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OT: When Your Daughter "STARTS"


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  #1  
August 28th, 2011, 04:24 PM
Desiree McD's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Ok, so my 10-year-old step daughter started her period yesterday (which was why she wasn't all that into her cheer clinic, but I can understand that). I wasn't totally shocked, but it IS a wake up call, ya know?

I was calm, she was calm.. and when we finally told her dad (he did cringe once), he was calm too. We are able to have normal conversations with her about it and she isn't the least bit embarassed or ashamed. She even told her grandpa, and he barely blinked because he's just as comfortable talking to her as we are. I know when I was a girl and it happened, I told no one for the first year, lol! Just glad that we have that kind of relationship with her.

Our 6 year old isn't quite sure what's going on, but I did realize she'll be better informed since she has a big sister going through it (yay! sibings are great!).

Just wondering how any else plans to deal, or how it was for you as a young girl.

I did not feel comfortable talking to anyone and wound up just writing my grandmother a letter before I left for school.. so when I got home she embarassed me and told everyone in the world. Ugh.
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  #2  
August 28th, 2011, 04:29 PM
SmilesAreContagious's Avatar Rheanna Mommy-2-b
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I dont have any daughters, and with this being my 1st and being a boy I wont have to deal with this until I have a daughter (if i ever do). But I know for me it was TRAUMATIC! My mom did have the whole talk with me and tell me what would happen when I did start but it was completely uncomfortable. When I started I didnt tell anyone. I used toilet paper for the first two cycles then I finally got sick of it and told my mom. I remember telling her mom "I started PMSing" lol so she got me a pad and explained everything to me and I remember thinking how stupid I was for not telling her right away.

Thats so great that you have such an open relationship with your daughter and that she is completely comfortable. Your little girl is growing up.
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  #3  
August 28th, 2011, 04:34 PM
-Anna-'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I think you all handled it great. My mom always played it off as the horrible, gross, and nasty thing to me. I was mortified when I started because I felt disgusting because of the way she presented it to me and the way she reacted when I got it. I felt that way for years about it until I was old enough to realize that it was a natural thing for my body to do and although it wasn't just the greatest thing, it was not disgusting and I was not disgusting because of it. My mom also shared my news with EVERYONE and I felt like everyone viewed me as disgusting.

We are not even close to that time in our lives with Bella, but I plan to approach it much differently than my mother did with me. I know that I will talk to her about it before it happens (unlike my mom did) and let her know that it's a natural thing to go through. I will also talk to her about why our bodies go through this each month....and I will by no means tell everyone in my family about it.
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  #4  
August 28th, 2011, 04:35 PM
sarahmomma's Avatar Momma to 4
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When I started mine at 12 my Mom gave me a card saying welcome to womanhood and a basket with pads,chocolate, midol and a few more things to make it less scary. When she started her's she thought something was wrong with her and her mom didn't really help so she wanted her girls to not be left scared and alone.

I don't think I'll go to that extreme but we are such an open family I know that unless she starts super young she'll already know what is happening when it comes. My sons already know that a woman bleeds once a month because our dog has pulled a few tampons out of the garbage on us and I had to explain because they thought there was something wrong with me that I had such a bloody "kleenex"
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  #5  
August 28th, 2011, 04:55 PM
anybodyinthere's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm not having a girl this time, which I am actually thankful for when it comes to this. Not because I'd feel awkward, but because I have HORRENDOUS cramps. All of the women in my family have terrible cramps and clotting. I would never wish that on my child.

That being said, I started while we were at a family reunion when I was 13. I felt like I was going to have diarrhea (little did I know, it was mild cramps) and so I went to the bathroom and there was spotting when I wiped. I knew what it was, but was completely mortified. I went back out to the pool and told my mom "I need a band-aid like NOW" *wink wink* and she was all like..."Ooooohhhhh. Okay, lets go get that band-aid." When we got upstairs to the hotel room, she had me wipe again so she could see for sure what it was (keep in mind, she's a nurse...) and sure enough, it was my period. I showered and she gave me a pad and some Advil while I cried and begged her not to tell my dad. She was really chill about it but I was NOT. I remember having horrible cramps on the drive home.

My mom was against me wearing tampons, except for swim team. I guess that's the only judgy thing that came of it. She was afraid for me to get toxic shock and also thought girls my age just shouldn't put anything in there.
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  #6  
August 28th, 2011, 05:14 PM
BoobyDutyAgainJen's Avatar Proud Mom & Birth Mom
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It wasn't traumatic for me but it was no means easy! I wrote my mom a note and had one of my little sisters take it to her. I couldn't tell her face to face for anything! She came up and talked to me and all was well. My mom was very open about it before hand but then again I was the 3rd daughter for her.

I have already started talking to Leila. She has asked about my tampons and I let her know that women have periods and they use them to help them through it. She doesn't get it yet obviously but I think by starting early and answering questions I am helping her grasp the normalcy of it. Without a doubt it will be talked about so that it is ok.
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  #7  
August 28th, 2011, 05:15 PM
AnnaandRyansMommy's Avatar Sarah
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I didn't tell my mom the first month, but she found out soon enough. I have an older sister though, and I didn't get mine early so I had already had some middle school health class and knew what was happening and we had all the supplies under our bathroom sink. My mom was really nice, and happy for me. My cousin got hers a couple months before me and her mom told the entire world it seemed. My poor cousin was mortified. We lived pretty close and for about a week or two she would not leave her room if there was company. So I will be sure not to tell anyone about it. If she wants to share her news, that's fine. I like what Sarah's mom did with the basket, that sounds really sweet. I few of my friends parents took them out to a special dinner out, which they seemed to like. I might steal those ideas.

And by not sharing with anyone, I don't mean what Desiree is doing. We won't be making comments to her daughter. I won't be telling all the aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents and neighbors.
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  #8  
August 28th, 2011, 07:34 PM
Desiree McD's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnasMommy1210 View Post
And by not sharing with anyone, I don't mean what Desiree is doing. We won't be making comments to her daughter. I won't be telling all the aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents and neighbors.
?

Not quite sure what this meant. DSD has been the one telling everyone and she gave me permission to discuss it here and on my blog...that's just how comfortable and mature she is -- otherwise I say nothing.
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  #9  
August 29th, 2011, 07:53 AM
sarahmomma's Avatar Momma to 4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Desiree McD View Post
?

Not quite sure what this meant. DSD has been the one telling everyone and she gave me permission to discuss it here and on my blog...that's just how comfortable and mature she is -- otherwise I say nothing.
I think she was trying to say she wont do what her cousin's mom did which was tell everyone and embarrass her but she was trying to clarify that she was talking about her cousin and not you as like you said your DSD was tallking about it herself and so obviously not embarrassed.
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  #10  
August 29th, 2011, 08:15 AM
cynb's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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My first period followed a migraine, and I felt just fine going to my Mom about it. I was older though, nearly 15 when mine came. My first periods though I would bleed for 2 days, have a day of complete dryness not even spotting, and then I would start bleeding again for 4-5 days. The first period I had, the restart happened in my cheer uniform. HORRIBLE, I cried then, it was awful.

My Mom was always very open with us though, there was never a "talk" because it was an ongoing conversation my whole life. When I heard something or asked a question my Mom answered it, so it was never embarrassing for me. I plan to take the same approach with my boys, and girl should I ever have one.
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  #11  
August 29th, 2011, 08:53 AM
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That's great that she's so open about it. It is a natural thing (although she does seem a tad young - my DD will be 10 in November and I don't think she's anywhere near ready, though she is hormonal). That's cool she told her grandpa. I know I was so excited I told my dad right away, LOL!

I was raised in a family that was very open about the human body and its functions. I don't ever remember a talk, but when I started (I was 14), I was completely aware of what was going on, albeit still a bit grossed out at first.

I'm sure my DDs will feel free coming to me, asking questions, and possibly me sharing with other family members. They have never hesitated to barge in on me in the bathroom, LOL. Both of them were my little supporters when we were TTC earlier this year, and learned all kinds of new info! Matter of fact, my oldest saw my positive tests on the counter in my bathroom, so was the 2nd to know.
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  #12  
August 29th, 2011, 08:55 AM
Desiree McD's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cynb View Post
My first period followed a migraine, and I felt just fine going to my Mom about it. I was older though, nearly 15 when mine came. My first periods though I would bleed for 2 days, have a day of complete dryness not even spotting, and then I would start bleeding again for 4-5 days. The first period I had, the restart happened in my cheer uniform. HORRIBLE, I cried then, it was awful.

My Mom was always very open with us though, there was never a "talk" because it was an ongoing conversation my whole life. When I heard something or asked a question my Mom answered it, so it was never embarrassing for me. I plan to take the same approach with my boys, and girl should I ever have one.
Ooh, migraine! No good! And that's kinda what happened to my poor DSD! She was at her Cheer Clinic when it happened! When we showed up for the parent performance, we noticed she wasn't really doing much moving around or jumping or anything and of course right afterwards she told me. Made so much sense then. And it's been kinda funny because she's definitely moody, and DH is getting the brunt of it, lol!

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahmomma View Post
I think she was trying to say she wont do what her cousin's mom did which was tell everyone and embarrass her but she was trying to clarify that she was talking about her cousin and not you as like you said your DSD was tallking about it herself and so obviously not embarrassed.
Okie. I get confused easily when I get these marathon migraines and my reading comprehensions goes downhill.
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  #13  
August 29th, 2011, 08:58 AM
cynb's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Desiree McD View Post
Ooh, migraine! No good! And that's kinda what happened to my poor DSD! She was at her Cheer Clinic when it happened! When we showed up for the parent performance, we noticed she wasn't really doing much moving around or jumping or anything and of course right afterwards she told me. Made so much sense then. And it's been kinda funny because she's definitely moody, and DH is getting the brunt of it, lol!
I started getting migraines at the onset of puberty, right before I turned 12. My first several periods followed a bad migraine, with spotty vision, numb body, trouble talking. Terrible. Mine are caused by estrogen so I am not allowed to take birth control. The DR/OB won't even prescribe it for me.
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  #14  
August 29th, 2011, 09:04 AM
KnJ'sMomma727's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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My mom was a witch about it. So i confided in my dad. He got me pads and everything. My mom just didn't even acknowledge it. It sucked. I absolutely LOVE the idea of the gift basket. lol I'd so do that with DD. Of course I want to do everything better than my mom did.
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  #15  
August 29th, 2011, 10:27 AM
Desiree McD's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KaysMomma727 View Post
My mom was a witch about it. So i confided in my dad. He got me pads and everything. My mom just didn't even acknowledge it. It sucked. I absolutely LOVE the idea of the gift basket. lol I'd so do that with DD. Of course I want to do everything better than my mom did.
THAT is a great dad! DH can talk about it, but he's still too chicken to go buy anything related, so I'm taking over that task. I didn't think of a gift basket, but once she told me I started showing her everything she needed and since she's under 12 she can't take a lot of meds, but I do have a few things for her, and I also showed her the beauty of the rice sock-heating pad for bad cramps.

Quote:
Originally Posted by cynb View Post
I started getting migraines at the onset of puberty, right before I turned 12. My first several periods followed a bad migraine, with spotty vision, numb body, trouble talking. Terrible. Mine are caused by estrogen so I am not allowed to take birth control. The DR/OB won't even prescribe it for me.
Well that just sucks. I've never had migraines this bad until I got pregnant, and now it hurts to blink. >_<
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