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  #1  
September 17th, 2011, 01:25 PM
LShumate1010's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Everett, WA
Posts: 696
So I have a so called "friend" who has a 14 month old. I never hang out with her much because of the reason that she judges everything I do, wear, or say. So we went over there last night. Of course being pregnant all I talk about is Liam. There is nothing else to talk about. It's not like I brag but you think a "friend" would want to know how baby and I are doing...so my question is....MOMMIES!! Do people rain on your parade and tell you to stop talking about your pregnancy and unborn child? I believe it is an exciting part in a women's life and that our lips shouldn't be sealed shut! So what do I do in this case? We aren't super close friends but she address this conversation say this was a major concern of hers....so commets anyone...what do I do?!
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  #2  
September 17th, 2011, 01:31 PM
ovramirez27's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2011
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If your just like Aquintences more then friends then slowly cut your losses and if she asks question just say your busy and tired, it a logical excuse since your pregnant, real friends would take the time to listen.
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  #3  
September 17th, 2011, 01:31 PM
Spyctre's Avatar Arwen
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Wait, someone told you to stop talking about your baby?
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  #4  
September 17th, 2011, 01:33 PM
sarah_19_nz's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 2,473
Oh that sux. I don't really talk about my pregnancy that much mainly because quite a few of my friends are/have been trying for babies for a very long time and its a sensitive topic. Especially those who have had recurrent miscarriages. However my friends that I DO talk baby to are nothing but supportive and excited to talk about it and add their experiences.

Maybe she is jealous that you are pregnant? Maybe she needs to say negative things to make herself feel better? I dunno really. I can't understand why people are like that. I mean even if someone was talking about something I didn't really care for, I'd still be polite and be happy for their excitement. I know from my experience that limiting my time with 'so called' negative friends works for me. It's so draining and down putting to carry on with people like that, I have plenty of positive and supportive friends.
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  #5  
September 17th, 2011, 01:34 PM
LShumate1010's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Everett, WA
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Yes. This is what she said. And I dont hang out with anyone who was told cant have kids! So I dont get this! And why didn't THAT person come to me?? She is very churchy and we go to the church as well, but now I just dont want to go. I hate being judged and I am for sure not going to stop talking about little Liam. He is my heart.

Hey Lindsey last night I was meaning to talk to you, but sometime I feel its hard to talk to people
I feel that you are a good friend of mine so I would like to share my concerns with you and I mean to do this in a loving and caring way
Pregnancy is a beautiful exciting intament and special time for you and your husband
People are excited for you because its a new chapter in you life and children are a blessing and a gift
Unfortunately there are people who will never get to bare children of there own and fully experience it all
They can adopt but its not the same
I know how much you love to talk and share about your pregnancy but I think you need to keep in mind that pregnancy can be a very sensitive and hurtful topic for people
I know you don't mean to brag or be rude about it but there are a few who feel that way and have a hard time being around you now and there are several others that are just warn out on the pregnancy topic
Like I said I am happy for you guys, people are happy for you guys but having a baby is something that you guys did for yourselves and its okay to share and take joy in it
I know I did with zayden But I think you need to know when to draw the line and have sensitivity for others who maybe struggling in that area
Christ wants us to help each other and build each other up in him Ephesians 4:29
29 Let no corrupt speech proceed out of your mouth, but such as is good for edifying as the need may be, that it may give grace to them that hear.
People love having you guys come tho church, and they really want to invest time in you and Patric to help you build a better relationship with Christ
The Lord is the center of our lives and I know we would not be where we are with out him
Im hoping to start my own little bible study at the house and I would love to see you here
I know since we moved I have not seen you very much and I know that I could have done a better job building a better relationship with you
I hope that you will give me another chance and I hope you don't take offense to this letter
I just really care about you Please feel free to call or come over any time
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  #6  
September 17th, 2011, 01:36 PM
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Location: Canada
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I doN,t know. i'm the first one among my friends to have a baby, so I try not to talk about it too much because I know they're just not there yet and therefore don't have the same interests in babies as I do. But I still talk about it!! I personnally never had anyone telling to stop talking about my pregnancy. On the other hand, I have a cousin who has a 7 month old, and she wants to know everything about my pregnancy and enjoys giving advises. I don't know why you friend isn't interested... But like you say, you're not super close and already it's a weird friendship since she judges everything you do and say. I wouldn't worry too much about her.
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  #7  
September 17th, 2011, 01:39 PM
LShumate1010's Avatar Super Mommy
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And the thing is she has a 14 month old!!! I just dont get it. I dont hang out with anyone who is trying, who has miscarried, or been told they cant have kids. So I just dont get it. Why didn't the "mystery" person come to me!
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  #8  
September 17th, 2011, 01:47 PM
.ingrid.'s Avatar TTC #2 on clomid
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Location: Australia
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If you don't see her a great deal, then she has little excuses for telling you that you talk about it too much. Sounds as if she's just not overly considerate in the first place, if she often makes negative comments.
My advice.... SNIP! <--- that was the sound of cutting her friendship thread.
You're right. A true friend would be delighted to hear about your pregnancy & baby! So is she really a friend?

That's just how I'd feel
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  #9  
September 17th, 2011, 01:56 PM
.ingrid.'s Avatar TTC #2 on clomid
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 917
***!!!!!!!!!

She gave you a verse out of the bible about corrupt speech? THIS IS PTEGNANCY, NOT CHILD ABUSE!
where does she get off?
How are you to know there are people whom are having trouble conceiving ?
If she 'cared' about you, shed have informed you of these people before telling to shut up.
I'd be truly considering letting her go completely, or standing your ground. Don't NOT go to church because of her, put her in her place! I've got MANY bible verses for her!
I'll even HELP you write a reply to that garbage.

... My bad. I get really worked up some times ha ha!
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  #10  
September 17th, 2011, 02:08 PM
LShumate1010's Avatar Super Mommy
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Location: Everett, WA
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Yeah I just dont know what do....and if someone is having trouble then why arent they coming to me? Im not bragging at all just talked about my birth plan and stuff because she asked...
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  #11  
September 17th, 2011, 02:09 PM
akicequeen02's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Alaska
Posts: 973
I donno. I don't think she approached it right. I do get her point though coming from someone who suffered (well present tense really) from infertility. Has she been trying again with difficulties? Secondary infertility is something that happens to people. Also I don't think you can make a blanket statement about what others are going through or have gone through as far as TTC. I have many friends, well more aquantinces that have no idea we TTC for 5 years or anything that I experienced during that time. It's not something that I share with everyone because it's just too much and people don't know how to respond. I still don't talk about my pregnancy very much unless people specifically ask.

Not saying that she approached it right by any means. I was around plenty of pregnant friends that talked all about everything and I just nodded and smiled. I did stop going to baby showers because I just couldn't handle it emotionally.
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  #12  
September 17th, 2011, 02:13 PM
LShumate1010's Avatar Super Mommy
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She isnt trying. She has an IUD. Her first wasnt planned and its hard for them to afford him. But I dont know if its jealousy or what...I dont mean to make people jealous.
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  #13  
September 17th, 2011, 03:29 PM
Spyctre's Avatar Arwen
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Location: Freaking Louisiana
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LShumate1010 View Post
And the thing is she has a 14 month old!!! I just dont get it. I dont hang out with anyone who is trying, who has miscarried, or been told they cant have kids. So I just dont get it. Why didn't the "mystery" person come to me!
I can understand a little if she's trying to talk to you on behalf of a mystery person, but I think it's very offensive to use that verse. It looks like she's accusing you of hurting someone's feelings on purpose. I would tell her what I thought about the letter, then completely ignore what I read, and go about like normal.
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  #14  
September 17th, 2011, 04:16 PM
aogilvie's Avatar Super Mommy
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I'm also another person who has experienced infertility. However, not too many people were privy to it unless they were close friends or family. I think its fair to say that as a result of my experience, I am very sensitive to my audience whenever I talk baby in a group setting. At this point, I almost assume there is someone close by who is having trouble and I just am not aware of it.

All that being said, this person's comments are ridiculous. To me, she appears to be a very nosy person with a flair for the dramatic. She's taken it upon herself to speak for "another person" (who knows if that person exists!) and is climbing up onto a very high horse in order to talk to you about it. She's sounds exhausting, personally. I wouldn't have much to do with her from here on out, just because I wouldn't want to expend the energy required to care.
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  #15  
September 17th, 2011, 05:05 PM
Spyctre's Avatar Arwen
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aogilvie View Post
who knows if that person exists!
I wondered that, too.
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  #16  
September 17th, 2011, 05:43 PM
HonestMamma's Avatar Bish!
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After reading what she wrote to you, that girl is not friend, and it's ever more laughable that she tried to hide her selfishness behind Bible verses. If it were me, I would tell her off and never speak to her again. She wanted everyone to be happy for her when she was pregnant but can't return the favor? F*** that noise. That would be it for me. Life is too short to waste time over someone like that.
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  #17  
September 17th, 2011, 06:08 PM
Super Mommy
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Don't let her upset you, she sounds like she's jealous to be honest. There could be a person who is ttc and just not talking About it, but that person (or your "friend") can't expect you to be sensitive talking about a baby when your pregnant and have no knowledge of someone else's problems. I am also a person who had a loss at 27 weeks, and I was mature and adult enough to realize that other people still have the right to talk and be excites about their babies. I never thought ill of them or got offended. If I were you I'd either 1)not dignify the letter with a response and
Cut ties or 2) respond by telling her exactly how you feel and then cut ties. Either way... I'd quit talking to her
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  #18  
September 17th, 2011, 06:28 PM
LShumate1010's Avatar Super Mommy
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Location: Everett, WA
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Yeah. I dont want to be around negative people at such a positive point in my life....I am just going to go about my life and be me. I will never change for someone. I feel I did nothing wrong and I dont need to apologize or tell her about anything else. I deleted her from my fb and 10 minutes later she tried to add me again! Like do you not get the point? She must have been snooping my profile...I just dont get it. I live 3000 miles away from home so I post everything on fb so my dear mother can see her grandson grow. Is that such a crime. And to use verses? Thats just plain out rude...I know she isnt TTC. She just got an IUD placed 2 months ago. And I wish that mystery person would come to me and tell me so that I could filter my topics around "her". But at this point in my life I am happy and I would shout from the rooftops if I could. I was suprised to get pregnant as every woman in my family has gotten cervical or ovarian cancer at age 23-25. So this may be my only child. Im not gonna have someone tell me to hush hush about it. I respect her concern but its not really a concern at the same time. I just wish this "mystery" person would be an adult and talk to me...when stuff like this happens over fb it makes you think really....?
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  #19  
September 17th, 2011, 06:36 PM
HonestMamma's Avatar Bish!
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I don't know, whenever someone talks about "mystery supporters" I always think it's either their husband, family member, or that the supporters don't exsist.

If someone is really upset by your posts, they can hide your feed. No big deal. You shouldn't have to stiffle your excitement about it, especially if you are using FB to keep your mom up to date. It's YOUR FB page, you run it any way you want to!
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  #20  
September 17th, 2011, 06:37 PM
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pregnancy is a wonderful thing and i am going to talk about it till i give birth and i personally dont care what someone else thinks.... yeah i may not bring it up to someone who is having issues with it but having a baby is a part of life and even when i was dealing with my 3 miscarriages I never once made someone else feel bad about talking about/enjoying their pregnancy

i would def stop talking to her or i would reply back whoever has an issue with me needs to personally talk to me about it instead of behind my back
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