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Would you go on this trip?

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  • 1 Post By MrsTiffy
  • 1 Post By JulieMc
  • 1 Post By palmetto_moon

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February 17th, 2012, 02:01 AM
curlygirl77's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: The UK
Posts: 1,142
There is a bit of backstory to this, so please bear with me.

For the past six years we lived in Hawaii. My parents in law don't have much money. They live in CT, where it is expensive, and FIL is a bit of a spendthrift. MIL doesn't and has never worked. She is not old (50 this year), so I feel their lack of funds is partly self inflicted.

My DH is enlisted military so we are far from rich ourselves. However, despite that, we have paid for his parents to visit us in Hawaii three times while we were there. Once was while I was having my dd in 2009. MIL was supposed to come over and help. She did nothing for the whole six weeks she stayed, I had to cook and clean for her and she just sat and held the baby the whole time. I felt a bit resentful about this.

Anyway, we moved to the UK in November last year. We were supposed to stop off and visit them on the way, but at the last minute they said we couldn't bring our dog (we couldn't afford for her to stay anywhere else, as we had to put her in quarantine in the UK and that wiped us out), we weren't allowed to stay in their house (not enough beds or bathrooms) and they had arranged for us to stay in a house of a friend of theirs, which had no furnace. Yeah, in November, during a blizzard. So at the last minute we decided we just couldn't do it and came straight to England. They blamed me for this.

We were supposed to go instead this June (my DH gets free tickets to his home of record), but now I am pregnant. I will be about 28-30 weeks along at the time of the trip. Last night I told my DH I just don't think I can go. The reasons are:

I have a large subchorionic hemmorage which the Dr said could cause premature labor later on in the pregnancy if it doesn't resolve (and it was still there at my checkup last week). I've had a lot of bleeding and cramping already this pregnancy.

I think I will be too tired by then for all that travelling (3 hours to airport, 7 hours flying, another 3 hours driving).

Their house is totally unsuitable for small children - open staircases that aren't blocked off, dangerous deck with large drop to back yard, ashtrays on every surface... We have four kids, one of which is a very busy two year old. I will spend the entire vacation chasing her round and stressing. They are not the sort of people that will help or watch them while I take a break, and my DH is to be honest not much help either.

So what do you think? Should I just suck it up and go? They were giving me grief at Christmas that they havent' seen the grandchildren since 2009 (well why don't you come and see us?!) It's much easier for two people to travel than for us to take our four children. I do feel guilty but they don't give a crap about me or how I will be feeling, as long as they get their way. I think if my DH could take leave earlier in the year, say April or May, I would do it, but June is just too far along for me to feel comfortable with it.

Sooo, if you got this far, what would you do? Should I just suck it up and go? Am I being a worrier? You can be totally honest and you won't hurt my feelings, I promise

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February 17th, 2012, 03:06 AM
Starstrydergrrl's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 744
I say no, you don't want to mess with that SCH, baby and your sanity first. Chances are that they won't make it a great trip for you and if your hubby understands skip it. Rather at that point take it easy and be in your home and familiar surroundings.

I had a massive SCH with my Kenny child and when I hit 30 weeks were on bedrest and by 35 weeks the thing caused a premature rupture of membranes.

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February 17th, 2012, 03:34 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Charleston, South Carolina
Posts: 610
Don't go if you don't want tp and I must agree, it sounds likethat trip would be a lot of extra work and stress for you. Good luck on making your decision.
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February 17th, 2012, 04:08 AM
smashley8's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,851
I definitely wouldn't go, and would hope that DH would understand. I think you have more than enough reason to NOT feel guilty about it, particularly your health! What happens if you are put on bed rest? If you were to go on this trip, bed rest would obviously not be possible with your busy 2 year old. Maybe you can work something out with them to come visit the family when you have the baby?

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February 17th, 2012, 04:37 AM
3Sapphires's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: the mountain state
Posts: 11,860
ummm H#LL no!

I don't like going to my inlaws because I never get any down time, chasing the kids and dogs and such, I certainly wouldn't go if they can't help at all, and make you feel like a burden.

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February 17th, 2012, 05:09 AM
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I wouldn't go. I would just have your dh tell them that it wont work this time, and that if they really want to see you then they are more than welcome to come visit. If they really wanted to see the kids then they could save up some money, buy a ticket, and come visit. Gosh people like that really irritate me. My mother in law is exactly he same way. She complains about never seeing the kids, but never puts out the effort to see them.
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February 17th, 2012, 05:17 AM
Sprinkle 2010's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2010
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Don't go! Pull the pregnancy card! I have a SCH, too, and everything I've read says its nothing to play arround with. Our folks are on;y 5 hours away and that trip is stressful enough. I can't imagine an international trip, pregnant with 4 kids!
Ask your doctor, if he/she sounds the least bit concerned about your going you have just found the perfect excuse that no one should make you feel guilty for. Make the in-laws put in a little effort and put yourself and baby first!

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February 17th, 2012, 05:40 AM
JulieMc's Avatar Loving my babies. :)
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I wouldn't go, and I wouldn't feel guilty about it either. They're grown adults capable of saving money and visiting you if they really want to see the kids.

I hate going over to my ILs and they only live 45 min away and I have 2 kids...simply because...their house is not child-proof at all...and I have a 2yr old and a 1yr old...and I am constantly chasing them around, telling them not to touch this or stay out of this, trying to block the stairs, etc...I can't imagine it with 4 kids and being 30 weeks pregnant!
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February 17th, 2012, 05:59 AM
RunningMommyTo5's Avatar Marathoning Mom to 4!
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Location: Georgia
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I wouldn't go most likely. In all honestly, at 30wks in a normal pregnancy, I wouldn't feel comfortable with that long of a flight with 6 hrs driving total on top of it one way. It's a little much to risk with sitting for so long that far along, especially with a the SCH, there's no telling what the change in pressure can do from the flight. If your ILs are going to be awful about it, have your dr write a note "banning" you from taking the trip and send it to them, although I personally wouldn't care what they thought at that point.
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February 17th, 2012, 07:27 AM
momma_d's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Indiana
Posts: 6,227
I agree with everyone. I wouldn't go. I am nervous enough just taking a 3 hour plane ride in June, let alone international travel. There is no reason that they can't save up enough money to come visit you guys where you are living. If they really wanted to, they would make it happen. You should not be forced to pack up 4 kids and travel across the country while 30 weeks pregnant EVER, and IMO it is incredibly rude for them to expect that out of you in the first place.
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February 17th, 2012, 07:51 AM
bettyearl's Avatar Beth, mom to 4 boys
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Posts: 4,919
If your SCH goes away magically and your pregnancy turns into being completely normal then I would consider going if plane tickets are paid for (Is it just DH that gets a free ride?) That is, if your airline of choice allows it. Some have a cut-off of 30 weeks, others 35. So it may not even be an option.

With SCH though I just don't think you would be wise to travel like that. It is just not worth the risk to the baby, and airplanes are very dehydrating, which can cause preterm labor by itself, they play with your blood pressure, and you will be mega stressed trying to keep everyone safe and sound not only on the trips to and from but while you are there. Stress can also cause preterm labor!

Would DH want to take the kids - or maybe the older kids by himself? Maybe he'd come back appreciating you like 10x more. Or just be dejected because he realizes he's not as good at containing the kids. And maybe someone would come back with a broken arm? LOL I know it isn't funny but I swear my DH used to be the same way. I am leaving him with the 3 boys while I go (at around 27-28 weeks) and make a wedding cake and do photography for a wedding out of state in June. He will have them Wed-Sunday by himself and be going on a road trip himself with the boys. If it was a few years ago I would fully expect to come home to an episode of near-drowning, falling off roofs, being sawed in half or something like that. Now he's much more attentive.

But honestly, if I had SCH I would cancel the whole thing, best friend or not, because I know personally that babies that come even a little bit early have a much harder time and I would want to everything in my power to keep that little bean safe. It would suck for her to find another person to do her cake at this point, but that's just how it would be and she would completely understand! If your MIL can't understand this, it is her fault!!
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February 17th, 2012, 09:09 AM
palmetto_moon's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 4,663
I would probably try to get out of having to go. I'm sort of in somewhat similar situation. My DH wants us to take a cross country trip with our ten kids, and drive from the St. Louis area (where we live) out to Long Beach California to visit his dad and step mom. Normally, I'd totally be up for it. But this will be three days or so each way of driving all day. He wants to do this in July, so I'd be like...two months away from my edd. No thanks. He still keeps insisting, so as of now, I've just pushed the argument off for a later time.
Since you have air line tickets to contend with though, you probably have to get it straightened out sooner than later. Here's what I'd do. I would talk to your doctor or midwife and see if you can get them to agree with you. If you can, blame it on them, complete with a note or something. I once had a friend to had to get her OB to write her a "doctors excuse" note TO HER HUBBY explaining that she had to be on pelvic rest. LOL.
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February 17th, 2012, 11:00 AM
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 2,134
Originally Posted by bettyearl View Post
Would DH want to take the kids - or maybe the older kids by himself?
I like this idea a lot.

If you didn't have the medical issue, I think it would be nice to try to go - but your pregnancy has complications, and June will not be a good time to travel. But as a sign of goodwill, I think it would be great if you could send your husband for a few days with the older kids.

I don't think it's bad that you want to stay home, but since the plane ticket is paid for, it would be a great gesture on your part to support your husband and a couple of the kids spending time with the grandparents... even if they aren't willing to put in the effort.
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