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My mother in-law wants to take a week off from work after my delivery.
She mentioned to my husband she can take care of my toddler who will be three and a half.
My husband told me he wants to drop off my toddler at her place for a week .. I feel she will feel abandoned.. I dont want her to think a new baby is welcome home and she has to stay with her grandma a whole week. That means I would have to have my MIL come over to my place each day and she only uses roads to drive would take her 45 minutes to an hour to get here one way.. unless he or myself pick her up and drop her off every day..and Im worried spending a whole week with her each day might make it more stressful ... so I am not sure what I can do to have her feel like she is wanted and help out in some way ...
I hope everything work out for you. I wouldn't want to send away other child because she might feel left out plus that's just a good time for everybody to get adjusted at the same time. I would probably go with mil just driving in daily. You don't want to be her chauffeur after just having a baby.
Do you really think your toddler will feel abandoned? Sometimes we can overthink things, especially when it comes to our babies. Maybe if you make it seem like its "fun time" with Grandma it wont be a problem. All other options seem so inconvenient, especially if you or DH have to drive to pick her up and drop her off everyday. The last resort would be for your MIL to maybe stay a few days but not the whole week.
I agree Kris about finding my own routine and I want to walk around in a bra with my hair all messy and not worry that my MIL will be there. Also I am terrible at telling people what to do so I would feel uncomfortable to tell her to make dinner, or to take my toddler to the park .. I really want my toddler to feel connected to the baby and including her the first week.. I am leaning toward dropping my daughter off during the day and picking her up in the evening so she can sleep with us since she is not good at sleeping over at anyones house yet. Like miraclemommy said I dont want my husband to be a chauffeur.. I guess will have to find some sort of balance... Are any of you making plans what will happen after delivery with your other children or In laws
I haven't made any definite plans but in our family its customary for the person who just gave birth to have a house full of people lol! My family, Inlaws, our church family and friends will show up in droves, order pizza or cook and it becomes an all out party. My mom always take vacation when I deliver also and she stays with us. This year will be different because we will be moving with my mom right before the baby comes. So, I'll basically have live in help other than DH
Are any of you making plans what will happen after delivery with your other children or In laws
We haven't officially asked, but we are hoping that MIL will come stay here while I am in the hospital. Hubby will probably come home in the late afternoon to help MIL with getting kids' homework, dinner, baths and bedtime done. Then sleep at home, help get the kids up and ready in the morning and then come back to the hospital during the day.
I'm not sure what to do. Honestly its more stress for me to have people in my house. My MIL keeps telling me that she has all this vacation time saved up for when the babies come. I just don't see how she will be helpful! She would need to drive an hr here and back. She is capable of it. I honestly don't trust her to put my boys in car seats properly to take them anywhere. My girls can put them in though. They can do it properly and I just check.
I can see needing help if I have a c/s. My DH can take off a few weeks if needed. I'd rather he take off work to help if I need it. My MIL wants to Homeschool my kids where we are working ahead right now so we can take off time if needed. The whole thing sounds stressful!
Its nice knowing she is available if I really need it though. I got a spinal headache after my last baby. My DH knew it was serious when he came home to his parents at my house. I had called them and took my newborn to bed. I could care for him, but not the others. I ended up at the hospital getting a blood patch the next day. So I can ask for help if I need it, but having an extra person hanging around while adjusting to a new baby sounds like more stress. I'll have a 10 1/2 and nearly 12 yr old girls that are great helpers as well! They are a great help with my boys if I need them to keep them occupied.
Laura, homeschooling mama to Christine 1-02, Nicole 5-03, Everett 4-09, Alister 9-10, Moira and Giselle born October 24, 2013!
I don't know what will happen tbo ! But like you I wouldn't want my other children gone for a week stressful on you being away from them too. I'm pretty sure my mil and fil will be here but probably not staying here . Just here to help. And my mil will do EVERYTHING lol . She loves cleaning. And cooking for her son lol
For me personally I KNOW that sending away my next youngest for a week would be detrimental & that they would definitely feel replaced. How? Just me being in the hospital for those 3 odd days has made the toddler at the time incredibly unhappy. Not every time, but the first two girls definitely felt it. A week I would imagine & not being with either parent of a night time would compound it.
For me personally that first week, (or weeks,) is all about Mum, Dad & any other children adjusting to their new life.
Mama to - DD16, DD15, DD13, DS11, DS5, DD3, DD November 2013
I'm sorry I have no advice, you know your daughter best, I'd just try to think of how she'd react being gone for a week. I live with my parents, so I will automatically have help when the new baby comes.