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I think it's time for me to start journaling. I have so many thoughts swirling through this pregnant brain of mine, I need a place to store them all (and unlike Dumbledore, I don't have a pensieve to empty my thoughts into!) I considered starting a new blog for the pregnancy, but am not sure I want to put all my feelings out there for the whole world to see yet, so I'll stick with the safe haven of my DDC.
For those who don't know me yet, I'm Angie, and I'm 38. In August, I will have been married to my DH, Rob for 12 years. After two years of marriage, I went off BC, and although we never actively TTC, we certainly didn't prevent it. However, it was fall of 2009 before I became pregnant the first time. Neither of us had had insurance for a couple of years, so I had not gone to the doctor to explore fertility issues, I had just resigned myself to not being able to have kids. So, I was seven weeks along before I figured out I was pregnant. Unfortunately, the pregnancy ended in miscarriage less than two weeks later, where we discovered that I had been pregnant with twins, but had actually miscarried BEFORE I even took the pregnancy test and found out they were there.
In May of 2010, my doctor prescribed clomid, and in June, we got our next BFP. However, my doctor was leaving her practice, and I fell between the cracks waiting to get in with a new doctor. By the time I had an appointment with the new doctor, at 8 weeks, I had once again miscarried. I feel certain that if I had been with a doctor, especially with my previous m/c, they would have started me on progesterone to help me keep the baby. The new doctor encouraged me to let the miscarriage happen naturally, and I agreed. Little did I know it would take another month to happen. When it finally did, I ended up in the e/r with a clot holding my cervix open. I was bleeding uncontrollably, and had never been so afraid in my life.
Finally, in January of this year, I was brave enough to try again. This time, I made an appointment with the new OB/GYN in our small town. He is a fertility specialist, and after my last experience, I was too traumatized to go back to my last doctor.
We had already missed the window for clomid that month, but tried anyway. Then, in February we once again did a round of clomid. I ovulated on February 21st, started progesterone 3 days later, and on March 7th, got my BFP!!!!
Of course with my history, I have been a nervous wreck this whole time, but I am finally beginning to believe that this could be my rainbow baby, and I'm ready to keep a journal of the experience.
Now that you know my history, I hope you join me as I chronicle this amazing journey, and watch my little bean grow!
Today is my day off this week, so it's 11AM and I'm still in my pjs! However, I'm determined to get a little housework done today, since DH has been carrying so much of the load!
My symptoms have really changed this week, which as usual, makes me anxious, but I'm taking it as a blessing. I'm just a tiny bit queasy in the mornings, and if I play it right, I can get by without throwing up!
During the day, I feel pretty good, just a bit of nausea if I get hungry. By 3 o'clock, I'm still ready for a nap, but I blame that on the progesterone, which hopefully I'll get to go off of here in a couple of weeks.
Evenings are the worst. I am extremely queasy from supper til bed time, and spend most of the night on the couch, counting down the minutes til bedtime! My boobs have been quite so sore, so I've been able to take advantage of sleeping "kinda" on my belly... I know I won't be able to do that much longer!
The only other thing I notice is that I cramp... alot. Not severe, double you over kinda cramping, just achy all over, period like cramps. They come and go, but I get them every day. I keep telling myself that I'm a 38 year old fat girl, and all that stuff down there is not had to work like this before! I'm trying to keep my thoughts in a positive place, and if I freak out at every ache and pain, it just makes things stressful for both me and DH.
I go next Tuesday for my first official OB appointment. I'll be 9 weeks then, and I sure wish he'd try to hear a heartbeat on the dopplar then. I am so anxious to know that everything is still going ok!
I don't intend to journal every single day, but I wanted to get this recorded this morning:
I had my first dream about the baby last night. The dream pretty much reflected my hopes about my next doctor's appointment, and my desire to have a confirmation that everything is still ok.
I dreamed I went to the doctor and told him that I had had some cramping but wasn't sure if it was the baby or constipation ( Oh, how true THAT part of the dream was!)
He decided to go ahead and give me an ultra sound right then and there. For some reason, my mom was with me instead of DH, but the doctor did a 3D ultra sound, and there he was (yes, even in my dream the baby was a "he")!! He was wiggling his little fingers back and forth and had the most pleasant little face!! I woke up soooo happy, even though in the dream, my mom told me the baby looked like Dobby (2nd Harry Potter reference in my pregnancy journal, no idea why)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway, just wanted to be sure and record this moment. I hope it's a sign of good things to come. Maybe I'll have to start calling the bean Dobby, instead of just "the bean"... or maybe not.
That's right, NINE!! I've been a little blue this weekend, but am hoping tomorrow's appointment will help return me to a happy place. The placenta is supposed to be taking over this week, and my doctor believes that the only reason I've never carried this far before is because I needed progesterone support until the placenta was doing it's job. So in my mind, this is a major milestone. I hope he schedules an u/s soon, so we can see if all is going as hoped.
Wore my first maternity outfit to church yesterday... boy, was it comfy! So nice not to be so confined in my dress clothes!
Thanks, Leanne! I'm actually on my way to pick up my prescriptions now!
10 WEEKS, 2DAYS
I can't believe I'm 2 days into week 10, and I haven't journaled yet! It seems like every day that passes since my 6 week ultrasound, the less "real" my pregnancy seems! Granted, my tummy's growing, I'm an emotional wreck, and I have a super sniffer... but still!
However, I just got ultrasound #2 (well, 3 actually, but I'm not counting the first one since we didn't have a heartbeat then) scheduled, so I'm getting excited again! I go on May 7th (my mom's birthday... wondering if I should invite her to go along??)
I need to pick up my prescriptions for a slight bladder infection this morning, and get that cleared up. Yesterday, when I went to the doctor for the infection, my blood pressure was pretty high (168/86). That is very unusual for me. I do have HBP, but keep it controlled with Labetalol, a pregnancy safe blood pressure med. I blamed it on the infection, allergies, and nerves over an unplanned trip to the doctor.
I just checked my bp at home this morning, and it's a little elevated, but not nearly as high as yesterday (138/78). I hope that I am able to keep it under control. I know he will eventually have to increase my meds, but I don't want it to go high and lead to preclampsia. Dr. H. basically told me not to plan on making it to my due date, simply because of my blood pressure. He said I'll probably go a week or two early. I felt like he was insinuating I'd have to have a c-section. If that becomes necessary for the safety of the baby or me, I'm fine with it... but I hope it doesn't plan to automatically go that route just because I'm overweight and have HPB! I want it only as a last resort!
Anyway, that's what's on my mind today. I just want to do everything I can to have a happy and healthy pregnancy!