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So we told DH's family... (vent)


Forum: December 2013 Playroom

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  • 1 Post By mommy-of-one
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  #1  
May 12th, 2013, 07:24 PM
Leogirl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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that we are expecting #2 tonight. I was very reluctant to tell as I haven't been to the Dr yet and we're still at a point where anything can happen. DH's family are, to put it nicely, odd. They made a HUGE deal that our first wasn't a boy and they were very vocal when we announced the pregnancy that I lost that they "hoped I had gotten it right and this one was a boy".

Tonight went about like The Hindenburg Disaster. It was all boy this and boy that. It just makes me feel terrible to say that I don't care as long as it's healthy. It's like what I want doesn't even matter. They are happy that I'm pregnant but they will only ultimately be happy if it's a boy. Part of me really hopes it's a boy so they will shut up and part of me hopes we never ever have a boy. It just brings a cloud over the whole pregnancy. I'm just trying to be happy that it's happened and keep all my fears at bay.

Thank you to all that read though...you all deserve cookies.
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  #2  
May 12th, 2013, 07:31 PM
mommy-of-one's Avatar Veteran
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Yummy cookies
I think that they had no right making those comments! I'm so sorry you had to go through that... I can totally understand not wanting a boy just to aggravate them more! Hopefully they can love this baby the same whether boy or girl!

Happy Mother's Day, don't let them rain on your parade!!
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  #3  
May 12th, 2013, 07:50 PM
CherryLimeade's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm sorry you have to put up with that Sometimes people just don't think about what they're saying, you know. Don't let them get to you! Cause it doesn't matter what they want. It matters what YOU want, which is a beautiful healthy baby! (boy OR girl)
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  #4  
May 12th, 2013, 08:35 PM
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First, Happy Mother's Day & you deserve a !! I really wish people (esp. inlaws) could just be happy & not feel the need to voice every thought that comes into their heads. I understand your frustration & I know sometimes it's hard, but don't let them steal your joy! Boy or girl, this baby will be a blessing to you & your DH.
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  #5  
May 12th, 2013, 08:36 PM
BoyerMom's Avatar Super Mommy
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Stay strong! Sounds like they need to be put in their place. I hope that whatever happens, they get over it and realize what is most important is your and the baby's health.
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  #6  
May 12th, 2013, 08:43 PM
feythful's Avatar Proud Dec '13 DDC Co-host
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Some people are jerks when it comes to pregnancies. They seem to lose the filter between their brain and mouth, they get in your personal space and touch you without any permission, and they act as if the pregnancy is something that affects them more than you. This is a serious pet peeve of mine, as I'm sure you can tell.

I don't think your in-laws would appreciate my humor at all, because I'm one of those snarky people who would do things just to annoy them. I'd refer to the baby as "she" all the time. I'd tell them all that my intuition tells me that it's another girl. I'd relay all the ways that this pregnancy is just like the last one, which indicates it's a girl. I'd even share all of the girl names I was thinking of. That might make me a jerk, but I'm super sensitive to other people's rude comments and if I need to amuse myself to keep from crying in front of them, I'll do it.

I'm sorry they're being so obnoxious about the boy thing. I know there are some cultures who still view family names as a big deal, but it's not like it was a hundred years ago when only a male could inherit the family fortune. I hope you can spend as little time with them as possible and when you have to be around them, I hope you find a way to deal with it so they don't ruin this joyous time.
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  #7  
May 12th, 2013, 09:12 PM
Kaniscooo's Avatar Super Mommy
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I dealt with this last time! Boy boy boy. I just said "Id like a girl actually but ill be happy either way" everyone else was happy for us about it being a girl except my MIL. She was super negative and every chance she got she brought up that it should've been a boy. When she started that crap again when I was admitted to L&D I told her to keep her negativity to herself or she could leave. She shut up. This time, we've gotten a couple "hope it's a boy"s but nothing like last time.
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  #8  
May 13th, 2013, 03:35 AM
HorseGal's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Family... can't live with em' cant live without em'.
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  #9  
May 13th, 2013, 04:04 AM
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That stinks ... im sorry you had to go through that ordeal .. it should be a happy moment no matter what ..
i guess some people are just still old fashion ... and as for the fears .. cheer up buttercup !! all that matters is how you and dd and dh feel ... dont let them bring you down
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  #10  
May 13th, 2013, 05:52 AM
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Wy do they want a boy so badly? What nationality are they
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  #11  
May 13th, 2013, 06:09 AM
bajars2531's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I hate this for you I do not understand WHY people get so twisted about gender. I hope that you and your dh can be happy without the interference of your in-laws. I am sorry that they acted like that, I don't blame you for being upset!
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  #12  
May 13th, 2013, 06:18 AM
blakesgirl09's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm very sorry that you had to deal with that. People just need to learn to keep their opinions to themselves. Unless asked!!
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  #13  
May 13th, 2013, 09:11 AM
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I'm so sorry you have to deal with this? Have they said why they want a boy so badly? They should just be happy that there's a baby coming. I'm the type of person that reminds them of the mean things they say later on when the baby comes. Sometimes they stop, sometimes they don't. I really hope it gets better!
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  #14  
May 13th, 2013, 08:54 PM
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I hate it when people make such a big deal about gender. I mean, it IS WHAT IT IS ALREADY! It was decided before you even knew about the pregnancy. And it's not going to change no matter what people think. How about just loving the baby for what it is? huh?

Kind of a sore spot to me, if you can't tell.
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  #15  
May 14th, 2013, 05:53 AM
Jessimaaka's Avatar Pink in a house of Blue
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I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Are you finding out gender? I got A LOT of this from DH's family (they are European, and not to stereotype, but they tend to be more likely to push for a boy to pass the last name on). I stayed on team green because I wanted that surprise, but it also helped to avoid any potential gender disappointment...who can complain once there's a sweet baby here!

DH's grandmother ACTUALLY prayed during grace at Easter dinner when I was pregnant ''please let the baby be a boy'' I was furious. She has an extremely heavy English accent so at first I thought I heard wrong.

I ended up having a boy, but I'd like to hope if I had had a girl instead they still would have loved her just as much.
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  #16  
May 14th, 2013, 11:57 AM
Leogirl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thank you all for all of the support. It was the exact same way during my first pregnancy and the pregnancy that I lost. They are German and feel that every family should start with a boy. Everyone In both MIL and FIL's families have all had a boy first. DH's brother had a boy. We had a girl...as if anyone has any control over these things. MIL just wept when we told her that we were having a girl the first time.

We do plan on finding out so that everyone can get their emotions out of the way before the baby comes and plus I like knowing. I don't do any shopping until then and I want everything for the nursery ready when he/she comes.
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  #17  
May 14th, 2013, 12:36 PM
redbirds's Avatar Blessed Again!
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OH, Good Lord. Seriously. These people need to get a grip! I'm one, though, that if they said that to me, I'd tell them that it's up to DH (he IS the one who decides gender, after all) and that if it is a girl, they better keep their yappers shut and love both the girls or forget seeing them!

I can't believe people can be so obnoxious over this. Can't they just mourn over the loss and be happy for the pregnancy now? Sorry ((HUGS))
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  #18  
May 14th, 2013, 01:57 PM
kara74's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I find that so sad. Like she wouldn't love her grandchild because it's a girl. I would really have hard feelings towards your MIL if I were you. I'm so sorry you've had to deal with that nonsense. A baby is a blessing no matter what gender it is.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Leogirl View Post
Thank you all for all of the support. It was the exact same way during my first pregnancy and the pregnancy that I lost. They are German and feel that every family should start with a boy. Everyone In both MIL and FIL's families have all had a boy first. DH's brother had a boy. We had a girl...as if anyone has any control over these things. MIL just wept when we told her that we were having a girl the first time.

We do plan on finding out so that everyone can get their emotions out of the way before the baby comes and plus I like knowing. I don't do any shopping until then and I want everything for the nursery ready when he/she comes.
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  #19  
May 14th, 2013, 04:07 PM
emilybobemily's Avatar Regular
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You should tell your MIL that if everyone had baby boys there would be no more baby boys! Such a ridiculous thing to say to a pregnant woman! Don't they know how sensitive we are right now??
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