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OT: WWYD situation with DS

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May 8th, 2012, 11:00 AM
MJTKNT's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Springfield, Illinois
Posts: 3,001
Current WWYD situation:

Mason spends the night at my moms house a couple nights a month. Whenever he's there (or not) my aunt comes over and brings her little girl who is 6 1/2, and the biggest spoiled brat on the planet. She's snotty and rude to adults, and my aunt doesn't correct her. She can do no wrong, and my aunt lets her totally run her life. I've been close to my aunt all my life. She never married, and adopted this little girl from China when she just turned a year old. I feel comfortable talking with her, but you CANNOT talk to her about Hallie. She got mad at Mike (DH) a year ago when he scolded her for doing something (just telling her no, she was not supposed to do that) her mom had just told her not to do b/c Hallie cried over it, so- when it comes to that, it's an all bets are off sort of deal.

This weekend they were together. My mom and aunt ran to the store and left the Mason and Hallie home with my 13 and ~16 year old brothers. They were in the other room playing together, and Hallie starts crying. She came in and told my brother that Mason choked her (he puts his hands around necks and pushes in on your adams apple-- we're working on it-- but it's never like a full on choke and you can't breath sort of thing). He went in, scolded Mason, had him tell Hallie sorry, and gave him a time out. She cried for a while, and then was fine...until her mom came in. She went up to her and told her he choked her, and turned the water works on forever and my aunt made a huge ta-da over it...

He's not even three years old yet (will be at the end of this month), and he's still testing boundaries and learning discipline. Her daughter is someone he looks up to, and should set the example, not emulate a three year olds behavior. But no, her response was to tell her SIX AND A HALF year to just do whatever he does back to him! I am so mad, I could spit. For one, it's not the KIDS job to correct, it's the adults- and he was corrected. And secondly, having a kid that's double his age, and size, and snotty as can be do things back to him is not going to help the situation at all. She's going to get hurt because he's already an aggressive kid and his response to aggression from other kids is already to do it back, harder...and it's going to cause issues with what I'm teaching him. We've been working on his aggressive tendencies for the last year and having been making small strides. Enough that I am starting to see a difference, and this will not help. Who the hell would tell their kid to do that? I don't know what to do since I wasn't there (and I'm mad as hell that my mom didn't just speak up and say, "No, that's not what we're going to do. If something happens, you come tell us, and we will correct it.") and I don't want to start a family brawl. It's not something my mom agrees with, and she said she's just going to stop letting them come over when Mason's there, but I really don't think that's the answer either since we're a close family. What do you think about all this, and what would your advice be to help it out in a way that won't cause a family feud? How would you talk to her, or bring it up, or what would you even say?

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May 8th, 2012, 11:38 AM
momma_d's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Indiana
Posts: 6,227
Ugh that is a tough situation. Honestly, although I would be totally fuming, I wouldn't do anything about it. The only approach you can take is to discipline your child to do what is right and wrong. There are always going to be outside influences on him, especially when he starts school, is on the playground, etc. Kids have to learn how to discern what is right and what is wrong, even if someone older than them is doing it, they need to learn that is is not the correct behavior.

Simply put, you just can't tell someone else how to parent their child, and no matter what you do or say, it probably isn't going to change her disciplinary (or lack-thereof) style whether you agree with it or not.

We kind of ran into this with a lot with Keira both at school and with my niece and nephew who have absolutely ZERO discipline or manners. We can't tell other people how to raise their children, so we have to put the focus on teaching ours what we believe in and trust that they are going to make the right choices
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May 8th, 2012, 11:45 AM
GeekLover11's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Greater Philadelphia Area
Posts: 1,163
Wow, that is a crap situation. I'm sorry. Now, I have no idea about your family or how it works, but I would start to question your mom and aunt. I don't think you are sending your 3 year old boy to get babysat by your brothers. Mason is still very young and learning boundaries, like you said, which is very true for all kids that age. I honestly think that something like this may not have happened had your mom or aunt been there with the kids. That way, you would feel more comfortable when Mason is there with your aunt's daughter. Plus, with an adult there, you would be able to hear both sides. I am sure that something like that was not just out of no where. Usually something instigates it. So that might be something to consider?

I feel like your aunt is being very questionable with what she is teaching her daughter. Eye for an eye type things do not fly with me, especially being a teacher. I have seen many situations arise because children are taught to take things into their own hands. But hey, who is to say that thats wrong either. I am not a parent yet and I have no idea at all what I will teach my children. I want them to be able to defend themselves, but in the right way.

Anyways, I hope the situation gets better for you!! Hugs!!

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May 8th, 2012, 12:06 PM
3Sapphires's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: the mountain state
Posts: 11,860
uggh! I'd be ticked!

I am actually working on this with my kids, they are "an eye for an eye" and I am trying to get them to stop doing stuff back to them.

I would have lost it on your Aunt. the situation had been handled and punishment given. She is raising a brat.

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May 8th, 2012, 02:12 PM
curlygirl77's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: The UK
Posts: 1,142
That's a hard situation! I think you need to weigh up what is more valuable to you, your aunt's feelings or the wellbeing of your child. I think if she's that much of a brat and she's not getting any discipline it's a recipe for disaster and it's only a matter of time before she does something really bad, or violent. I would not want my kid around when that happened. Close family or not, I think I would have to tell my mom that my son wouldn't be staying there alone without me while the little princess was around.

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