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Ok so most of you know I dont get along with my family that well ok actually my parents ok actually my mom. My brother and my sister in law Im cool with and my extended family Im cool with we never see each other but Its all good. I found out my mom was out of town the other day and I called my dad to talk to him First time In a year now I think. Which went well It went great actually we dont always see eye to eye but I respect my dad.
Well my mom found out I called him and now shes hammering my facebook with privet messages about how I "need to call her to" and we "need to talk" and that we have "important things that cant be avoided" which by the way i can pretty much geruntee is abut how im a total disgrace to the family having a baby out of wedlock and how iv fallen from gods grace and must come home and repent for my sins. basically some form of dissertation about how I am evil disgraceful and under the devils influence oh and that my boyfriend is one of Satan's minions these sorts of speeches being 1 of the reasons I you know dont freaking talk to her.
Normally I would delete the messages and block her which Iv already done b4 she made a new facebook just to send me PM's about how I have to talk to her. But the baby thing Has me confused My boyfriend Has no immediate family they are all dead. so If Im not talking to my family My kid has no grandparents. Plus I dont hate my dad I think my dad would make a great granddad I think he made A great dad but theres no dad without mom and I hate her. I know that sounds so 16 ugg my mom is crazy I totally hate that lady. But seriously I stopped talking to this woman for a year and a half tried giving her a second chance because my boyfriend said I would regret it later in life and couldn't make it 3 months. I haven't talked to her for over a year since then and now and shes making fake Facebook accounts just so she can message people who have blocked her to yell at them for not communicating.
BUt im not sure anymore I know I dont want to have anything to do with her but Is it worth just putting up with her so my baby has grandparents? really more importantly Is it mean to keep my dad away from his first grandchild because I cant get along with my mom?
I am of the belief that giving people a chance is a good thing- perhaps now that you are going to be a mommy you two can be close. I know people who have been through the same thing & now get along great, but I know the opposite is a possibility. If you try and find that you and your mom can't get along & it's just giving you more stress, I would not keep trying for the baby's sake- he/she will be upset that their grandma is hurting you and it wouldn't be good for anyone. As for your dad, if your mom & you don't start getting along, just let him know that he is more than welcome to see the baby all he wants - from there it would be on him to get involved if he chooses to.
None of my children have grandparents (although it would be nice)- my parents have passed on & their paternal grandparents don't have anything to do with them. I think they miss out on something, but they haven't died because of it. I hope you come to a decision that helps you
Thank you Katie (.:Shortcake:.) for my beautiful siggy!!
That would be hard. I can completely understand why it would be difficult to have a relationship with your mom. I would try to find a way to co-exist possibly unless she really steps over the line... But try to include your dad as much as possible since it doesnt sound like he's much of an issue...
Well, I have a different perspective.
If your issues with your mother are serious enough that you don't want her in your life, why on earth would you want her in your child's life?
You having a child won't turn her into a different person.
And the incessant facebook messaging just goes to show what she's truly upset about is the fact she couldn't control you talking to your dad without her around.
I don't know why you would have her on facebook if you don't talk her anyway.
People who have decent or mostly decent families/mothers cannot understand what it is like to grow up with someone abusive or whatever the issue is with her. If it's just a matter of personality clashes, that entirely different. Ultimately, you will know in your heart what is right for you. Because you being happy is more important for your child than anything.
I think it's worth giving her another chance, heck maybe even a few more chances. There is always a moment when enough is enough though. I don't think you should be upset that she uses fake account names to talk to you. Although it may seem sneaky and of course like she is hunting you down to pick on you... but if she goes through the trouble of doing all that then deep down she must really care about you. It sounds like something has hurt her and she is bitter over it. Maybe it is all the religious aspects of having children outside of marriage, but that is something the 2 of you can work out with words. I could help guide you on things you could say if you need help.
I hope it goes your way, and good luck with whatever you choose.
I can see both sides letting her in your life and keeping her out. The relationship she has with you is not nesacarily the same as your baby. My mom and I had some issues growing up but she is great with my kids. Our issues don't sound like yours though, but there is always the chance that she will step up and be an awesome Grandma. I think you should try for now on your terms, if you two have no plans of getting married let her know and tell her it is something you are not willing to discuss with her. Good luck!
I think this 1 is going to take me a while to decide
I guess I could try setting bounderies or just pullling out agin if she goes all crazy but if she goes all crazy on my kid when im in the other room or something I might not know which would totaly suck.
I think so far I like the Idea of just finding a way to talk to my dad agin and telling him he is welcome to come if he wants but then she will problly try and find a way to show up to.
ugg I dont know maybe I should just forget about the grand parent thing I mean we live in different states anyway so They problly wouldnt see them that often even if we were on happily ever after terms. maby i can just convince my brother to come see the little One ever couple years and problem solved it has a cool aunt and uncle maby even a cusin in a few more years so who needs a crazy grandma.
maby my first bet should be to call her and just see how the phone conversation goes but if it goes badly Ill have to change phone numbers agin and block all her fake accounts. plus deal with being preger and pissed becuse I did something I should have known better then.
im so lost this would have been easy before if ever fiber of you being says dont do it then dont freaking do it. but now I feel really guilty about it I think Im just being to emotional. maby I should just wait a week or to and make a real decision before i go jumping on the "Im going to have a baby so obviously everyone is going to become a wonderfull person and the streets are made of lolipops" train.
Have you tried talking to her about the calling snd facebook messaging? Does she drink or have some sort of mental disorder( I am serious).
Her behaviour sounds very strange. I would try talking to her and letting her know how her behaviour makes you feel and tell her whatbyounwill and won't accept.
I think it depends on why you aren't talking to her. If she is a toxic person with major issues and she will not be good for the baby, then I would stay away from her. If the two of you just have some differences to sort out, I think it would be worth talking with her, setting boundaries and discussing what the two of you want for your relationship and what you want for her relationship with your baby.
Just because someone is family, doesn't make it ok to be around them especially if they are toxic and have serious problems which could cause mental, emotional or even physical harm to someone.
I hope you can get things resolved