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CIO (crying it out)


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  #1  
August 14th, 2012, 12:53 AM
*Izzy's*Mommy*'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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BTDT moms, what's your take on it?

I think it's an awful thing to do to a young baby. Leaving them alone in a dark room when all they need is comfort. I think it's sad when a mother's need for a break clouds her instincts to be with her baby. I know when my daughter was young, people would tell me to let her cry and that she'd eventually learn to sleep longer. Crying it out is like punishment for something they're born to do. They NEED us. The baby stage is so short, I can't imagine not wanting to meet their every need.

I guess when Izzy was about 6 months, and I was desperate for more sleep, I tried it once. After much prompting from friends who thought it worked. Worst time ever! I wanted to cry myself, just listening to her. She just got more and more upset. I just felt horrible.

An older child can cry themselves to sleep during a tantrum, but a baby shouldn't have to. Sorry for my rant....just something I saw on FB tonight reminded me about it.

Looking back at how fast time goes, I realize that all the difficulties of a new baby, are no match for the challenges with a toddler! LOL
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  #2  
August 14th, 2012, 01:10 AM
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with an older kid who is obviously throwing a taturam or something yes sometimes its best just to let someone get over themselves lol. but with a baby even if it is just throwing a fit I would rather be sure. Being a first timer I think I might be one of those types that check even when its not crying I just couldn't see myself successfully using that method with a small child. I don't necessarily think its wrong Iv heard my mom suggest it before so im pretty sure It was done to me and Im no worse for ware. Its just not my style just because I cant tell what the kids asking for doesn't necessarily mean its becoming spoiled and needs to be "trained". I would just rather know that I was always there. if my kids a super Biizznochez as a toddler because I "spoiled" it as a baby then Ill just do extra work at that point. at lest then I know there old enough to actually grasp the concept.
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  #3  
August 14th, 2012, 01:31 AM
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i totally do it.. they say you can't spoil a baby but i think that's a bunch of BS.. a baby can want to be spoiled, to be held all the time, ect.. so long as i know the baby's cry is not from pain, needing a feeding, needing a change, then i let them CIO for a couple of mins, then i get up to check on them.. and do it again.. my older gets most definitely CIO on a regular basis lol when they don't want to take a nap when they are overly tired, don't get their way, ect.
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  #4  
August 14th, 2012, 02:09 AM
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We used our own version of CIO with Zoey. There is a noticeable difference in her cry when shes crying cause she doesnt want to be in her crib and if shes crying because shes not tired, has to poop, is hungry or is in pain. We never let her cry hysterically. And she has never cried for more than 15 min before she falls asleep.

We tried the pick up / put down method prior to "cio".
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  #5  
August 14th, 2012, 03:25 AM
LiamsMother's Avatar Amanda (Amahnda)
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I'm with you Shannon. I could never let Liam just "cry it out". We're mildly attachment parents- we co-sleep and constantly hold. Even at the age of 6, if he's upset, we never just "leave him alone". He may be spoiled but he knows he's loved, which is something that Will and I never grew up with. So, it's important that our children do.
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  #6  
August 14th, 2012, 04:38 AM
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I'm not a BTDT mommy, but I definitely believe in CIO to an extent. Yes, babies come out of the womb helpless, but they start learning and catching on quickly. As long as all their needs are met, I'll let my child CIO for a few minutes. There's no harm in that. As they get older, I'll let them CIO longer. And once they hit the toddler stage where they throw a tantrum for not getting their way, then they can CIO until they're done or asleep. I've never been one to put up with crying for attention. My children will learn, one way or another, that there are better ways to grab my attention. Tantrums are not one of them.
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  #7  
August 14th, 2012, 06:05 AM
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I think there comes a point where it is necessary to let them soothe themselves. I am not saying to let them cry for hours, but you can tell what type of cry it is too. With my DS, I had never thought I'd let him CIO, but eventually I talked it out with his pediatrician when he was about 6mths and having an awful sleep pattern, who suggested I start leaving him to cry in stages. So I started with a minute, then two, and so on... He eventually realized I was not going to run to him for EVERYTHING and his sleep schedule got much better after that. It worked well with DS, so I did the same thing with DD & will do the same thing with Annalise, unless my kids start caving and run to get her!
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  #8  
August 14th, 2012, 06:15 AM
Country928's Avatar Marisa
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When Zoe was little I would let her cio for a few mins. Know that she is older she cio out all the time. Mostly when she throws a fit or is just plain overtired.
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  #9  
August 14th, 2012, 06:15 AM
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After reading about the harm it can cause, no way! It's sad, we hold them and rock them and when we decide that it no longer works for us we leave them in a dark room to figure it out themselves, which is kinda cruel when you think about it. I did CIO with Mia and felt positively awful about it and come to find out, the poor girl was lactose intolerant and in pain and I just left her to cry We never did CIO with E. Have I let her cry for my own sanity? Yes. It was that or hurting her, so I left the room and came back when I was calm and collected. You can't spoil a baby. They are incapable of manipulation. You have just taught them one way and that's how they expect it.

If you want to do CIO, that's your business, but even proponents of it don't say to use it before 6 months old, so please don't try it out on them when they are super young. My SIL let her 1 month old CIO and I couldn't deal with it. A 1 month old is crying for a reason. My best piece of advice is to teach them good sleep habits from the beginning. Have a routine, put them down drowsy but not asleep.
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  #10  
August 14th, 2012, 06:20 AM
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I'm on both ends of the table. I could not just let Izzy cry it out. However, as she started getting older, I started learning the different cries. There is the "I'm really upset and need my mommy" cry, and then there is the "something is really pissing me off" cry. Both of which I jump right in.

However, there is the "I'm so over tired but I don't want to sleep" cry. That's when we put the 5 minute rule on the board. We let her fuss for up to 5 minutes. 9 times out of 10, she will be asleep by the time the 5 minutes is up.
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  #11  
August 14th, 2012, 06:28 AM
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I think there is a big difference between letting your child cry for a few minutes and sooth himself to sleep and true CIO where they cry and scream for hours until finally falling asleep from exhaustion. I think that is awful. As a newborn though, I don't practice any form of crying it out. I don't really believe a 2 week old baby is quite at the manipulative stage. Now with Akadia, I will let her cry for a few min when I put her down for a nap, but if it keeps going, I'll go in there and calm her down. I can usually tell the difference in her cries.
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  #12  
August 14th, 2012, 07:41 AM
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I would say no I don't let my kids CIO but I have never really been in the position where I might need to do it. My kids have started sleeping through the night at 2-3 monts old. So when it comes to being in their crib never had to resport to that. As far as being held all the time, never allowed my kids get used to being held all the time so they never desired that.
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  #13  
August 14th, 2012, 07:43 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BabyLove23 View Post

However, there is the "I'm so over tired but I don't want to sleep" cry. That's when we put the 5 minute rule on the board. We let her fuss for up to 5 minutes. 9 times out of 10, she will be asleep by the time the 5 minutes is up.
This is us. If I had never let my girls cry they never would have gone to sleep. Of course we didn't let them just cry when they were new. Right now, Sofia is stubborn. She screams to get you to go get her, so we let her cry, there's no way around it. But she's two, and there's a big difference between a 2 yr old and a baby.
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  #14  
August 14th, 2012, 07:44 AM
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All I can really say about CIO is it is necessary in some situations. My first 2 never cried, each of them slept with me until they were 6. Both, beautiful, well adjusted, happy children. Fast forward to Evan (my 3rd) from the second she came home from the hospital she cried non stop. Weather I was holding her or not. She screamed every time her bottom hit the car seat (stayed that way until she was over a year), she hated the swing, the bouncy seat, she woundnt let her dad hold her, wouldnt take a pacifier, etc. To be honest, I was an experienced mother and at the time only thought babies like Evan existed to inexperienced parents who didnt know what they were doing. I walked the halls of my home for hours with her screaming in my ear (she did not have any health issues) I finally figured out, if she was latched all night (BF) she would stay asleep. Well I lasted for 10m and I just couldnt take it any more. I couldnt sleep and was miserable. So @ 10m we employed CIO and sleep training. Best thing I ever did! It wasnt easy and yes she was one of those that cried for hours, but after a few weeks she got it and we never looked back. Today Evan is one of my best adjusted, independent, strong willed child.

I used CIO & sleep training with Max too. Not nearly such a traumatic (for me) process. He hardly cried and learned quickly.

So after that long winded story, yes if necessary is will use CIO.
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  #15  
August 14th, 2012, 07:59 AM
*Izzy's*Mommy*'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nicole1481 View Post
All I can really say about CIO is it is necessary in some situations. My first 2 never cried, each of them slept with me until they were 6. Both, beautiful, well adjusted, happy children. Fast forward to Evan (my 3rd) from the second she came home from the hospital she cried non stop. Weather I was holding her or not. She screamed every time her bottom hit the car seat (stayed that way until she was over a year), she hated the swing, the bouncy seat, she woundnt let her dad hold her, wouldnt take a pacifier, etc. To be honest, I was an experienced mother and at the time only thought babies like Evan existed to inexperienced parents who didnt know what they were doing. I walked the halls of my home for hours with her screaming in my ear (she did not have any health issues) I finally figured out, if she was latched all night (BF) she would stay asleep. Well I lasted for 10m and I just couldnt take it any more. I couldnt sleep and was miserable. So @ 10m we employed CIO and sleep training. Best thing I ever did! It wasnt easy and yes she was one of those that cried for hours, but after a few weeks she got it and we never looked back. Today Evan is one of my best adjusted, independent, strong willed child.

I used CIO & sleep training with Max too. Not nearly such a traumatic (for me) process. He hardly cried and learned quickly.

So after that long winded story, yes if necessary is will use CIO.
A good friend of mine is dealing with her first baby who is just like how Evan was. I feel so bad for her that this is her first, and I thinks she thinks all babies are like this. That's a lot to cope with!
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  #16  
August 14th, 2012, 08:01 AM
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We also use CIO, but not as infants. And after a while you can learn the different cries your baby/toddler has and can most of the time know what they want by the cry. I'm not one to let cry for hours at a time, usually work my way up to 5 min, with going in to check/soothe without picking them up. And this seems to work for us and when the time comes we will use CIO with Autumn too.
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  #17  
August 14th, 2012, 08:04 AM
*Izzy's*Mommy*'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I agree with you all that there comes a certain point when you can tell your child's helpless/needing comfort cry from their angry cry. I just can't advocate letting a very young baby cry for hours. Crying/fussing for a few minutes is one thing, but leaving a 3 month old to cry themselves to sleep seems really, really harsh. It's also been proven to hurt children psychologically.

I've come to a point with Izzy's tantrums now (at 2.5 yrs old), where if she wants to whine and cry because I've said no to something, and she doesn't want to talk about it, she can cry by herself if she wants. At this age, I think it's good for children to know that you don't always get what you want, especially immediately.
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  #18  
August 14th, 2012, 09:08 AM
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No CIO here! First it had never felt natural to do that to me, when my baby cries, everything in me wants to respond. Secondly, as an older child and adult, I have cried myself to sleep on occassion and it is a terrible feeling so no way would I want to do that to my baby! When we first had Jessica, our preacher was talking to us and I don't remember all of the conversation or how it came about but he said babies are carried by their mom's for 9 months, all they know is feeling her close and hearing her all the time and then they are born and we expect them to be happy alone....Now I am not going to say I am always able to pick them up as soon as they cry as infants, sometimes I have to finish what I'm doing first since I do have other little ones that have needs but I don't CIO. I do hold my babies a lot, co sleep for a bit, some have needed to for a short time, some a little longer, some almost not at all. I have been accused of "spoiling" my babies and have been assured I will regret it later but we haven't yet. My kids range in age from 17 to almost 20 mos old and none of them are sleeping with us, I am not sitting and holding any of them all day and none of them have had sleep issues. It works for us.
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  #19  
August 14th, 2012, 09:32 AM
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I guess I'm not one extreme or the other on this.
Different children require different parenting styles and techniques IMO.
However, personally I couldn't let Eli cry for more than 3-5 minutes when we were doing the Ferber method at 10 months old.

I agree that when they are newborns and little babies, I don't think they're capable of manipulation. They cry when they need something and sometimes that thing is simply for mommy to hold them... IMO that's a-okay with me! I love holding my babies and am beyond blessed to hold them, so why wouldn't I scoop them up and love on them?

I also agree that you definitely learn their specific cries and can tell when they are a bit older if it is an "overtired" cry or a "hungry/hurting/gassy" cry. At that point with Eli we started trying the Ferber method, I wanted him to leant how to "self sooth" and put himself to sleep at night (both of us slept terribly when cosleeping after 6 months). Even then, I could only progress to 5 minute intervals before going in and patting him.

For me, something in me just can not take my baby crying. I have an immediate and intense reaction to it, so I don't understand CIO in the purest sense of the term.
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  #20  
August 14th, 2012, 10:01 AM
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I don't have any intentions in using CIO on a baby, especially one under 6 months old as they are incapable of manipulation. I agree with Katherine that if I were to feel afraid of hurting Sean and was feeling too frustrated, it's best to leave him to collect myself first. I'm not even sure I want to use it on anyone less than a year old.

I have used CIO with older kids who are capable of manipulation but I always follow it up with something to show them I still love them and care about their feelings. I also tell them when beginning CIO why I'm letting them cry and tell them that I'm doing that because I love them and want what's best for them.
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