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  #1  
September 22nd, 2011, 10:28 PM
Love my unborn son
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: NE, Ohio
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Is it wrong to give my son my last name since I am not with the father? I feel like my child should have its fathers last name like all kids usually get. My dad has it stuck in my head that I cannot give the baby the fathers last name unless he is putting a ring on my finger. But the issue with that is if he does try to put a ring on my finger my father would honestly kill him. I just need advice on what to do. I'm so unsure of things.
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  #2  
September 23rd, 2011, 12:06 AM
.ingrid.'s Avatar TTC #2 on clomid
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My parents hyphenated my surnames, I have two!
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  #3  
September 23rd, 2011, 12:16 AM
BrittanyLBH's Avatar (Formerly DueFeb2012)
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Location: Louisiana
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I plan to hyphenate because DH and I are both the last to carry on our family names. (I don't have a brother =/) Or maybe make my baby's 2nd middle name my maiden name. I'm not sure... but I'd like my name in there somewhere.

Would it work for you to hyphenate the two in either order? Or maybe use one as the middle and one as the last?
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  #4  
September 23rd, 2011, 12:25 AM
n8tsmomma's Avatar Super Mommy
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Personally both my children will have my last name but I am a completely single parent. If you are still in a relationship and he plans to be involved with the child then the baby can have either name. With this baby the father will not be on the Birth Certificate ever and with my son the birth certificate was amended to add his fathers information when he was about 10 months old after a DNA test the state did for child support. I think even if you are not married if he is planning to be in the child's life it is a decision to be made together whose last name or hyphenation a baby gets. Actually my sons have 4 half siblings and my two are the only ones to not have the donors last name.
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  #5  
September 23rd, 2011, 12:42 AM
isaroo's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Arizona
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I am married and changed my last name to my husbands, but if we were not married, the baby would have my name. I probably wouldn't even give the father the option if we were not married. I'd say to you, it is your baby, you can give it any name you want.
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  #6  
September 23rd, 2011, 02:27 AM
RandE's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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My mom gave me her last name. She was a high school student when she had me and it made things easier at the time for me to share her name instead of my 'father's' (i use the term loosely)

She always said that when they got married, she would change my name. But that never happened and it turned out better!

I was thinking of giving my son my last name because I am not married to his father. But SO is really traditional and will probably win this battle. lol

No, it is not wrong to give your child your last name- especially if the father is not in the picture. It may be easier for you in the long run if he/she shares your name instead of the fathers.
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  #7  
September 23rd, 2011, 02:34 AM
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I think it depends if the father is going to be in the picture, if so I would probably give the baby his name (you should def get to pick the first name!) but if the baby is never going to know him why not just keep your name
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  #8  
September 23rd, 2011, 03:51 AM
HonestMamma's Avatar Bish!
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If you are not with the father, I would not give the baby his last name. It is much easier to change the baby's last name to his if you decide to stay together or ever get married than it would be to change it from his last name to something else in the future, especially if you really don't get along or he drops out of the picture. Also, it will be much easier for you legally if you are planning on having custody to have the same last name as your child.
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  #9  
September 23rd, 2011, 05:19 AM
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I gave my First son my last name because I was not married. It worked well when it came to signing him up for stuff too, just easier to share a last name.
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  #10  
September 23rd, 2011, 05:21 AM
daneeleigh's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I believe if the father is going to be in the child's life then it should have the father's last name. Just my opinion though.
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  #11  
September 23rd, 2011, 06:47 AM
feythful's Avatar Proud Dec '13 DDC Co-host
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Not sure where you are living, but in my state, the baby of an unmarried mother automatically gets your last name unless a paternity test is completed (the hospital will do it for a fee I believe) and without that the dad's name isn't even listed on the birth certificate. Not sure if that's a commentary on how many women have falsified information to go after someone for child support or what...but that's the way it is!

If your future with the dad is at all uncertain, I would give the baby your name. It'll make it easier for legal processes and things. Like others have said, you can always change it later if things become more permanent!
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  #12  
September 23rd, 2011, 06:56 AM
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I don't think it's wrong at all. Go for it.
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  #13  
September 23rd, 2011, 07:39 AM
jensma's Avatar Katie: mommy to Ty & Em
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It's totally up to you! My friend wasn't married when she had her son, gave him his dad's last name and they did end up getting married and eventually having a daughter. At the time her mom really didn't want her giving their son his dad's last name, but it worked out for them. I've seen plenty of other's on the other side of things...its too hard to say, so it comes down to whatever you want to do.
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  #14  
September 23rd, 2011, 07:46 AM
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When I got pg with DS, dh was the daddy but we were in a rocky place and I wasn't sure we were going to be together but in my mind he would always be the father. I thought of it that I'd like my child to have the last name of a parent and I did plan to marry somebody some day I'd most likely change my last name and then DS wouldn't share one with either parent. In the end we worked everything out so it wasn't an issue. My stepbrother and his girlfriend gave their daughter the girlfriends last name as a middle name and his name as the last name.
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  #15  
September 23rd, 2011, 07:53 AM
Iluvmybabies*'s Avatar Proud Mama to 5 girls
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My DH will eventually take my last name(when we get around to it)so all our girls have my last name but even then we agreed they would always have my last name because if we were to even separate the kids will be with me
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  #16  
September 23rd, 2011, 07:59 AM
Girl IS my name's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Iluvmygirls View Post
My DH will eventually take my last name(when we get around to it)so all our girls have my last name but even then we agreed they would always have my last name because if we were to even separate the kids will be with me
I've never heard of a guy doing that. That's awesome!!
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  #17  
September 23rd, 2011, 08:32 AM
Bella11356's Avatar Super Mommy
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Posts: 819
Where I am I believe if the father is listed on the birth certificate, the baby gets his last name. If he isn't listed as the father, than the baby gets yours. So it is your choice but there is a little legality involved. But what Mel said is correct. Its easier to add the father and the last name later on, than it is to take him off and change the name to yours...I say if he's involved think about it, and if he's not, the baby gets your name. And don't let your dad make decisions for you, consider his wishes but consider your own as well.
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  #18  
September 23rd, 2011, 09:53 AM
katylady's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Oregon
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my husband wanted to give the baby my maiden name. I was in shock. I took DH's name and I planned on our baby too.

But my DH's mom has 4 children and gave all four of them different last names. I asked my sister about her oldest not having her last name and she says it's a nightmare to deal with on insurance. Luckily I think I talked DH out of giving the baby a different last name than ours.

sometimes guys amaze me in their thinking process.
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  #19  
September 23rd, 2011, 11:19 AM
Kitusne's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Posts: 1,205
I am in the same position as you... I will most likely be giving the baby my last name, and if things work out with the father the baby's name can be changed at the same time mine is.

There really is no obligation to go with the norm of giving children the father's last name. I see no reason to do so if the father is not being a daddy to the baby.
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  #20  
September 23rd, 2011, 11:46 AM
akicequeen02's Avatar Super Mommy
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Location: Alaska
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I think you should go for it and give baby your last name. Who knows if he will be involved in the future. Good luck with your choice.
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