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A couple days ago I finally had a talk with my hubby. I'm ready to start trying for baby #2. He isn't. I don't like that we're not on the same page :/ I fear that he is content with one child. We have always both said we want two but now he doesn't even want to talk about having another. I always hoped if we had more then one that they would be close in age. And he can't even give me an estimated time of when he *thinks* he *might* be ready to try for another. Plus, with PCOS who knows how long it will take when he does decide. I'm a mix of emotions about this. Kind of has me down :/
Oh my goodness, that's EXACTLY what happened with hubby and I! I was ready to ttc way earlier than he was and the way he refused to talk about another terrified me. He seemed so stressed by our son sometimes. I thought he was going to back out on a second baby. I wanted them close together and I was sure it would take awhile this time.
The best advice I can give you is to give him time. No matter what I said, I couldn't get hubby to tell me WHY he wasn't ready and it ended up frustrating him. He wasn't sure why, he just didn't feel ready. And you don't want to push him into a baby he isn't thrilled about. I kind of did that with our first, and we had to work hard to get past that. It's not worth it.
Talk to him about your feelings, but try not to KEEP talking about it. My hubby was finally able to at least tell me he didn't want to wait past the first of the year to start trying again, so that helped, but it was torture for me not to have a date to count down to Do your best to distract yourself with other things and give him his time. Don't think about the perfect age difference or what month it needs to happen in, that makes it much worse. I know it's so rough, but you can do it, and when he's ready, it will be so exciting because you're both on the same page!
I'm sorry! My DH cant seem to make up his mind. Sometimes he is all for it and seems so disappointed when AF arrives; but then there are times he gets in these moods where he seems like he no longer wants to.
I hope your DH can at least give you some idea of when exactly he will feel ready to ttc. Does he realize your reasoning and that this is important to you? Especially with the PCOS.
That really sucks when you aren't on the same page. SO wanted to have them close together and started talking about having a second when Oz was only a couple months old. I was not interested, and honestly, if I'd had my way I wouldn't be pregnancy yet either. I told him I wanted to wait for a couple years, and what was he going to say - he obviously couldn't make me change my mind.
I think you'll just have to wait it out, though I know that's not what you want to hear. I don't think there's anything he could have said to me that would have made me change my mind.
Did you ask him if he has any reasons, or if its just a feeling of not being ready.
I would explain about why it might take longer than he realizes in case he doesn't understand that. Then I would talk about when he thinks he might be ready. A deadline is good but not like a crazy close one. Before Paxton came along so unexpectedly Bobby and I discussed maybe having a third by the time I was 35. We both knew we probably weren't done but weren't ready to go there yet in any way so that deadline was great for us. We gave ourselves a huuuuuuuge gap and both felt better about it. So tell him because it might take a while to get pregnant again you need a definite timeline and if he gives you one that's a few years from now be ok with that and hope he'll change his mind eventually and make it sooner. (Sorry if this doesn't make any sense. Bobby's listening to podcasts and it's hard for me to concentrate.)
Sounds like I will have to wait another year, maybe two. Hoping if we continue to not prevent that it will happen. Once in a while he will grab contraceptive and once in a while he won't. So we shall see. I think that his biggest set back is him wanting to start his own business and not knowing how that will pan out and then "throwing" in another kid he just feels so unsure. I guess time will tell. Just sucks not being on the same page. I guess I should take this time and work on my health and hope that that will be a major bonus once he's ready to TTC. Just wish that wasn't so hard to do, but thats a whole other story lol