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  • 1 Post By rhill4455
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  #1  
March 7th, 2013, 06:14 AM
Leanne78's Avatar Nov 2012 DDC Co-Host
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How involved is your DH/SO in the day to day baby "maintenance". Do they feed, change, rock?

My DH will hold Cam if I hand her to him and he will talk to her a little and smile at her. But that's pretty much where it ends. He thinks she's the best little baby in the world, but he just isn't comfortable with newborns so I get zero help. Thankfully, she's easy so it isn't a big issue and he does a lot for Akadia. Otherwise, I think I would be pretty ticked off about it. It works for us though. He does the toddler stage and I've got the newborn stage covered. And he cooks. I'm willing to overlook a lot because of that!
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  #2  
March 7th, 2013, 07:43 AM
MomtoCarly&Sofia's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I basically do everything. He changes maybe 1 or two diapers when he gets home from work, gives the girls a bath after dinner and that's it. On the weekends he does get up and make the girls breakfast, and mostly handles the girls. But I've been so upset with him lately because I feel like way too much is put on just me. I understand I'm a SAHM but it's just too much on me, especially when no one helps me pick up or clean.

Oh and then he *****es about how tired he is when I'm the one doing everything around the house and with the kids, and up half the night nursing the baby. Must be nice to fall asleep on the couch at 8pm.
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  #3  
March 7th, 2013, 08:14 AM
rhill4455's Avatar Mom to 3 girls and a boy!
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He is a big hands on dad at all ages. If tori starts crying and he is closest to her or less occupied then he does not hesitate to go to her. If I am busy he steps up. If I need help with something I hand her off and he does not complain in the least. I don't ever ask for help with nighly feedings during the week due to the fact that he has to get up at 5am for PT. On the weekends he will get right up and help with out a single complaint if I ask. On weekends he will let me sleep in one morning and takes all 4 kids down stairs to make sure its quiet for me. If there is something I want to go out and do on my own he steps up to deal with all 4 kids with out complaints.

An example:
- Saturday I volunteered my time at a local consignment sale (so that I could shop at the presale). I was gone for 5 hours.
- Monday night I went out for dinner with the FRG wives and was gone for 3 hours.
- Tuesday night was the presale for the consignement sale. He got home early for me to go and I was gone for 4 hours.
All 3 nights I went and did it all alone with no kids. He did not complain a bit. (Of course its not usual for me to have so much going on.) I rarely get time away from the family. He also got sex two nights in a row for being such a great partner and being there!

He has learned that the more he helps the more energy I have and the more sex we have. His want and desire to help out so much is a total turn on for me. The more he helps out with the kids the more I want him!
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  #4  
March 7th, 2013, 10:58 AM
Leanne78's Avatar Nov 2012 DDC Co-Host
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Robin - Your DH and my DH need to have a little chat. Mine acts like a total martyr for having to do anything.
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  #5  
March 7th, 2013, 11:24 AM
Marksgirl0502's Avatar Veteran
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Robin, your DH is a genius! I've told mine many times that the sexiest thing he ever does is help with housework, but I don't think he gets it! He does a load of laundry every day, and takes out the garbage maybe twice a week, but as far as the kids go, I'm on my own. I don't think he's changed one of Karissa's diapers! He'll hold her for 10 minutes if she's fussy and I'm trying to get all the other kids bathed and ready for bed, but says his arms get tired. It used to really bother me, like his philosophy was 'if you can get it done with one arm while holding the baby, then don't ask me to help.' But it's actually helped me realize how much I can do on my own. There are still days when I think "I didn't sign up to be a single parent!" But he's such a great guy in may other ways, I try not to let it bother me.
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  #6  
March 7th, 2013, 12:07 PM
Glycerin19's Avatar Mindful Mama
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Usually he's willing to do anything I ask him to do. The key is that I have to ask. It's like he's in another world sometimes. Last night Norah was screaming for an hour. I don't know why, but she was. He could hear her, but didn't move to give me a break. If I had asked him later why he didn't help me, he would have said because I didn't ask. I wish I could be like that too...

But he's not a hands off dad at all. I can always count on him to keep the kids and let me get out for a while, or to handle most things that they need. Sometimes he complains, but he told me once that just because he complains, doesn't mean he won't do it. So I try to take that to heart and just ignore him.
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  #7  
March 7th, 2013, 04:29 PM
Belita's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Mine is very similar to Sarah's husband. He'll help if I ask. And he's getting better about spending time with Sean now that Sean is more interactive.
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  #8  
March 8th, 2013, 07:56 AM
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DH is awesome. Always asks if I need anything. Changes 99% of the diapers while home. Plays with her. Walks around with her to soothe her when she's fussy. Does housework if I've been too busy to get to something on my list. Cooks if she's napping on me. Does her baths. I feel like I have to watch what I say when friends are complaining about their DH's. I can't complain at all.
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  #9  
March 8th, 2013, 12:39 PM
mollymalone's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Rob is great about doing whatever I ask him to, and if he's not helping with the baby, he's usually good about doing laundry or whatever needs done around the house (except dishes.... Ellie doesn't like sitting in the kitchen, so I'm always falling behind, and Rob has been too interested in doing them lately, so we always have a pile! )

The bad thing is that for the longest time, she was such a mamma's girl, that she would scream anytime he had her... so he just quit taking her. He started out trying to get up with her at night, or trying to comfort her when she was upset, but got so upset when she didn't want him, that he just stopped. It's getting better, but now we've gotta work on finding a good balance again.
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  #10  
March 8th, 2013, 03:03 PM
Glycerin19's Avatar Mindful Mama
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mollymalone View Post

The bad thing is that for the longest time, she was such a mamma's girl, that she would scream anytime he had her... so he just quit taking her. He started out trying to get up with her at night, or trying to comfort her when she was upset, but got so upset when she didn't want him, that he just stopped. It's getting better, but now we've gotta work on finding a good balance again.
They will find it. My third was so much like this. Brian took is really personally for a long time. Then it sort of became a family joke that she didn't like him as much as me. But now they are really close.
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  #11  
March 8th, 2013, 11:15 PM
3kids3cats's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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DH is very helpful and hands-on with the baby. Unfortunately, during the week he is gone the majority of the time so he might see her for an hour a day, if that. So Mon-Fri I am pretty much on my own with 3 kids. He does do middle of the night feedings that happen from 2-6 am even during the week (since he is lucky and can fall right back to sleep). He also lets me sleep in on the weekends, since Avonlea is still up so many times a night, I'm only getting around 4-5 hours of sleep a night during the week (during his 2-6 am shift).

On the weekends I am typically very busy shuttling my oldest to activities, parties etc. & I work on Saturdays, so DH is on baby duty for at least 1/2 of the time on the weekend. He usually takes all 3 girls shopping at 2 different supermarkets! I don't even like to do that!

He also washes all of the bottles & pump parts daily. Plus he cooks a couple of big meals with leftovers every week so the girls and I have dinner taken care of several nights a week. On the weekend he does the laundry. He doesn't do any cleaning, but he is so helpful in the other ways, I don't care about that! He's a very involved father and I'm very glad my girls get to see his example of what a Dad/husband should be like. He's not perfect though...he has a short fuse and is way less patient than I am. I think most people are way less patient than I am though.
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  #12  
March 9th, 2013, 09:17 PM
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DH was really good for the first 2 weeks he was home with us... But since she's been 2 weeks old, he's been working 60 plus hours a week and just about everything has been on me... I've been doing every single night feeding, but on his days off he will get up with her around 7 and let me sleep in(which isn't very often)... this morning was his day off so he let me sleep in, but as soon as she started fussing, he tried waking me up by coming in the room and saying " good morning mommy! M misses you!!"..... so fustrating-lol.... He'll do diaper changes usually without me having to ask when he's home, and most everything else he'll do no problem but I have to ask or else he'll play on his I-phone or watch tv... It's especially fustrating with housework, I feel like such a nag but I'm not the only one who lives here!! He loves her to death and takes a ton of pictures, will rock her as long as she isn't fussing.... and he's just started to talk and play with her more now that she's intereacting more and laughing and such...
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  #13  
March 10th, 2013, 01:58 PM
Cocoa Sashimi's Avatar Usually Lurking
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Leanne78 View Post
How involved is your DH/SO in the day to day baby "maintenance". Do they feed, change, rock?
Completely involved. The only thing he doesn't do is breastfeed.
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  #14  
March 10th, 2013, 02:36 PM
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I'm kind of jealous! My DH will play with her a bit every day but usually not alone. He will change the occasional diaper, if his arthritic hands permit, and sometimes he will get stuff for me when I'm feeding. The only time he has gotten up in the night (after the first night) was when I knocked the monitor over and the noise woke him up. I cook, I clean, he pays bills and does most of the maintenance work for the fish/coral tanks, except the eel, he is too lazy to feed the stupid eel.

Basically as long as she is happy he will be around, when she cries he leaves the room.
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