the counseling over the last year has helped in no way. He's worse now. I even had the living convo with his dad yesterday but got the same old, "Oh, I'm not ready for him bc, you know, I don't live alone..." (mind you, he's helping someone else raise her kid but won't lift a finger to help his own-- however, thinks he's father of the year).
Sit down with him and help him with his homework. Make sure it gets done. Check in with his teacher often to make sure he is handing in his work on time and in full. I believe the solution is to spend more time with him, not less.
Have you asked him why its not getting done? He sounds like a smart kid. Thinks outside the box! Great trait for an adult, hard for parents to raise! A lot of bright boys think things like homework are beneath them. My DH and brothers were all like that! I had to explain the "game" to them. You have to put forth a little effort in school to get the results you want to get out of there!
Its an important lesson that so many kids don't understand. My DH now teaches college and is struggling with a student on probation that is still trying to pull the no homework stunt. I keep telling him to fail her! That's exactly the advise my MIL gave my DHs teacher. We don't want to see our kids fail, and I'd try hard before letting mine go there, but it might be needed while he's still young enough that it won't keep him out of college.
Sounds like he's not mature enough to handle homework on his own without back/forth communication between you and the teacher----maybe a sign off sheet each day that the teacher has initialed when she sees that your son has written down his homework...then you initial it after you've seen he's finished the homework. I would put the electronics in my trunk.
Is he organized with his binder/folders....maybe help him with a homework folder???
Lots of good ideas. Just wanted to send support and hugs! I think utilizing all the resources you can or him would be a good idea. School social worker, counselor, etc. look on Pinterest for some good ideas for responsibility. I've seen lots of great ideas. Talk with his teachers about something that you can collaborate on with him between home and school. ((Hugs))
I agree. I would sit down with him while doing the homework. My kiddo, though only in prekindergarten Montessori, was falling behind and was about to get kicked out of the program because he did not want to participate in his class lessons. He wanted to socialize and be disruptive. They sent home homework and that's exactly what we did. Sat down with him. This was reading, writing, and addition problems. Things turned around in a month. Definitely give him no access to the game systems. Make sure he's not going over to a friends place to play games. I think I would go to an adolescent behavior consultant to help you change his habit of lying before sending him to a counselor.
What I do with my kids is...the minute they get home from school they do their homework in the living room with me in the room for any questions. When they are done I check it and have them put it away in our chosen spot for bookbags so that we aren't rushing the next morning. If they get in trouble and I take the wii away, it comes completely out of all rooms and put in the top of my closet until they get it back. If they don't clean their room then all of their stuff goes in the garage and they earn it back piece by piece for good behavior. If I catch them lying or doing stuff they know they aren't supposed to then taking the door off the hinge is something I would not be opposed to. My 10 year old hit the same phase that your son is in. He is just testing the waters to see how serious you are and how much he can get away with. My daughter luckily didn't go through this phase long because my restrictions were too harsh for her is what she said...lol. But at least it solved the problem.
Ok so desision is reached . In the new house his room will be upstairs for awhile . Then he will moe back down before baby comes. For the first while he is grounded completely from came systems. Xbox and ds are packed!!!! Once the grounding is done he had to EARN time with his stuff!!!! And even then, the Xbox gets unplugged and stays in our room overnight! Same with ds. His homework is getting cut up because I told his teachers I was more then ok with them keeping him in over recess to catch up.
He now only has One assignment left to do after three days of non stop homework. He will be spending time with the family instead of going and locking himself away in his "dungeon"( bedroom) like he used too.
We have to do the major changes now and did explain that schooling is so very important. He wants to be a computer engineer. I told him the ONLY way of getting there is by working... And pointed out he's halfway done!!!! 6 more years and he's onto collage !!!!
I am glad you figured something out. Parenting is the hardest job I will ever have, its not easy, especially when your prego. I know it makes me 10 times more emotional and makes things look 10 times worse. Good luck mama!
My DH is a Sr programmer. Its a lot of work to learn and he needs to get high up in math! He has to actually understand Calculus! By knowing the deep math, my DH is able to program games! Its like every 11 yr olds fantasy job! He's also a favorite instructor teaching night college. Tell your son that with dedication to his school work he can do well in a computer program. Focus on math and physics. My DH needs to step in for younger programmers and do the math on a white board for them some times.
He sounds very smart! I'm not a programmer and don't understand it, but was amazed at the amount of higher math my DH needed! I only had to take statistics for my major. My DH enjoys the math and figuring out stuff I don't understand. Besides understanding the math, you have to get a computer to understand as well! I think it takes a special brain that I don't have!