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  #1  
February 10th, 2012, 04:36 PM
Parker'sMommy's Avatar Veteran
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Lately I have been getting upset when I think about having another baby and not having as much time to spend with my son. I almost feel resentment at the thought of another being taking any of my time away from DS. Please tell me this changes/gets easier. Any stories of how it actually is with two kids (or more) and the feelings involved with splitting time.

This has really been bothering me
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  #2  
February 10th, 2012, 05:10 PM
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Wow, I'm the opposite...I kinda feel like my daughter would benefit from having a sibling, learning to share (toys, mommy's time, etc)...I don't know, my brother is a year older and my sister 2 years younger and I really enjoyed it. I mean, we fought a lot, but I always had a playmate. That was nice.
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  #3  
February 10th, 2012, 05:54 PM
Parker'sMommy's Avatar Veteran
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You know I didn't think of it that way. I agree with all of the positives you listed and I truly enjoyed my brother as well. We always wanted two children and we planned this pregnancy and are thrilled!! I just never felt this way really until I got pregnant.
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  #4  
February 10th, 2012, 06:26 PM
3Sapphires's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I had horrible guilt when going from one to two. I had no idea how I would split my time, or love another baby as much. BUt you do. IT is pretty neat how your heart can expand to fit more people in it.

And I look at the boys now, and can't imagine them with out each other.

I now have guilt about Making Nate "the middle child" I don't want to screw him up by making him the middle kid, but I am sure it won't happen. Just a fear. Fears are totally normal.
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  #5  
February 10th, 2012, 06:35 PM
JulieMc's Avatar Loving my babies. :)
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I never worried about adding another or felt guilty about it. I knew my son would love having a sibling because he just adores being around other kids - older, younger, he doesn't care. And the same goes with my daughter...she's more clingy, but I know she'll love having another sibling. She looooves her 3-month-old baby cousin.

Yea, sometimes my son will have to wait 5 minutes for something whereas before I'd be able to jump on the drop of a dime..but he understands, most of the time. Lyla understands now too because the same goes for her. If I'm busy with one, sometimes they have to wait.

I still make sure to have "mommy time" with each alone on occasion...even if its just to go shopping together or hang out at home while daddy takes the other somewhere.....and they both love it. They both get "daddy time" alone too. I think it's important.
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  #6  
February 10th, 2012, 07:20 PM
YumPickles's Avatar Veteran
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I worry about it too. It is hard to imagine loving another child as strongly as I love my first, and I worry he will feel neglected and resentful.
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  #7  
February 10th, 2012, 11:11 PM
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There are so many hormones and emotions in each pregnancy. It's normal to feel this way, even when a pregnancy is planned. Once reality sets in, I think we sometimes over think things and freak ourselves out. I know I do. The jump from 1 to 2 was a little difficult for me, mainly. I felt guilty because they are so close together, only 20 months apart. But now they're 4 and 6 and love each other so much, when they're not fighting. lol My oldest tells me all the time that he loves our family.

The jump from 2-3 wasn't really a huge adjustment. So now that we are adding number 4 I'm not too worried. The hectic newborn phase is always rough but that's over quickly. Like another mom recommended, making time for each kid is a great way to make them feel special. Have daddy take one kid out for ice cream. Our you can take another kid to Target. Just the two of you. My kids enjoy this from time to time.
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  #8  
February 11th, 2012, 06:04 AM
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I feel guilt as well. My son is so spoiled with our undivided attention and I am worried he will feel jealousy/resentment towards the new baby. Because he is only 19 months I can't really explain what is going on to him so that makes it much more difficult. He'll be 27 months when baby is born and I hope he "gets it" before then so I can try to prepare him somehow.
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  #9  
February 11th, 2012, 08:31 AM
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This was so me when I was pregnant with my second. I was a SAHM with my daughter and we were so close I was really worried about how having a sibling would take time away from her. Before my second was born I would feel guilty at the way I always put my daughter ahead of the new baby, like the time we were installing the new car seat before the baby was born and DH wanted to put the baby in the middle cause it was safer, and I wanted my daughter in the middle cause at that time she came first.

But then my son was born, and just like that, I loved him so much I flashed back to that carseat incident and felt so guilty. After a few days of watching my 3 year old daughter interacting with her new brother I said to my DH "This whole time I was worried about what the new baby would take away from her, and what he really did was give her another person to love." And that is so true. They are 10 and 7 now and the best of friends. My daughter the other day said she hopes this new baby is a boy so she can have another brother she loves hers so much.

Your feelings are normal, but this baby is a gift not only to you and DH but to your first child as well.
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  #10  
February 11th, 2012, 09:25 AM
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I felt the same way. We wanted a second child, I was happy about the idea, but I couldn't tell you how many times I cried because I was sure that my DD would think that she wasn't enough for us, or she would feel neglected. You know what happened? She was so over the moon in love with her little sister. I had a new baby to love too, but I also had a million new reasons to love my older daughter because if she had been an only child, she would have never had the chance to demonstrate the type of tenderness and affection that we got to see. It was really an amazing thing- I still tear up when I think about.
It's hard to convince yourself of these things while you're pregnant. I remember nothing could make me feel better. But you are giving your child a great gift, always try to remember that!
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  #11  
February 11th, 2012, 09:35 AM
momma_d's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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We are adding #2 with this baby too, but I guess its a little easier for us because DD ASKS for siblings and is so excited about the baby. I remember though when she was still little and I used to think the same exact thing you are thinking. I used to wonder how I would EVER love another baby as much as I loved her and how if we had another child I would feel like I was taking away from her. So you aren't alone in your thinking, and I think a lot of it has to do with how old your children are...
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  #12  
February 11th, 2012, 09:59 AM
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yep I have the same guilt. Everyone tells me its a normal feeling going from 1 to 2 children. Bella loooooves little babies so I know she'll love her brother or sister but it's hard to imagine it. Bella goes to daycare 3 days a week so I will get to have one on one with the new baby then and I can learn to juggle the two for those two days.

Also, I was told the beginning is easier because the baby sleeps so much so there will be ample time for #1. By the time #2 is more awake, you'll be in a routine. That's what I hold on to when I start to have those panicky feelings
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  #13  
February 11th, 2012, 10:55 AM
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In younger kids, when you add a sibling they will grow up pretty much not knowing the difference. They're not going to think back and say "hey mom carried me 24/7 and now she carries this new thing all the time!" I wouldn't worry about it at all, there is plenty time for two (and more) kids in one person's life.
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  #14  
February 11th, 2012, 02:52 PM
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This will be nr 2 for us too, but this time because of our previous loss, I'm just hoping this baby stays put and DD winds up being a big sister. She's been dreaming about this for a long time. I know it will be hard going from one to two, especially that DD is so independent, out of diapers etc., but I think even though she might have some tantrums about wanting more attention, she will be of great help and will get used to a little one in the house.
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  #15  
February 11th, 2012, 03:33 PM
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I am not so much worried about the love, I know my heart with grow to love this little bean then I already do. However, I am worried about the splitting time, and not being able to help ds at a drop of a hat. I am worried ds will pull away from me when the baby is born.
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  #16  
February 11th, 2012, 06:14 PM
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You will be fine. While you're recovering from birth it might be difficult, but otherwise you should have plenty of time.
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  #17  
February 11th, 2012, 06:51 PM
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Newborns sleep so much at first, you will be thinking to yourself "man, this is easy". The harder stuff comes later when they are awake more than not...but by then the older one should be used to the idea of a sibling and what it means.
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  #18  
February 11th, 2012, 07:48 PM
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My son was 4 1/2 when my dd was born, so he had been an only child for a long time. I had TREMENDOUS guilt about having another baby. But it went away and it worked out. I think what helped is that my son is very good with his sissy (as he calls her) and really loves her
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  #19  
February 11th, 2012, 08:01 PM
palmetto_moon's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I think that what you are feeling is totally normal and natural. Right now, it's impossible to even imagine loving anything as much as you love Parker, but the crazy thing about having a baby is that that changes in an instant. I think we often worry about this because we sort of see our time and our love like a pie, and each time that pie is cut in a new direction, it means a smaller piece for everyone. BUT, fortunately it doesn't work like that at all. Your love won't be divided between your kids, it will multiply among them. You will suddently have a whole new expanded capacity and now there will be two babies you love so much you could burst.
I think that a sibling is the best gift you can give a child (not wanting to start a debate, I know some families are perfectly content with one child and that's fine too, each family must do what is right for them). The way I see it is this, we as parents, are blessed to be part of our children's lives for only some of the time. Eventually, we won't be here anymore. But a sibling (God willing) will be. They can grow old together and be there for each others lifetime, long after you are gone.
Having a sibling means more opportunity for family experiences down the road, opportunity to share in a best friendship that is unlike any other relationship (I know, this isn't a guarentee, there are siblings who are not close as adults).
I have sisters and they are my absolute best friends. It makes me a little bit sad when I hear people say they don't want more kids b/c they want to be able to give more material items to their current child (again, not judging, just stating how I feel). I am SO glad my parents chose having more children over great vacations or extra toys. We fought a lot as kids (LOL) but they are my best friends. I talk to them daily. I am so thankful for them, I can't even express it.
I don't think you are doing anything negative at all for Parker. I think you are giving him a gift that is so unique, and cannot be replicated or duplicated in any other way. You're giving him family.
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  #20  
February 11th, 2012, 10:18 PM
Parker'sMommy's Avatar Veteran
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Oh my gosh...thank you so much everybody!! I was working all day today and just read all of the wonderful responses. I feel so much better. I have tears in my eyes from the support on this board. You all have helped me way more than you know!!
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