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'D'H is totally uninterested in anything to do with the baby

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  • 1 Post By rhettsmum

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July 21st, 2012, 08:12 AM
rhettsmum's Avatar Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 28
So I don't know if this is just a case of him not feeling involved, but my husband has never once since we saw the double pink lines on the test asked me how I'm feeling or how my appt went. Or anything. We did talk about names and a few days later he told me a name he really liked that wasn't on our list. And that's pretty much it.
I ran into his sister a few days ago and she said she had been asking him a bunch of stuff about if I was a C-section or VBAC, what hospital we'd be at, how the baby was, etc. And pretty much all he knew was the hospital. We laughed about it, but I'm really hurt that it didn't jump start something in his brain to say 'Oh, I SHOULD know this stuff, I better ask.'
Yesterday I mentioned twice about having my appt and he just nodded. I wanted to tell him about deciding to have the C, going to visit the hospital, and the sibling class the OB told me about. But all I ended up saying was that it's pretty much set that the C will be on Nov 7th. He seemed so uninterested in that info that I didn't bother with the rest.
So like I said, maybe it's just him not feeling involved but he's not involving himself and I feel like I'm bugging him when I do try to involve him.
I guess I'm just sad.
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July 21st, 2012, 09:23 AM
newserenity's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 1,596
I know it hurts, but really I think it's just the way A LOT of men are wired. They just think differently than women. My DH can be the same way, so I just bring things up I expect him to know or care about and if I need to repeat myself several times for it to sink in I will. I would tell him whats going on regardless of how disinterested he seems. Tell him you feel like he doesn't care about things that are a very big deal to you. He may show more of an interest once you bring it to his attention. OR he may just keep being male. lol Try not to let it hurt you. I know some women have men that are wired completely different and they are super involved and want to know everything and are out shopping for nursery decor, but it honestly isn't the norm for most men.
Michelle, Wife to Sean & Mommy to three sweet girls and one little boy!

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July 21st, 2012, 09:29 AM
rhettsmum's Avatar Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 28
Haha, I did text him earlier and said when he gets home from work we're going to have a big sexy conversation about... car seats. It's frustrating because he did this when we were planning our wedding, too. He was completely bored with any conversation about wedding stuff and basically said he would just show up. And then he griped that me & my mom were planning the whole thing without him!
I guess he wants me to chase after him with information... I'm totally boss at that.
newserenity likes this.
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July 21st, 2012, 12:09 PM
kristiemarie518's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,551
My Dh was like this until literally a few days ago. When he felt baby kick for the first time. It's not real to them like it is to us....we've been feeling baby for so long now.

Try engaging him in feeling baby kick (if you can feel him/her from outside yet). Maybe it's just not real to him yet. GL

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July 21st, 2012, 12:15 PM
*Anna*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 5,335
My DH was like this too up until he felt baby kick and after we saw u/s too. Men are wired different and most dont feel attached or bond til they are ready. Hugs we are here for u!
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July 21st, 2012, 01:14 PM
Leanne78's Avatar Nov 2012 DDC Co-Host
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 9,498
My DH is the same way. I just don't think it's reality for them until they actually see the baby. They aren't going through the pregnancy themselves, so they have a hard time connecting to it. Mine doesn't even get excited about the kicks or ultrasounds. He thinks feeling the baby move in there is "creepy" and he claims he can't make anything out on the ultrasounds anyways. I've long since given up on talking to him about most of this stuff. I think there are some guys that are really into the whole pregnancy thing, but what you're describing seems to be the more typical reaction.

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July 21st, 2012, 04:28 PM
NewGurl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: USA
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I can always tell when my bf is worrying about money or If im ready for a kid because he will start distancing like this. Im not saying its the same thing my father was the kind of man who never really seemed to give a crap even though you knew he cared sometimes men really are just wired different. but if your used to your DH being more excitable or involved maybe you should try to see if there is something else bothering him.

I think guys plan differently then girls anyway though so I probably wouldn't worry about it much.

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July 21st, 2012, 06:31 PM
turtlefly's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 460
my hubby felt her kick, but hes still doesnt seem that interested, im not worried i think if everything is going good thats all that matters im sure if something was wrong he would be asking questions, but he doesnt care how or where im giving birth, i think in his mind is coming out of me so those are all my decisions, as long as he knows what hospital to speed to when i tell him its time to go. it just sounds like typical guy stuff, it hurts, but when he sees and gets to physically hold the baby im sure everything will change

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July 21st, 2012, 09:28 PM
mrs.wagner.10's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Its really not that important is it?
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Dh doesnt even want to feel ours kick. Says theres plenty of time to feel him afterwards.. :/ Men are strange dont feel bad!

7 lbs 7 oz 21" 11/4/12 2:11 pmThank you Kiliki for my amazing Siggy!!!
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July 22nd, 2012, 01:46 AM
rachkel's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: California
Posts: 872
I feel like the odd ball in the bunch... but my husband has been great! He's been thrilled with the entire process! He went to all my appointments before he left for the summer. He makes me keep him completely up to date on my appointments now. He's more interested than I am when it comes to documenting the pregnancy... i.e. belly pics, blog posts. And he's even requested that I don't let anyone feel the baby kick until he gets home lol!

Men are wired differently than we are. Its been said that a man isn't a father until he holds his baby. It seems that we may have a bit of role reversal in my sitch lol... I'm just now starting to accept that the jolts I feel in my belly are a baby! Give him time. He'll come around!
Rachel & Joe 10.21.11
Joined by Oliver Philip 11.9.12

Visit my blog! Lots of health and fitness insights... including pregnancy!


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July 22nd, 2012, 05:09 PM
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((Hugs)) My DH is definitely not as interested as I wish he was and many times I have told him how I feel and how it hurts me. Just like everyone wrote above- he says it's hard for him to connect with our babies until they are born. Right now, he just sees the baby as something causing me to feel sick, miserable, or emotional. Usually if I just talk to hm about it, I start to feel better.
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July 23rd, 2012, 11:10 AM
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Pa
Posts: 428
aw hun im sure hel come around, specially once the babies here. I know my bf doesnt really bring up the baby unless I do, but then again he is involved and will listen and talk when i do bring it up, and he comes to all the appts, but other then that hes not going out of his way to talk about it unless i do, so i jus think every guy is different and adjusts to the siutation differently then others.

Thank You Peimum for my beautiful siggy (:

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