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Do you talk about it with DH?

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November 14th, 2011, 06:57 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2008
Location: The Mitten
Posts: 4,780
For those of you who are fearing a miscarriage or just waiting it out to see if the pregnancy will be viable... Do you and DH talk about it? If you don't want to answer, feel free to not participate in this discussion, but I need to know.

DH and I haven't talked about it since wed/thursday night really. Tonight we discussed it a little, just about who knows about my surgery, who doesn't. I told him so far as I know only my mom and his Dad know. He said my mom might have told my sister, but I told him that she didn't say anything to her since I hadn't mentioned not feeling well on FB. I told him I get he wants to tell people the news but I'd like to now wait at least until thanksgiving or until after the next ultrasound appointment before telling the rest of family. He was agreeing and understanding and we started to talk a little bit about it, but then DH is a guy and he gets really insensitive about his wording of things, so this is the second time I've yelled at him for his insensitive wording and have ended the conversation... (we've only talked about this twice, maybe three times if the night of the surgery is included)
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November 14th, 2011, 07:08 PM
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 29
I've had 3 miscarriages.. They were all with my ex husband. First one I was only 18 then the other 2 were back to back before I had my daughter (2008) My DH has no idea how scared I am but fully supportive. We have talked about it a lot.. When I went for my first HCG test last Thursday the levels were REALLY REALLY low.. I was a wreck.. He was worried and really didnt understand what to say or do to ease my mind. They had me go to hospital Sat morning for more tests and called this AM and said they doubled. We are also waiting to make it public.. I go Dec 15th for first appt and ultra sound. After that we will decide if we want to do it at Christmas or wait a little longer. My mom knows and 3 close friends of mine that are like sisters to me.. Sometimes men can mean well but they aren't woman and have no clue what it's like to go thru something like this. Even tho they are scared too they don't really show it very well. Doesn't help our hormones are like a roller coaster and we can take things the wrong way.. HUGS!!!!
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November 14th, 2011, 08:05 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2008
Location: The Mitten
Posts: 4,780
Thank-you for sharing!
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November 14th, 2011, 11:02 PM
Mommyx12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Alabama
Posts: 7,031
I am pretty concerned too even though everything seems to be going just fine. I've told dh that I'm scared but we really haven't talked about it too much. He is fine waiting to tell people though. I think we will soon. I was wanting to wait until I had my first u/s and was hoping that would be today. It's in 3 weeks which seems like forever. I feel myself getting more excited about having another baby but at the same time I'm still afraid to get too excited or let myself think about it too much.
Tammy, mommy to:
Jessica(18), Daniel(17), Anna(14), Kaylee(12), Emily(10), Alyssa(9), Eli(8), Nathan(6), Natalie(5), Bethany(3), and Ainsley(1)
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November 15th, 2011, 06:48 AM
kittiann's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 178
DH and I have differing views on the subject; we don't usually talk about it because he knows it's difficult for me. We've been through two miscarriages, so he also wants to wait to tell others; but they aren't as hard on him emotionally. He knows that I believe our miscarriages were babies, not balls of cells, but he still brings it up sometimes when we talk about it, and it just upsets me to hear it; so we avoid the topic.

Aisha Rosemary and Miriam Lily
are going to be big sisters!

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November 15th, 2011, 07:34 AM
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 176
We talk about it here and there. We both have told our parents and I have told my SIL's and some really close girlfriends that I'm around alot. DH has said he doesn't want to tell people until after the US and he can see everything is ok. Me on the other hand have told those that I have told because I know they will be a better support system for me that DH shoudl something happen. More than likely we will tell people after our US on 12/5 and see all is ok.

And I think it is a guy thing. We feel the MS, cramping and sore boobs. They on the other hand only can go by what we are telling them. I know my DH didn't get very excited with my other two PG's until I had a visable bump and he could feel the babies move. When that happened something "clicked" to where he got excited about everything.

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November 15th, 2011, 10:29 AM
LuvLuvmyfamily's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 338
We just went through a ms in June at 11 weeks and it was the hardest thing we have ever gone through. He was the best support I could of ever asked for. So when we got pregnant this time we were (are) both very scared. We talk about it almost every day. When I had beta drawn it came back that i was not as far along as my lmp would put me at but the hcg more then doubled. So we talked and both decided as long as the doc is not worried we are gonna do our best not to worry. We will have our us next wednesday and until then we are going to try not to talk about what might happen and just focus that hcg is doubling and thats all that matters. I'm tired of worring I'm just want to be happy about the pregnancy so thats what we are gonna do. No more what if talk, just focus on the positive and when we get the us we will go from there. We are not telling anyone really tho. We told a couple close friends but none of our family knows, we will wait tell we make it past 11 weeks.
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November 15th, 2011, 11:43 AM
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 252
We had a m/c in July baby stopped growing ar 5 weeks 6 days and I stared to miscarry around 7 weeks. We do talk about it now.. My first HCG level came back low and I text him that i was so sad and he was also.. Im always taking about how nervous I am.. We or i should say I have told one of my sisters, a friend who knew we were trying, my boss/friend ( she was in my office when I got my first HCG levels and saw I was upset) and now my chiroprator. DH wont say anything until I am ready which I want to wait to my U/s at 8 weeks if I can hide it that long!!
Make a pregnancy ticker
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November 15th, 2011, 01:54 PM
Due 7/12
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Maryland
Posts: 204
Well unlike some of you ladies I don't have a previous MC or anything to cause concern... I am just worried that for some reason something might happen. My HCG levels were 530 at 14DPO and my doctor said that was good it just meant it was early. He never sent me back for follow up BW- I guess he didn't feel the need to. This is my first pregnancy and I don't have a family history of MC's or anything like that- which is why I guess he didn't send me back.

I think DH knows I am worried. We have only told our parents. My SIL is expecting any day now with #2 so we want to wait until she has had the baby to say anything and let her have "her time". We go for our first appt next tuesday when I will be 6w exactly. I don't know if they do an u/s on the first visit but I hope they do. I think I will feel much better about everything once I know everything looks ok and the baby is fine.

I guess just hearing about people having losses so early on scares me and the fact that other than sore boobs and being a *little* more tired I am not really experiencing any symptoms and I am 5w today. DH and I are very open with each other and can talk about anything but I guess on this topic I don't really bring it up because I am afraid if I voice concern then he will be concerned too. And I guess I would rather bask in the early-ness of it all and enjoy being pregnant than worry too much- cause that can't be good for the baby right?

Though I will not lie- I have noticed that I tend to "feel myself up" (on my chest) multiple times throughout the day to make sure my boobs are still sore- how silly of me!
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November 15th, 2011, 03:24 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2008
Location: The Mitten
Posts: 4,780
I guess I just don't bring it up for a couple of reasons. One I don't want to upset DH. I never told him about the spotting, the cramping, or the pain until just before the ultrasound and then the surgery. Two, I don't want to remind MYSELF of what could happen. Three, I too am almost afraid that if I voice it out loud too much, I will jinx myself into something bad. Stupid I know. Mostly though is I feel like I need to spare DH the pain and worry I myself am feeling.

I have to go to this next ultrasound on thursday by myself. DH will be working and wont be able to get the time off. I'm worried that I will go in and they will say the baby stopped growing, or never grew past the last ultrasound. There is a chance of twins, but the reality of having ONE surviving baby let alone two seems like something that is highly unlikely given the last ultrasound.

I'm not sure, but I think my doctor is convinced that I'm just not as far along as I think I am (not sure why that would be, late implantation? Slow grower??) and the high numbers mean there is a twin that just didn't show up on the ultrasound. I heard bits and parts of her conversation with the nurses when I was waking up from surgery. I heard her telling the nurses I am a twin. But, I'm an identical twin, if there are two, it would likely be fraternal (I did feel O pain on both sides).

I don't know. I just can't shake the feeling that I will not walk out of that appointment with good news.

Thanks for listening! Like I said, DH and I don't talk about it, and it's probably better that way for now. After the fact we will discuss it a lot more.
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November 15th, 2011, 07:14 PM
palmetto_moon's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 4,663
We have talked about it some. DH's perspective is that if a miscarriage is going to happen, then that's God's plan and it's going to happen. Worrying about up till that point doesn't do anyone any good and just makes you miserable.
I appreciated however, that b/c I went for bloodwork as soon as I spotted with my last pregnancy, that I knew the miscarriage was going to occur and was able to prepare for it as best I could. So I sort of like investigating to make sure things are all good.

Thank you Kiliki for my awesome siggy!

visit our family blog at www.stalkedbythestork.com
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November 15th, 2011, 09:23 PM
Mom.to.PinknBlue's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Lame-o Illinois
Posts: 12,234
We kind of talk about it. I took another pregnancy test today. I am so paranoid that I am going to lose this baby. He keeps telling me I need to think positive thoughts and everything will be ok. Which is great, but sometimes that is not what I want to hear. I feel like he doesn't really understand my fears. Which I have no idea, besides the fact that he is a man. I know he remembers when we m/c'd this past June and I was a wreck for a long time, especially since I had no idea I was even pregnant, my cycles started being really screwy when my daughter stopped nursing. But I just wish he would actually hear me and make me feel like he gets my concerns and paranoia.

Sorry for the rambling
Amelia: Wife to Ryan, Mama to Harleigh, with a boy on the way
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November 16th, 2011, 03:43 PM
JessicaW's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Central Jersey
Posts: 754
DH and I are on the same page with this. We both know it's a definite possibility, we both fear it, we both watch the signals hoping for good signs. We both find my pregnancy symptoms -- m/s, sore boobs, whatever -- encouraging. He would want me to tell him if I had spotting.

I also think we both see just getting pregnant in and of itself as a victory and we'll both still view this experience as having been very positive. We have a treatment now (Follistim) that worked the first time and I was able to carry the baby to at least 7w2d, so we are miles ahead of where we were two months ago. We remind each other of this a lot.
Me: 36 DH: 33
DD: July 2012

May-June 2013: Follistim + IUI = overstimulated, cycle cancelled
July 2013: Follistim + IUI = m/c at 4.5 weeks
August-Sept 2013: BCPs then IVF = freeze-all due to OHSS risk
October 2013: Natural cycle = BFN
November 6, 2013: Day 1 !!!!
November 24, 2013: Transferred one thawed euploid male embryo
November 29, 2013: BFP!
August 12, 2014: Cautiously hoping for this due date

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