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vacation rant (OT)


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  #1  
May 30th, 2012, 06:47 AM
Jennyt13's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 2,583
I'm so frustrated with my MIL right now. Here is the situation.. we vacation at my inlaws summer place, its just a 3br house in Indiana, in a small community with a nice lake. 1 br is needed for my inlaws - they did give us their bedroom - but, we have a 16 month old - so, this was our first trip up there this summer over the long weekend.

I tried to sleep in the room with Michael (my 16 month old) - and he kept waking up all night long. So - I finally left, and joined my hubby on the couch. The bed is horribly squeaky - no, more like creaky - and I'm sure I would toss in my sleep and it would wake him up and scare him. Co-sleeping moms, moms who plan to co-sleep - I would say this would be one of the many perks - lol. If I had co-slept with him, he'd probably have crashed out with no problem. But - I'm not a bed sharer.

No biggy. The rest of vacation (Thursday - Tuesday) - I slept on a couch. A skinny couch. One I will not be able to sleep on if we go up for the 4th of July. My MIL I guess knows this. I'll get to that later.

The couch was in an open room, in the living room. Go down a short hallway from there - and your in the kitchen with an adjoining family room. Now - I'm a very light sleeper not pregnant. So - pregnant, on a stiff skinny couch, I'm worse. My inlaws are up around the clock. My MIL used to work swing shifts, so she is used to being up all night. I hear cabinets slamming, her talking to my BIL (Loud squeaky voice, picture the nanny) - they play dice games (farkle) using a metal cup... don't I dare say anything - cause she will just reply "well, it doesn't bother any of us" Yes, cause YOU ARE THE ONES DOING IT!!!! Slamming doors from the house to the garage... baby is furtherst from the noise so all is good.

Another part of the "story" - my MIL wanted to get a drop side crib from her neighbor to bring up there for the babies. I told her no - I'm not comfortable with a drop side crib. DH told her no way - we want something safe - and we are willing to pay for it. She kept telling us we needed a crib up there - that he shouldn't sleep in the pack n play for any length of time bla bla bla.

WE decided to get a crib - a new one - and use it for the summer at the cottage, and then bring it down for the fall for the new baby, as Michael will only be 22 months by then - and I'm not rushing him out of the crib.

Well, the crib was supposed to be delivered on Friday - so Michael was going to sleep in the pack n play one night, and then move to the crib after. DH looked at the tracking - and I guess it wasn't scheduled for delivery until the Wednesday after we left - and no one was supposed to be at the house then - so, we had delivery moved to our home in Chicago (burbs) - and said we would just drive it up there next trip. Huge hassle - not to mention - we RUSHED to buy this crib to shut my MIL up about taking the neighbors crib - saying stuff like "Uncle Ray said all we have to do is put a couple of screws in it - and its fine" just a bunch of crap.

Ok - so - this leads to our discussion before we leave. My MIL says "well, we are going to have to figure out sleeping arrangments for next time you are out" looks at me "you can't keep sleeping on the couch" I told her it was fine this time - but she's right - as I get bigger, i won't be able to... then she says "Since you don't want to sleep in the room with the baby" I DON'T WANT TO? LIke I"m being some whiney you know what? I'd love to. But your creaky a s s bed keeps him up!.

DH starts mentioning some ideas. Using the small room as a kid room, but put some bunk beds there eventually so that it can still be usable for other guests (my BIL's friends or whatnot)... you know, short term ideas until they can finish the basement or whatnot which they have talked about doing.

My MIL talks about putting up a fake wall somewhere - and use that as a kids room. DH says "its too loud in here for that" She gets defensive - and says "why all of a sudden are you complaining about how loud it is?" I say "cause now we have a baby!" the baby doesn't need privacy - the baby needs quiet. Both of them will. I'm not talking so quiet that you can hear a pin drop - I'm not like that - really... but I'm talking about quiet enough to muffle things out so my son can SLEEP.

Then DH starts saying "well, when we get the crib - we can put it here" or whatever, - and my MIL - the pushy one that insisted we get a crib for out there - says "I prefer the pack n play - that way we can move it when we need to" I didn't hear this part. Which is good. I would have WENT OFF - DH and I had mini fights over this stupid crib. Spent time shopping, finally found one on Amazon, then with all the shipping issues? Seriously? Not to mention - if we are having a girl - which we will find out in 4 weeks - I may want to buy something pretty for her. Since we need a second crib anyway! So now, we are just going to set the crib up at our house - and put him in the pack n play there. Screw it. I also had a talk with DH on the drive home, and we decided that we need to spend less time there. So - if we go up for 4th of July - we will stay for a couple days. Not 5. We have stuff to do at home too - just thought that my MIL would enjoy spending time with us, and her grandchild.

I'm starting to think the woman doesn't like me much. I mean - I've thought that before - but, now I"m really starting to think that. j

Sorry for the long rant - I probably sound like a spoiled little "b" - but, I really don't think we were unreasonable. Oh - and I would be willing to buy a new bed - or help with any renovations they want us to help with - physically or monitary. If I offered a new bed - she would just say there is nothign wrong with this one. Like Farkle - I have a quiet cup at home - and offered to bring it - and she says no - nothing wrong with the one she has.
__________________
Jenny - 37

Michael Joseph Born 1/14/11 at 2:46pm
Baby Christian - born into heaven at 22 weeks gestation - 7/14/12

Starting IVF/PGD - September 2012
47 eggs retrieved (OUCH!)
38 eggs mature
26 eggs fertilized
10 embryos biopsied
3 embryos - 2 boys, 1 girl are waiting to be transferred - transferring 1 boy 1 girl on first FET!!!

2/12/13 - FET - Cancelled due to fluid in the uterus
2/20/13 - Hysteroscopy scheduled - 1 polyp removed.

4/10/13 - FET - 2 embies transferred as planned! 1 boy 1 girl!
4/22/13 - Trying to wait to test - Beta scheduled!! -
7/31/13 - FET - 1 embie transferred - 1 boy
8/7/13 - 7dp5dt - - but very light
8/9/13 - 9dp5dt - - no mistaking this one!
8/12/13 - 1st Beta scheduled - 64
8/14/13 - 2nd Beta scheduled - only 10
03/03/14 - FET #3 - 1 embie transferred - 1 girl
3/11/14 - FAINT BFP
3/13/14 - HCG only 20.2
3/17/14 - HCG rose to 151!!!
3/20/14 - HCG rose again - 630! Nurse was in shock!
3/27/14 - Ultrasound scheduled - HB Found! 6w1d 124bpm
4/3/14 - Second Ultrasound - Still doing well!
4/14/14 - First OB appointment - looking good!
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  #2  
May 30th, 2012, 06:58 AM
Leanne78's Avatar Nov 2012 DDC Co-Host
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 9,498
Sorry you are dealing with all of this. There are many times when I am soooo glad that my inlaws lives on the other side of the country!
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  #3  
May 30th, 2012, 07:15 AM
Jennyt13's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 2,583
I just don't feel as loved as I have felt in the past. My son had a blast there - so overall, the trip was worth it. But - I feel like he could have just as much fun on a few local trips. There is so much to see by me - we don't have to go to the country, and be uncomfortable. I also feel like my MIL and DH disagree on alot - and there is alot of tension while we are there. I don't need to be around it. I have to stop assuming that because my MIL thinks my reasons are silly - that they are silly. I mean - the farkle can seems very petty - I know. But I was in a bedroom trying to sleep at 11:00 at night one time - and they were playing it, and I could not sleep because of it. Its silly I know - but, since I became a mother - I cannot go into a deep sleep anymore. I sleep with one ear open - ya know? So - I'm much better off at home. At least for the next 2 years or so!!

Lay it on me though - if anyone things I'm crazy - tell me so. I may defend myself - lol - but, I don't mind being told the honest truth.
__________________
Jenny - 37

Michael Joseph Born 1/14/11 at 2:46pm
Baby Christian - born into heaven at 22 weeks gestation - 7/14/12

Starting IVF/PGD - September 2012
47 eggs retrieved (OUCH!)
38 eggs mature
26 eggs fertilized
10 embryos biopsied
3 embryos - 2 boys, 1 girl are waiting to be transferred - transferring 1 boy 1 girl on first FET!!!

2/12/13 - FET - Cancelled due to fluid in the uterus
2/20/13 - Hysteroscopy scheduled - 1 polyp removed.

4/10/13 - FET - 2 embies transferred as planned! 1 boy 1 girl!
4/22/13 - Trying to wait to test - Beta scheduled!! -
7/31/13 - FET - 1 embie transferred - 1 boy
8/7/13 - 7dp5dt - - but very light
8/9/13 - 9dp5dt - - no mistaking this one!
8/12/13 - 1st Beta scheduled - 64
8/14/13 - 2nd Beta scheduled - only 10
03/03/14 - FET #3 - 1 embie transferred - 1 girl
3/11/14 - FAINT BFP
3/13/14 - HCG only 20.2
3/17/14 - HCG rose to 151!!!
3/20/14 - HCG rose again - 630! Nurse was in shock!
3/27/14 - Ultrasound scheduled - HB Found! 6w1d 124bpm
4/3/14 - Second Ultrasound - Still doing well!
4/14/14 - First OB appointment - looking good!
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  #4  
May 30th, 2012, 01:09 PM
canarycream's Avatar Experienced
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Orem, Utah
Posts: 610
you are crazy. crazy to let her get away with stuff, although, that is easy to say, especially since I couldn't do any kind of confrontation. I can't give you any advice, except good luck and keep doing as much as you can. I know it is just a good lesson to me to be a good MIL. Just remember, when you get to be a MIL, yours was a bad warning and not a good example. Yuck.
KrisCriss09 and kristap4 like this.
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  #5  
May 30th, 2012, 03:05 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Mill Creek, WA
Posts: 551
Bluntly put, I would put my foot down against that bull****, or I simply wouldn't go. People adjusting to a pregnant woman or woman with a new child can be cruel, but it will only continue if you let it. Like drugs, just say no.
KrisCriss09 likes this.
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  #6  
May 30th, 2012, 04:14 PM
Belita's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 12,105
It doesn't sound to me like you're being unreasonable. MILs can be so annoying! Mine just tries to make everything about her and her family and pawn all of her crap off on us. DH is a pack rat so if I didn't put my foot down we'd have even more junk around the house than we already do.
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  #7  
May 30th, 2012, 05:57 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 764
It doesn't sound like she is being very considerate. Almost seems like she is making it clear that you have to adjust to what she wants. You can either speak up and let her know that you aren't going to go and have continued sleepless nights in the current situation or let her treat you this way for the rest of her life. I would make a stand now or you are in for years of misery.
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  #8  
May 30th, 2012, 07:02 PM
newserenity's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 1,596
I think you guys need to distance yourself from them a little more for your sanity! When you do visit can you bring one of those tall, self-inflating air mattresses to sleep on? I have one that we bought for company and it's pretty comfy, even pregnant.
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  #9  
May 31st, 2012, 09:34 AM
Jennyt13's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 2,583
Thanks everyone - I didn't think I was really crazy thinking the way I do. But - sometimes pregnancy interfers with the reasonable side of me!

My MIL knows how I feel. When I was telling her how I felt - she didn't even look at me and would make snarky comments while she was on the computer. She just feels her way is right - regardless. I felt this way last year too - when Michael was only a few months old, and I was still nursing/pumping. It was just too much hassle for the treatment I get.

I told DH I would go for a couple of days - but there is NO WAY I'm spending MY vacation time tense, and stressed out because of my MIL. He gets so stressed too while we are there. Between her yelling at him, and me getting frustrated about the sleeping situation - its just no fun.

Oh - and one night - we had rented a movie. Do you know she sat in the chair right next to us - and made a phone call the minute the movie started, and talked loudly through it - and thought we were being unreasonable when we paused the movie to wait for her to be done? She was talking about TV shows to her neighbor back home, and was on the phone for 30+ minutes.

I guess she has made it clear. Its her house - her rules. So - I don't need to be there.
__________________
Jenny - 37

Michael Joseph Born 1/14/11 at 2:46pm
Baby Christian - born into heaven at 22 weeks gestation - 7/14/12

Starting IVF/PGD - September 2012
47 eggs retrieved (OUCH!)
38 eggs mature
26 eggs fertilized
10 embryos biopsied
3 embryos - 2 boys, 1 girl are waiting to be transferred - transferring 1 boy 1 girl on first FET!!!

2/12/13 - FET - Cancelled due to fluid in the uterus
2/20/13 - Hysteroscopy scheduled - 1 polyp removed.

4/10/13 - FET - 2 embies transferred as planned! 1 boy 1 girl!
4/22/13 - Trying to wait to test - Beta scheduled!! -
7/31/13 - FET - 1 embie transferred - 1 boy
8/7/13 - 7dp5dt - - but very light
8/9/13 - 9dp5dt - - no mistaking this one!
8/12/13 - 1st Beta scheduled - 64
8/14/13 - 2nd Beta scheduled - only 10
03/03/14 - FET #3 - 1 embie transferred - 1 girl
3/11/14 - FAINT BFP
3/13/14 - HCG only 20.2
3/17/14 - HCG rose to 151!!!
3/20/14 - HCG rose again - 630! Nurse was in shock!
3/27/14 - Ultrasound scheduled - HB Found! 6w1d 124bpm
4/3/14 - Second Ultrasound - Still doing well!
4/14/14 - First OB appointment - looking good!
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  #10  
May 31st, 2012, 10:29 AM
Mommyx12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Alabama
Posts: 7,031
I know it's hard for families to share space but you would think that since she is inviting you there to spend time with you all that she would make a little effort to make you feel welcome and be a little more considerate. In that situation, it is reasonable to expect to have to overlook people and have your routine and preference in some things compromised. But everyone should expect to make allowances. It's not right for her to expect everyone to accomodate to her. Seems like she could be a little more aware of how noisy she is being. I guess you all should consider yourselves lucky that she doesn't like to walk around nude, lol!
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  #11  
June 1st, 2012, 12:32 PM
Jennyt13's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 2,583
OMG Tammy!! If you saw my MIL you would realize how hillarious that comment was!!! YIKERS!

Ya, I I keep thinking - am I being unreasonable? Like is there anything I'm not seeing - that I may be doing - to make her react this way? We bring up all kinds of food, help cook, help clean up, we watch our son so she doesn't "have" to - if she watches him, its cause she is hanging out with him... one time we went out, and it was close to his bedtime. I just don't know if she feels I'm being disrespectful??

So - I told DH yesterday out of my spite and pettiness, as her and my FIL do come over to watch my baby - I know this was just mean. That she can take her birdfeeder home. Cause - I am sick of all the poop all over my patio, doors, house... and I was accomodating her by letting her bring it by, so that she can hang it and watch the birds with her grandson. But - since she won't accomodate me - she can take her birdfeeder and shove it.

I know - uncalled for. I'm sure DH feels like he is in the middle in some ways - he doesn't want his wife mad as his mother - nor the other way around. Plus, its incredibly helpful that she comes by my house to watch my baby (soon to be babies) - so I obvoiusly don't want to burn bridges.

After a few days of cooling off - I STILL FEEL PO'd that she acted this way - and I just have no desire to go out there. I wish I were the cause of it - that way, I could fix it. But - she is such a stubborn B - that I just can't take it!
__________________
Jenny - 37

Michael Joseph Born 1/14/11 at 2:46pm
Baby Christian - born into heaven at 22 weeks gestation - 7/14/12

Starting IVF/PGD - September 2012
47 eggs retrieved (OUCH!)
38 eggs mature
26 eggs fertilized
10 embryos biopsied
3 embryos - 2 boys, 1 girl are waiting to be transferred - transferring 1 boy 1 girl on first FET!!!

2/12/13 - FET - Cancelled due to fluid in the uterus
2/20/13 - Hysteroscopy scheduled - 1 polyp removed.

4/10/13 - FET - 2 embies transferred as planned! 1 boy 1 girl!
4/22/13 - Trying to wait to test - Beta scheduled!! -
7/31/13 - FET - 1 embie transferred - 1 boy
8/7/13 - 7dp5dt - - but very light
8/9/13 - 9dp5dt - - no mistaking this one!
8/12/13 - 1st Beta scheduled - 64
8/14/13 - 2nd Beta scheduled - only 10
03/03/14 - FET #3 - 1 embie transferred - 1 girl
3/11/14 - FAINT BFP
3/13/14 - HCG only 20.2
3/17/14 - HCG rose to 151!!!
3/20/14 - HCG rose again - 630! Nurse was in shock!
3/27/14 - Ultrasound scheduled - HB Found! 6w1d 124bpm
4/3/14 - Second Ultrasound - Still doing well!
4/14/14 - First OB appointment - looking good!
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