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Hi ladies! A little fun for your Tuesday! This is a story I posted on my blog today about what happened to my husband (and me, indirectly) last night. Since everyone here is high on pregnancy hormones, I thought you'd appreciate this.
The Magical Pen
Because this is just how the universe likes to toy with me…
Last night, Tim had to stop at Office Max on his way home from work. He has this super special pen that can write in red or black ink OR pencil.
It’s magical. Obviously.
Anyway, he apparently ran out of the ink part of the magical pen and needed replacement cartridges. Ergo: Office Max.
Tim calls me on his way home every night, so once he got to the store, we said our goodbyes and off he went.
Twenty minutes later, I get a text message that said, verbatim, “Gonna be late…just witnessed an assault at OfficeMax. Waiting for police….ILU!!! T”
So I start texting him all, “Are you safe?! What happened?!?”
Because who knows if “waiting for police” means you’re laying on a gurney, blood gushing out of every orifice, the paramedic typing the text based on Tim’s incoherent sign language.
Finally, after entirely too long, I get a text back from Tim, saying he’s ok and safe. Turns out, he decided to INTERJECT himself into the altercation (again, verbatim): “I am. Dude went nuts. Knocked over displays and attacked one of the managers. Punched him in the mouth. I tried to escort him out quietly and he almost went…but then started screaming at the staff again. Offered to stay as a witness for police report.”
And what’s an emotional pregnant person to do but immediately overreact and fire off this text, “Um…next time you don’t need to get THAT involved. Don’t want someone going postal on you. Smile and wave.”
In my defense, my response is totally rational AND justified. I mean, the hell? Why are you going to put yourself into a potentially fatal situation – because who knows just how craaaazy someone *really* is – when your wife is PREGNANT WITH YOUR CHILD??????
Tim tried to explain that the dude was old and seemed to have some kind of mental disability (um….) and had a cane…blah blah blah…
First off, haven’t you seen Batman? Hello?? The Penguin totally made a GUN out of his umbrella. Which? Cane-guns are really only one step away and therefore entirely within the realm of possibility.
Second? I don’t give a flying fart in space if the dude is blind, 95 years old, sitting in a wheel chair, has to gum his food and doesn’t have any arms.
Smile and wave.
It’s not just you and me anymore, bucko, and I’ll be damed if you’re going to play hero and then I end up the bawling widow on the news.
Agreed. It wasn't his fight, the staff at Office Depot could have handled it. I don't think there was anything wrong with him staying to help with the police report. But he shouldn't have become physically involved in ANY way. I swear most men have blinders on when it comes to their own safety.
Jessi, wife to Aaron (10/02/04), mom to Madilyn (4/01/09) and Lyla (02/01/12)
What exactly leads to someone going nuts in an Office Max? They're out of your colored card stock? They don't have your favorite ergonomic pen in stock? They jacked up the prices on white out? As a former teacher, office supply stores are almost like the grand canyon for me at school time. I'm always impressed and I could walk around all day there and never get tired of looking at everything. That being said, I can't imagine anything that would make me THAT mad. I'm so glad that your husband is safe, but perhaps he should start going to Staples?
Wife to sweet husband Jeff and mother to 2 beautiful girls: Emily (2) and Jocelyn (1).
Wow, that guy must have had some sort of a bad day. You're right, you never know if that crazy old man with the cane (or umbrella) could actually have an incognito gun in there! At least he didn't use it this time!