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Kyah as recently sick with her first cold. DH works 3rds so he was calling home to check on her. The 3rd night he said "I thought breastfed babies don't get sick" Ummm....yes they do. I breastfed our oldest dd and she eventually caught her first cold although she was older at the time. I was thinking to myself "so...now my breastmilk is not sufficient"...I know that is a dumb thought on my behalf but his comment was dumb too.
At the grocery store over the weekend the cashier said "So, did you finally figure out what caused that"? She was referring to the baby of course. Ummm...yes after 5 kids I now know it was sex that was causing the babies to occur...I don't know how it took me so long to figure it out. Just a dumb comment that rubbed me the wrong way at the time.
Then while the baby was sick she was miserable and super fussy for days. During the weekend when DH is off work. I asked him to help out. He said he never gets any time to himself! Excuse me!?!? Are you freaking kidding me? Wow. I am the one who never gets any time for myself. He said "You are the one who wanted another baby" Ummm..I remember we both mutually decided WE wanted another baby. Whatever. He irks the *** out of me lately. He has started drinking on his weekends then playing his xbox360 and going to sleep and it bugs me. When I bring it up he will say that he works hard and feels that he deserves to enjoy his weekends. Okay, whatever. Now, I just let him. I ignore it and go on with my daily routines.
On top of all of this he has started not pulling out. I am not on birth control. He doesn't wear condoms. I haven't gotten AF yet; but I know from experience that does not mean I can't get pregnant. I want to ask him does HE KNOW HOW BABIES OCCUR!!
Kyah cries for me anytime DH holds her. She will only allow him to hold her for a few minutes at a time. She wants the person holding her to stand up and walk her around and show her things and stuff. But he will just sit there in a chair like she will be quiet that way knowing she will cry. So, I of course take her back and give her what she wants. And to top it all off it is ME who has to get Kyah to sleep. He will wait until he is ready to mess with her(on his days off) and purposely wake her up. It can be 3 in the freaking morning. He will say he never gets to see her. Which is it- you don't get time for yourself or you never get to see your baby? SO he will wake her up, hold her for 5 minutes, then she will cry and I have to get her back to sleep
Saturday night I was sick and Kyah was up all night (she is just getting over her cold). So, I got no sleep. When I finally got her to sleep at 4 am DH came in the room and woke her up. Then the next morning he was sleeping and Kyah was fussing. He woke up and said he has a headache and it isn't helping that Kyah is "screaming in his ear". So, I said "well then we will go in the other room" Mind you that the night before he enjoyed his self drinking and playing his game as I dealt with my sickness and Kyah's as well. I don't know many women that would put up with his crap.
I am completely out of patience and I am stressed like you would not believe I am typing this holding Kyah while DH sleeps. Since he needs his sleep being that he works 3rds.
I have been so stressed. I am sorry ladies that I turnt this thread into a rant! You ladies are like my best friends and I needed to tell someone!!
Hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs. I could have wrote half of this myself. Evelyn is quite needy compared to her brother's at this age if I didnt have my woven wrap to wear her I would probably never get anything done. I hate when ppl feel the need to give their useless comments which only rub ppl the wrong way. I dont have advice other than talk to your dh about it that's what I did with mine he still needs to step up more when it comes to Evelyn but he is helping a ton more when it comes to the boys now.
Ugh, I'm sorry you're having such a bad week. I'm sure it's all compounded by lack of sleep and not feeling well, also! My dh does the exact same thing with Micah, he will hold her for a few minutes but won't do anything with her, just sit there with her in his left hand and play on his tablet with his right, then as soon as she starts crying he hands her back saying 'I can't do anything with her'. Men!!
The waking her up in the night thing is pretty unacceptable, and I think you need to tell him in no uncertain terms that you and Kyah need your rest at night. If she gets in the habit of waking up at 3/4am that is going to be awful later down the road!
Sorry I don't really have any other advice, but here's a virtual <hug> and hope things get better soon!
I'm sorry! My DH was like this a lot. Finally I snapped and told him that I don't get time and he needs to help or he can go sleep on the ship lol. DH refuses to hold her while walking though... he says it's my fault she is like that... that I have babied her too much I would NOT tolerate him waking her up. If I were you, every time he is doing something for himself, I would tell him to play with her now or not at all. He can take his "me" time while everyone is sleeping. I hope your DH gets it together soon.
My DH didn't realize how upset I was getting until I was yelling and crying telling him how stressed I was and at one point I said I wanted a divorce (I of course didn't but that got him to realize how far he was pushing me). My DH works nights and he also realized quick that if he doesn't help me when he is awake, then I wont be nice and let him sleep lol.
first lots of hugs! I feel like I could of wrote that whole thing myself!
I'm sorry your having to deal with all that! Men can be turds sometimes! have you talked about it with him yet? after talking... well yelling lol at DH he finaly got the point somewhat lol. I to had freaked out on him and asked for a divorce, a few times actually lol i even kicked him out of the house one night! he didnt actually leave of course but still, he got how stressed I am.
That waking Kaya up thing is a huge no go! DH has done that a few times and I have flipped out on him! because who has to get him back to sleep? I do!
I'm so sorry though Michelle it can be so frusterating sometimes! I send you more huns though and I hope things get better!
Being a mom is very stressful because there really is no other role that compares to it. I'm right there with you guys, I complain to my husband that he isn't doing enough but even when he IS doing something I still feel like I can't relax! One of the things we argue about the most is the middle of the night feeding. I'm not breastfeeding so really this task should be shared equally, but my husband has somehow only fed him like 5 times at night since he was born - because when the baby wakes up, I'm the only one who hears him (it must be mom instinct), so I make his bottle, get him out of the bassinet, change his diaper and by the time my husband is ready to feed him I might as well do it because I'm WIDE awake. It also drives me crazy that even though he is OUR son, I feel like I have to ask if I want to do something, but my husband can just be like "I'm going to the gym" and just leave without second thought who's taking care of the baby or whether he has to care for him during that time. Men just REALLY don't get it. I told myself as of today that I'm just going to cherish this time with my baby and try not to get too worked up about what my husband is doing. If I need him to do something I will tell him, not ask. I think you should do the same Michelle, be assertive with him and tell him what you need and want. I'm really sorry you are so frustrated - but know that we are all right there with you!
Thank you, ladies. It is nice to know I am not the only one going through similar things. I am definitely going to have a talk with DH as soon as I find a decent opportunity to do so. I feel like he is behaving very immaturely. I think he needs to start acting his age. I am just so irritated all of the time by his behavior. I could have wrote a whole book about all of the incidents in just the past few months that give me every reason to be frustrated with him. He has his moments where he can be as sweet as can be, but they are far fewer than I would like. And his irritating annoying things by far outweigh those moments. The drinking in itself bothers me. Even if it is on the weekends hen he is off work. People act totally different once they have had a few drinks. It can really change a person's behavior and just their whole mentality. I hate it. With him working 3rds that means he sleeps all day and that only leaves a couple of hours in the evening to spend together. Those weekends are the only time we have really. Thank you very much for sharing your stories with me! It really makes me feel better. I appreciate all of the advice as well!
Sending many hugs your way!! I have been having some similar issues as you and the other ladies. I was having a lot more, but he has been more helpful lately after i had a bit of a breakdown. I am sorry you are soo stressed and completely understand. I definitely would not be having the whole waking the baby uP at night thing. That i would freak about. You must have lots of patience dealing with this on top of the baby and your other kiddos. I give you props because i dont think i could handle it. I barely get the things that need to be accomplished done now. You go girl! Hope things get better once you talk to him. And please never apologize for a rant...its part of what we are here for
Oh, Michelle! (((HUGS))) I'm so sorry. I can only agree with the advice the ladies have given you. I hope that you can find the opportunity to have a talk with him, and I will pray that he will be open to understanding your frustrations and making some real changes. I'm so sorry that you've been through so much lately. I'm praying right now that things are a little easier for you.