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I am seeing RED!!! kinda long


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  #1  
August 27th, 2011, 09:13 PM
MamaSugarplump's Avatar Jordan
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 981
So, I planned a gender reveal "get together" for my husband's family. This will be the 3rd great-grandbaby for DH's grandparents and 1st grandbaby for his parents. His mom told us we could do it at her house and we made plans over a week ago to have it at 6:00 tonight.

We get there around 5:15 just to hang out and everything is fine and dandy but his grandparents and aunt/uncle aren't there yet. Let me just add that this is a very closenit family and where one goes, they all go so, every birthday party, Thanksgiving, Christmas, July 4th, and just any get together, they're all there. Well, nobody showed up, nobody called, nobody answered their phones, and nobody called back. Dh's mom finally cut the cake at 6:45 ish.



I'm FUMING!!! They've done so much stuff in the past that's hurt my feelings and Chris's feelings but THIS tops it. (I could write a book on the little things but I won't go into it all here) I put this together for THEM! I spent my money on a freakin cake with freakin pink icing in the middle for THEM. I took the time to plan this for THEM. And I sat around on my Saturday night waiting to surprise THEM!!!

My husband cried... HE CRIED! And every time he's cried in the 6 years I've known him was either over a death or because of something THEY DID! I want to be done with them and I want Chris to be done with them... but he just can't seem to ever do it. I've always kept my mouth shut and Chris has never said much about it. He'll let them know that it hurt his feelings but he can't seem to stand up. Well, I did it for him. I made him call at first but he wasn't saying what needed to be said and he obviously can't bring himself to do it.

I told his grandpa that as long as I'd known Chris I'd never said a word but I was going to say something tonight. I told him that we did this for them and they could have had the courtesy to let us know if they weren't going to show up. I told him that they were my family, they were Chris' family and I love them but this was uncalled for. I didn't use these exact words but this is basically what I said. He told me that they were getting old and that he had to take grandma here and there for new clothes yadda yadda yadda. I said "We've had this planned for 2 weeks or at least a week and yall could have let us know if you weren't coming" (He could have taken her to the store any day of the week but he picked the day we were doing this??? I'm calling BS on that one...) I said "Well it really hurt Chris' feelings and my feelings that we did this for yall and nobody had the courtesy to show up or call" He said that DH's parents knew they weren't coming... but they didn't. He said "Chris is just gonna have to know that we're getting old and when he says 'frog' we can't just jump". I said "Well it seems to be that when yall say jump Chris says 'How high?' but when Chris says 'jump' yall don't seem to care!" He LAUGHED and said that they did care and mumbled and I said "Well for yalls information we're having a little girl" and then he was all "Well that's good. I thought it would have been a boy but that's good." I said my goodbyes and hung up.

I seriously want to drop them for good. Why would I put myself around people who are going to hurt my feelings or my husband's feelings almost every time we're around them? I'm sure not going to put my baby in situations to where she's going to have to feel that way! I guess if they want to see her then they know where we live because I'm sure not going to make a lot of effort for people who can't even show up to find out that she's a girl. I wish I could make DH do what I want, but he's just going to have to make his own decisions about them. I've told him how I feel and he has to decide on his own what he's going to do. If he wants to go to see them on holidays then he can, but, I'm done putting myself through that.

Ok, I had to VENT because I'm so MAD and HURT and FRUSTRATED!!!

All my emotions right now:
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  #2  
August 27th, 2011, 09:23 PM
KnJ'sMomma727's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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gosh, you have more control than me! I'm worried no one will show to ours either.. but they'll be gettin an earful if they dont. I'm sorry your day didn't go well. You and Chris are lucky to have eachother, he'll be there and that's about all you need. Screw them, lol.
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  #3  
August 27th, 2011, 09:25 PM
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I'm so sorry Jordan.. I really don't know what to say other then offer hugs.. and to be 100% honest with you.. I talk to almost none of my family.. only my sister.. that's it.. other thing that I choose to not have contact with any one else.. so not sure I am the one to offer advise.. {{HUGS}}
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  #4  
August 27th, 2011, 09:27 PM
DeepSouthMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Oh Jordan, that is just horrible! I can't believe that his family did that to you guys. . I agree, they could have at least called and said they weren't coming, they obviously new it before it got to the point that you guys had to call them. I really wish that things would have gone better all the way around.

I wish I had more words for you. I just wanted to let you know that I understand what your situation is like, so if you ever need to vent more, I'm here. Try to relax and enjoy the rest of your weekend.
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  #5  
August 27th, 2011, 09:33 PM
Victoria
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I'd be fuming too if I were in your situation, that's horrible. I'm so sorry that they did this to you and your DH, and also sorry at the complete lack of remorse they showed. Going clothes shopping is such a poor excuse!!
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  #6  
August 27th, 2011, 09:40 PM
MamaSugarplump's Avatar Jordan
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They've never shown any remorse of anything. It's always some BS excuse.
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  #7  
August 27th, 2011, 10:09 PM
MissusF's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm sorry they treated you that way And your poor DH having his own family do that to him. Kudos to you for speaking your mind to them. I would have been hurt and fuming mad if I were you but I'm very non confrontational and I would never have the balls to say anything. Good for you!
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  #8  
August 27th, 2011, 10:12 PM
MamaSugarplump's Avatar Jordan
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LOL I've NEVER had the guts to say anything before, but its just been done so much before that I felt it was time. Plus, these hormones have made my fuse shorter.

And I didn't say NEAR as much as I would have liked to and I tried to keep my tone respectful. But, I wanted to scream at them say so much other stuff. When DH finally gave me the phone my heart jumped into my throat and my voice was all shaky. It wasn't how I wanted to sound at all but I tried.
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Last edited by MamaSugarplump; August 27th, 2011 at 10:14 PM.
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  #9  
August 28th, 2011, 12:23 AM
NutMeg76's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am so sorry they treat you like that!
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  #10  
August 28th, 2011, 12:52 AM
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thats so harsh of them, im sorry that happened Jordan.
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  #11  
August 28th, 2011, 01:07 AM
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That is horrible! I'm so sorry your and DH had to go through that! My DH's family is quite dysfunctional too, and we found that once we had our own child, we were willing to put up with WAYYYYYYYY less of the drama and crap that they threw at us. We have distanced ourselves from them (we're still on good terms, but we choose not to spend much time with them) because our family is our little family of three. That is the most important thing. If the rest of the extended family doesn't fit with your vision for what you want for this precious child, then you will find yourself getting braver and braver about speaking up, and cutting them out. At least that has been my experience. Again, I am SO sorry you had to go through that today!
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  #12  
August 28th, 2011, 02:08 AM
ladybugwoods's Avatar Super Mommy
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Wow. Im really sorry your party wasn't the high light it should have been. The best part is that you stood up for your family . I hope things get better
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  #13  
August 28th, 2011, 07:14 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by doremi View Post
That is horrible! I'm so sorry your and DH had to go through that! My DH's family is quite dysfunctional too, and we found that once we had our own child, we were willing to put up with WAYYYYYYYY less of the drama and crap that they threw at us. We have distanced ourselves from them (we're still on good terms, but we choose not to spend much time with them) because our family is our little family of three. That is the most important thing. If the rest of the extended family doesn't fit with your vision for what you want for this precious child, then you will find yourself getting braver and braver about speaking up, and cutting them out. At least that has been my experience. Again, I am SO sorry you had to go through that today!
I have a similar experience.. now that I'm pregnant, I'm not willing to deal with my mom's family and their BS. They say jump, my Mom says how high... I'm done with that. I want to spend my time and my child's time with people who love us. I just don't have the patience even now that I'm pregnant. I think it is better for our family for sure!
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  #14  
August 28th, 2011, 08:08 AM
BoobyDutyAgainJen's Avatar Proud Mom & Birth Mom
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Yeah, I think some good distance is necessary. They may need to see some serious distance before they can understand how their actions hurt other people. I would just limit your contact to the times they call or make contact for awhile and urge your DH to do the same. No one deserves to be treated that way. It is hurtful and cruel.

Even my sister Amanda chose to not come to Owen's birthday party where we were doing the reveal party. However, she made it up to us by being very attentive to texting etc to find out.
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  #15  
August 28th, 2011, 11:18 AM
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I agree that some distance is necessary. Maybe they shouldn't have the privilege of being kept in the loop so tightly... That is really crappy of them to just leave you hanging like that. Its not like this is your 3rd (like it is mine) - this is your FIRST baby!!!
I also agree that once she arrives, you will be willing to put up with less crap, and that's probably a good thing. Poor DH having to be in the middle of it all... I am sending you hugs and wish I had something more helpful to say.
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  #16  
August 28th, 2011, 11:30 AM
swade66's Avatar My friends call me HIRB.
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Oh heck no! I would have cussed their lazy and inconsiderate butts out. That is totally ****** uncalled for. I am really sorry that happened to you guys.
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  #17  
August 28th, 2011, 08:58 PM
LeslieTum's Avatar Veteran
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I am sooo sorry you had to deal with that at your alls big day!!! I would have prob lost it worse!! I had a similar incident with my loves family. His sis emailed my love saying she missed his ex wife and thought i was an "*******" but wished him the best....*** who does that!! So, distancing yourself is what I would do also. I would also tell DH that you would like him not to tell them how you or baby are doing since they obviously don't care and if they want to know, they call you...This will leave you to make the decision of when you want to talk.
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  #18  
August 28th, 2011, 09:20 PM
MamaSugarplump's Avatar Jordan
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Arkansas
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DH and I talked tonight. I told him that this is similar to a wife being beaten by her husband but she just keeps going back and keeps going back no matter what he does. He just keeps going back to them no matter what they do and I told him that I am making the decision to not go back any more and to protect myself and my child from that mess. He is having a hard time because, after all, they are his blood, his family, but he sees what I'm saying, too. I cannot and will not make that decision for him, though. It would lead to resentment down the road. He seemed to agree and said he would pull away from them more but we'll just have to see what happens.

I just feel so bad for him because he loves them and would give any of them the shirt off his back and jump through hoops for them. To have them treat him this way after all the things he's done for them just hurts him so much. He will just have to decide when he's had enough, but I've decided for myself that I've had my share of heartache and hurt.
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  #19  
August 28th, 2011, 10:55 PM
AllMyBlessings's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm so sorry they treated you that way.
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  #20  
August 29th, 2011, 08:46 AM
Desiree McD's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Oooh...that is uncalled for! I would have totally raged. I might have caked their house. . . hee.
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