Log In Sign Up

My crazy mother


Forum: November 2013 Playroom

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Like Tree5Likes
  • 1 Post By hotpinkheels
  • 1 Post By Classy
  • 1 Post By HappyBabyB
  • 1 Post By jadeunicorn
  • 1 Post By Minilegs

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To November 2013 Playroom LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
August 29th, 2013, 08:12 AM
HappyBabyB's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: California
Posts: 1,994
Hopingforbabymc's topic about the pressure to let other people keep the baby overnight got me thinking about my mother and I wanted to seek advice from you all. Here's the summary of what's going on:

My mother is mentally ill, she has been clinically diagnosed as bi polar, borderline schizophrenic and depressed. My husband and I went to Utah to visit her and my Dad (who works full time) in July and she was on so many medications that supposedly help her function and also balance her out. The problem is she could barely function. She would take all of her pills and either sleep all day and night or walk around lethargic and barely able to hold a conversation. Some of the medication that she takes for her mental disorder make her hands shake and she can't even hold a cup to her mouth to take a drink.

I cannot trust her to take care of another human being on her own.

Now the part I am having a problem with is the fact that she INSISTS she is the person that our baby will go to if my husband and I happen to deploy at the same time (not likely, but possible). We are required by the military to make a family care plan as soon as he is born and we have to write out where the baby will go. I have already talked to my sister in law and she will be the one to take him (she is the only responsible one on both sides of the family).

I am really struggling with telling my mom she won't be the one the baby will go to because she is so excited to have him. Do I tell her now or wait until something actually comes up and we have to send our son to DH SIL, then tell her then?

What would you do?
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #2  
August 29th, 2013, 08:50 AM
hotpinkheels's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,000
Oh gosh. That's a tough one. I don't know if I have a good answer for you. Mental illness is so debilitating, not only to the person who has it but all their loved ones too.

Is it better to wait and cross that bridge when you get there versus bringing it up and having it cause issues? Maybe. I am really at a loss. Hopefully the other ladies have some advice. I'm glad you do have someone safe and responsible to take care of little buddy just in case. ((Hugs))
shana1979 likes this.
__________________
Baby Heels 11.6.13
Reply With Quote
  #3  
August 29th, 2013, 08:54 AM
Classy's Avatar Love my 3 girls!
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 813
I would probably wait and tell her only when necessary, if the situation does arise.
hotpinkheels likes this.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
August 29th, 2013, 09:38 AM
HappyBabyB's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: California
Posts: 1,994
That is what I was leaning towards. I figure there's no reason to bring it up beforehand because it could just cause tension and possible drama. Who knows, maybe we will never be deployed at the same time? Then nobody's feelings would get hurt.

It is just hard to play along because she brings it up everytime we talk. But I'll just keep pretending like she will be the one to take care of him. I hate lying but I do want to spare her feelings.
Minilegs likes this.
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #5  
August 29th, 2013, 09:42 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 32,940
I would wait and see if you have to cross that bridge.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #6  
August 29th, 2013, 09:46 AM
MakeupMommy3's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Calumet Park, IL
Posts: 676
Oh boy! That is a tough situation to have to deal with. I would probably wait as well and deal with it when the need arises. Sparing her feelings is the way to go in this case, especially considering her condition. GL and hopefully you will never have to deal with it period.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #7  
August 29th, 2013, 09:58 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 3,127
If she brings up the subject again before any such need arises, tell her then.

If she doesn't bring the subject up again, tell her when the situation comes up.

Just my opinion. You don't want to string her along if she does start talking about it again.
ducksaresnazzy likes this.
__________________








Reply With Quote
  #8  
August 29th, 2013, 10:08 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,495
I would also wait. If it's going to cause tension for you it's not worth it. I mean the odds of you both deploying at the same time is low. So why cross that bridge before you need to and cause some family tension.
__________________
Christina mommy to Ashley,Christopher, Wyatt, Brantley and Orion



Reply With Quote
  #9  
August 29th, 2013, 10:26 AM
hotpinkheels's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,000
If she does bring it up and you don't want to lie, I guess you could say "Well, we will cross that bridge when we get there- hopefully we never have to!" and hopefully that would end it.

But I agree- I think I would probably just wait to really discuss it.
__________________
Baby Heels 11.6.13
Reply With Quote
  #10  
August 29th, 2013, 11:38 AM
MarineWife_03's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 722
I would definitely just wait and fingers crossed that it won't happen!
__________________


2007- 3 Miscarriages -all reasons unknown
05/11- BFP
07/11- miscarriage #4-
12/11- first cycle to try IUI w/BFP
03/12- miscarraige #5 at 12weeks
12/12- miscarriage #6 at 8 weeks
Reply With Quote
  #11  
August 29th, 2013, 01:11 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 3,604
What a hard place to be in! Id thank her for her love and support for your baby and cross that bridge when/if you need to. Most moms want to be there for their kids and grandkids and its sad that she can't.
__________________
Laura, homeschooling mama to Christine 1-02, Nicole 5-03, Everett 4-09, Alister 9-10, Moira and Giselle born October 24, 2013!

Reply With Quote
  #12  
August 29th, 2013, 06:04 PM
Erin1826's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: the desert
Posts: 832
I agree that it's probably better to wait. You may never have to tell her, so why not avoid the stress for both of you if you can.

I didn't realize that was something that could happen! So you and your hubby could have to deploy at the same time and leave the baby behind?? How long would it be for? Would they do it while he's an infant? I really hope you don't have to deal with this situation!!
Reply With Quote
  #13  
August 29th, 2013, 06:11 PM
FairyDustMom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 4,471
The situation might change.. or she might even change her mind still.. I agree about waiting and mention something only when the time arises.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #14  
August 29th, 2013, 08:36 PM
HappyBabyB's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: California
Posts: 1,994
Thanks for all the advice ladies!


Erin, yes it could happen! There is a rule that I am not allowed to deploy for 6 months after he is born, but after that I am free game. Most people in the military have a heart and wouldn't deploy us at the same time but I did have a friend who gave birth and 7 months later her and her husband both deployed. She tried to fight it but her supervision did not have her back so she ended up going and leaving her son with her mom.

I'm just thankful we have my sister in law to depend on if something like that did happen.

Oh and our deployments are 6 months long
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #15  
August 29th, 2013, 11:16 PM
Minilegs's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Kaia's Mommy
Posts: 5,270
I agree with your plan to divulge when necessary but, I honestly wouldn't lie about it. I would probably try to avoid and not address it at all. Good luck!
shana1979 likes this.
__________________
Melanie, mama to Kaia, Ewan, and Paige
Paige Clementine born October 23, 2013
Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:29 PM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0