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what should I do - loss mentioned (not mine)

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January 3rd, 2012, 11:22 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 865
One of my best friends was a week ahead of me with this pregnancy. She went in for her 20 week u/s in december and the baby wasn't very active. They told her she had a long cord and a large placenta, but couldn't really measure a lot of things b/c the baby just wouldn't move. Her Dr was terrible about the whole thing and she had to fight to get another appt today. She just sent me a text saying that they couldn't find a heartbeat. she is being induced tomorrow. I just don't know what to say or do. I also feel like my babies will be a constant reminder of her loss. I've had a lot of miscarriages and so has she, but they were all very early - not like this at all. I guess I don't really have a question, but any advice or experience about it would be great.
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January 3rd, 2012, 12:34 PM
shanirah's Avatar Mommy Strawberry
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Colorado Springs
Posts: 3,505
I don't have advice but just tell her that you are there when she needs to talk and pray for her. How hard to lose a baby at this point.

“First things first, but not necessarily in that order.” The Doctor

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January 3rd, 2012, 12:37 PM
cavewoman's Avatar #2 due in June!
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 14,898
I can't even imagine I have no idea what really you could say to her to ease her pain, except let her know you're there if she needs you. So sad!

check out my ETSY shop: www.lovemyhero.etsy.com
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January 3rd, 2012, 12:45 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 865
thanks guys. she seems to be taking it all a lot better then I would be at this point in time. she scares me though b/c she doesn't like to talk about emotional stuff like that and i'm sure she'll just push it all down. she seems pretty matter of fact about it, but we've just been texting.
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January 3rd, 2012, 01:14 PM
Jessido's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,210
From my own loss at 18 weeks I can tell you that unfortunately your pregnancy will most likely be a sad reminder for her but that doesnt mean that you should distance yourself or anything like that. My advice (and what I would have loved from my BFF at the time) would have been support, I would start with texts that let her know she and her baby are loved and not alone. She may not wanna talk on the phone at first because its really hard. She may pull away from you because it will be painful but unless she straight out tells you to stop talking to her--she still needs your support and friendship.

If you live near her, maybe bring her a frozen lasagna or two or just a bag of groceries with easy things to eat. For myself, I never ever wanted to eat and people had to basically force me to do it, so making it easy for her to eat is always helpful. I'm so SO sorry for her loss.

Avery. 4/11
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January 5th, 2012, 01:46 AM
lil duckies mama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Bothell,WA
Posts: 6,141
Im so sorry about this. As of today i am in the same boat. Really good friend lost her baby and found out today at anatomy scan. Im at a loss of what to say.

Thank you Claire1979!
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January 6th, 2012, 04:27 AM
SingingMama's Avatar So Blessed...
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 2,789
Oh my...so so sad.

I am praying for her...as for what to do, I agree that just being there for her would be the best thing that you could do. Offering support and an open ear can never be bad. Hugs to you all!
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January 6th, 2012, 06:32 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 865
thank you all for your support and love. I have just been texting her and i'll probably send her something once she's out of the hospital.

Jessi - thank you for your sharing your experience. My friend is still in the labor process, but seems to be handling it well.

thank you all.
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January 6th, 2012, 02:36 PM
bethysfirst1's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 1,406
I wish I could give you all the answers, but I have none. Just trust your instincts. I'm sure you'll do and say all the right things.
Bethany: 35 (SAHM)
DH: 44 (married 7 years)
DD: 5 my little love!
DS: 19 months
Baby #3: Due March 2nd

10/27/2014 @ 16 weeks baby girl
1/25/2014 @ 7 weeks

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January 6th, 2012, 03:48 PM
Posts: n/a
my sister and her best friend were pregnant at the same time, her best friend being due just a month or two behind her. WHen my sister lost her baby at 38, it killed her to go visit her best friend babyless.

Just know that you won't remind her, she will always remember. Be there for her. Tell her you're sorry and you love her, but let her come to you when she's ready to see the babies. Give her your love and try to be discrete, but dn't alienate her. She'll feel more hurt by you pushing her away than having babies due around the same time hers was.
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