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First time moms, what you will and won't do with your baby/kid


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  #1  
September 14th, 2011, 10:09 PM
Bella11356's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2011
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I find myself all the time saying "oh I will NOT do that with my baby" and on the flip side thinking about things I do want to do or share with them. What are yalls things? For instance one of my things is I will NOT let my baby eat off the table in a restaraunt! I see this all the time!! Parents tear up the babies food and put it straight onto the table top!! Something I will do, or plan to do is introduce all kinda of different music once my baby isn a little older. I want to make sure she enjoys the classics and the legends. Elton John, MJ, James Taylor...I grew up listening to them and I love all types of music.

Anyways I'm thinking I'm not the only one who thinks about these things...
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  #2  
September 14th, 2011, 10:43 PM
BrittanyLBH's Avatar (Formerly DueFeb2012)
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Too funny - just a few days ago, I posted to facebook that as soon as this baby is old enough to hear outside the womb, I'm going to play Elton John and Billy Joel all the time. lol

I've been thinking about that for years! I know people who won't comfort their children, even when they are very badly injured, because they want them to be 'tough'... I'm talking toddlers and under!! I just know that I can find a balance without completely ignoring my children's pain.
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  #3  
September 14th, 2011, 11:46 PM
n8tsmomma's Avatar Super Mommy
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Well I have a child but I worked in childcare before having him so I had so many "I will nevers." My biggest thing was pacifiers which I stuck to and my son never had one and was fine without them. As for kids eating directly off the table that is gross you can easily ask for an extra plate or they have travel place mats that can easily be disinfected. As for music I play the little man queen all the time I also read to him because a parent at the daycare had a little girl that was reading at 2 and they said they started reading to her in the womb every night and just never stopped.

I have to admit that many things changed once I actually had Nathaniel I used to believe in spanking but no longer do it doesn't work nearly as well as time outs for my son.
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  #4  
September 15th, 2011, 12:00 AM
.ingrid.'s Avatar TTC #2 on clomid
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I used to have a strong opinion of parents who used baby sitters to go out to dinners, out for drinks ect..
I didn't consider it fair on the child. I believed that when you make a choice to be a parent, you kiss the freedom to do such things good bye.
I had this opinion because I was the person looking after the kids. I have been a Nanny for 6 years.
Then when I thought about it, after talking with friends and family whom have children.. I came to discover that parents are humans too that need time with friends to have fun just as much as some one without children. Maybe no where near as requently, but they deserve to enjoy those activities. I was just scarred from working for families who neglected their children.

I WILL be using a Baby Sitter/Nanny.. Maybe not frequently, but Chris and I are 24 and 26 and we still have the energy for nights out.
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  #5  
September 15th, 2011, 03:23 AM
isaroo's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm way to OCD to let my child eat off a table. Even my own table, I have 2 cats and they are up there sometimes. But knowing me, I will probably carry some anti bacterial wipes in the diaper bag. I have all sorts of ideas of how I will be, buri think once it is a reality, I will flip on most of it lol

One thing I will do is introduce them to pop culture through my lifetime, my parents lifetime etc. My husband is 9 years younger then my but has no idea who anyone is, drives me crazy. Lol
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  #6  
September 15th, 2011, 05:57 AM
Spyctre's Avatar Arwen
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When I was a first time mom I never wanted to clean my child's face with spit, and I never did. So gross!
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  #7  
September 15th, 2011, 06:48 AM
marinewife0702's Avatar proud first time mama
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I have a list so here we go:

1) I'll never let my infant sit in a shopping cart without putting a cover on it first

2) I'll never let my son eat off a table at a restaurant without putting a plastic sticky mat down first.

3) When he does something bad, I wont yell (although I'll want to). I will calmly explain to him why what he did was bad and have him sit in time out to think about what he could have done differently.

4) I will NEVER hire a teenager as a babysitter. Our son will have 4 sets of grandparents, 5 uncles (3 that are capable) and tons of cousins and aunts to watch him. I'm not hiring some kid I dont even know to watch the love of my life.
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  #8  
September 15th, 2011, 07:06 AM
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I agree, I will never let me baby eat food of a table!

Here are other, now that I'm having a girl:

1. I will not dress here like a doll. While it looks cute, I'm sure its not comfortable. Pink stuff is fine, but no dresses/skirts unless its a special occasion.

2. I will not let her stay over the night at my parents (like my sis), we live in the same city, there is no need for that.

3. & yes, I will not clean her face with spit!! eewww
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  #9  
September 15th, 2011, 08:25 AM
BSandDsMommy's Avatar Mommy to three boys
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I had a ton before both boys, now all of it has gone out the window lol one was not sleeping with me hahaha 2 years and one day later ds1 is still in our bed I did stick to they were off formula and a bottle the day they turned 12months (actually both were done with it a few days before) they also never went to sleep with a bottle or drink although ds1 sometimes want to just hold his cup to fall asleep (it can be empty lol) both boys have ate off of tables when you have two close in age sometimes you aren't quick enough also have ate stuff off the ground again wasn't quick enough lol also takin a kid in public with just a diaper or pj's I will never do and any time I see people do it I cringe and I still believe once you become a parent take the responsibilty and stop partying I see this on my fb every single day and it has become my #1 pet peeve I do t care about every now and then but every single weekend is ridiculous to me I also said I'd never give into cartoon characters or dinosaurs...ds1 loves spongebob and dinosaurs so I have bought stuff lol BUT it is just toys or pj's not things he would ever wear in public lol
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  #10  
September 15th, 2011, 08:49 AM
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When I first had my DD, I had MANY MANY "I will nots". Over time, some of them changed, but some I stuck with.

1) I REFUSED to let my kids have bottles past one year. Both children at 10 months went from breast feeding to sippy's of breast milk. No bottles.
2) I said I would never use paci's. I didn't with DD, but DS I did because he was so colic. He is 22 months old and still uses it for bed ONLY. SOmetimes I regret it, but sometimes I don't as I feel he would have turned to his thumb or some other means of comfort. I will not and have not let him use it during the day or walk around with it.
3) I said I wouldn't yell at my kids as that is how I grew up. Sure, I raise my voice out of frustration but I ALWAYS ALWAYS get down to their level and talk to them. Reason with them and express what they did was wrong and I love them, but there WILL be a consequence to their actions. I hate being mad, but I also refuse to let them think they can do anything.
4) Rules. I believe in rules, hands down. I had some of my friends say to me "I just want them to be my friend" and I SWORE I'd never do that. Sure, I want my kids to be my friend, but I also want them to know who is boss and what they can and can not get a way with. My friends who don't believe in rules or punishment have TERRIBLE children who rule the roost. Not me, not in my house! My kids know I love them to the moon and back and they also respect me because I can play both sides!
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  #11  
September 15th, 2011, 09:13 AM
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I don't know that I have any I will nots anymore. I used to. Now I just kinda roll with the punches.

I will say I caught myself licking my thumb and wiping dd's face a few months ago! I stopped myself mid-wipe shocked at how I suddenly morphed into my mother. But I will say there are MUCH more disgusting things in motherhood than spit.

I also said I would never yell. While I do not scream at my child, I most certainly raise my voice. It is very effective when she needs to know the situation is serious. Quite frankly I see nothing wrong with that, it is discipline, and she is too young to reason with. But I do not yell with anger or frustration.
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  #12  
September 15th, 2011, 09:32 AM
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LOL! Okay I promise, I am NOT laughing at all you mommies to be but....I am laughing right now. I had a TON of "this will not be me" rules when DD came along. I have to agree with the other BTDT mommies that it is extremly difficult to stick to all of our "I will not's". I swore I would not be one of those moms who always had a dirty child in dingy clothes with food on them, messy hair and snot dried to their face. Let me tell you....this is almost an impossible feat (especially if your kids are sick alot and go to day care). DD has ate off of tables before it happens and there are plenty of things much worse or more germy than that. I have yelled at my child, I always feel bad afterward and explain to her what happened. I have completely snapped and gone "overboard" (I want to flat out say I have never abused my child) but I did snap after an entire day of trying to get her to clean and took everything (literally everything but the bed) out of her room for a week - but it backfired, she decided she liked the extra space. I can say I stuck to some of my "never" events.

1. DD does not sleep in our bed, if she needs me, I go to her. (Not judging those that allow this, its just not for me.)

2. I will not tolerate a tantrum in public or at home. Yes we have left places before due to bad behavior.

3. We do not spoil DD. We have a firm rule that if she ask for something when out shopping the answer is automatically no. We are firmly trying to instill in DD you don't get things just because you ask for them....you earn rewards. (This is not to say there isn't an occasional surprise just because gift.)

I think the main point here is...we are not now, nor will we ever be the perfect mom, but I think as long as we do what we can with our child's best interest in mind, that's all that matters.
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  #13  
September 15th, 2011, 09:39 AM
HubbysSweetheart's Avatar Little Jo married Laurie!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Spyctre View Post
When I was a first time mom I never wanted to clean my child's face with spit, and I never did. So gross!

AMEN!!!

This is one of the first things (I think at like 12-14 yrs of age) I swore I would never do to my kids. I always Hated! it when my mom would lick her finger and try and clean my face EWW!!

Both my Mom and MIL laugh and say that sometimes you are caught without anything and you will find yourself doing this. I think not.

If I happen to 'get caught' there is still another option, if something Must be done... have the kid lick Your finger.... I would be much less grossed out by my own spit on my face, thank you very much.

Rant over.


I also plan on having rules, some think it's too strict or 'mean' to discipline, but lets face it- There are 'rules' in the world and those must be abided by or there are consequences as an adult, when kids grow up with no consequences all of a sudden they are in a world as adults with Real and serious consequences and they pay, most times with devestating long lasting results on the rest of their lives. So Yes, I plan on discipline.

I hate it when parents 'count' to make their kids behave, the kid has now been trained that they really don't need to obey on the first time, but have until '3' to obey. So I'm not going to 'count' at my kids.

My kid will never get anything by throwing a fit or screaming, I know it's gonna be hard.... particularly if it happens in a store and you know that if you give them what they want 'just for now' they will stop.... but that will make them aware that 'Hey, this works!' and there you go, you have now trained your kid to throw a tantrum.

Now for what I want to do!

I want to train my kids to treat others with respect my treating Them with respect. Yes they're your kids and yes, you can expect obedience from them, but that doesn't mean you have to order them around like a tyrant. Asking them to 'come here' with a please doesn't hurt you and neither will saying thank you when they do obey.

I want to take time to play with my kids, see the world from their eyes, look at the clouds and guess their shapes, if that means the carpet doesn't get vacuumed that day? Well, the carpet will be there tomorrow, but that particular moment of opportunity won't.

I will not 'fight' with DH in front of my kids.... since DH and I don't fight really this shouldn't be hard.... I am determined to only show love and support- I may not always agree, but this I can discuss with DH later. And I will NOT bring the kid into a disagreement this is very unfair to the child!

There are a ton more, but I don't want this post to be Too long.

Great topic! I love reading everyone's plans and ideas!
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  #14  
September 15th, 2011, 10:14 AM
feythful's Avatar Proud Dec '13 DDC Co-host
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Just like the other BTDT moms I had a list of things I would never do.

I said I would never:
1. take her out in just a diaper and so far, I haven't although I have looked in the bag after a blow out only to find my "back up clothes" haven't been switched in a while and are a little too small. We made it work.

2. Ask my kids to "please stop" _________ over and over. While I understand modeling politeness, you're the adult. Deal with it and quit asking the kid who is clearly ignoring you.

3. Never degrade my child in public as I have seen others do.

4. Never allow low expectations to replace high expectations. Expectations can be modified based on ability, but I will always have high expectations.

There are a few more that I have since gone back on. I swore I would never put Emily in a shopping cart without a cover until I left the only cover in Jeff's car. So the wipes came out and I went to town on the seat and surrounding bars while Jeff held Emily and rolled his eyes at me We have since bought a second cover for his car. I also said I would only feed her organic food, but when it comes down to it, I buy whatever I have a coupon for...

As far as eating off the table, perhaps the mom wiped it down when you weren't looking. I wipe down the table before Emily sits in the high chair since she touches the table and sticks her hands in her mouth. She has just started to pick up her own food, so up until now we've fed her off of our plates. For those of you that don't want to buy the table mats or worry about germs, just carry some plastic cling wrap with you and with just a little water on the corners, it'll stick to the table. Best trick EVER!

I think it's easier to say "I will never" and "I will always" before they are here. In the chaos of every day activities, you'll find some are easy to stick to and others go out the window. On the other hand, there are things I never thought I would do that I have started doing for her benefit like cloth diapering and making baby food. It all balances out in the end. I don't think we can lose if we're making choices based on our children's best interest.
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  #15  
September 15th, 2011, 10:50 AM
n8tsmomma's Avatar Super Mommy
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Okay I just have to say not letting kids go in public in just a diaper my son has a skin condition and does not sweat so I have had to strip him down in public when taking the bus. Then the other day I took him to the park where they have sprinklers and he stripped naked to go play in the water ... I got a huge laugh out of tthat as I had to run after him to get his attention to get the shorts back on.
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  #16  
September 15th, 2011, 11:14 AM
Kitusne's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I think one of the worst things I've seen while watching my sister deal with her children in public was when they behave badly is says things like "you're disappointing me" or "I'm embarrassed of you". Not only did they keep acting out, but they were clearly affected by her words.

Eating off the table in public is just gross.. Not only the fact that one does not know what's been there, but in the least you know there is cleaner on the table.

I will not spank my child as a way of dealing with my frustration.
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  #17  
September 15th, 2011, 11:21 AM
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I will also state too (like another poster) I will NEVER degrade my kids in public or ever for that matter. EVER. My sister does this often and it breaks my heart. I will never name call to them and if they ever say they hate me, I will never say "I hate you too" no matter how mad or upset I am.

I am a very passionate person and love my kids whole heartedly. I can be a great example, a loving person & mother but I will NOT let my children run my life, ever. I am not afraid to say no, and if they are bad, I will not bribe them to be good. I will just leave from wherever we are and make sure they are aware of why we are leaving.

I can say though (as someone mentioned this), that I do count to 3. I will say that 99% of the time, I only get to 1 before they listen. I've only had to count to 3 once and my DD learned it means business and she has since (3 years now) never let me get there. So really counting to 3 doesn't do anything, but it shows her that I am serious and she doesn't want me to get any further than 1.

Also, if I make a threat, I MAKE SURE I FOLLOW THROUGH WITH IT! Nothing drives me more batty than listening to parent's say "if you dont listen Jonny, you are going to bed" but never do it. Why make the threat then? Sigh, I will stop now!
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  #18  
September 15th, 2011, 11:52 AM
feythful's Avatar Proud Dec '13 DDC Co-host
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Quote:
Originally Posted by n8tsmomma View Post
Okay I just have to say not letting kids go in public in just a diaper my son has a skin condition and does not sweat so I have had to strip him down in public when taking the bus.
I think mine was more in the idea that I will not be lazy and simply not dress my kids before they go out. There are reasons why a baby could be in their diaper in public, but I don't want my kids to get used to going out in pajamas or less simply because I'm too lazy to dress them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mommaspeck View Post
I can say though (as someone mentioned this), that I do count to 3. I will say that 99% of the time, I only get to 1 before they listen. I've only had to count to 3 once and my DD learned it means business and she has since (3 years now) never let me get there. So really counting to 3 doesn't do anything, but it shows her that I am serious and she doesn't want me to get any further than 1.
Counting is not always an indication that the child doesn't listen. In early childhood classes, we were taught to give younger students a warning and time to correct their behavior. Then, when they made the bad choice, you could make the punishment about their choices that lead to bad behavior rather than their assumption that they are a bad kid. I think the most important part is following up with a punishment when you get to the end of the counting and nothing has changed.
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  #19  
September 15th, 2011, 12:17 PM
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It is funny how as a first time mom you have all of these ideas of what you are going to do or not going to do with your children. After the baby is here you learn what works and what doesn't work and some of those things you said you would never do you end up doing because it works. I don't have any I will never do's with this baby. I will just roll with the punches and do what works. To each their own I guess.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mommaspeck View Post
I can say though (as someone mentioned this), that I do count to 3. I will say that 99% of the time, I only get to 1 before they listen. I've only had to count to 3 once and my DD learned it means business and she has since (3 years now) never let me get there. So really counting to 3 doesn't do anything, but it shows her that I am serious and she doesn't want me to get any further than 1.
I agree with you! With my daughter I have never got to 3 before she does what I asked. She doesn't know what will happen when I get to that 3, but the thought of it makes her comply. If I just tell her I am going to count to 3 she usually does whatever it is I have asked her to do. It does work. It may not work for those whose children do not listen and let the parent get to 3 and then the parent doesn't follow through with whatever the punishment of getting to 3 is. But it works for me and I will continue to do it.
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  #20  
September 15th, 2011, 12:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by feythful View Post

3. Never degrade my child in public as I have seen others do.
amen.
My main 3:
No pacifiers, and I stuck with it!
No aleeping in my bed, thats one went well too.
I will never let my baby "cry it out". And I did not. Letting your poor baby lay there and scream till they fall asleep is just wrong, pick up that baby and love it. Some say this leads to spoiled kids, but my son is 4 and he is not spoiled at all.
All done.
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