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No support from my mom, I think she's psychotic

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November 17th, 2011, 07:16 AM
elizabethchallis's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,810
I didn't expect to get pregnant so fast after my miscarriage in September. I ended up going on a cruise with my mom and a few other family members a week after I found out I was pregnant again. In the airport my mom pretty much knew I was pregnant and asked me if I had something to tell her. So I told her. First thing she does is tell her husband and he calls me so I can tell him. On the plane she asked if she could be the first person to hold the baby and almost cried when I said she could be the 3rd (after me and DF). Then she asked me to name the baby after her if it's a girl. Okay? The whole trip she called it "our baby" I finally had enough and corrected her and she started bawling. But it really bugs her that I'm not married yet. She keeps questioning me about it. DF and I decided to wait to get married when our little one is older. My mom chose to make an announcement at our first meal on the cruise ship. And she mouthed to me "can I tell them?" I told her "no it's not your news to share"... After just miscarrying I don't feel like telling everybody until DF and I are ready. I want to wait until the 2nd trimester. She is not respecting my wishes at all. Her reasoning is that I won't tell them myself anyways and anything could happen during the entire pregnancy so she feels entitled to tell anyone she wants. I asked her to wait until at least my first ultrasound. She admitted to telling my brother plus all our family friends that I was pregnant in September and then she had to tell them I was miscarrying all before I was 6 weeks. No one called me, no one emailed me to see how I was doing. Because my mom didn't tell them I knew she told. Well I told her on the trip that I was unhappy with my job and I planned on quitting. When I got back to work I was threatened my job after Christmas. For the month of Nov and Dec I'd be working my butt off. Ten hour shifts, no lunches. On my feet all day. I didn't want to risk anything this pregnancy. Especially with my morning sickness starting I decided it was best for me to leave. Why put anything in jeopardy and have all that hard work be for nothing? It wasn't worth all the physical and emotional stress. I told my mom I left my job and she freaked out at me and she didn't talk to me for two weeks. After I had my ultra sound I texted her the photos. I called her that night and no answer. She called me the next day didn't ask how I was, and told me she thought the baby looked like a BM. She admitted to telling her sister I was pregnant a week ago and when I asked her why she didn't wait she hung up the phone on me. She is treating me like crap because I quit my job. All that matters to her is money. I have no support from her. I know it's immature but I feel like cutting her out of my life for awhile. I'm sick of getting hurt by her. She doesn't respect me or even like me. Sorry for the novel and the intro to my dysfunctional family.

6 weeks 10 weeks 4 weeks

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November 17th, 2011, 07:24 AM
RachaelDMommaTo3's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Stuttgart, Germany
Posts: 6,725
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I'm sorry you don't have a good support system.. I know that can be so rough. I hope she gets her act together soon for your sake and your baby's. *big hugs!*
Mom to Jacob (9), Rylan (3), and Amelia (1)

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November 17th, 2011, 07:24 AM
Amazona's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Montreal, Qc
Posts: 8,642
Oh my... I think your mom has a lot of "issues" to solve on her own

I donīt know what kind of relationship you have with your mom but it seems like sheīs not respecting you or your wishes.
It sounds like she has some boundary issues to deal with, so I would probably just chill and stay away from her for a while.

Whatīs done itīs done and she will tell whoever she sees fit (from your story) so if anything were to happen (which I belive wonīt because Iīm sure youīll have a healthy baby in your arms in a few months ), she will have to un-do what she did, like it happened before.

Just take your time, tell people when you feel like it and thatīs it.
This is YOUR time, YOUR pregnancy and YOUR baby!. Donīt let anyone bully you about it.
Some people think pregnancy makes the womanīs body a public affair
My beautiful boys!
Max (3.5 yrs old), Sebastian (11 months old) & Tomas (10 yrs old = 70 human years )

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November 17th, 2011, 07:28 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Parker, CO
Posts: 1,987
Aw, bummer. My mom has her own set of issues, so we live far away and try not to get emotionally invested with anything (if that makes sense).

I'm not a huge fan of cutting family off (I grew up with almost NO extended family because of it, which sucked), but I know there is a time and a place for it. We usually just try to reduce contact, so I maybe call my mom once or twice a month when she is having psychological "issues".
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November 17th, 2011, 07:32 AM
Amazona's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Montreal, Qc
Posts: 8,642
Oh yes, I didnīt mean "ban her from your life"
I meant just take your time and space

My mom has her "issues" too so I havenīt told her yet... my dad and all my sibilings know already but I just donīt feel like dealing with her
My beautiful boys!
Max (3.5 yrs old), Sebastian (11 months old) & Tomas (10 yrs old = 70 human years )

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November 17th, 2011, 07:36 AM
mumto6boys's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 1,802
That's so sad. I understand where your coming from though. Just maybe give her some space and take that time to show her that you'll be way better off without the stress of that job. I agree w/ the others absolutely that this is YOUR body, YOUR pregnancy and YOUR baby and you need to do what's best for you and the baby and anyone else is just gonna have to accept that or not be involved.

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November 17th, 2011, 08:05 AM
LindseyE117's Avatar Wookie's Girl
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 3,741
My mom also has issues, but her's stim from her addictions and mowing people over to cover her tracks. *sigh* My dad on the other hand told me that I was stupid (to my face and DH's face) for trying IVF a couple of months ago. I literally got a call a day that I was wasting money for nothing and obviously God did not want us to have kids if we could not have them on our own. Wow. Well after that huge debacle, we ended up pregnant naturally 2 cycles after that. Now all I hear is "wow you are stupid for not trying to prevent it." Really? So I feel you. He also blurted my pregnancy out to all of our extended family at my step mom's 50th birthday. I was livid. Seeing how I also have 2 previous losses in the last year, I also get rthe "are you sure that you have not lost it yet?" People make me sick, and I am sorry that family is what is making us feel that way.

Thank you Shortcake for my beautiful siggy!
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November 17th, 2011, 08:15 AM
Preggo Foster Momma!
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle
Posts: 1,339
I understand mom issues. Our mothers could be sisters.
I cut my mom out for 5 years. Just recently let her back in.... a little.

You have to keep boundaries to keep your sanity.

Id stop telling her things until you want to go public with it. Consider mother as putting the news in the paper.
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November 17th, 2011, 08:21 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Delaware (the state!)
Posts: 7,513
UGH! I hate that anyone has to deal with any of issues with family! My best friend had to "cut" her mom off for a while, they still aren't talking, it's been a couple of years. She gets updates from her aunts (her mom's sisters), but they aren't really talk to her either. I have issues with my dad, although he will be over the moon happy about this pg, I can't tell them, because when I had my loss in August, my stepmother forgot and actually thought that I had had a baby without telling them, then when she found out, AGAIN, that I had lost it, she started crying and saying why didn't anyone tell me...I am not going through that again, so I have not told them and don't plan on telling them for some time.

I think you should do what you feel will cause the least amount of stress on you, if she is going to act like a child, treat her like one, put her in "timeout" from your life.

Sorry you have to even think of doing something like that!
4/2008 8/2011

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