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Baby Shower Vent

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  • 3 Post By Leanne78

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July 17th, 2012, 08:30 PM
rachkel's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: California
Posts: 872
OMG.... As some of you may have read in the Baby Shower thread started yesterday, I'm dealing with a difficult host. My mom offered to throw the shower a while ago, and is now making me do all the foot work. I'm in charge of ordering the invites, of getting all the RSVPs, of finding a venue, ect... and I'm getting tired of it.

So basically here's what pissed me off. I'm getting the invites off of Vistaprint. They have a 50% off thing going on, and I can get 50 personalized invitations with matching envelopes for like $36... jackpot! Anyway, yesterday when asking my mom how she wanted people to RSVP... whether it was to her by phone, or email or Facebook, ect, she told me that since she works all day she can't be responsible for the RSVPs and that they should all just RSVP to me. Umm... ok, whatever. And then she decided she didn't want to have the shower at the house. I told her we had to decide on a venue stat so I can get these ordered so we can send them out at the beginning of August. She talked about renting out a hall, and I said even a park would be fine. Which leads to today's issue...

I asked her what park her friend had her shower at, and she wasn't sure. So I looked up a couple, and then she all of a sudden remembered. I looked at all the fees ($195 to rent the space! What the what?! $100 is refundable though, but still....), and she seemed fine with it. I asked her if she wanted me to write down the number for her, and she said "Well I can't call during the week. I work all day". I suggested a call on her lunch break, and she got all huffy. Then I told her to have my sister call since she agreed last night to help with the shower (I had to ask her to do that, my mom refused to make that call too). And my mom just stared at me. I told her that I was highly uncomfortable planning my own shower, and thats whats happening. I'm buying the invites, I'm in charge of RSVPs, I'm starting to do everything and that makes me feel uncomfortable and weird. I told her I felt it was tacky and I wasn't going to do it. I asked her, yet again, if she wanted me to find someone else to throw the shower. Her answer was "Well can't your gramma call this park during the day?". I told her no, because that meant that I'd basically be making the call because my gramma won't know what to say or ask. She then snapped at me and told me to write the number down and walked away.

I mean, come on! I wish she would just say that she doesn't want to plan this and step down. I'm getting so tired of this crap!!!
Rachel & Joe 10.21.11
Joined by Oliver Philip 11.9.12

Visit my blog! Lots of health and fitness insights... including pregnancy!


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July 17th, 2012, 09:38 PM
3kids3cats's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,268
I think you need to say just that to her!
In your situation I would do it myself or if you have someone else who wants to throw it, let them do it.

I feel for you. I had a very similar situation with my mom and my shower for my 1st baby.
I had these 2 lovely friends that were hosting the shower--well when my mom found out about that, she insisted that she be the one to host. She just wanted it to be *her* name on the invitation. Well then she pulled the same kind of attitude your mom has, so I ended up having to do almost everything for my own shower. Thankfully my 2 friends provided the space and the food, but I had to do the invites, the games, favors etc.
My mom & I had a very strained relationship anyway, and this didn't help. (She left when I was 10 & I didn't see her again until I was 17 & it was me who sought her out). She's the kind of person who wants all the credit and wants to look like she does all this great stuff, but in reality, she is a pretty crappy person and an especially terrible mom. She actually suffered 2 brain aneurysms & a stroke about 2 years ago, and with that I let go of all the anger I had held onto for years, but she's still as annoying as ever. I just don't let it bother me anymore. We only hear from her when it's a birthday or major holiday. And I'm okay with that!
Arwen~Proud Mommy of 3 Sweet Girls

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July 17th, 2012, 09:49 PM
Averysmama1101's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Beaumont Texas
Posts: 730
Hmm, I agree that you really should tell her how you feel about all this. She may not even think she's doing anything wrong. When I did my best friends shower I asked her if there was a certain theme she had her heart set on, and for the addresses for guests. That's about all she had to do with it. She just showed up, ate cake and fruit and opened gifts, lol. Talk to her, she might understand if you explain it to her.

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July 18th, 2012, 06:33 AM
Leanne78's Avatar Nov 2012 DDC Co-Host
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 9,498
Time to find someone else to throw the shower. It's obvious she doesn't want to do anything and you should not be having to do all of this. You've already told her you are uncomfortable planning this and that you feel it is tacky, so I'm not sure what more you can say to her. You told you how you feel and it didn't appear to make any impact. A lot of us work during the day and can still find the time to make a call on a break. She is just being totally unreasonable. I would just tell her you appreciate the original sentiment of her throwing you a shower, but it's obvious that she doesn't have the time or resources to actually pull it off and since you are uncomfortable planning your own shower, you are going to find someone else who does have time to do it. I know it's easier said than done, but she sounds unreasonable enough, that if it was my mom, I'd have no problem firing her.

Last edited by Leanne78; July 18th, 2012 at 06:41 AM.
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July 18th, 2012, 07:38 AM
Belita's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 12,105
I agree with Amber. Sorry this event that should be happy for you is turning into such a headache.

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July 18th, 2012, 08:03 AM
kristiemarie518's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,551
Uh she does realize she's not throwing you anything except under the bus, right? I'd just tell her you appreciate her offer but you'll just do it.

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July 18th, 2012, 08:35 AM
white.house's Avatar Kelli
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Southeastern, USA
Posts: 11,407
Ohhhh I'd be fuming! I agree with Amber. I'd be done with micro-managing HER throwing YOUR shower. Just her attitude kills me... she should be more than happy to plan this for her future grandbaby!

eli grey [9.15.10]
jude lawrence [11.9.12]
forever loving our best girl, finley [born still 10.30.11]
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July 18th, 2012, 08:52 AM
Enceinte2012's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 852
My stepmother planned my first baby shower - and my mother wasn't even invited cause she is such a PITA. It worked out rather well!

Sorry you are going through this. Just speak your mind on the matter - you should NOT be doing all (if any!) of the work

Proud Mommy to Amber and Addyson

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July 18th, 2012, 11:57 AM
newserenity's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 1,596
Geez, why did she even offer to host the shower? Sorry you are dealing with this. I think you need someone else to do it!
Michelle, Wife to Sean & Mommy to three sweet girls and one little boy!

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July 18th, 2012, 12:08 PM
Alaska Baby14's Avatar Gonna be a family of 4!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Eagle River, Alaska
Posts: 1,390
she seems like she's overwhelmed.. maybe she thought throwing a shower would be "easy" and now she's second guessing herself and putting it all on you, which isnt fair to you... wish I could offer ya a solution! Good Luck!

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July 18th, 2012, 12:10 PM
Country928's Avatar Marisa
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Brooksville, Florida
Posts: 1,335
Sorry your dealing with this. Hopefully it gets better.
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July 18th, 2012, 03:46 PM
rachkel's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: California
Posts: 872
Thanks ladies

I think we'll have another chat tonight when she gets off of work. My mom has this need to be the center of attention. Which is why I think she offered to throw the shower in the first place. My whole family is getting tired of her attitude lately. If something doesn't revolve around her, she throws a fit. Last night at dinner, she spent the entire time talking about her work "drama". Didn't even bother to ask about my ultrasound, my grammas doctors appointment, or anything else. She literally reminds me of a self-involved teenager.

I ended up calling the park this afternoon, and the guy was no help. But, we did discover that the park has initiated a $5 parking fee. So on top of the $195 that we think is the minimum we'd have to spend to rent the park, everyone would have to pay to park? Yeah, no thanks. So my gramma and I made the executive decision to just hold the party at the house. We'll see how that goes over tonight with the mother...

I know I say this often, but I cannot wait for my husband to come home! Then I can live in semi-peace without my mother.
Rachel & Joe 10.21.11
Joined by Oliver Philip 11.9.12

Visit my blog! Lots of health and fitness insights... including pregnancy!


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