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My Loss Story/My Last Thread


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  #1  
October 18th, 2011, 07:41 PM
FL Mama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: FLA USA
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Okay, I am home from the hospital and would like to tell my birth story for those who are willing to read it.

I started getting some mild cramps yesterday (10/17) evening while out to dinner (5-5:30pm), but it wasn't anything different or worse than the RL pains I'd been getting so I didn't worry about it at all. Later in the night at home, around 8:30, I went to the bathroom to pee and as soon as I sat down two decent sized blood clots and some bright red blood came out. I had my hubby call the L&D number that my doc advised me to call right away. The nurse said to go to the ER, so I threw on some jeans and ran out the door. After an hour+ wait in the ER (including the official vital sign check in and a blood draw/urine sample/sugar check), I was given an ER room. I eventually got sent for an u/s. The tech warned me up front that she wasn't allowed to tell me anything, but at the end of it she went to ask the radiologist if she wanted additional pics and the radiologist came in for a live look. After just a couple minutes the radiologist informed me that they were looking for a heartbeat, and then just a minute or so later told me that there was no heartbeat at all. I, of course, lost it. I was alone. DH and I have no one to watch the kids so he had to stay home with them. It sucked to be alone and going through that.

Anyway, skipping ahead a little, at first my doc was coming in to just give me a D&C, but after giving me a pelvic and realizing I wasn't bleeding as heavily as the ER doc and I thought he decided to just send me up to L&D to let things happen. My cramps/contractions had gotten worse at this point, and I can't totally remember, but I'd already had one or two rounds of Dilaudid(?) to help with the pain. After getting to L&D and being checked numerous times and getting a third round of Dilaudid the nurses went to check me again and realized the baby was right there (I didn't feel it there at all since he/she was so small). They asked me to bear down and push, and I felt the baby come out. I realize now that the whole time I was there nobody ever used the terms 'stillborn' or 'stillbirth', but that is exactly what happened. I was 16.5+ weeks along, but the baby was only 13 or so weeks, but I was in labor and had to push to deliver it...and it was not alive. It was small, no more than 3.5-4in long, and it looked...weird, but it was clearly a baby. My baby. I didn't hold it. Not sure why now except that I was dazed and overwhelmed by everything. Especially the way it looked. I didn't expect it. I did have a Chaplain come bless and annoint the baby, and he also said a prayer over the baby and me. It was a huge comfort to me.

I ended up not naturally passing my placenta. It just wouldn't come out. They gave me strong pitocin to try to coax it out, but this only intensified my contrax to the point where I needed/wanted an epidural. Even after letting that work and let my body work under cover of the epidural, my placenta would not pass. I ended up getting a D&C to manually extract it. It was quick and painless. Like I said, I am home now. Sore. Tired. Exhausted. And very hurt.

Months ago I read the book "Heaven is For Real". I now find comfort in the fact that my previously miscarried baby has a sibling to play with up in heaven. I don't know their sexes and they don't have names, but they are waiting for me and their Daddy to one day make it home to know them and name them. I'm in no hurry to get there, but I also can't wait to meet them.

Anyway, thanks for reading and caring. I wish you all happy and healthy pregnancies and beautiful babies. I will miss you. On a good note, we do plan to try again when it is time, and have high hopes that I will go full term for a third and final time.

Goodbye, ladies.
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Noah Joseph - 8/22/03
Jonah Thomas - 9/29/05
Patricia Carryl - Due 8/23/13

Missing my Heavenly Babies - 10/28/04 - 14wks & Baby Born Still - 10/18/11 - 17wks





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  #2  
October 18th, 2011, 07:56 PM
my4loves's Avatar Final score=Girls3 Boys2
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My heart breaks for you. I'm so, so sorry and pray that you find peace and comfort.
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  #3  
October 18th, 2011, 08:01 PM
SingingMama's Avatar So Blessed...
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Praying for you and your family, Heather...so so sorry for your loss...
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  #4  
October 18th, 2011, 08:02 PM
Mega Super Mommy
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I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. My heart aches with you. I hope you can get some rest and have some comfort knowing your baby is in heaven. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
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  #5  
October 18th, 2011, 08:02 PM
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I am so sorry! My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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  #6  
October 18th, 2011, 08:08 PM
brandywk's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm so worry about you lo! Sending prayers your way!
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  #7  
October 18th, 2011, 08:11 PM
.Katie.
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Bless you Heather.
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  #8  
October 18th, 2011, 08:23 PM
Maria2077's Avatar Veteran
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I am so very very sorry for your loss and all you and your family has been through. Many thoughts and prayers to you all at this incredibly hard time.
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  #9  
October 18th, 2011, 08:28 PM
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My thoughts and prayers are with you guys.
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  #10  
October 18th, 2011, 08:35 PM
gmtejese's Avatar Expecting Number 4 :)
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My heart is broken just reading this

I am so sorry for your loss. I am sending huge hugs your way!!

You are in my T & P
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  #11  
October 18th, 2011, 08:42 PM
Cupcake2's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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So sorry for your loss! Praying for you and sending lots of hugs your way!
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  #12  
October 18th, 2011, 08:46 PM
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:'( :'( :'(
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  #13  
October 18th, 2011, 08:56 PM
cherry08's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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My heart is broken for you I'm so so sorry for your loss and I will be praying for you and your family.
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  #14  
October 18th, 2011, 09:45 PM
adi&co.
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I"m so so sorry heather!!
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  #15  
October 18th, 2011, 10:01 PM
TnPhotoMama81's Avatar Wife/Mommy/Photographer
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I am so sorry for your loss. Please remember the loss boards here on JM if you ever feel the need for getting some extra support. They helped me a lot. *huge hugs*
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  #16  
October 18th, 2011, 10:24 PM
KatieMae's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Oh, Heather I am so sorry about your loss. I hope in time you can find some peace and I'll be sending prayers your way.
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  #17  
October 19th, 2011, 12:08 AM
lil duckies mama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am so sorry Heather. You and your family are in my T&P!
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Thank you Claire1979!
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  #18  
October 19th, 2011, 12:17 AM
Amylizz's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am so deeply sorry for your loss
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  #19  
October 19th, 2011, 02:58 AM
ETanny's Avatar Mamma 2 Moo & Pops
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Oh sweetie, Im so sorry for your loss
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  #20  
October 19th, 2011, 03:03 AM
jrs_mommy's Avatar Super Mommy
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I am so, so sorry for your loss Heather. Praying for peace and comfort for your family
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