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  #1  
September 2nd, 2012, 04:00 PM
Dhartanya's Avatar Paleo Mommy-to-be
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Location: Delta, BC
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So I informed my mom she most likely won't be at my birth after she went on to insult my hypnobirthing course and how she'll react when she can "prove me wrong" when I'm screaming in pain.
She actually seemed surprised and offended that I don't want her there.

I'm sorry but WHY would I want someone who doesn't want to support my choices and is very negative?
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  #2  
September 2nd, 2012, 04:39 PM
tricia_16_'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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You don't! Stick to your guns now or once the baby comes she will just continue to walk allll over you.
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  #3  
September 2nd, 2012, 04:42 PM
Miss Kelly's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Such a bummer that she doesn't get that the birthing process has so many options now to fit your needs and desires.

I say if it's right for you, it's great!

And I totally understand not having her there for comfort and stress reasons alone. You'll have enough to think about and relax about! Birthing room = zero drama area!
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  #4  
September 2nd, 2012, 06:37 PM
crystalcherry's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Good for you! Labor is a hard enough experience, you don't need someone that is going to be negative there. I have never let my family back while I was in labor because I feel it is a private event and I know they mean well with their comments but its not something I need. I'm glad you are not letting her talk you out of what you want. So what if you scream or are in pain? Once its over its all just a distant memory.

I forgot to add.....
I screamed and cried like a baby with all of them and I had a hospital birth with a doctor so I'm not sure where she is getting her point of view from. Just because you are in the hospital doesnt mean it hurts less or is any safer.
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  #5  
September 2nd, 2012, 06:54 PM
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You are doing the right thing. The last thing you need is negativity in that "space"! Sounds like you need to get used to sticking to your guns now when it comes to her!
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  #6  
September 2nd, 2012, 08:06 PM
Gripstress's Avatar GothMom
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That's just rude to say. Even if the hypnobabies doesn't end up working I think it's definately worth a shot. Why would you not explore your options?! She's rude and you do not need that crap in your L&D space.
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  #7  
September 2nd, 2012, 08:10 PM
Dhartanya's Avatar Paleo Mommy-to-be
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crystalcherry View Post
Good for you! Labor is a hard enough experience, you don't need someone that is going to be negative there. I have never let my family back while I was in labor because I feel it is a private event and I know they mean well with their comments but its not something I need. I'm glad you are not letting her talk you out of what you want. So what if you scream or are in pain? Once its over its all just a distant memory.

I forgot to add.....
I screamed and cried like a baby with all of them and I had a hospital birth with a doctor so I'm not sure where she is getting her point of view from. Just because you are in the hospital doesnt mean it hurts less or is any safer.
She thinks it's gonna hurt at home or in the hospital.... She thinks I'm an idiot for thinking I can do it without pain control and by hypnotizing myself.

My dad stopped by for a visit today and she told him that I was nuts and she couldn't wait to see me scream in pain because there is no way to lessen the extreme pain of childbirth.

I do feel bad for putting my foot down, she seemed genuinely hurt when I said she wasn't going to be there... But I need to surrounded by support and positive vibes during my labour and delivery.

My dad did point out that perhaps this experience and me doing things my way will not only prove her wrong but help her change her views (my midwife also pointed out that this could be her healing experience).

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gripstress View Post
That's just rude to say. Even if the hypnobabies doesn't end up working I think it's definately worth a shot. Why would you not explore your options?! She's rude and you do not need that crap in your L&D space.
She doesn't see "how" its rude... In her mind, she is simply voicing her opinion and feelings, and that there is nothing wrong with that.
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Last edited by Dhartanya; September 2nd, 2012 at 08:13 PM.
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  #8  
September 2nd, 2012, 08:14 PM
lilemma86's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I informed the dh (his mom lives with us) that I didn't want anything about my labor out on fb unless me or the dh do it. And I wanted nobody except him and the doula around while I labor at home till I go to the birth center. Aka..... Get your mom out of the house!

I might change my mind and want me mom there (probably not) but I will not feel comfortable saying ans doing anything I want while in labor if I have people sitting around staring at me.

I completely agree that if she isn't going to support your choices then she is defiantly not going to be hanging around while in labor! Good for you for sticking with your choices! Hope she comes around, it if not she can sit at home till you call and tell her the wee one is here
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  #9  
September 2nd, 2012, 08:18 PM
Dhartanya's Avatar Paleo Mommy-to-be
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lilemma86 View Post
I informed the dh (his mom lives with us) that I didn't want anything about my labor out on fb unless me or the dh do it. And I wanted nobody except him and the doula around while I labor at home till I go to the birth center. Aka..... Get your mom out of the house!

I might change my mind and want me mom there (probably not) but I will not feel comfortable saying ans doing anything I want while in labor if I have people sitting around staring at me.

I completely agree that if she isn't going to support your choices then she is defiantly not going to be hanging around while in labor! Good for you for sticking with your choices! Hope she comes around, it if not she can sit at home till you call and tell her the wee one is here
Most likely (depending on the time of day), she'll be downstairs doing barn work.
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  #10  
September 3rd, 2012, 12:52 AM
Gripstress's Avatar GothMom
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I did little to no prep for my births and they were AWFUL. The only times I ever felt ok or slightly in control was when I could breathe through it. Had I actually done anything to prep or felt any sort of power, I am absolutely certain it would have been faster and easier. Having the right people around made all the difference when I had them. Hypnobabies may be just the ticket to helping you progress and do so with less pain. Obviously you know it won't be "easy" but you can definately lighten the load. I hope she at least comes around to the idea of you doing it your way. It matters.
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  #11  
September 3rd, 2012, 05:37 AM
Becky_78's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm sorry your mom is being like that Two weeks ago, when my mom was visiting the new apt she saw my hypnobabies book out. She asked about it and then said, how about you try to meditate and then slam your hand in a drawer and see if it still hurts? I was sad that she just couldn't be supportive even if she thinks it won't work. But I guess when she gave birth to me, she labored for hours & when she wasn't progressing fast enough told her her pelvis was too small. She then had scheduled c-sect with my sis & bro. I'm at least four inches shorter than she is. I think for her to validate her own experience she has to assume my experience will be like hers

Interestingly enough though, she asked me on Sat if I could find tracks for my sister to help her calm down after her diagnosis. So although outwardly skeptical - she must think hypnobabies has at least a shot Maybe your mom will also come around
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  #12  
September 3rd, 2012, 10:37 AM
taatie10's Avatar New Mommy & Pro Auntee
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I dont think you were in the wrong. You need support that will be helpful not create stress. It just sounds like she thinks she can voice her opinions and expect you to follow her ways and still be involved in whatever way she wants even if you dont agree.
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  #13  
September 3rd, 2012, 11:03 AM
Dhartanya's Avatar Paleo Mommy-to-be
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Quote:
Originally Posted by taatie10 View Post
I dont think you were in the wrong. You need support that will be helpful not create stress. It just sounds like she thinks she can voice her opinions and expect you to follow her ways and still be involved in whatever way she wants even if you dont agree.
I think you nailed it on the head!

Im guessing she thinks that its "support" just by having her presence there... even if she is voices her disapproval and opinion....
Cause we all "know" thats "supportive"
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  #14  
September 3rd, 2012, 11:50 AM
anna.rose's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm sorry mama! I agree with your dad and I'm glad he's being supportive. This will probably wake her up to not be so close minded.

P.S.- I finally understand where "Meve" came from looking at your siggy. Haha. Duh moment on my part.
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  #15  
September 3rd, 2012, 12:12 PM
Dhartanya's Avatar Paleo Mommy-to-be
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anna.rose View Post
I'm sorry mama! I agree with your dad and I'm glad he's being supportive. This will probably wake her up to not be so close minded.

P.S.- I finally understand where "Meve" came from looking at your siggy. Haha. Duh moment on my part.
LOL I have to explain the Meve thing all the time LOL

Ya know... my dad and I arnt that close... he wasnt really around while I was growing up even though he only lived a short distance away.
But one night, he called me up and asked if he could come and have a chat with me.
I agreed, thinking he was either gonna tell me my stepmom was pregnant or harp on me for me homebirth choices.
It ended up being the lather, however he was VERY respectful about it and had even printed out some articles about lupus and pregnancy, etc...
He stayed calm, I stayed calm... I told him why I wanted to choose my choices, and explained my reasons why. Steve came down and stayed what his thoughts were.
By the end, my dad turns to me and says "I admit Im still a little worried, however you explained why you want to do this and it makes sense, so Im good now"

When I told my mom about this, her reply was "Well what does he know, he doesnt have to take care of your brother everyday"
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  #16  
September 3rd, 2012, 11:52 PM
Gripstress's Avatar GothMom
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OMG I finally understood the Meve thing just now, thanks to Anna haha

Your mom is very bitter(and has a right to be) but it's not the time and place for it. Your dad asking about your decision is normal and it's good that it cleared things up. Again, I hope she changes her mind but just being there is no support at all. It takes dedication to really be there for someone in labor...not just sitting there.
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  #17  
September 4th, 2012, 03:34 AM
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I just got the Meve thing too. I had totally been pronouncing it with a long e instead of a hard e at the end and had asked myself several times what it meant since I knew the name was a secret! LOL.
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  #18  
September 4th, 2012, 04:13 AM
Gripstress's Avatar GothMom
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Part of the issue for me is that even though we talk alot and I know you name is Meghan, I still want to say/think it's Tanya because of your screenname...please, what is up with your screenname?!
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  #19  
September 4th, 2012, 08:59 AM
Dhartanya's Avatar Paleo Mommy-to-be
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gripstress View Post
Part of the issue for me is that even though we talk alot and I know you name is Meghan, I still want to say/think it's Tanya because of your screenname...please, what is up with your screenname?!
Lol it's a name I came up with when I was like 12 lol
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  #20  
September 4th, 2012, 11:07 AM
MarlowesMum's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Megan, I'm so pleased that you were able to be strong on this. It's always amazing to me how many women choose to believe that labor HAS to be this horrible and awful experience for everyone. Don't get me wrong, there are always horror stories - but my experience beforehand was that most people I talked to about my desire/hope for a pain free childbirth were completely dismissive. To the point where I just stopped talking about it. People would ask, "are you scared?", and I would reply NO, and then move on.

Mind over matter is an amazing thing. And while I wouldn't say that my childbirth experience was totally pain free - it was more about the fact that it was just a lot of REALLY hard work. That said, I handle pain well -and I had a lot of supportive people around me. But honestly? My pain levels never got to the point where I felt like I needed to ask for pain relief. I was just too involved in the process of laboring to think about it.

My point (because I clearly digress on my natural child birth high horse here... ) is that you have every right to CHOOSE the path that you want to take when it pertains to birthing your own child and no one should scorn you for that choice. If she cannot be supportive, then she does not get to be involved. It's that simple.
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