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It seems I'm not the only one with Mommy issues....


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  • 1 Post By Punky.Brew
  • 1 Post By JessMomto2boys

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  #1  
August 3rd, 2012, 03:18 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 1,589
This whole having a girl thing has me a little freaked out. I'm close to my boys, but I know a relationship is different with a girl. Problem is I don't exactly have the best role model. At all. There are so many things and aspects of what I think a mother/daughter relationship should be that I don't/never had and I'm scared that I won't know how to be a good mother to my daughter if that makes any sense. I guess I'm just hoping like hell that it comes as naturally to me with her as it did with my boys. I've been super hormonal this week in case you can't tell!! All these things are starting to weigh on me, especially because I seriously can NOT believe it is already freaking AUGUST! Any advice/words of wisdon from BTDT mom's who had one gender, were scared to have another and have a happy ending. I sure could use some happy endings right now.
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  #2  
August 3rd, 2012, 03:56 AM
Gripstress's Avatar GothMom
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Tulare, CA
Posts: 2,313
I only have one gender but I can tell you from experience a few things. My mom was not such a great mom and very closed up about all things sex and communication. She closed her eyes to abuse. She turned her head when we(siblings) fought. I did not want that for my kids. My MIL had her issues but her kids loved each other and any topic was up for discussion. I have always figured that my kids would benefit from my panicking about not being a good mother. If I'm worried, I'm thinking and improving. It sounds like you have that down

My thing has been that no matter how uncomfortable the topic, I'd be open past the point of obnoxious. If I speak on sex, abuse, fighting, and love, my kids will not ever have to worry that any topic cannot be brought up and discussed. It's working so far better than I could ever have really imagined. I'm proud of it!

You'll do fine
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Wife of 18 years to Anthony
Mommy to 4 daughters Elinore 05/27/95,
Phoenix 12/14/01, Pascale 06/03/05
& baby Wren on 12/10/12


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  #3  
August 3rd, 2012, 04:28 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Northern California
Posts: 629
Well, first, you are not alone!

I was afraid of raising a DD until about 2 weeks ago. And I had a great mom! But after having 5 sons...WTH, this was gonna be soooo different.

Then it occurred to me that it wasn't so different at all. Why should it be? The relationship shouldn't be different just because of gender. I want this little girl to be independent, brave, caring, smart. I want her to use her brain, be compassionate, outspoken. Basically all of the things I want for my sons, too.

It finally occurred to me that when the mobs asked "what are you going to do with a girl?" my response was simply raise her like my boys. The only difference will be the colors she wears (sometimes).

So, I don't see that gender need to make it more or less difficult to raise a child. If you want the same core beliefs for all your children what your doing now is probably perfect for the little one coming in December.
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  #4  
August 3rd, 2012, 06:11 AM
tricia_16_'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: North Bay, Ontario
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I'm actually having the same problem, but the other way around lol I have a little girl who is absolutely my everything, and as excited as I am to be having a boy, I don't know anything about boys and their "parts" lmao But since I was amazed at how easily the parental instincts kicked in with my daughter, I know it will absolutely be the same way with my son.

You're going to LOVE having a daugther, and you will be totally fine. Just think of it this way... you already know all the things not to do, so just do the opposite of that and you'll be fine
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  #5  
August 3rd, 2012, 06:36 AM
JessMomto2boys's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Southern California
Posts: 260
I don't have any advice because I feel the same way sometimes. I have two boys and am now pregnant with a girl. I am so close to my boys and it's hard to imagine me being able to have that same bond with my girl. I also worry about stupid things like her hair. I can barely do my hair, how am I supposed to know what to do with her hair! I can't even braid!!! I am scared she will go through some of the bad stuff I went through as a teenager. I just feel there are so many more things to worry about with girls.

I am sure we will do fine and it will come just as natural as raising a boy!
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  #6  
August 3rd, 2012, 07:03 AM
jacesmomma's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Fort Lewis, WA
Posts: 342
I'm the same way!! My little boy is the center of my universe and I have a)no idea how another baby is going to fit in since we're so close (though I know she will) and b) what to do with a GIRL! I always figured I'd have boys and I'm comfortable with my boy. I feel like I have to be more sensitive with a girl? Or something like that.
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  #7  
August 3rd, 2012, 07:11 AM
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 91
my first is aboy

my next was a girl. i was surprised. and was very unprepared. i was like what will i do with a girl. i am a tom boy.
i am not into girly things...hair...skirts..shoes..leggings...so many things...

but when she got here...and i held her for the first time...it was like someone placed a beautiful flower in my arms...so delicate...it was a very different feelign from when i held my son..knowing she was a girl...just made her so much more...like a fairytale...
everythign did come naturally..i am not really good at dressing her up...so my family did help me out.they buy the cutest girly outfits that i wouldnt buy..but they look so good onher.and i get tons of compliments.

i have issues with my mom as well...but i dont htink it would effect how i will raise my daughter or son...will raise them the same...gender vise....my mom also ignored alot of abuse..going on and what not...tons of things..
these are things i would never do...forget about my children...even if they were someones else children..i would not close my eyes...

when ur lil girl gets here..trust me your instincts will tell u what to do...your love for her will be your guide..!!!
your concern shows...u will be great mommy to a lil princess
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  #8  
August 3rd, 2012, 07:15 AM
Megan30's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 4,651
I think Rebecca said it best : If you're worried, you're thinking and improving....you're going to be JUST FINE! You're a good mommy no matter what the sex of your child is.
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  #9  
August 3rd, 2012, 09:50 AM
gardenbelle's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 3,546
I agree with Rebecca too - if you are worrying, that is a good thing. I have a pretty good relationship with my mother but like many girls, I hated her as a teen. When I found out the Penny was a girl, I thought a lot about how our relationship will be and the struggles we'll have as a mother and daughter. I'm not looking forward to the hard parts, but I'm over the moon to have a daughter. You will be too and because you know how bad a mother can be, you'll probably be a better mom to her than others who take that mother/daughter relationship less seriously.
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  #10  
August 3rd, 2012, 10:27 AM
anna.rose's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Wisconsin
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There's some saying about how our parents influence us no matter what- we'll either be like them or completely different. I can't remember exactly how it goes. My relationship growing up with my mom was super, super terrible. I learned from her mistakes and feel like it's made me such a better person and mom.

However, you're not alone. I have at least 5 minutes a day that I want to cry because I don't know what to expect with a boy. I've never babysat a boy, we didn't grow up with boys in our family, what the heck am I going to do? Everyone says it's such a different bond which makes me terrified even more!
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