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  #1  
February 7th, 2012, 03:15 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 827
I have no right to wallow in self pity. It's not fair that other women get supportive happy husbands while mine refuses to accept this child, but so is life I guess. I keep praying for change, but he says im silly if i believe everything is going to work out. The stress is wearing me down. I'm so sad, and on top of that, I'm always sick. I am constantly hungry, and as soon as i eat, im sick as a dog. My son is sick, so I'm trying to take care of him and help my daughter with her homework. My husband is always working, so hes never here, and when he is, its liked he's checked out. We have money, so thats not an issue. We have a big house, so space isnt an issue either. I just don't understand, and i dont know what God wants from me. I just want my family back. And i really wish i could enjoy this pregnancy since it will be my last. I'm trying to have faith. It's hard not to be scared. I feel so alone.
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  #2  
February 7th, 2012, 03:26 PM
Mrs_Crystal_K's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Parker, CO
Posts: 585
That's terrible, I can't believe your husband is acting this way! I'm assuming this was a suprise pregnancy? Regardless, he made this baby just as much as you did. I wish I had some better advice to offer you. If you can try to just focus on taking care of yourself (and the little bean inside you) and your 2 munchkins you have now. I hope things get better for you (((hugs))).
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  #3  
February 7th, 2012, 03:41 PM
karenwalter's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Hugs.
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  #4  
February 7th, 2012, 04:32 PM
bettyearl's Avatar Beth, mom to 4 boys
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 4,919
I don't want to pry, and these are rhetorical questions here - I have been in your position and it absolutely is heart breaking. Are you having marital difficulties or have you any inclination that he has considered divorce? Are there any addictions or addictive behaviors you have picked up on?

I know the more positive and convincing I was with DH (on round 3, that is - not this baby thank goodness) it was like he went further away from me. He didn't respect me, nor understand that I knew it wouldn't be easy - just that I knew it WOULD work out. And it totally will! But the more I pushed for understanding, the harder he pushed back. He didn't even want to look at my pregnant belly and we ended up being separated when I was 6 months along. I had the baby on my own, with the support of my mom, 2 sisters, 2 best friends and a doula.

A year after our separation (with intent to divorce) we miraculously got back together.

This baby was a surprise and it rocked my world because I was so terrified all this would happen again. He's never going to be the type to be excited about having a baby, or put his ear to my tummy to hear the baby's heartbeat or anything like that (maybe he'll prove me wrong this time, we'll see) but for us, anyhow, he loved each of our children with time - and passionately.

Sometimes things don't work out, but most of the time they do. I want you to know if you ever need to talk you can PM me because I know what you're going through.
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  #5  
February 7th, 2012, 04:36 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 880
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. What a terrible situation. Would he be willing to talk to someone, a pastor or even just a friend you both trust?
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  #6  
February 7th, 2012, 05:19 PM
3Sapphires's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: the mountain state
Posts: 11,462
wow, you husband is being an *** - he needs a good reminder that it takes 2 to tango, and he is part of this baby...

I am so sorry he is treating you so badly
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  #7  
February 7th, 2012, 06:20 PM
Peytonsmomma
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Lurking here, my daughters dad left me at 5 months prego i did everything on my own, he is now in prison. My motto is everyone deserves to be happy all the time not just part of the time.
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  #8  
February 7th, 2012, 06:34 PM
RunningMommyTo5's Avatar Marathoning Mom to 4!
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Georgia
Posts: 4,443
I'm so, so sorry hun! I also would ask if there's anyone he'd be willing to talk to both as a couple, as well as him individually. I pray that he just needs some time to accept this and will come around. I think God wants you to do exactly what you are doing, taking care of yourself and your growing baby, as well as your two little ones. This baby has a purpose and we have to trust and have faith in that. You can't control how your husband reacts, but I do agree that the more you push him to accept, the more he may pull away. Of course, you know him so much better than we do, so that may not hold true for him. Continue to pray for him and for God to do a work in his heart. I will, in the meantime, be praying for YOU and your baby, as well as your DH.

I am so, so very sorry. I just wish we could be closer to you IRL to support you. Do you have family (mother, sister, close friends etc?) that can serve as your support system and to talk to until your DH turns around?
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  #9  
February 7th, 2012, 06:39 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Charleston, South Carolina
Posts: 610
I wish I had advise to give but I don't other than take care of yourself, your growing baby and your 2 children. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
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  #10  
February 7th, 2012, 07:02 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 827
Thank you all so much for the support. It makes me really feel wanted here. My husband is my best friend. And I am his. We get along great, we laugh together, we have the same interests. We were not having problems of any kind when we got pregnant. We were playing fantasy football together, going to games, having a great time. Neither of us wanted more children, but I am shocked that he is handling it this way. He has no addictions. He doesnt drink or smoke. He's only recently gone out to the bar with his friends, and thats cuz he is so stressed. He is loyal to me. I would know if he was cheating, and he's not. He's just being selfish. None of our children were planned. Our first was 8 years ago. He fell on the ground and cried when i told him. That's the only time ive ever seen him cry, and he wasnt the rub my tummy type, but he loves our daughter. Our second, he said "We should get married," so after the morning sickness stopped, about 4 months, we got married, had our son,and we've been together and happy for 10 years. I was on b/c, but had to take this medicine for a bad bladder infection, & the doc. said to use back up protection. I looked at charts online to find out when I would ovulate, and didn't sleep with him at all during that time. We were only together twice in Dec. so u can understand my shock when I was 9 days late, and shaking when i bought the test. He doesn't understand that i had other plans too. My son will start preK next year. I was gonna have free time again. No more diapers or bottles. But God had other plans for us, and i know this child is supposed to be here. I thought maybe he would be upset for a day or two and get over it, but he is now sleeping on the couch, not wearing his ring. He says he can't trust me, like I went and did this on purpose. I think maybe I should leave. I really don't know what to do. I love him so much, and the only thing he can say to me is " I don't want any more kids" Maybe my faith is being tested, and God will reward me for doing the right thing when it hurts so bad. I don't want to lose him, but if he loved me, he wouldn't make me choose between him and our baby. Thank you for including me in your prayers, and being here for me. I really appreciate you girls.
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  #11  
February 7th, 2012, 07:03 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 591
I've been there (the whole checked out husband thing) and I know how hurtful and exhausting it can be. If you need to talk, please PM me. I hope he comes to his senses, and soon. Until then, do what you need to do.
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  #12  
February 7th, 2012, 07:59 PM
bettyearl's Avatar Beth, mom to 4 boys
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 4,919
Hopefully he can come to accept that you're in this together - that you did NOT plan on getting pregnant, that you were just as surprised as he was to find out you were expecting. What does he think you're going to do in response to his behavior? Give the baby up for adoption or something?

Selfish sounds fitting. I'm sure he's in a lot of pain, in denial, and is angry at you (which of course doesn't make sense!). The cycle will work through and eventually, after he hits depression, he'll come to acceptance. That might not be for a long time, but you could try and remind him that you're going through a lot right now like he is and you could sure use his support as his wife, even if he isn't interested in the baby right now.
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  #13  
February 7th, 2012, 08:03 PM
Kierasmom's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 23,763
I will keep praying for God to soften his heart. Have faith, it will happen.
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  #14  
February 8th, 2012, 08:00 AM
lovemyleah's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 6,380
I am so sorry your husband is acting this way. I think the first time around, I was the one who was more in denial, but I got through, and love my daughter more than life itself. I really hope he does the same. I certainly won't give advice on whether you should leave, but I think he needs to figure stuff out and fast. You have two other children that need to see their parents healthy, and if dad isn't going to be, maybe the situation isn't best. I wish you the best of luck. HOPEFULLY he will shape up soon. Hugs.
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  #15  
February 8th, 2012, 08:41 AM
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Location: Delaware
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I think its time you asked him to go to marriage counseling. A thearpist will be able to help either him see that you didn't do this intentionally or you see that you are better off without him.
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  #16  
February 8th, 2012, 09:01 AM
momma_d's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 6,225
I'm sorry. I think the other ladies have given great advice. I will be praying for you and your family. I think no matter what the situation, an unplanned pregnancy can definitely put any relationship on test.
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  #17  
February 8th, 2012, 09:25 AM
beginswithb's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 298
I think everyone before me gave great advice. Just sending big hugs your way, mama.
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  #18  
February 8th, 2012, 01:26 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Florida
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Hugs to you. I hope things get better!
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  #19  
February 8th, 2012, 02:16 PM
Moldovandish's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Raleigh, NC
Posts: 4,602
Hugs! Hope he comes around!
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  #20  
February 8th, 2012, 08:10 PM
palmetto_moon's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 4,657
I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. I wonder if maybe he just needs time. I think the whole aspect of pregnancy and an impending child are futher removed for some men than they are for us women who have the child within our bodies. So, they can act distant, angry or upset about it for longer. Generally, even when we ladies didn't plan a pregnancy and aren't thrilled about it, we still feel that sense of protectivness and ownership of it.
Some men just take a long time. You mentioned that he is at work a lot. Working to take care of the family is very important to a lot of men and perhaps he fears that even though finances are good now, he's afraid of adding one more person to the mix. Maybe it feels uncomfortable to him- the responsibility of caring for a growing family that is expanding yet again.
It's encouraging that you described your realtionship as very close prior to finding out you were pregnant- that makes me think maybe he just needs time to adjust. This is very abstract to him right now since HE isn't the one pregnant. I bet he'll love this baby just as much. He just is having a heck of an adjustment time. It's strange how we all worry about our other kids adjusting to new baby and yet sometimes it's the husbands who have the toughest time.
Good luck to you, hun. You'll be in my prayers. I hope that you guys get through this and can be happy again.
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