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This might be long, so bear with me. I've been having issues with making friends since I was about 14. At that age, just before highschool I moved to a new school district where I knew absolutely nobody. It was terrifying. I really never made any real friends throughout highschool. I've been able to scrutinize what caused this over the years only to find that the issues were very internal. Some really nice people tried to befriend me, people that I genuinely liked as people, but I always kept my distance or pushed them away because I was afraid to let anyone in my little "bubble". I was extremely insecure and I still am. I always have my guard up. It's hard to say exactly what makes me so afraid... Being judged, humiliated, or abandoned? Idk. But anyway, my biggest issues are with women. I'm from a family of mostly women, so I have no idea where these fears came from. But I've always been the type of girl to be more comfortable around guys. I'm afraid I don't know how to act with women. When I think of women, I imagine cattiness, drama, gossip, two-facedness.. Although in reality, I know not all women are like this..
But anyway, this has really been eating at me over the past year. My husband is my best friend and I am so happy to have him. And my family is always there to talk to. But with my 10 month old, and staying at home all day, I've really been wishing I had female friends to relate to - or to just get out of the house with.. My husband's friends wife added me to a facebook group of moms in my area who sometimes get together for playdates. And she invited me to come to one. It would be nice, but it's also extremely intimidating to me. A lot of these women are good friends, which makes it even more intimidating. Deep down, I'm just terrified that they won't like me. And idk if I could handle that, considering I'm already so vunerable amd sensitive about the whole situation.
I mean, what should I do? Does anyone have any advice?
I know how you feel! Omg. I've had this problem for yearssss. I'm totally comfortable with my guy friends but mention bringing a girl over that I don't know and I'm 9 times out of 10 not cool with it. Where are you from? I would say give the play dates a shot but I again know exactly where you're coming from. I was going crazy, my only good girlfriends live far away, ones in Vegas, ones in San Diego and the other is a couple hours away in Houston but still it's so hard to keep up with them. The way I made friends when my husband was in the Marines and we moved was to just meet wives from his unit and wed drink with them and their husbands. That was always an ice breaker it gets me loose and I don't care what anyone thinks lol. I ended up making 3 GREAT friends out there that I haven't seen in over a year but we still keep in touch. Drinking is obviously not an option right now and I don't party like I used. So that makes this trickier for me... I recently just stopped caring for two seconds and got to know one of DHs lady friends from high school that I never clicked with back then, I wouldn't say she's my BFF now or anything but we can hang out and talk and its totally cool.
I really don't have any advice, I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone. I have never really had close friends, at least not since freshman year in high school. It always feels as if it is me pushing them away, even though thats the last thing I wanted.
I think giving a smaller playdate a try would be a good idea. Right now, there is 1 mom at my DDs school that I talk to, it isn't like a great friend or anything, but, it is a start. Our DDs are in Girl Scouts together so every other monday during the meeting we sit and talk about them and stuff going on in the city. Occasionally we will text or FB each other. I get intimidated from large groups of women as well, that is why I say finding 1 and kind of going with her for a little while, perhaps she can help you branch out!!
You may even want to consider going to something where most people don't know everyone else already, as I can see being the only newcomer as intimidating as well. I recently started taking my 8.5 month old to a class at the library and met 2 girls with girls around my son's age. No one in the class knew each other previously, and we all have a ball now.
I totally ditto jessimaka!! Last year at a library lapsit class I met one of the best girls...we kept getting together on weds after the class ended and we still get together and she's one of my best friiends. Id look for something like that in your area. You can do this!! Or go to the park or play area somewhere....you'll meet someone!
You are worth being friends with.and worry less about whether they like you and more on if you like them! After a playdate...ask yourself if you had fun or not. If you did...call or text that person the next week! Babysteps.
It kind of sounds like you have social anxiety. It's a pretty common thing and I used to deal with it in a major way but I've gotten to the point where it rarely bothers me now. You could probably benefit from some counseling. I know it helped me tons.
Thank you ladies, really. Y'all made me feel less like a weirdo for feeling this way. I guess it's a more common problem than I thought. And I like the idea of taking babysteps, like just making one friend for starters. I mean, thinking about it now, the lady who invited me has always been friendly with me. She's invited me out before but I usually don't take her up on it. I just need to force myself to say yes to things like that. Instead of hiding from them.
And yes, leogirl, i fit the bill for social anxiety. I've looked up on it before, although I haven't been able to afford counseling. I might be able to go now with my prenatal medicaid - if it does cover it. How long did it take for you to start seeing changes? How exactly did your counselor help? I've never done anything like that before so I have no idea what to expect.