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  #1  
June 4th, 2012, 07:28 PM
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I know some of you have older kids so figured i would ask and see what happens... MY 9 y/o daughter has been asking about how the baby comes out of my belly. She thinks that it comes out my butt or my belly button... Then she asks what sex is.... My mom never had "the talk" with me, i learned from friends and my cousin wasn't shy and would answer any questions i had, but i was a teenager before i even wanted to know anything... Any one have advice on how I should talk to her next time she asks? My friend thinks I should get a book and let her read it, but I want something more "formal" where she knows its ok to ask questions.. Just not sure how to keep it at her level...

Also she has older half sisters that breast feed so she asked me a few times why the girls let the baby suck on their boobies... So i explaind breast feeding to her and that the milk comes out of the nipples and that is how the baby eats... Well that totally grossed her out and next time some one was pregnant, she refused to get near them, even if the baby was kicking and they took her hand to place and feel the baby... She wanted nothing to do with any of it... Even now she is hesitant to get to close to me, but she is getting better... So i really don't know what to say to her that won't gross her out that bad again....
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  #2  
June 4th, 2012, 07:34 PM
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My mom was very very open with me. I dont have older kids but I loved the fact that I could go to my mom and ask her questions. That being said. I think 9 is a little young to go into full details with I was 12 and just started my period when mom told me the facts. You could do something along the lines of When a man and women fall in love they get married and have babys and if your very big into religion use that to help expliain it. I would hide it from her, but I would also make sure shes conferable with talking to you about it and not push it untill you have to. Let me know how it goes if you want some more indetail dont be affraid to PM on fb or here!!
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  #3  
June 4th, 2012, 07:56 PM
Alaska Baby14's Avatar Gonna be a family of 4!
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I dont have any kids, but my ex had a daughter that was 13 when we met and she still comes to me with all the awesome questions.. it started off with "Do your tongues touch when you make out" lol at least she was reaching teenager age.. my mom didn't have the talk with me til I was 12.. so I would try to hold off on giving her the "real" details until she's older.. Its great that she's coming to you.. hopefully it continues as she gets older... I'd tell her something like when a man and woman love eachother, a baby is born out of love.. I dunno.. lol good luck tho!
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  #4  
June 4th, 2012, 08:25 PM
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My sister just had a baby and my 7YO was visiting her after the baby was born. She asked my sister how the baby got in her belly and how he got out. My sister answered her questions (I wasnt there at the time) We talked about it later and she understood and wasnt curious anymore after the initial questions. So I would just talk openly with your daughter.
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  #5  
June 4th, 2012, 08:38 PM
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granted I dont have a little one yet so my opinion is take it or leave it but Iv always been a fan of answer what they ask. If your kid Is mature enough to formulate the question they are probably mature enough to hear the answer. doesnt mean you have to go full out sex talk anything can be told kid friendly if they question the details they are probably ready if they go eww and run away at least they know youll talk to them when they are ready for the details. And lets face it they will probably get the answer somewhere soon enough. Id rather it be an informed answer then a middle school lunch table answer.
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  #6  
June 4th, 2012, 09:01 PM
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I would probaby tell her the very basics without going into details. Baby grows in the uterus then comes out the vagina when it is ready. She probably doesn't want details just to know how the heck that baby is coming out. The truth is better than her thinking you are going to poop out the baby.
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  #7  
June 4th, 2012, 09:16 PM
Country928's Avatar Marisa
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i have always been taught to ask questions and they will be answered. I would explain in details she understands but not full blown. i got the talk when i was about 12/13. and still go to my mom for questions. My dd is only 6 so i havent been through this with her.
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  #8  
June 4th, 2012, 09:16 PM
*Ade*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I recently had the discussion of how baby gets out with my 6 year old. We have a book called "my moms having a baby". It's a pretty controversial book, there are some parts with a lot if detail. We skipped a few pages. Anyway, we talked a little about the anatomy, I told her moms have eggs and dads have sperm and when those two meet a baby starts growing. She didn't ask questions of how they meet, which was a relief for me. In the book there are pictures of the body so it was easy to show her how everything is connected and why the baby would come put of the vagina.
With all that said-my daughter isn't very inquisitive. She's a very smart girl- learns quickly, things come so natural for her. But she doesn't ask a lot of questions. The reason we had the discussion is because she was hoping she could be in the room when the baby is born. I thought about it for a hit, and u figured if I can give her a good enough explanation so she is prepared, I have no problem her being there. I even explained to her that as the baby is getting ready to come out, it can be very painful for mommy, and it's not going to be an easy time.
Anyway, sorry for my babbling. Just be open and honest within your comfort zone. Good luck!
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  #9  
June 4th, 2012, 09:33 PM
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My oldest is 8. A few weeks after she turned 8, we had "the talk." I bought her 2 age-appropriate books with cartoonish illustrations & labels and a very basic explanation. First I let her look through them, then we read them together and she asked my any questions she had.
She has been curious for awhile and I believe in being open about things. I was 8 when I learned. She has known where/how a baby comes out and about her period etc for a long time, but she only recently wanted to know how the baby got in there.
When you open a dialogue with them when they are young, you can teach them the correct things instead of them learning from peers or wherever. Also, they know they can come to you about anything important and that you will be honest and there for them.
I think it's a mistake not to address a child's questions. Sex & reproduction are a natural part of life. If we shroud it in too much mystery, it's easy to go searching outside of the family for answers and/or to think of sex as being dirty and I don't want that.
Good luck!

Just a little funny...when we were done looking at the one book with an illustration of a naked lady, she looked at me and said: "I think boys would really like to see this!"
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  #10  
June 4th, 2012, 09:42 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Antrim View Post
I would probaby tell her the very basics without going into details. Baby grows in the uterus then comes out the vagina when it is ready. She probably doesn't want details just to know how the heck that baby is coming out. The truth is better than her thinking you are going to poop out the baby.
LOL - DH said the same thing. He wanted me to run in and talk to her so she isn't thinking that i am having the baby everytime i go into the bathroom to poop... I do have to answer them, just needed to think about what the heck i need to say to it won't gross her out and that is her level.
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  #11  
June 4th, 2012, 09:47 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *Ade* View Post
I recently had the discussion of how baby gets out with my 6 year old. We have a book called "my moms having a baby". It's a pretty controversial book, there are some parts with a lot if detail. We skipped a few pages. Anyway, we talked a little about the anatomy, I told her moms have eggs and dads have sperm and when those two meet a baby starts growing. She didn't ask questions of how they meet, which was a relief for me. In the book there are pictures of the body so it was easy to show her how everything is connected and why the baby would come put of the vagina.
With all that said-my daughter isn't very inquisitive. She's a very smart girl- learns quickly, things come so natural for her. But she doesn't ask a lot of questions. The reason we had the discussion is because she was hoping she could be in the room when the baby is born. I thought about it for a hit, and u figured if I can give her a good enough explanation so she is prepared, I have no problem her being there. I even explained to her that as the baby is getting ready to come out, it can be very painful for mommy, and it's not going to be an easy time.
Anyway, sorry for my babbling. Just be open and honest within your comfort zone. Good luck!
Can I get that book at the library? Maybe I will check out amazon.
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  #12  
June 4th, 2012, 09:56 PM
sandpaper06's Avatar Mom of 3 darlings
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I don't have older kids myself, but I have a lot of nieces and nephews. My family has always answered the question at an age appropriate level. If my 6 yo niece were to ask, i would tell her that girls have special body parts (a uterus to grow the baby and a vagina to get the baby out. Most of my nephews know at the very least that girls have a separate "hole" for pee, poo and babies, even if they don't use the correct term for each.
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  #13  
June 4th, 2012, 10:08 PM
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I am a big fan of answering my kids questions openly and frankly. I don't want them to get incorrect info elsewhere, like I did. My 8yr old asked before my ten year old did, so I answered his questions and then told my then 9yr old that his brother had asked some questions about sex and babies and invited him to ask questions if he wanted to know the answers too. He was curious so we covered the basics and left the talk at if you think of anything else just ask...When I was a teenager my brother (13yrs younger than me and 3-4 at the time) asked me where he came from, I said "Mommy's belly" and his eyes got real wide and he whimpered "Mommy ATE me?!?!?" I wimped out and told him to ask Mom!
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  #14  
June 4th, 2012, 10:17 PM
*Ade*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kristap4 View Post
Can I get that book at the library? Maybe I will check out amazon.
I doubt you can get it at your library. It's the number one banned book from schools/libraries in the country. It's not a bad book, honestly, but I can see why they wouldn't necessarily want it available to just anybody. We got ours on amazon. If you are comfortable with her knowing about sex, then you won't have to worry about skipping pages like I did. I skipped the sex page because Im not quite ready to give all the details to my 6 year old, and since she hadn't asked yet, it was no biggie.
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  #15  
June 4th, 2012, 10:31 PM
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Show her simple anatomy pictures. Point out the basics- heart, lungs, etc then move down. If you describe the parts like they are just more normal body parts with functions she will take it as normal. Describe the uterus as the warm safe place for baby to grow , the cervix/vagina as the doorway/ exit to the world that the baby can open when grown and strong enough to come out. Just say it flexes like a muscle to open for just enough time for baby to come out.
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  #16  
June 4th, 2012, 10:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *Ade* View Post
I doubt you can get it at your library. It's the number one banned book from schools/libraries in the country. It's not a bad book, honestly, but I can see why they wouldn't necessarily want it available to just anybody. We got ours on amazon. If you are comfortable with her knowing about sex, then you won't have to worry about skipping pages like I did. I skipped the sex page because Im not quite ready to give all the details to my 6 year old, and since she hadn't asked yet, it was no biggie.
Thanks. I found it on amazon but want to talk to DH first. She is very smart and listens to EVERYTHING. I know she will be asking again and I don't want to change the subject again, I want to be prepared. She will keep asking until she gets an answer. I know it isn't the last i've heard of it. I have a friend that lives in VA that she sometimes chats with if I allow her to go online, so I have to answer it for her before she asks my friend. My friend doesn't have older kids and just has younger boys, so she will think nothing about going into detail with her.

Not sure I want to do the book thing or just talk to her, but I think pictures will help her understand more. I thought I had a few more years before needing to get into this.. Plus I know she rides the bus with older kids so I'm not sure if she had heard something in school/bus or if it is just because i'm pregnant. The other kids were around when she asked so that was another reason I changed the subject.

DH agrees we need to talk to her, but he doesn't want to be apart of it. I want her to know that she can also talk to daddy if i'm not around. She is a big daddy's girl and has asked him about periods but he told her to come talk to me. Definately not how I wanted him to react because she needs to know she can talk to us both.
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  #17  
June 4th, 2012, 10:39 PM
*Ade*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Yeah-you should definitely be prepared regardless of how you approach it. But I think your husband should be a part of it. It may feel awkward for him, but sometimes that's the case when you're a parent good luck, whatever you decide to do.
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  #18  
June 4th, 2012, 10:47 PM
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Ugh, my oldest just turned 5 and he's been asking a ton of questions this time about how a baby gets in my belly and how it comes out. He even came up with his own conclusion that "daddy filled my belly up with eggs" and after seeing tv show fake births that the doctor pulls the baby out of your butt. I told him it does not come out of your butt but I didn't know what to really tell him. So now hes adamant he's coming to the hospital with me to see how the doctors get the baby out!
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  #19  
June 4th, 2012, 11:05 PM
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I used this one: Amazon.com: Changing You: A Guide to Body Changes and Sexuality: Gail Saltz, Lynne Avril Cravath: Books

And this one: http://www.amazon.com/Whats-Big-Secr...ref=pd_sim_b_5

Also got her this one for body care etc: http://www.amazon.com/Care-Keeping-A...8871995&sr=1-1

I personally don't think your DH has to be part of it--whichever one of you feels most comfortable is just fine. I have no issues talking to her about this stuff, and DH wants nothing to do with it, so no big deal. We talked at length afterwards about what Angelina & I discussed and how I presented things. We are on the same page and he will answer questions if asked, but I am comfortable with being the main one they come to with this stuff.
I even got this book for Lorelai at the same time (she'll be 4 at the end of the month). It's about having a baby and she just loves it. Amazon.com: How You Were Born (9780688120610): Joanna Cole, Margaret Miller: Books
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  #20  
June 5th, 2012, 06:04 AM
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When my daughter was 8 the questions she would ask told me she needed the talk. A basic talk. She needed to know what sex was from me and not from her friends or classmates. To prepare myself I bought this book: Amazon.com: Talking to Your Kids About Sex: turning "the talk" into a conversation for life (9780756657383): Laura Berman: Books

For her I bought her this: Amazon.com: The Care & Keeping Collection (American Girl) (9781593697631): Dr. Lynda Madison, Norm Bendell: Books (Arwen posted a link for one of the books from this collection.)

She loves the American Girl books as do I. I think they really make it all easy for them to understand.


I didn't want to do what my mom did. I had a pamphlet about sex sitting on my pillow one day. That was the extent of the talk I got. With Karen we had a little special mother daughter date. We picked up lunch, took it too the park and had a picnic. I gave her a very basic talk. We talked about how a womans body worked, how a mans body works and how the two come together to have sex. I stressed that this is something a married couple do. We also discussed things such as the changes her body will start to go through ver the next 5 years or so. She handled every thing I told her very maturly which was proof that she was ready for everything I told her. I also stressed that this is something that she is not to discuss with her friends. That they don't need to learn about this subject from her and that they need to go to thier parents. I also told her that she would hear things regarding sex from friends that could be true but they may also not be true. I told her many times that she can come to me any time with questions she has about sex. We also discussed things such as conception and birth. We actually had a very nice time. She asked questions as we talked and I answered them. After our talk I gave her the American Girl Collection that I posted the link to. I told her as she reads she may have other questions and I would always be willing to answer any thing. She loved the books and read them all in a matter of a week!
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