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Forum: November 2013 Playroom

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  • 1 Post By Lindz253
  • 1 Post By Txmom4

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  #1  
March 26th, 2013, 02:09 PM
Txmom4's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Dallas, Tx
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I do not take antidepressants, even when i probably should (ppd) i just push through it, but the last few days all I can do is cry. My grandmother whom I was always very very close to is dying, shes my last grandparent left. Right after I had my 4 year old my other grandma died, I feel like its my fault, the circle of life thing, where one person is born and one person dies. Last night I just laid in bed and cried. DH and I are not agreeing on houses, hes trying to move to a bigger house, but has 1 less bedroom because its a little less a month, or stay at this house. Neither of these will work, we just have too many people. I found a house and we were going to apply for it but then he went bizurk because the kids were running around the house and I was talking ot the real estate agent, and wasnt helping him. He completely embarrassed me in front of her. Told me he wasnt moving at all, I am to blame for everything bad in the world basically. I understand that house was 350 more than what we pay now, however we make pretty good money! To give you an idea, we got NO taxes back even with having 4 kids, because we make too much money and were in a high tax bracket. That house was honestly perfect, it was only 4 bedrooms, but perfect 2900sqft. Well another house that we were going to look at but didnt because of his fit, went down $150 and would have only been $200 more that what we pay but he refuses still. At this point I am getting pissed. Yall, this hosue we are in is falling apart. Someone did a lot of DIY projects on this house, tile came up in the entry way, the prop mgmt company didnt repair for a month!! light switch fell off, plug in the bath tub came up, oh tile on the fireplace fell one night while we were asleep......the little boy next door set our trashcan on fire a couple months ago. its TINY, 1700sqft, 4 bedrooms. Our room will NOT fit another baby, its impossible to fit anything in there, we have a whole bedroom set plus a huge armoire, we cant even put our nightstand next to our bed. I do NOT want to be stuck here for a year! the other day the dang doorknob to the front door came off. SO I found a nice house, updated, 4 bedrooms and bigger master bedroom, only $75/month more and he STILL wont budge!! he only wants to go to the house thats less and has 3 bedrooms. I have told him a million times why thats not ok, we have 4 kids, 3 boys and 1 girl. if we had 2 and 2 MAYBE ok, if it was for a short period of time.
Ontop of that, I had to quit my job and fire my babysitter because I found out she was taking my kids around without carseats or seatbelts, then when I asked her nicely not to do that, she taunted my 6 year old for telling me, was yelling at him and telling him he didnt need to "tell everybody everything" UM HELLO?!?!? It is so much worse than that. but thats all I am going to get into here.
And my husband is *****ing about me spending money on Easter, WE HAVE MONEY!!! We are not poor by any means, I just bought a loaded 2013 Town and Country that cost $32,000!!!!
Soooo I have been crying all day, I think about it and I just start crying. I am wondering if I need some pills!!! I know this cant be good for the baby being sad and crying all the time, but I know pills probably arent good for the baby either.
Sorry for verbally barfing on yall. I just need to vent.
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  #2  
March 26th, 2013, 02:23 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Central Florida
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Oh girl! So sorry you are having a rough day. we are having the same issue here. Before I got pregnant we were looking at buying a house, and now we aren't sure if it's better to stay where we are comfortable paying the rent but will have less space, or pay more for a bigger house. We currently have a 3/2 with a beautiful 1 acre fenced yard, and we were looking at buying a house about an hour away from here, bigger with more land, but kind of in the middle of nowhere. I have very fast labors so I am worried about being so far from my doc and hospital. As for medication, I would talk to your doctor about it. I was on an antidepressant and stopped taking it when I found out I was pg. I definitely have my moments (as in horribly cranky, you better stay away from me OR ELSE type of moments), but I am trying to keep my mood up as best I can. ~hugs~
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  #3  
March 26th, 2013, 02:27 PM
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Im sorry things are emotionally rough for you right now. I totally feel you on the house thing. We have a 3 bedroom and are in the process of trying to buy a bigger house but my DH is dragging his feet because he doesn't like the way the roof looks! LOL - that is crazy to me!

Hopefully you and DH can sit down and have a talk again about the house calmly. Or maybe keep looking at more options of houses but ask him to at least go look at this other house to see if he might like it.

You should also talk to your doc about if there is anything you can take if you are feeling depressed/anxiety. Maybe there is something you can take while pregnant?

BTW, havn't said it yet but I love the new siggy!
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  #4  
March 26th, 2013, 02:32 PM
Txmom4's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Dallas, Tx
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Thanks. That's great you were able to get off your meds, and are only have some times where you have issues.

I am just so upset that he thinks he can make the decision and the he has final say, I refuse to sign another leave and this is up at the end of April, so we have to give our notice or renew by the end of March. Hes not even open anymore, hes being a stubborn with a "my way or the highway" attitude. I make money too, it shouldnt all be up to him. And he knows I'm having a hard time dealing with the passing of my nana, and he has no compassion or anything, hes just being mean!

I am open to looking at other options, I have gone down to a house that is only slightly more expensive, but he wont budge off that 3 bedroom house. Hes saying I am unreasonable and have to have things my way, but to me its him. Considering I am not pushing for any particular house (even though the most expensive one is what I WANT and think would work BEST for us) just a house that is bigger and more accommodating to 7 people.
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  #5  
March 26th, 2013, 02:41 PM
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It sounds like he is being totally unreasonable! You are expecting a fifth baby! Where is planning on putting the baby? My DH was trying to figure out where we are going to put ours and we have 4 bedrooms and two and two kids. I figure the baby will be with us for a few yrs. I use the fourth bedroom for a sewing studio. I could move it all into our bedroom, but it would look awful! We'll see whats needed in the future.

I love Bach Rescue Remedy. Its safe for children, pets and overwhelmed mamas! It works instantly by calming down your body to the physical signs of stress. Your brain isn't going to calm, but its easier to deal with things when your body is calm. It feels like a calming wave over your body. Love it! My DH keeps some in his desk drawer at work. I showed signs of PTSD after my seconds birth and we both nearly died. I couldn't handle the feeling of the anti depressants the Dr wanted me on. Bachs RR is what helped and then what got me through my grandparents and moms death a few yrs later. It was a dark few years there. I had little ones that needed me and couldn't be crippled by anxiety attacks all the time.

I hope you get the house situation worked out. Try to talk to him calmly and rationally. Where is he planning to put 5 children in a small 3 bedroom home?
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  #6  
March 26th, 2013, 02:53 PM
hopingforbabymc's Avatar Finally Pregnant!
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I'm sorry to hear that you're having a rough time. He does sound like he's being very unreasonable and when it comes down to it, you should have as much say as he does. I hope things smooth out eventually. Stress is no good. ((hugs))
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  #7  
March 26th, 2013, 03:15 PM
eab12191's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 245
Hugs! You are not alone. I also suffer from depression and go through good periods and then down periods. I self weened almost a year ago as my family doctor thought it would be better I was off meds while preggo. I will probably go back on them PP though!

I'm sorry you are stressed about moving. We live in base housing duplex, and it's so small for the amount we pay. It makes me sick because in OKC where we own a 4 year old home, our mortgage is almost half of what we pay for this lousy house. We are currently renting it out.
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  #8  
March 26th, 2013, 03:25 PM
Txmom4's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Dallas, Tx
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He says here, we can move the armoire our of our room and into my daughters room (that will cramp her room) then move the dresser infront of the bed and put a bassinett by our bed. In the 3 bedroom house he plans on putting 3 boys in one room and my daughter in one, and the baby with us. But they are so close they shouldnt be in the same room, they will never sleep, ever ever. Time outs would be crazy if they all 3 had a timeout at once.
Ill have to look into BRR, maybe it would work for me. I am not a normal every day depressed person, pregnancy makes me a little crazy, my hormones go wacko and I usually have problems after pregnancy but it does away within a few months.
I finally just emailed in and told him I refuse to sign this lease, if we cant agree on something together then I am not going to sign, its not fair. I shouldnt be SOL while he makes stupid decisions, and my kids! they shouldnt be squished like we are.
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  #9  
March 26th, 2013, 03:53 PM
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And what's his plan when the baby is 3 months and grows out of the bassinet? There are times you make due, but this isn't one of them. My friend had to put the babies crib in her kitchen! Not ideal, but it was short term desperation. We had a large one bedroom when my girls were born. We were doing the starving student thing and they were little. I can't imagine going down to that. Although we've added kids since then.

I'd let him know you are fine with anything with at least 4 bedrooms. Really you could use 5!
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  #10  
March 26th, 2013, 04:59 PM
momof8lopez's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: illinois
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Ugh, he sounds like my ex. Fortunately for me in that marriage, I made the majority of the money and made the final decision when he was being like this. I actually qualified on my own for the house Im in now, and told him to either get on board or find a new place for him alone, lol. I know your not in that position, but there needs to be an equal ground here. I would call your realtor up and ask her for a list of homes in the price range he is happy with and hopefully your requirements. If there is no such animal, maybe a third party would be better here, talking to him about your overall financial situation and that you can afford this. I did this for clients when the couple did not agree on price. I put it on paper for them to see that it was not out of their budget......it was not a sales plot, but trully trying to help them find a middle ground. (Im in the mortgage business). Can you have your mortgage professional do this for you? make an appointment and have him/her show everything on paper. Men are visual creatures and sometimes need the extra reasurrance.
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Thank you Shortcake for my beautiful siggy..]

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  #11  
March 26th, 2013, 07:15 PM
Mega Super Mommy
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I was telling my DH about this and he had an idea. If it were him he would be trying to save the money for something. Nest egg, money after baby is born or some other reason only known to your DH. I'm wondering if asking for deeper reasons will open the lines of communication.

There is something about being pg last time that made me instantly claustrophobic. We had outgrown the house with a third, but with a fourth I was wigging out. There just wasn't enough living space for us. We ended up building when things were bad economically. The stress of it and moving wasn't good and I ended up trying to keep him from being born prematurely. We got him to full term and I love having a big enough living space for our family.
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  #12  
March 27th, 2013, 06:10 AM
outtheblue's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Oh hon I am so sorry it's been rough emotionally right now...you definitely don't need that and I hope hubby will come to his senses, and fast.
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  #13  
March 27th, 2013, 06:55 PM
hotpinkheels's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I read this this am but couldn't reply. Just wanted to offer hugs and support. Hope things turn around soon
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  #14  
March 27th, 2013, 07:09 PM
Txmom4's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Dallas, Tx
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I wanted to come back and thank yall, I couldnt do it last night, I really didnt want to face this crap again, I just wanted to kind of forget it. DH said that he would look at one of the houses and consider it last night, but tonight he called the owner of the 3 bedroom house and now hes stuck back on that.

LABs, what your saying is correct, hes wigging out because of a new baby coming. He does it every time. We are also in the middle of starting a company so hes stressed about that along with trying to get our credit to where it needs to be to buy. Like I keep telling him, this is for ONE year thats it. Then we can buy and have what we want for a lot cheaper. Apparently the owner of the 3 bedroom is willing to owner finance, but I am not ok with that, I dont want that house. I dont want to be limited in what I BUY. When we buy we are staying there for a looooong time, I want my dream house, I want everything to be perfect. That house is only 2100sqft and lacking things I want. Its just not an option for me.
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  #15  
March 27th, 2013, 10:04 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 2,847
Seriously, that doesn't sound like depression but a reaction to real life problems. :hugs: Get the cheaper house for the year, let him feel how crowded it is, and you'll be back house shopping before you know it.

On the grandma thing, I know how you feel. Just before I got my BFP, I dreamed that I was apologizing to my grandma for being pregnant because I knew my son (praying I have a daughter) was coming to take her place. There's nothing to do but appreciate their presence while they're here because it is, indeed, life.
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