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Battling Guilt

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May 30th, 2012, 08:12 AM
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 70
Hey ladies! It's been a while since I've visited this forum. I've just been extremely busy. This is the reason for my post. I am at an all time high for momma guilt right now.

DS is 1 week away from being 5 months old. I can hardly believe it. We are still nursing (kind of). My supply has dropped dramatically. We nurse in the morning and then I pump 3 times during the day at work. During those 3 times, I only get about 3 ounces total. He usually eats 6 ounces. So I have my sitter mix in that 3 ounces with his formula the next day. At night, I bring him to breast but I have almost nothing so it more pisses him off than anything.

Starting yesterday and today, he acted hungry after nursing in the morning. So that means that my 1 time nursing a day is not even enough. I've had to give him a 4 ounce bottle after nursing the last two days. I am guilt ridden and stressed about it. I really wanted to make it to 6 months. Actually I wanted to exclusively breast feed for 6 months. We started some solids last week because he acts like he is starving all day long. I make my own from organic fruits and vegetables and we have had great success with that, but I still feel like a complete failure.

I had a breast reduction, so I know that has something to do with it. I'm eating lactation cookies from milkmakers.com and I think I'll try some fenugreek. I'm concerned that I'll dry up completely at the rate I'm going.

Being back at work full time, just buying a new house (without selling the one we are in :/), and this nursing nonsense has put my stress level through the roof. I don't really have a question, just wanted someone to talk to. DH is sick of me whining about it. He could care less if we just switch to 100% formula. (I give him Earth's Best Organic BTW)
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May 31st, 2012, 12:12 PM
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 101
U are not alone. To be quite honnest during my pregnancy i wasn't dead set on breastfeeding, but he was born 2 months preemie and to me that was the least i could do for him. Luckily I never had any production problem, i always had alot extra that i've been freezing since he was in the NICU but 2 weeks ago i had mastitis and was not able to breastfeed for 4 days and barely able to pump so my production has decreased by more then 1/2. I've gone back to see lactation consultants and the only solution is to stimulate my production, so we I have to go back to pumping 8 times per day (which i find impossible to find the time), and have been supplementing his feeds... I find this very upsetting, we worked so hard to have the supply he would need from the time he was in the NICU, he was tongue tied so we had to have it clipped and I had blocked ducts in my right breast then mastitis most recently... My friends and family keep saying just switch to formula but I didn't work so hard for nothing and I love the bonding time I get with my DS. I love when he looks up at me mid-end of feed and smiles... The consultants that I've seen told me that stress plays a huge part in my production and its my body's way of saying i need to slow down. Im going to try at least for the next week to find the time to pump 8 times per day and praying this does the trick...
In the end as long as your baby is healthy and happy thats whats important but i do understand your frustration and hope it gets better.
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