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Your own father in the delivery room?


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  #21  
August 5th, 2011, 12:11 PM
Doodlebug06's Avatar Doodlebug
Join Date: May 2011
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Posts: 1,397
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommaspeck View Post
Kangaroo, to be honest, your statement made me laugh out loud which doesn't happen very often! For what it's worth, it did not offend me what so ever!
Eh well it's hard sometimes being on a board typing since no one can "hear" my tone.
I'm a very humorous person IRL and I joke a lot.

Oh man. The offensive shoes were flying off everywhere on the parenting board I originally saw this post on. There were a lot of people telling each other why they were wrong and how so and so must be jealous and so on.

I've actually REALLY been considering just dh and I being in there. If he will do the Lamaze classes w me, (and not joke about vaginal stretches like me ex did) then I'd LOVE to have a special birth with just dh and I. I think it might hurt moms feelings a bit but I know she will respect our decision either way.
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Jade Ja Kang
1-18-12
10:52 a.m.
18.5 inches
6lb 10 oz

  #22  
August 5th, 2011, 12:12 PM
HonestMamma's Avatar Bish!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kangaroo View Post
Thinking back to when my first baby was born, he was born at 24 weeks and had passed away. The delivery happened so quick I honestly can't recall who was in the room. I do recall my dad and all my family being in the room while they worked on the baby. I was pretty young. 16. So it's possible he may have been in the room.

Just to avoid offending anyone, when I say it nauseated ME to think of my dad being there, that was a personal statement about my OWN feelings.
As I also said I can understand how others might want their dad there.
Its a personal choice no matter who you select to have in the room. As for ME though, since I'm not close to my dad, it wouldn't be my choice to do that and it does somewhat gross me out to think of my dad seeing my 28 year old vagina passing a baby. I respect Everyones choice/decision.

Again, I just think you have to be careful of your wording. I don't think anyone wants to think of their own parenting choices as "nauseating" or "gross" , no matter what they are. I am sure you and all the other mommies-to-be here can understand that.

You can say that it isn't for you without being offensive. And, while you may have given some girls a chuckle, that doesn't make it ok to upset someone else. This is a mothering site to people of all walks of life making all kinds of choices. I don't think it's fair to call one choice "nausiating" or "gross" but at the same time say you are respecting that choice.

JMO.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kangaroo View Post
Oh man. The offensive shoes were flying off everywhere on the parenting board I originally saw this post on. There were a lot of people telling each other why they were wrong and how so and so must be jealous and so on.
If you knew that the tone of this post was offensive in the past, why on earth would you bring it here? We are very low drama here.
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  #23  
August 5th, 2011, 12:19 PM
Super Mommy
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I am not here to start drama at ALL as I have enough going on in my own life but I need to stand up for Kangaroo (sorry don't know real name). She didn't call anyone's choice nauseating....she said that the thought made HER feel nauseated....different. We are all entitled to our own opinions and she wasn't knocking anyone's decision at all. After all, she is the one that made the post and stated what SHE felt, not slamming someone else.

Either way, who cares. Let's move on....too many preggo hormones flying around to let any drama get to us!
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  #24  
August 5th, 2011, 12:24 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Atlanta, GA
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My sister had my father in the delivery room. It really didn't seem weird to me, because he was out of direct view of her, and he made sure that he respected her privacy and closed his eyes or moved out of the way as needed. I don't think any dad wants to see our stretched out woo haa anymore than we want them not to...lol.

I personally don't have a problem with it.
  #25  
August 5th, 2011, 12:29 PM
HonestMamma's Avatar Bish!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mommaspeck View Post
I am not here to start drama at ALL as I have enough going on in my own life but I need to stand up for Kangaroo (sorry don't know real name). She didn't call anyone's choice nauseating....she said that the thought made HER feel nauseated....different. We are all entitled to our own opinions and she wasn't knocking anyone's decision at all. After all, she is the one that made the post and stated what SHE felt, not slamming someone else.

Either way, who cares. Let's move on....too many preggo hormones flying around to let any drama get to us!
Sorry, but it's not ok to be offensive here. YOU may not have been offended, but I was. I will not stand down on this one. I am not going to let one person come in here and start calling out other people's choices under the cloak of "well, it's MY feelings".

We all have feelings. One persons should not trump anothers here. All I am asking is that people be respectful of others choices. She can say it isn't for her, that's fine. But using language like nausiating and grossed out is not appropriate.

Besides the fact that this was apparently already discussed somewhere with disasterous results. I really don't want that happening here.
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  #26  
August 5th, 2011, 12:33 PM
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Point taken! Perhaps if we are bothered by someone's post here, we should make it a rule to PM that person? That way no one feels bad for unintentionally offending someone. and everyone has to see? Fair?
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  #27  
August 5th, 2011, 12:37 PM
Doodlebug06's Avatar Doodlebug
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Um. Ok. I wasn't aware posting how "I" feel about something was offensive.
Ive taught my kids a similar lesson.
Instead of them saying "that's gross" when they see someone eating something they don't like, I tell them it's better to say "that's gross TO ME" or "I THINK that tastes gross". So that way they aren't being disrespectful to the other persons choice of eating it and liking it. It's ok to have different opinions and voice them so long as you don't say that the other persons opinion is terrible for not thinking it's gross to.

The parenting board this came from was a step parenting board. The SM posted about how disturbed she was that her dh watched his daughter give birth.
It was a completely different topic. The only thing I brought here from it was rather or not everyone wanted their dad in the delivery room.
I've seen one post inferring that this was inappropriate.
Everyone posted how THEY felt and no one disrespected those opinions or feelings except for one person whose verbalized disagreement of *my* feelings on it.
I honestly didn't see any drama and I thought this would be far from a dramatic thread. I did not come here to get more drama. I'll start doing what I should have done before and start reporting pot stirring if and when it happens.

I'll also add just for the heck of it.
MY dads family was covered in sexual abuse. My dad was sexually abused by his own father. He's ALWAYS been careful of making sure he never crossed boundaries I.e. Seeing me naked , and so on. Probably due to his own childhood experience I can assume. I'm NOT close to him in any way that I'd feel ok with him seeing me that way.
So yes it does quite gross me out to think about that.
It's not something easily explained and I don't have to explain myself. But I do think it's perfectly fine for me to say that something grosses me out or nauseated me.
That's MY experience.
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Jade Ja Kang
1-18-12
10:52 a.m.
18.5 inches
6lb 10 oz

  #28  
August 5th, 2011, 12:42 PM
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Well said Kangaroo! Sorry your dad had to go through that as a child!

If I don't 'like' or agree with someones statement, personally, I just say nothing! I read and move on!
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  #29  
August 5th, 2011, 12:44 PM
Doodlebug06's Avatar Doodlebug
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sayheytojen View Post
My sister had my father in the delivery room. It really didn't seem weird to me, because he was out of direct view of her, and he made sure that he respected her privacy and closed his eyes or moved out of the way as needed. I don't think any dad wants to see our stretched out woo haa anymore than we want them not to...lol.

I personally don't have a problem with it.
Exactly. I see being at the head of the bed as different than being down there. But either way it's a personal choice. Oh my sister in law was there for dd5 birth. She saw it all. I was completely ok with that.

As far as seeing a stretched out woo haa , I don't even think exh liked seeing that!! Lol
Current dh is pretty repulsed by the thought of it bc all his others were born via CS so he's not experienced a vaginal birth.
We watched a birthing story on tv. He almost threw up.
I hope it's different when it's his own baby.
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Jade Ja Kang
1-18-12
10:52 a.m.
18.5 inches
6lb 10 oz

  #30  
August 5th, 2011, 12:52 PM
Doodlebug06's Avatar Doodlebug
Join Date: May 2011
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mommaspeck View Post
Well said Kangaroo! Sorry your dad had to go through that as a child!

If I don't 'like' or agree with someones statement, personally, I just say nothing! I read and move on!
I go through this a lot with our kids.
My 2 bios eat "southern food" and sd8 eats a lot of Asian food.
Dd5 had a really bad habit of saying to sd8 "that's gross" or "you're disgusting for eating that" etc.
I explained to her it's ok if you don't like what sd8 eats but it's rude to say what you said. I just tell her to say she thinks it's gross to her. Or that she doesn't like it. Or to say nothing if she can't just express her own feelings. She's doing good with it.

Ss17 has a bad bad habit of saying "ewwww gross what are you cooking??"
Which really aggrivates me. And it's a bad example for the younger ones.
I tell him to just ask what it is. If he doesn't like it don't eat it or say you don't like it or it's gross to you. Anyway. Lesson learned.
__________________

Jade Ja Kang
1-18-12
10:52 a.m.
18.5 inches
6lb 10 oz

  #31  
August 5th, 2011, 12:59 PM
HonestMamma's Avatar Bish!
Join Date: Jun 2011
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Well, I have now asked multiple times for you to change your language and you ignore my requests or give excuses.

I am sorry for the bad past experiences you and your family have suffered. However THAT DOES NOT MAKE IT OK TO BE OFFENSIVE TO EVERYONE ELSE. That's as plain as I can say it.

You came here because you said you were not welcomed on the January DDC board and you were looking for people to be more understanding. Yet, when asked for understanding, you refuse to give it. Perhaps you should think about that. If you want respect and understanding, you need to give it. It is a two way street.

Just because you have reasons for what you said doesn't make what you said ok. If it's questionable, keep it to yourself.
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