Log In Sign Up

DH Vent


Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To 2012 Playroom LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
August 4th, 2011, 09:23 AM
Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 427
Can I just vent about DH for a minute? I don't normally do this, but I'm feeling bad and wanted to get someone else's perspective.

DH just called me after having a major fight with his ex-wife. She can be fine sometimes, but typically she's extremely controlling and judgmental and can go on a rampage if he doesn't do things with their son exactly as she wants them, when she wants. So he was upset when he called and was telling me about the fight.

But during this conversation, he said no less than three times, "This really makes me hate women," "This is why I hate relationships," and "I hate women." I wanted to say, "Um, you realize that I AM one, right?" It was as if everything she had done, all the controlling, manipulative behavior, he was putting on me, and he became slightly hostile with me.

I was trying so hard to be understanding and patient so I didn't say anything about it. At one point I did say, "Do you have to say that? Can't you just focus on her?" But he didn't back down. And he kept saying it.

So I got quiet. I was really hurt. I mean, I have all sorts of issues with my ex-h (I had to get a protection order against him after we divorced) but I would never tell DH that it makes me hate men. That's just hurtful and unfair.

I hung up without saying much and have been feeling bad ever since.

So what do you all think? Am I overreacting? At the moment I just feel like crying.

Deborah

Last edited by Miraleila; August 4th, 2011 at 09:29 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
August 4th, 2011, 10:19 AM
JTsquared's Avatar Co-Host of Feb 2012 PR
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Akron, Ohio
Posts: 2,901
Aww hun, I'm sorry you're upset. Two things...he is very upset and obviously has issues with his ex. Also, you are hormonal and upset very easily (not to say that you shouldn't be upset, I would be too). But, he is very upset at her, and that's all he can see right now. As mean as it sounds, he isn't thinking about you and your feelings, he's just thinking about himself (which we all do). I would give him some time to cool off and discuss it later. Let him know calmly that you were offended by saying negative things about all women and relationships, because now he's dragging you into and hurting your feelings, and you don't deserve that. Hope you two can talk it out and move on, try not to dwell on it too much.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #3  
August 4th, 2011, 10:49 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,191
Great advice JTsquared! ^

Praying you'll have the perfect opportunity to talk to him and he'll see how it has affected you.
__________________
If you want to follow our son Laud's journey to beating childhood leukemia, check out his CaringBridge page. http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/laudedwards He was diagnosed on Dec. 11, 2011


Mommy Pam to 8 other blessings ages 16 to newborn! 5 boys and 3 girls.
For the multiples forum: I have identical twin boys who are 3.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
August 4th, 2011, 10:50 AM
jaelin's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: virginia
Posts: 756
*hugs hugs hugs* what a mean thing to say! But he probably didn't intend for it to be directed at you. All the same I think I would have cried. Communiation is the key though wait until everyone has calmed down then tell him how it made you feel. be sure to use "I feel" statments instead of "you did this to me" statements. people respond better that way. hopefully he will handle it better next time.
__________________
I'm Jen- (25)
DH is Rob-(30)
parents to 2 Boxer-babies- Venus (2yrs)
Mars (9 months
)




missing my 2 angels


"Every person in the world has passed through the body of a woman..."


http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?to...77625732258607
Reply With Quote
  #5  
August 4th, 2011, 01:02 PM
safarilime's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 527
I hope you are feeling better... I would be upset too.. Just let him rant and i am sure you can bring it up later when he is feeling better and tell him how it upset you, he might be more understanding now that he isnt so upset. i am sure he loves you very much and he will make up for it later.. just not when he is so mad...
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #6  
August 4th, 2011, 01:22 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: NW, Indiana
Posts: 755
Quote:
Originally Posted by JTsquared View Post
Aww hun, I'm sorry you're upset. Two things...he is very upset and obviously has issues with his ex. Also, you are hormonal and upset very easily (not to say that you shouldn't be upset, I would be too). But, he is very upset at her, and that's all he can see right now. As mean as it sounds, he isn't thinking about you and your feelings, he's just thinking about himself (which we all do). I would give him some time to cool off and discuss it later. Let him know calmly that you were offended by saying negative things about all women and relationships, because now he's dragging you into and hurting your feelings, and you don't deserve that. Hope you two can talk it out and move on, try not to dwell on it too much.
Couldn't have said it better myself.
__________________


Coming soon...... Linkin Archer
Reply With Quote
  #7  
August 4th, 2011, 02:09 PM
feythful's Avatar Proud Dec '13 DDC Co-host
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 4,923
JTsquared!
__________________
Wife to sweet husband Jeff and mother to 2 beautiful girls: Emily (2) and Jocelyn (1).

Reply With Quote
  #8  
August 4th, 2011, 02:39 PM
sarah_19_nz's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 2,473
Men can usually only think along ONE path at a time hehe and his was a "I hate women" path. He would absolutely not have meant to hurt your feelings. See how it goes in the morning when things have cooled off and you get a chance to talk more? Mention "do you really hate all women?" topic and see how he reacts in a different state of mind. Im sure he was just really angry and fired up at the time and we all say things we later regret at times like these. Hope all works out.
__________________


Reply With Quote
  #9  
August 4th, 2011, 05:27 PM
Iluvmybabies*'s Avatar Proud Mama to 5 girls
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 7,557
Send a message via MSN to Iluvmybabies*
Julie said it perfectly I hope you both cool down and make up ((hugs))
__________________
Summer(30)
Matt(37)DH & soulmate for 14yrs (V-Feb 20/08 * VR-Feb 18/11)
5 time HG survivor , AP Mama to 5 GIRLS & a BOY due Feb 2015
Karrara 9 1/2 01/11/05, Kaiah 8 07/1/06, Kayda 6 1/2 01/12/08
Katara 2 1/2 02/10/12, Korra 1 10/10/13

Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:03 AM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0