Log In Sign Up

Family stress


Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Like Tree3Likes
  • 2 Post By 3kids3cats
  • 1 Post By BlndGrl8

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To 2012 Playroom LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
June 1st, 2012, 05:09 PM
NewGurl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 2,344
Ok so most of you know I dont get along with my family that well ok actually my parents ok actually my mom. My brother and my sister in law Im cool with and my extended family Im cool with we never see each other but Its all good. I found out my mom was out of town the other day and I called my dad to talk to him First time In a year now I think. Which went well It went great actually we dont always see eye to eye but I respect my dad.

Well my mom found out I called him and now shes hammering my facebook with privet messages about how I "need to call her to" and we "need to talk" and that we have "important things that cant be avoided" which by the way i can pretty much geruntee is abut how im a total disgrace to the family having a baby out of wedlock and how iv fallen from gods grace and must come home and repent for my sins. basically some form of dissertation about how I am evil disgraceful and under the devils influence oh and that my boyfriend is one of Satan's minions these sorts of speeches being 1 of the reasons I you know dont freaking talk to her.

Normally I would delete the messages and block her which Iv already done b4 she made a new facebook just to send me PM's about how I have to talk to her. But the baby thing Has me confused My boyfriend Has no immediate family they are all dead. so If Im not talking to my family My kid has no grandparents. Plus I dont hate my dad I think my dad would make a great granddad I think he made A great dad but theres no dad without mom and I hate her. I know that sounds so 16 ugg my mom is crazy I totally hate that lady. But seriously I stopped talking to this woman for a year and a half tried giving her a second chance because my boyfriend said I would regret it later in life and couldn't make it 3 months. I haven't talked to her for over a year since then and now and shes making fake Facebook accounts just so she can message people who have blocked her to yell at them for not communicating.

BUt im not sure anymore I know I dont want to have anything to do with her but Is it worth just putting up with her so my baby has grandparents? really more importantly Is it mean to keep my dad away from his first grandchild because I cant get along with my mom?
__________________


Reply With Quote
  #2  
June 1st, 2012, 05:32 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,238
I am of the belief that giving people a chance is a good thing- perhaps now that you are going to be a mommy you two can be close. I know people who have been through the same thing & now get along great, but I know the opposite is a possibility. If you try and find that you and your mom can't get along & it's just giving you more stress, I would not keep trying for the baby's sake- he/she will be upset that their grandma is hurting you and it wouldn't be good for anyone. As for your dad, if your mom & you don't start getting along, just let him know that he is more than welcome to see the baby all he wants - from there it would be on him to get involved if he chooses to.

None of my children have grandparents (although it would be nice)- my parents have passed on & their paternal grandparents don't have anything to do with them. I think they miss out on something, but they haven't died because of it. I hope you come to a decision that helps you
__________________

Thank you Katie (.:Shortcake:.) for my beautiful siggy!!

Reply With Quote
  #3  
June 1st, 2012, 06:54 PM
Alaska Baby14's Avatar Gonna be a family of 4!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Eagle River, Alaska
Posts: 1,390
That would be hard. I can completely understand why it would be difficult to have a relationship with your mom. I would try to find a way to co-exist possibly unless she really steps over the line... But try to include your dad as much as possible since it doesnt sound like he's much of an issue...

good luck hun.
__________________
*Jessica*









<3
Reply With Quote
  #4  
June 1st, 2012, 09:59 PM
Nicole1481's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,219
Moms are people too Maybe a second chance with some boundaries would work?
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #5  
June 1st, 2012, 10:07 PM
3kids3cats's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,268
Well, I have a different perspective.
If your issues with your mother are serious enough that you don't want her in your life, why on earth would you want her in your child's life?
You having a child won't turn her into a different person.
And the incessant facebook messaging just goes to show what she's truly upset about is the fact she couldn't control you talking to your dad without her around.
I don't know why you would have her on facebook if you don't talk her anyway.

People who have decent or mostly decent families/mothers cannot understand what it is like to grow up with someone abusive or whatever the issue is with her. If it's just a matter of personality clashes, that entirely different. Ultimately, you will know in your heart what is right for you. Because you being happy is more important for your child than anything.
Good luck!
Almondeyes and kristap4 like this.
__________________
Arwen~Proud Mommy of 3 Sweet Girls



Reply With Quote
  #6  
June 1st, 2012, 10:17 PM
Ame C's Avatar Every breath is a gift.
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,814
I think it's worth giving her another chance, heck maybe even a few more chances. There is always a moment when enough is enough though. I don't think you should be upset that she uses fake account names to talk to you. Although it may seem sneaky and of course like she is hunting you down to pick on you... but if she goes through the trouble of doing all that then deep down she must really care about you. It sounds like something has hurt her and she is bitter over it. Maybe it is all the religious aspects of having children outside of marriage, but that is something the 2 of you can work out with words. I could help guide you on things you could say if you need help.
I hope it goes your way, and good luck with whatever you choose.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #7  
June 2nd, 2012, 06:26 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 802
I can see both sides letting her in your life and keeping her out. The relationship she has with you is not nesacarily the same as your baby. My mom and I had some issues growing up but she is great with my kids. Our issues don't sound like yours though, but there is always the chance that she will step up and be an awesome Grandma. I think you should try for now on your terms, if you two have no plans of getting married let her know and tell her it is something you are not willing to discuss with her. Good luck!
__________________
Cindy mom to Steven, Justin, Rachyl, Joey, Rebecca, Jacob, Ryan, & Matthew.







Reply With Quote
  #8  
June 2nd, 2012, 08:18 AM
NewGurl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 2,344
I think this 1 is going to take me a while to decide

I guess I could try setting bounderies or just pullling out agin if she goes all crazy but if she goes all crazy on my kid when im in the other room or something I might not know which would totaly suck.

I think so far I like the Idea of just finding a way to talk to my dad agin and telling him he is welcome to come if he wants but then she will problly try and find a way to show up to.

ugg I dont know maybe I should just forget about the grand parent thing I mean we live in different states anyway so They problly wouldnt see them that often even if we were on happily ever after terms. maby i can just convince my brother to come see the little One ever couple years and problem solved it has a cool aunt and uncle maby even a cusin in a few more years so who needs a crazy grandma.

maby my first bet should be to call her and just see how the phone conversation goes but if it goes badly Ill have to change phone numbers agin and block all her fake accounts. plus deal with being preger and pissed becuse I did something I should have known better then.

im so lost this would have been easy before if ever fiber of you being says dont do it then dont freaking do it. but now I feel really guilty about it I think Im just being to emotional. maby I should just wait a week or to and make a real decision before i go jumping on the "Im going to have a baby so obviously everyone is going to become a wonderfull person and the streets are made of lolipops" train.
__________________


Reply With Quote
  #9  
June 2nd, 2012, 09:40 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 764
Have you tried talking to her about the calling snd facebook messaging? Does she drink or have some sort of mental disorder( I am serious).
Her behaviour sounds very strange. I would try talking to her and letting her know how her behaviour makes you feel and tell her whatbyounwill and won't accept.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
June 2nd, 2012, 04:16 PM
BlndGrl8's Avatar Kaitlin & Cameron's Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,034
I think it depends on why you aren't talking to her. If she is a toxic person with major issues and she will not be good for the baby, then I would stay away from her. If the two of you just have some differences to sort out, I think it would be worth talking with her, setting boundaries and discussing what the two of you want for your relationship and what you want for her relationship with your baby.
Just because someone is family, doesn't make it ok to be around them especially if they are toxic and have serious problems which could cause mental, emotional or even physical harm to someone.
I hope you can get things resolved
3kids3cats likes this.
__________________
Thank you Vicki... for my siggy!!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:06 PM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0