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Preliminary update of situation with guy


Forum: December 2013 Playroom

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  #2  
May 4th, 2013, 09:01 PM
summerbaby1's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 394
I'm so sorry. I really don't know what to say except I'll keep you in my prayers and we're here for you if you need us.
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  #4  
May 4th, 2013, 09:19 PM
*~ Joni ~*'s Avatar Jordana Jacoby & Jamason
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: PA and AZ
Posts: 8,658
I hope he comes around. But if not, you can do this
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  #5  
May 4th, 2013, 09:23 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: CA
Posts: 1,676
As already said above, we are here for you. No matter what, you can do this. Saying prayers that he will come around in time.
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  #7  
May 5th, 2013, 12:41 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Southern Germany
Posts: 4,654
Have you told him that you are for sure pregnant?
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He's here!
Cody Ryan
December 3, 2013 at 433 pm
7 lbs 6 oz, 21 inches
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  #8  
May 5th, 2013, 04:10 AM
Papasgirl's Avatar Down Syndrome Pregnancy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Boston, Ma
Posts: 4,503
I'm sorry you have to go through this. It's heartbreaking and scary I am sure, but right now you have to focus on you and your baby... What is it YOU want and how do YOU want to handle this. This is an important and special time. I hope you are able to find some peace with it. Whatever you chose, we are here for you!
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Baby Girl Anastasia is my Rainbow!! Diagnosed with T21...
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  #9  
May 5th, 2013, 05:03 AM
Jessimaaka's Avatar Pink in a house of Blue
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 16,278
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Jess
DS1: Cameron 8/12/2012
DS2: Levi 3/30/2014
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  #10  
May 5th, 2013, 06:28 AM
Nicole1481's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Posts: 1,219
(((Hugs)))
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  #11  
May 5th, 2013, 06:44 AM
HorseGal's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Kansas
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Sounds like his butt needs kicked out of the house. IMO
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  #13  
May 5th, 2013, 07:43 AM
redbirds's Avatar Blessed Again!
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: CO
Posts: 18,447
Oh, I'm so sorry this is the case. I have to be honest that it's important you are honest with him. If you can't consider adoption, then it's not something you would tell him you are willing to consider. He may need all of the time to wrap his head around the fact that he is going to be a father, whether or not he chooses to step up to that magnificent role.

You are in a very tough situation, but you know how much you love this baby already and what choices you've already considered and tossed. You know you better than anyone.

Do what is right for you. It may hurt for him to turn away, but you still have support. You still have a tummy full of love. You still have your strength, wits and heart. Be frank. Plan for the worst, but hope for the best.
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  #14  
May 5th, 2013, 08:19 AM
kara74's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Posts: 2,389
I don't think lying about putting the baby up for adoption when you know you plan on keeping it is a good idea. Be straight with him. Tell him you're pregnant and plan on keeping the baby. If he leaves, his loss. Telling him you will give up the baby and then ending up keeping it will only cause more problems. You want to know now what he's going to do. Why prolong things? You're an adult woman who is perfectly capable of doing this on your own. If he doesn't want to be a father then let him go. It will be better for you and the baby.
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  #15  
May 5th, 2013, 08:37 AM
JulieMc's Avatar Loving my babies. :)
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 9,004
Quote:
Originally Posted by JaeSung View Post
I am thinking maybe I could tell him I'll think about adoption. Even though I already know I couldn't go through with it. Maybe the time that gives, it will be enough, and maybe he might start to feel like he wants to keep it, too.


Do you guys think there's a chance of that working?
I think that you need to cut the games and be honest. If he can't deal then he can't deal and he'll leave. But don't stir up more drama with lies. It'll never work out the way you want it to.
feythful and Miss-Melissa-Sue like this.
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  #17  
May 5th, 2013, 09:34 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Utah
Posts: 1,304
I'm sorry you feel like there are negative replies. We are trying to be here for you and as what has been said about the father has painted a not so good person in my opinion. We are trying to be here for you but unfortunately when people care they will tell you what you don't always want to hear. I hope things get better.
JulieMc, *Leah* and mommy-of-one like this.
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  #18  
May 5th, 2013, 09:49 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 43,573
I don't think anyone is trying to be negative. But I agree with the other ladies, telling him you will consider something that you really won't actually consider is only going to end up worse. You asked for our opinions on that, and that is what we think. In a situation like this, it's best to be upfront about what you will and won't do. The fact that he talked you into an abortion once, that you regret, leads me to believe that this relationship isn't a good one. Especially since you waited to tell him this time so he wouldn't be able to do it again.

It sounds like the negativity is coming from him, and it's negativity that you don't need.

Maybe make a list about the good and positive things that he brings to the relationship, and put it up next to the list of negatives you've already listed here. See how they weigh against each other.

Sometimes the best thing to do, though, is just let go.
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  #19  
May 5th, 2013, 09:52 AM
kara74's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 2,389
Ok "thinking" about adoption would also be a LIE because you are NOT thinking about doing it. Cut the games, you're not a child. You're a 40 year old woman. You're going to have a child. Get real. Don't lash out at people in this group who are trying to support you. Save the lashing out for the guy who talked you into an abortion a year ago and doesn't want you to have the child you're currently pregnant with.


Quote:
Originally Posted by JaeSung View Post
Yeah, I suppose. Well, he already is a dad, twice. Three times if you count the one I let him convince me to get rid of.




First. Me thinking of telling him I'd think about adoption is not the same thing as telling him I'd do it.

Second, as my first post says, I have told him I am. Why else would he bring up adoption?

Nowhere did I post that I would tell him I wouldn't keep it.




I'm not playing any games. I told him when he brought it up, that I don't know if I could do adoption.

I'm not commenting on anymore negative seeming replies.
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  #20  
May 5th, 2013, 09:59 AM
redbirds's Avatar Blessed Again!
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: CO
Posts: 18,447
Oh... it sounds like he doesn't have a good record in the baby-department How sad for someone (him) to be so nonchalant about things like this, and then leave the weight on the shoulders of the women and the children. I am sure he has his good side, or you wouldn't be afraid to see what his true reaction will be, but it also sounds like he has a lot to learn or that he doesn't want to change who he is.

Whatever you choose, I hope it all works out for you. Right now, it's hard to see that things could be better if he does back out and you do this on your own, but I've seen it happen and the women are amazing moms who don't need the negativity those men brought to their lives. However, if he chooses to finally step up, I certainly wish you both the best and hope it all works out
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Gwynne, celebrating the newest of our four precious miracles

Hat's off to Vicki for my cute siggy, thank you!
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