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  #1  
July 5th, 2011, 09:59 PM
MissusF's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Here's the deal: We have still not told our family and most of our friends that we're expecting. We moved to California from Virginia about a year and a half ago. All of our family is still back in VA. DH and I both REALLY want to be able to tell our parents in person. This will be the first grandchild on both sides and I know that both families will be overjoyed. We've thought up of a cute way to do it and everything. We will be traveling home the first week in August for my sister's wedding, so the timing is perfect because I'll be right at 14 weeks then.

We came up with this plan as soon as we found out and I haven't really given it much thought since. However, I've since spoken with two of my girlfriends who know I'm pregnant and told them the plan for telling the family. Their first reaction was "won't your sister be mad?" Honestly I never thought about it like that. We would make the announcement when we first get there, so about a week before the wedding then the rest of the week would be spent focused on wedding stuff. I have absolutely no intent of trying to upstage her or take away from her day at all. She's usually pretty understanding and I think she'll just be happy for us. I would wait til after the wedding to tell everyone, but we're leaving the next day so I doubt we'll have time to see both sets of parents.

I really have my heart set on doing this in person. I feel like DH and I miss out on all the important family stuff since we're so far away and since this is the biggest announcement we'll ever make to them I would really like to be there to see their reactions. Now I'm thinking about my sister's feelings and wondering if maybe it's better to just call and tell everyone over the phone so it doesn't appear that I'm trying to infringe on her big day or something. Also, my sister and I get along fine. We're not super close but there have never been jealousy issues or anything between us.

If you were the bride, would you be offended by a family member doing something like this a week before your wedding?
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  #2  
July 5th, 2011, 10:09 PM
SmilesAreContagious's Avatar Rheanna Mommy-2-b
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I just visited arizona, I live in Cali also, and was very excited to tell my grandparents that they are going to be great grandparents for the first time in person. My aunt just did a commitment ceromony (she is a lesbian, so legal marriage isnt an option). We had a dinner for her and her "wife" to celebrate, and while everyone made their toasts my grandfather got up and made a toast saying "heres to a new daugher, and a great grand baby who is on the way" everyone turned around and said who?!?!? and then he said Rheanna and everyone congratulated me and then the party went back on the real focus.

However, we did tell them before so that they could let us know if they didnt want us taking away from their light.

Regardless if your sister is the way you say she is i think she will be completely understand and very excited for you! You arent going to have another time where you can tell everyone in person and this is the perfect opportunity. A wedding is a exciting time and so is a pregnancy and you guys can cherish the moments you get together! Id tell them while you are there =)
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  #3  
July 6th, 2011, 06:24 AM
Mamacc's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I don't think it's a big deal if you tell everyone a week before the wedding. It's not like you are showing up and announcing it on her wedding day....
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  #4  
July 6th, 2011, 06:39 AM
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I agree with the PP. If you are doing it a week in advance, I think that is totally fine! It's not like you are doing it during the ceremony, or even the night before. Of course you know your sister best, and some very rational women can become a lot more self absorbed the week of their wedding, so if you think she might be upset, I'd just ask her first to make sure. But I love the fact that you can tell everyone in person, and i think the timing is perfect!
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  #5  
July 6th, 2011, 08:17 AM
mcfly's Avatar Lil' Old Lady In Training
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mamacc View Post
I don't think it's a big deal if you tell everyone a week before the wedding. It's not like you are showing up and announcing it on her wedding day....
Yes, I agree 100%. Try to do it on a day that isn't totally filled with wedding-related stuff, if you can, so that she doesn't feel that you're trying to upstage her. Or just talk to her about it first. I'm sure she'd be thrilled to know before your parents, and most people are very tolerant of things they might not necessarily be tolerant of if they feel that their feelings are being considered.
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  #6  
July 6th, 2011, 08:24 AM
BoobyDutyAgainJen's Avatar Proud Mom & Birth Mom
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I agree with others. DO IT!! One thing I think might help though is if you called your sister ahead of time. Swear her to secrecy and then let her know your plan. Or even pull her aside early in the week and ask for her blessing to share it that week. That way she feels "in the know" about it and not upstaged. She would know your concern about upstaging her etc.
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  #7  
July 6th, 2011, 08:25 AM
MarinaAndCharlie'sMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Maybe give her a heads up and warn her if you are scared of her reaction. You have the right to share your news in person the way you want. A week before is definately not upstaging her. Now, the actual day or day before would be. Sounds like you are a very considerate person so I wouldn't worry. Have fun sharing the news!
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  #8  
July 6th, 2011, 11:27 AM
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I totally think you should be able to tell your families in person! And it sounds like you definitely won't try and take any of the attention away from her on her big day. The only other thing to consider is whether your parent are likely to be so excited about a grandbaby that they totally focus on you and end up making your sister feel like they don't care as much about her big day. Otherwise it seems like your news will just be one more thing to celebrate...and how fun to have everyone together to share all the great news!
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  #9  
July 6th, 2011, 11:37 AM
ColonialChick's Avatar Cautiously THRILLED ;D
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I'm not so sure. As there is a week between your arrival and the wedding, I'm thinking that, as the others have said, you're probably in the clear. It really depends upon your sister and how close the two of you are. I definitely understand wanting to tell everyone in person, especially since you are coming into town so soon.

On the other hand, weddings can bring out the worst and weirdest in people. Even the most settled girl can become much different with all of the excitement and stress.

I might consider calling your sister and letting her in on the news? It could be a special bonding opportunity for the two of you (i.e. she was the first in the family you told) and give her the chance to know your plan. If she is able to keep your secret, it would really eliminate the "upstaging" issue, if she was in on it and was sharing in your excitement and the big reveal to the others.
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  #10  
July 6th, 2011, 12:15 PM
swade66's Avatar My friends call me HIRB.
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I don't think that would be an issue. I know that I wouldn't be mad if you announced and it was my wedding. It isn't like you plan to stand up at the wedding and tell everyone.

If you are worried take your sister aside the first day and tell her and let her know you are going to tell the rest of the family. That way you've told her first which will make her feel good and you have also warned her and let her know you aren't trying to take away from her day.
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  #11  
July 6th, 2011, 02:31 PM
anybodyinthere's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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A week is fine and hopefully, you'll have a tiny bump then to do the announcing for you.
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  #12  
July 6th, 2011, 02:53 PM
glitterific's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by apple-scruff View Post
Yes, I agree 100%. Try to do it on a day that isn't totally filled with wedding-related stuff, if you can, so that she doesn't feel that you're trying to upstage her. Or just talk to her about it first. I'm sure she'd be thrilled to know before your parents, and most people are very tolerant of things they might not necessarily be tolerant of if they feel that their feelings are being considered.
I would call my sister and make it clear it would be done early on. I'm sure it'll turn out fine
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  #13  
July 6th, 2011, 03:23 PM
ArmyWifey_MrsCurtis's Avatar missing our 1st miracle
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I would not be offended at all. I would be soo excited! It's two very different things. If you told me that you were announcing an engagement or something like that.. I would say, you might want to re-think it. But it's totally different. Go for it girl, and make sure you record their reaction!! Congrats! And I hope it all goes well. KUP.
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  #14  
July 6th, 2011, 05:37 PM
MissusF's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thanks for all the input! I really appreciate it! I'm glad to know that most of you agree that it's nothing to get butt hurt over. My sister isn't the jealous type anyway and I would be shocked if something like this bothers her. I guess both of my friends will just be bridezillas? lol. I think we're going to go ahead with our plan. If my sister is super stressed or acting weird or something when we get there I'll pull her aside and ask permission first. I'm SO EXCITED!!! I really can't wait for our families to know
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  #15  
July 6th, 2011, 05:44 PM
~Meg's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I think that is a great plan. Just plan on telling them when you get there and if she is stressed or weird just ask her about it first. It might help if she knows right before hand so she doesn't feel upstaged.
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