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  • 1 Post By NutMeg76
  • 3 Post By SmilesAreContagious
  • 1 Post By -Anna-
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  #1  
February 4th, 2012, 12:28 AM
LilBecca's Avatar Veteran
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**Before I start, please keep an open mind as I'm about to reveal something I don't tell most people about myself. And please no judgement. I'm just trying to vent a little here**

So I've been struggling with PPD lately. Today I went to my general practitioner because she handles my DH's anxiety issues and is licensed to deal with certain psychiatric issues. I figured I could talk to her before deciding to see any kind of specialist. Well, after speaking with her she confirmed my worst fears...

Before I continue, I should back up a bit. In 2008 I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. It was well maintained with medication until July 2010 when I had my 2nd pregnancy. After I miscarried, my OB/GYN at the time didn't want me to go back on it since we were actively TTC soon after. I was able to cope with therapy alone and once I got pregnant with Aiden, my hormones balanced me out pretty well.

Anyhow, well I told my dr about my bipolar and instead of putting me on an anti depressent, she asked me what I had taken before for my bipolar. So I told her and she said she wanted me back on that medication because she said it'll kick my PPD while maintaining my bipolar. (I was on a mood stablizer called Lamictal, and yes it's also considered an anti seziure drug too but works just as well) I'm relieved to be back on medication because now I know it's only a matter of time before I finally feel normal again, but one BIG problem that I'll have to deal with is my BFing days are over... I expected it I guess since women with psychiatric history tend to be at higher risk for PPD and I knew it would mean I'd have to be re medicated, but now that the doctor finally said it, it's too real now. And now I'm on the hunt for a good psychiatrist to maintain the medication since my old one is no longer practicing. (She retired) I'm just sad that I won't have that special bond with him anymore. I mean, that was "our time" and I loved it so much! I know I'll still be able to bond with him, but it's hard for me because I wanted to BF as long as I could. I figured I would be able to get a month or 2 at least, but I didn't expect the PPD to creep up on me so quickly. But, I know I have to take care of myslef in order to care for Aiden.

Thanks for reading... feels a bit better to get it off my chest.
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Last edited by LilBecca; February 4th, 2012 at 12:36 AM.
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  #2  
February 4th, 2012, 02:17 AM
NutMeg76's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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You need to do what is best for you, I am sorry it means your BF days will be cut short
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  #3  
February 4th, 2012, 02:56 AM
SmilesAreContagious's Avatar Rheanna Mommy-2-b
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Aw big hugs mama. Im glad you know you have to take care of yourelf to take care of him but im so sorry it has to get in the way of bfing. Give yourself credit though for bfing as long as you have.
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Last edited by SmilesAreContagious; February 4th, 2012 at 03:18 AM.
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  #4  
February 4th, 2012, 03:01 AM
-Anna-'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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First off, big hugs!!! There is definantly no judgement and you should not feel as if this is something you will be judged for. I'm sorry your BFing days were cut short but remember that a healthy mommy equals a healthy baby. Aiden will still thrive and I promise you will still be able to bond with him. Feel confident that you are getting healthy for him and that even though you cannot BF any longer, you will be able to care for him better because you will be feeling much more like yourself with out the PPD.
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  #5  
February 4th, 2012, 05:46 AM
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It takes a good mother to know that she has to take care of herself first before she can take care of her baby. I'm sorry that you have tobend your BFing time with baby, but you have already given him so much. You will have lots of other opportunities to bond.

Hugs.
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  #6  
February 4th, 2012, 06:03 AM
HonestMamma's Avatar Bish!
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I am glad you were able to recognize the PPD symptoms in yourself and seek help. Sometimes, that is the hardest thing for moms to do.

That being said, you will still have bonding time with your little man despite the fact that you can't give him your breastmilk. However, if you are still interested in feeding him BM, you may want to see if there is a milkbank in your area. You may still be able to feed him BM without producing it yourself.

In any event, it's important to take care of your health to be the best mom you can be. ((hugs)) Keep up the good work!
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  #7  
February 4th, 2012, 06:14 AM
sarahmomma's Avatar Momma to 4
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You are doing what is best for you and your son and that is what is the most important. There are ways to make bottle feeding time just as special such as taking off your shirt and bringing him close to your body so that he gets the skin to skin contact while feeding. Hugs to you I hope that the meds help make you feel more like your normal self soon.
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  #8  
February 4th, 2012, 07:13 AM
TNTGarner's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HonestMamma View Post
I am glad you were able to recognize the PPD symptoms in yourself and seek help. Sometimes, that is the hardest thing for moms to do.

That being said, you will still have bonding time with your little man despite the fact that you can't give him your breastmilk. However, if you are still interested in feeding him BM, you may want to see if there is a milkbank in your area. You may still be able to feed him BM without producing it yourself.

In any event, it's important to take care of your health to be the best mom you can be. ((hugs)) Keep up the good work!
There is also an organization called eats on feets that is free vs the milk bank. I have donated before to a mom in LA that needed milk. Of course the screening process is much, much better at a milk bank but it is also expensive. If I were able to nurse on tap this time I would donate in a heartbeat again! I hope the meds work well and you feel back to "normal" soon! Any amount of breastmilk is better than none! You gave him a great start on the boob lol
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  #9  
February 4th, 2012, 08:53 AM
ladybugwoods's Avatar Super Mommy
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I hope you start to feel better soon. Like others have said there are plenty of other ways to bond with your new guy.((hugs))
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  #10  
February 4th, 2012, 08:54 AM
glitterific's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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It's great you went to someone, you are doing the best for your family even though you won't breastfeed. You will still bond with baby and changing to a bottle sooner will be easier for all of you in the long run. *big hugs*
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  #11  
February 4th, 2012, 06:24 PM
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I believe it is far more important for mom to be healthy and fighting PPD than to breast feed. Breast feeding is great if you can do it, but if mom is dreading her days and struggling to bond with baby because she is depressed, it is far worse for the baby than formula. In fact PPD is the reason i chose not to breast feed at all this time and i don't feel guilty in the slightest.
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  #12  
February 4th, 2012, 09:33 PM
BoobyDutyAgainJen's Avatar Proud Mom & Birth Mom
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I filled my script for my antidepressant yesterday so I totally hear you. However, mine is one that my midwife, primary care physician, and therapist say is ok to take while breastfeeding. It might make her a little sleepier but the pros of breastfeeding outweigh the risks of the medicine. I have not taken it yet but have it ready because I think I am needing it. Just hesitating...

In any case, like everyone has said, your stability and happiness is soooo important. You have to be happy for him to thrive. You did the right thing.
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Last edited by BoobyDutyAgainJen; February 4th, 2012 at 09:54 PM.
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  #13  
February 5th, 2012, 10:44 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BoobyDutyAgainJen View Post
I filled my script for my antidepressant yesterday so I totally hear you. However, mine is one that my midwife, primary care physician, and therapist say is ok to take while breastfeeding. It might make her a little sleepier but the pros of breastfeeding outweigh the risks of the medicine. I have not taken it yet but have it ready because I think I am needing it. Just hesitating...
Don't wait too long to decide as the anti-depressants take 2 weeks to really work. With Max I was so adamant against going on drugs that i waited and waited until he was 6 weeks old and i was truly at the end of my rope. I didn't feel better for a full two weeks and it was pure hell. This time, i had planned to start in the hospital but i had a terrible reaction to Zoloft and had to stop. I'm now on Wellbutrin, after a couple of weeks of no medication, but it is slow to start working. Now, after a week I feel better, but 'm so glad i didn't wait until I was desperate and started on it at the first warning signs.
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  #14  
February 5th, 2012, 06:16 PM
hotpinktulips's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Sending you big

I have been on anti-depressants for about 7 years now and took Zoloft while pregnant with my DD which seemed to help. But once she was born I began to suffer from PPD psychosis and went 6 months before I realized I needed something more. I decided to wean DD and start her on formula so that I could begin Effexor when she was 7 months old. It did wonders for me!

I decided not to be on any anti-depressants during this pregnancy because of all the lawsuits going on. I wish I could have, but the warnings really scared me, so I stuck it out. As soon as he was born I knew I'd need to start back on something and was given Celexa at 3 days pp. Took about a week to kick in but I'm feeling much better. I am still nursing Kaleb, but have had to start supplementing because I am not producing enough for him, so I understand how you're feeling.

You're a good mama, and need to take care of yourself.
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  #15  
February 6th, 2012, 12:39 AM
LilBecca's Avatar Veteran
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Thanks ladies dor all your support! It really means alot.

Quote:
Originally Posted by -Anna- View Post
There is definantly no judgement and you should not feel as if this is something you will be judged for.
Unfortunately there are some cruel people out there. Someone very dear to me labeled me as crazy when he found out, and we don't speak anymore. It absolutely broke my heart. (And I was medicated) I've also lost friends when I confided in them about it because they didn't know what to think. It's a very misunderstood disease, hence why I'm very gaurded about it.
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  #16  
February 6th, 2012, 05:24 AM
corilyn's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm sorry you lost friends and been judge that's so stupid but if they can't look past that then they were never your friends. I'm happy your taking care of yourself for your baby and that is all that matter.
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  #17  
February 6th, 2012, 06:59 AM
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Kudos to you for doing what you need to do to be healthy for you and your baby. You have given your baby a fantastic start, and there will still be plenty of bonding time for you. You're his mommy!! I know how disappointing it can be to have to stop BFing... I have to stop in a few weeks due to medication also, and it does suck. However, you should feel good knowing that you will be at your best, and therefore able to care for him that much better, without worrying about other things You spending time with him will continue to create the bond you have started.. and it's not from BFing, it's because you're his mommy.
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