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SIL is treating our kids unfairly... wwyd?


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  #1  
July 23rd, 2012, 09:49 PM
newserenity's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Tennessee
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Ok, so I watch SIL's kids about 30 hours a week during the day and she watches the girls on average one to two nights a week from 8 pm-8 am for about the last 8 months. Tonight I found out that every time they spend the night she lets her kids watch tv with her in her room and mine are sent to bed in a room in the dark and aren't allowed to watch tv even though there is a tv in the room they could watch but, she doesn't let them.

I know this probably seems trivial, and if her kids were going to bed in the dark with no tv also I wouldn't be upset. It's the favoritism right in front of the kids that makes me upset.

I'm mad because I have no idea what other unfair things she is doing when the girls are there. When they lived with us (for 6 months) she did little things like this all the time. I didn't realize it was still going on.

I am seriously furious right now, and I think a lot of it is hormones. But, I am so mad that I go out of my way for her kids and she doesn't treat the girls the same as her own. We have sacrificed so much to help their family!

Not only this but, a month ago she took my girls in her car about 5 miles down the road and had my tiny 3 year old on my 6 year old's lap in her car with no seatbelt!!! Her kids were properly restrained in their car seats of course! I made it perfectly clear that better not happen again under ANY circumstance! OMG I was livid. I almost quit my job on the spot. I told myself anything else happens I don't like that's it. But, we still have doctor bills to pay and baby items to buy. I really can't just quit my job. DH said we will figure something out, I just don't know what.
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  #2  
July 24th, 2012, 12:32 AM
NewGurl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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sounds like you have plenty of cases against her I dont think I would feel guilty about being mad. especially since you've noticed the behavior first hand before its something I would confront her about personally. shes an adult even if she doesn't really like your kids she shouldn't be playing games about it like a kid.

At the same time im not sure how you found out about said recent unfairness I would hate to make a big scene only to find out maybe your girls had their TV privileges taken away because of behavior or something. I would defiantly bring it up you just might want to bounce some ideas around with your DH about how to make the approach. The little details of a situation like this could make the difference (for me at least) between my kids should never been near this woman again and ok then please try and make sure my kids feel like equals and Ill talk to them and make sure they are treating you all the same way. and stuff like that is things only the 2 of you would know about.
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  #3  
July 24th, 2012, 12:39 AM
rachkel's Avatar Super Mommy
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Wow! I'd be livid too! How awful for your kids!

Now, originally, I would've approached the situation in a casual way. I would've told her that when my kids stayed over that I really didn't mind if they joined in the TV watching in the living room at night with the rest of the family/kids. And that bonding time with cousins is awesome and I'm glad our kids have the opportunity to do that.

But, since she left your kids unrestrained in a car... that changes everything I'd do.

I'd have a sit down conversation with her and ask why she's doing these things. Its absolutely unacceptable! Period! Unless you're awful at reading faces, expressions and tones, you'll be able to tell if she's interested at all in changing her ways with your kids. Then, go from there. If she seems absolutely unrepentant of her actions and it seems she'll be doing more of the same, find a nanny. Care.com is a great place to look! It sucks that you'd have to pay someone, but, you'd have care for your kids in your own home. If we lived near each other, I'd totally offer to do it! I used to be a night shifter as well, and its an easy schedule to adjust back to

Either way, KUP on what happens! I'm sorry your SIL is being so sucky
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  #4  
July 24th, 2012, 12:48 AM
.h00dihoo.this.'s Avatar *Siggy.Legend*
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hell no that aint hormones.. i'd probably sock the B in the face for treating my kids like that!... in all honesty, are you guys on state assistance in ANY way.. saying you have doc bills im assuming not... but i was thinking they will pay for daycare.. but seriously.. i'd stop watching her kids, and take my kids somewhere else.. even if i had to pay for it.. that sh*t affects your kids as much as its affecting you.. they know the difference and know that they are being treated like crap.
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  #5  
July 24th, 2012, 08:59 AM
newserenity's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thanks guys! I'm going to ask her about the situation. But, my 6 year told me she didn't think she was fair to them and explained the tv thing so I asked my 11.5 year old and she confirmed it's an all the time thing not an isolated incident.

Natasha- We don't get any help from the government for anything and are not eligible. I'm considering having my MIL start watching the kids, but there's a whole other can of worms there. LOL
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  #6  
July 24th, 2012, 01:25 PM
Cocoa Sashimi's Avatar Usually Lurking
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I guess the question becomes who would be worse for the kids: MIL or SIL? It stinks that she is so blatant in her favoritism.
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  #7  
July 24th, 2012, 03:32 PM
turtlefly's Avatar Veteran
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wow, i dont have kids yet, but thats not right at all, i would be very angry, and knowing me i would have quit my job!
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  #8  
July 24th, 2012, 03:52 PM
.h00dihoo.this.'s Avatar *Siggy.Legend*
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right as Ki said.. its come down to priorities here.. leave your kids at your SILs to continue to be mistreated which highly affects them as well and does alter them and can mold them into the type of adults they will be... or have your MIL watch them and wiegh the differences... or, you quiet your job... i know it sucks but if no one can be trusted to watch your children, they come first IMO
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