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  #1  
August 2nd, 2011, 06:55 PM
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I'm aware this may cause some debate, but I am really just looking for some first time mom advice.

I heard its not a good thing to go to your baby every time he/she cries. Then how do I know when to go to my baby?
I guess there are reasons to not to pick up your baby EVERY time, but how do I differentiate?
I know its a silly question - but I would appreciate any advice/insight. There's quite some time before I have to worry, but DF and I like to talk about stuff like this because we're excited and this is a topic we're both stumped about.

Thanks, Christina
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  #2  
August 2nd, 2011, 07:03 PM
CaseyCase's Avatar Super Mommy
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Not that I can say, since I'm a first timer...
I will always go to my baby when she/he cries as a newborn. *I* believe they cry for a reason.. when they are THAT little. And, I will always pick him/her up and figure out that reason (whether hunger, or just plain comfort). As an 'older' baby, I can find more of a reason to possibly let them cry over particular things.. I think as a parent, you'll just know...
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  #3  
August 2nd, 2011, 07:04 PM
Spyctre's Avatar Arwen
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I asked my dad about that once, and he told me that he had a friend to try and let their baby cry it out. Turned out the baby's diaper pin had come undone, and the baby was crying from pain. When he had children he never did that. He told me babies don't manipulate, they cry for a reason.

So when I had DD, if she cried, I stuck my boob in her mouth. I had one happy baby. lol She would eat, automatically soil her diaper, and pass out. So it was really easy to just feed her every 2-4 hours, change her diaper, and cuddle.

I watched a video recently called "The Happiest Baby on the Block." I didn't see it before DD, but it was funny how everything that was suggested on that video was what I did to calm my baby. I highly recommend it. It's short, just some tips on how to calm baby down real quick. You can probably torrent it if you can't find it for sale. Might be on Youtube.
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  #4  
August 2nd, 2011, 07:05 PM
MomTo3LittleBoys's Avatar Love my house of boys!
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I think when they are newborns and are dependent on your every mood it's ok. I didn't start letting Ethan cry it out until he was much older. Like around 8-9 months. And by cry it out i only mean like 10-15 min. By then I knew he was fed and changed and that he was just overly tired etc. When they are very young I think it's ok to go to them because they are so dependent on you.
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  #5  
August 2nd, 2011, 07:18 PM
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I agree with everyone else
As they get older its easier to tell while they are crying
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  #6  
August 2nd, 2011, 07:20 PM
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For the most part, I respond to all my infants cries. There have been times when I have tried everything I know what to do, feed, change diaper, soothe etc. and the baby is still crying. I have found that when my babies get over stimulated and/or are extremely tired, that a few minutes crying (like 5-10 minutes) actually can settle them down. And if they don't stop in that time, I go through the list again.

My mom said my middle sister would get fussy right around our family dinner time, so finally she started letting her cry while we ate, this is after weeks of trying to figure out what was wrong. She would cry and then she was the most content baby for the rest of the 23 1/2 hours during the day and night. And she is still one of the most content people I know at age 30.
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  #7  
August 2nd, 2011, 07:29 PM
.:Kati:.'s Avatar kyler's mommy
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that would break my heart to let a newborn cry it out i wouldn't do that
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  #8  
August 2nd, 2011, 07:38 PM
sarah_19_nz's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I agree with most of you ladies, when they are newborn they need to be comforted for whatever the reason they are crying. In my experience, pain from reflux and colic caused my DD to cry ALOT and it was very stressful, but picking her up and walking around with her eased the pain (Well I think it did)

When they are older I don't believe in going to their every cry, but that's because I had learnt what cry meant pain or discomfort and what cry was just attention or unnecessary. I would never leave a baby to cry for any great length of time, without at least checking in on them.

I recently had to use a verbal reassurance technique to get my DD (16 months) sleeping through the night again, after a rough patch with earthquakes and teething etc! It was letting her cry in the cot for 5 min, then 10, then 15 then every 15 until she was asleep. Each time frame I'd go in and verbally say "Lie down its sleeping time" and leave the room, no physical contact. It worked within 2 nights!!!! It was after 5 weeks of NO naps, and waking every hour through the night. I was nearly dead with sleep deprivation (more so than with a newborn!) So it had to be done. It worked a treat!

Sorry I went on a bit, but my point is that you will know when to leave or comfort your crying baby or later toddler!
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  #9  
August 2nd, 2011, 07:45 PM
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I believe that until a child can communicate verbally, their cries should be attended to. Even at a year or more. When you ignore a baby's cry, you are teaching that child to be insecure. As others have said, a baby does not cry for no reason at all. Even if you can't figure out the reason right away, there *IS* a reason.
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  #10  
August 2nd, 2011, 08:13 PM
jensma's Avatar Katie: mommy to Ty & Em
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at some point you can tell when they're just having a fit or trying to get attention. IDK how to explain it but you can just tell...we've reached that point now that he's 9 months. But as a newborn, i'd never ignore his cries!
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  #11  
August 2nd, 2011, 08:35 PM
~Nik*Re~'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Agreed.....Babies cry for a reason and should be comforted and attended to with every cry. I agree that by not attending to their cries makes them insecure and teaches them not to trust. They need a way to communicate and crying is that way. Never, never, never let a baby, let alone a newborn CIO.
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  #12  
August 2nd, 2011, 10:30 PM
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I belive it is completely parenting choice, I am very attachment parent I NEVER use CIO(cry it out)and I had a crazy colic baby I just find other ways to comfort my baby if it takes sleeping with baby that is what I do but again all parenting choice

You do get a feel for your baby and know when to be there
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  #13  
August 3rd, 2011, 07:47 AM
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I haven't read the other responses, so I'm not sure if I'm repeating anything. But I will give my 2 cents.

When a baby is a newborn, I will go to her every time she cries - because there's a reason for it. And while I don't think infants are capable of being manipulative in their crying, I DO believe they can develop bad habits. So I focus a lot on developing good habits from the start, to avoid problems later.

For one, they need to be able to sleep in their crib. Not just being held. So I often try to put them down still awake, so they don't develop the habit of only sleeping in someone's arms. I've heard so many stories of babies who will sleep being held, but wake up as soon as they are put down and cry to be held. I can only imagine the stress that causes.

I also work hard to watch for the signs that they need something before they actually start crying - so they don't develop the habit of crying first whenever they need something. There are lots of signs of hunger and sleepiness before the crying normally sets in. I pay attention to those and my babies learn that they don't need to cry to get what they want.

Beyond that, there are a lot of theories and ideas about how to handle it when babies cry just because they want you there. (This is specific to middle of the night crying.) When my babies cry, I go to them and make sure they don't need anything - not hungry, clean diaper, etc. If they are fine but still crying, I will sometimes sit with them and rub their tummy or back, so they don't feel alone, but don't always pick them up, so they don't develop the habit of crying every night to be held. During the day, I hold them as much as I can.

Most of this applies after a few months in any case. Newborns just work different and they are so needy and vulnerable and don't have any bad habits yet, I just respond every time. I wouldn't recommend responding some times and not others, because like you said, how would you know which times? And many would say it makes the baby insecure and unsure whether its needs will be met.

JMO. It's controversial and a tough thing to work through.

Deborah
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  #14  
August 3rd, 2011, 08:47 AM
jaelin's Avatar Super Mommy
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we actually just had a training at work that covered this topic. infants are born "with a clean slate" they aren't capable of manipulation. plus they are developing a sense of trust. so really their need to feel human contact and reassurance is just as important as the need for other things like eating. even if that contact comes from rubbing their back, or verbal communication. they need to learn that they will be responded to when they communicate (which as an infant means they cry)
so, yeah, thats just a repeat of what everyone else has said. lol
when you get to the tantrum stage, I'd say its a different story and CIO might be the best thing..??
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  #15  
August 3rd, 2011, 09:15 AM
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i think for newborns you should go to them everytime. I think after about 4 months you should go to them, but you dont have to pick them up. Try talking to them or singing. Try to soothe them without picking them up.
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  #16  
August 3rd, 2011, 09:36 AM
Jaz.MomTo1's Avatar hoping & praying
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CaseyCase View Post
Not that I can say, since I'm a first timer...
I will always go to my baby when she/he cries as a newborn. *I* believe they cry for a reason.. when they are THAT little. And, I will always pick him/her up and figure out that reason (whether hunger, or just plain comfort). As an 'older' baby, I can find more of a reason to possibly let them cry over particular things.. I think as a parent, you'll just know...

I co-sign this! I totally agree.. I will always go to my newborn when he/she cries.. then after a certain age and I figure out each one of their cries then I'll know how to handle it..
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  #17  
August 6th, 2011, 06:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miraleila View Post
I haven't read the other responses, so I'm not sure if I'm repeating anything. But I will give my 2 cents.

When a baby is a newborn, I will go to her every time she cries - because there's a reason for it. And while I don't think infants are capable of being manipulative in their crying, I DO believe they can develop bad habits. So I focus a lot on developing good habits from the start, to avoid problems later.

For one, they need to be able to sleep in their crib. Not just being held. So I often try to put them down still awake, so they don't develop the habit of only sleeping in someone's arms. I've heard so many stories of babies who will sleep being held, but wake up as soon as they are put down and cry to be held. I can only imagine the stress that causes.

I also work hard to watch for the signs that they need something before they actually start crying - so they don't develop the habit of crying first whenever they need something. There are lots of signs of hunger and sleepiness before the crying normally sets in. I pay attention to those and my babies learn that they don't need to cry to get what they want.

Beyond that, there are a lot of theories and ideas about how to handle it when babies cry just because they want you there. (This is specific to middle of the night crying.) When my babies cry, I go to them and make sure they don't need anything - not hungry, clean diaper, etc. If they are fine but still crying, I will sometimes sit with them and rub their tummy or back, so they don't feel alone, but don't always pick them up, so they don't develop the habit of crying every night to be held. During the day, I hold them as much as I can.

Most of this applies after a few months in any case. Newborns just work different and they are so needy and vulnerable and don't have any bad habits yet, I just respond every time. I wouldn't recommend responding some times and not others, because like you said, how would you know which times? And many would say it makes the baby insecure and unsure whether its needs will be met.

JMO. It's controversial and a tough thing to work through.

Deborah
Can I print this and keep it on my fridge?! Everyone has very similar answers and I really appreciate the input! This one, in particular though, answered so many of my questions.

Thanks everyone! xo
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  #18  
August 6th, 2011, 06:41 PM
Doodlebug06's Avatar Doodlebug
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I think once baby gets here, YOU will learn which cries are for what and if you need to run to get them , etc.
I could tell when mine were just "fussing" or hungry or sleepy or in pain or whatever.
I think each baby is different. And that your motherly and fatherly instints kick in once you get your baby home.

My son had colic. So he cried constantly.
It was hard to tell what his cries were for aside from the gas. But after time I got it down. dd5 was completely diff.

My *personal* opinion is that a little crying won't hurt them and in fact helps develop lungs and keep them clear. I never really rushed making a bottle just to hush baby.
I did hurry on changing dirty diapers though bc of skin irritation.

All in all I think you will know an urgent cry from just a cry and you'll be able to determine if you need to pick it up or let baby key it out, etc.
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  #19  
August 6th, 2011, 06:48 PM
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I would always go see & attend to my children as newborns, hands down for sure. As they got older and they were fussing and starting to cry, I wouldn't ignore them by any means, but I generally knew what they wanted (food, diaper change or just to be held) and I would go from there. For instance, when my son would cry, I knew that his last feeding ( I EBF) was 2-3 hours ago and he was most likely hungry. I wouldn't *rush* to him, but instead, grab some water for myself, make sure my other DD is happy, then go get him and feed him. I say this because I never just 'dropped' everything and ran to him, unless it was *that* cry (other moms know what I am talking about) or he was in harms way or something....Once my kids hit over the one year mark, I never let them CIO persay but again, I wouldn't rush to them if I knew all was okay as 8/10 times they would fall back asleep after a few minutes or stop and I would go check to make sure all was okay. There is a certain cry that I can't describe but it's one you just know that you DO drop everything and run to. I am a very attentive parent but I do feel that at a certain age & time, depending on the circumstance that a child can be left a few minutes (at tops) to figure it out as sometimes it means nothing. You just know by the smile of their face right after and if they look upset then of course I go see them.

Hope this makes sense!
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  #20  
August 6th, 2011, 06:49 PM
Doodlebug06's Avatar Doodlebug
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Oh. And I agree w the others. Newborns are a little diff.
I love the idea the other poster has about watching for signs ahead if time for hunger and diapers and all.
If the baby starts sucking fingers or fidgeting or trying to toss around, that's usually a sign to start getting prepared for a feeding.

And when I say I didn't "rush" to feed the baby, I mean I don't panic and go into overdrive mode to hurry and feed. I go at my regular pace and get it done in a stress free manner. If you get stressed and hurried , your baby may sense that also and get uncomfortable. Babies can pick up on moms emotional state usually. Kind of the same way pets do.

Your baby won't starve to death in the 3 minutes it takes to get the bottle ready or get your breasts out. But I think preparation is a really good idea. You have a lot of good advice here.
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