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Older siblings at birth?


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  #1  
December 19th, 2011, 04:26 PM
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How did you manage older siblings durinG L&D?

I want dd with us and involved as much as she's comfy. However, I have only one person I'd trust to really listen to dd, keep her involved appropriately, and not add her personal opinion to my birth experience. Problem is dh doesn't want anyone with us aside medical staff/doula. I trust his mom, but I don't want her seeing me half dressed! My mom I don't trust to mind her own business. I have some other friends that would offer to keep dd and bring her to the hospital after the birth, but I wouldn't feel comfy knowing dd is at least an hour away just waiting. I don't think I'd be able to labor.

What have you done in the past if you have an older one? How did they respond to being involved/present for the birth? Dd will be 6 when the baby is born. Very smart. Very eager to be a big sister. She is very mature for her age also.
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  #2  
December 19th, 2011, 04:52 PM
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I've always had my older children stay home with family. I don't think I could handle the distraction, plus I just don't think it was good for them to watch. I feel it would be too frightening for them with the sounds I make, the pain I would be in, and the blood... But to each her own. I think the older two might do a better job at it now, but they are 13 and 12 ( will be 14 and almost 13), and I don't know if I would want them to see me naked, plus I have a hard enough time dealing with having DH in there. It would be awesome if DH was there, but didn't say a word the entire time.
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  #3  
December 19th, 2011, 04:53 PM
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When I had my second child my 1st born was 21 months. We had a friend come over to the house and watch him as I had to go to the hospital just past midnight. As for my 3rd, it was a scheduled c-section, and my 2 older ones were now at 8 and 6 yrs old. We had my brother in law look after them and then they came to the hospital later that afternoon. For this one it will be a c-setion as well, so we will have a friend look after them and again they will come in later in the day.
I am not sure myself I would feel comfortable with them watching me give birth. With my first 2 it was a vaginal birth and I only wanted my husband there along with the medical staff. However if you are comfortable with your child being present you should be able to do that. Does your hospital/birthcenter allow kids to be there....
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  #4  
December 19th, 2011, 04:55 PM
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I don't think it would be a problem for her to be present for the birth. You will need to check hospital rules though before hand because some make siblings take a class so that they don't freak out over seeing mom in pain, and also talk to your provider about having her there.
I had a homebirth last time and dd1 was 3 and present for the whole thing. She did very well but we did quite a bit of education before hand i.e. body parts, placenta, umbilical cord, breast, mama may be naked, you may see mama's privates etc. etc.
I will say though be prepared for her to fill everyone in on what happened! lol My almost 5yr old still remembers the sound that I made when dd2's head came out and felt the need to make that sound to anyone who would listen about the story of her little sisters birth, she also did quite a bit of talking about placenta's afterwards and "pretend birthing" all her dolls. Just an FYI
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  #5  
December 19th, 2011, 04:58 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cjthomps26 View Post
I will say though be prepared for her to fill everyone in on what happened! lol My almost 5yr old still remembers the sound that I made when dd2's head came out and felt the need to make that sound to anyone who would listen about the story of her little sisters birth, she also did quite a bit of talking about placenta's afterwards and "pretend birthing" all her dolls. Just an FYI
LMAO!! That is SO cute!!
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  #6  
December 19th, 2011, 05:39 PM
kemper2.0's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cjthomps26 View Post
I will say though be prepared for her to fill everyone in on what happened! lol My almost 5yr old still remembers the sound that I made when dd2's head came out and felt the need to make that sound to anyone who would listen about the story of her little sisters birth, she also did quite a bit of talking about placenta's afterwards and "pretend birthing" all her dolls. Just an FYI
How cute

I know I surely don't want my DS there for this baby's birth. He will only be 22 months at the time and I just don't think it will be an appropriate environment for him. Also, I don't want the distraction. I will probably have my neighbor come over and watch him until a few hours after he is born, then have her bring him to the hospital.
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  #7  
December 19th, 2011, 05:55 PM
therevslady's Avatar Built for Birth
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My dd will almost be 8. She is very familiar with the process and has seen many birth videos because of my work. I've thought about allowing her to be there if my mom can stay with her to take care of her.
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  #8  
December 19th, 2011, 06:20 PM
Mamacc's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I am definitely leaving them all at home! For one, I'm always laboring in the middle of the night it seems and I just don't think I could handle the distraction when I'm having natural childbirth. I need all my energy to be concentrating on relaxing and staying in the 'zone'.
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  #9  
December 19th, 2011, 08:49 PM
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Hospital and provider allow children present
I do think they need a support person though. And we do plan to do a class with her and lots of education.
Yeah, I totally expect her to fill everyone in if she stays close. Of course when the time gets closer, it's up to her.
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  #10  
December 19th, 2011, 09:06 PM
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Hopefully my friend will watch him, then can bring him to the hospital, when the baby arrived...
Haven't asked her yet, but thats what makes most sense to me, having no family here, and C is gonna be not even 6 yet, he doesn't need to be there during my labor.
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  #11  
December 20th, 2011, 08:04 AM
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Before we got pregnant we began the process of fostering with the end goal of adoption of my cousin's son who will be 16 months on the 23rd...My cousin lives in a different state than I do and is going through a really hard time so we want nothing more than to help her and her son. Anyways it looks like we should be able to move him and begin fostering him after the New Year (and if all goes well adopt him by the end of next year) So in July he will be with us and be around 22-23 months depending on when I deliver...we are going to have family watch him and bring him to the hospital towards the end of the delivery...that way, he can come in almost as soon as the baby is born...My SIL did this with her older son and it was great bc he didn't have to see everything that went on but he got to be there when his little brother was only a few minutes old and before the brought the baby off to the nursery!
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  #12  
December 20th, 2011, 08:14 AM
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With my other girls, I brought them to the hospital with me and had someone watching them in the waiting room. They were fine. They loved the time at a 'different place' and they got to come in right after I was all cleaned up and stuff. I never had any problems with that.

My second labor, I was only there for an hour before I had Athena so Illeanna didn't have to wait too long. And with Kalista I was induced so their dad brought them to the hospital about an hour after I had the pit started and I had her around 2 hours afterwards. So again, not too long. I labor at home as long as possible when I go myself, and I don't take long with inductions. Thats prolly what I will do this time too...just works very well, and there aren't tons of people in teh delivery room with me, they take turns with who is in for how long, and then afterwards, come meet new baby and then kids go home.
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  #13  
December 20th, 2011, 08:33 AM
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Another ?, do childcare plans reflect how far away the hospital, etc is? I had a short labor with dd. if I change providers, the hospital is at least an hour away (90 mins with traffic). I worry about getting there in time, sitting around waiting for someone to come get dd doesn't sound appealing. It'd just be easier to drag her with us and try to avoid delivering a baby in the car!

Her teacher just had a baby, so we did talk about contractions and stuff since dd came home saying her teachers back and tummy hurt. She didn't seem overly concerned. Then again, it's not mommy! She didn't really ask any additional questions, but she seemed "whatever" in the weeks leading up to her teachers baby.
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  #14  
December 20th, 2011, 08:41 AM
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When DD was born DS was only 17months old so he wasn't in the delivery room when it wsa action time. DS came in and hung with us while I was in labor but overall my parents watched him for us either at home and/or in the waiting room.

This time around I'm praying that it will be during the day and the kiddos will be at daycare and someone can pick them up and bring them to the hospital. My mom REALLY wants to be in the room when I deliver but I'm 50/50 on if I will let this happen. Most deffinatly it will be just DH, me and the hospital staff.
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  #15  
December 20th, 2011, 09:01 AM
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Mine have been home births and my children either came in the room immediately after delivery or during the last pushes. They have stood in the doorway or at the head of the bed so they have not had the head on view of things. I always have long shirt on, too.

second birth: dd was 28 months old, slept through labor & we woke her up to meet her new sister

third birth: also woke the two girls (4 & 2) up right after delivery

fourth birth: woke the girls (6 & 4) up before delivery. They came in during last pushes and stood next to me. We let ds (2) sleep 'til morning.

fifth birth: was during waking hours so we had mil come down to play with the dc in the family room when labor got more intense. Once it was time for pushing we told the dc that anyone who wanted to come back could. Ds (4) stood in the doorway and the girls (8 & 6) came in next to me again.

They were well prepared for what would happen, plus the chance that if something went "wrong" we'd have to hurry out to the hospital and they'd stay with mil. They knew they had to stay silent and at the head of the bed or in the doorway and out of the way.

I don't care to have anyone in the room while I'm laboring except dh, the nurse, and the midwife. Although, I don't think I'd mind my daughters in there if they were quiet. I wouldn't want my mom, mil or even a friend in there with me!
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  #16  
December 20th, 2011, 09:39 AM
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My kids will be staying with my ILs. This has the added bonus of forcing them to stay home and wait until we're ready for visitors. With my 1st birth they were in the waiting room for hours and it made me anxious--I didn't like the idea that they were sitting there with nothing to do but wait for me to dilate, push, nurse the baby, etc.

Both my babies had to be resuscitated by the NICU nurses. If something doesn't go right with this next birth, I don't want my children there to see it. The hospital staff know how to keep the atmosphere calm during emergencies, but it could still be frightening for a child that doesn't know what is going on or why so many people are hovering over the baby.
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