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Suddenly terrified

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  • 1 Post By Mollyjayne

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September 21st, 2012, 10:46 AM
Mollyjayne's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: FL
Posts: 848
I know, I don't post too often...

Today I can't shake this sadness and fear I have.

I'm planning a natural birth at our birthing center, and I'm not sure I'll do well.. I've heard of women who were traumatized after birth. My SO says I'm stong am I can do it, but I don't want to come out of this beautiful experience damaged.

Wich brings me to my biggest fear...
I'm afraid of our relationship suffering after baby. It happens all the time. It happened with my ex husband. I love my SO so much. More than I've loved any other man. We have a fun, happy, calm, respectful relationship. We are also very physical . We still dtd everyother day at least. I am afraid after birth I won't be able to fufill he's needs/ wants and he'll be frustrated and feel ignored. I am afraid that we will be financially stressed and he won't take that well. And all around I am just afraid of dissapoinying him. He's never had a baby so he doesn't really get how stressful it can be. I know I'll just have to do my best and hope for the best and keep communication.

I'm just worried.
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September 21st, 2012, 11:08 AM
BlndGrl8's Avatar Kaitlin & Cameron's Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,036
I'm sorry you are feeling worried and stressed As for the natural birth, if it is something you really want to do and you put your mind to it, you CAN do it!! I know everyone is different, but it really makes a difference to just set your mind on it and stay in that moment. It helps if your SO is also on board with your wishes and will be encouraging you telling you that you can do it and this is what you want.
I had a med free birth with our first and I'm going to do it again this time. I can't wait!! It's really the best feeling afterward, such an awesome adrenaline high!!

I think it's normal to feel uncertain about the changes in your relationship after baby, because things do change. So does every aspect of your life and it is so rewarding and worth it. Communication is SO important and being compassionate and understanding toward one another will bring you so much closer. If you have to schedule sex to make sure you get intimate time, then do it Just be honest with each other and helpful toward one another.
Have you talked to your SO about your concerns and fears?
Thank you Vicki... for my siggy!!
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September 21st, 2012, 11:10 AM
Mollyjayne's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: FL
Posts: 848
SO is super supportive and excited about the natural birth. I haven't talked to him about my concerns yet, but I think I will tonight.
BlndGrl8 likes this.
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September 21st, 2012, 01:10 PM
BabyLove23's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 3,322
Definitely chat with him about it. Talking it out beforehand will help. Everyone is different, but I don't think the baby will come between you two. You sound like you have a strong relationship. And Im sure you will be able to work through any obstacle that comes your way.

Thank you peimum for my siggie!!!
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September 21st, 2012, 01:16 PM
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 355
I was 18 when I had my son (my husband was 21) and I was terrified he would leave me bc what 21 year old wants that much responsibility. I thought the same things you are worried about....our sex life, our alone time just to talk, ect. But the whole experience brought us closer.

Just the other day my husband was tickling our youngest and he said, "Listen, I love this laugh" then he started to laugh. It's the small moments like that, that make everything worth it!
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September 21st, 2012, 01:56 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 764
I would talk to him about your concerns regarding the birth. I tend to think it isn't fair of him to presume your birth pain will definitely be not that bad so you won't need pain meds and will 100% have a natural birth. It sounds like some women decide during birth that the meds they thought they wouldn't take are the best for them at the time and you shouldn't have to go into birth thinking you are disappointing anyone if you opt for meds. In the end it is your body going through birth not his and he has no idea how good or badly you might react to birth. It kinda annoys me when people presume that if you can't handle a natural birth you somehow are failing. I have had some "strong" friends that thought they would do it naturally then needed the meds and felt terrible guilt afterwards. I don't think woman should have to feel that way. Every birth and body is different and thing likely won't go exactly as planned.
This is my first and I am going into it trying not to have any unnecessary meds or interventions including pain meds but I am also not ruling them out completely either as I have no idea quite how it will be. If I get through it with no meds then fantastic but my only real concern is how the baby gets through it by whatever means are necessary.
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