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Sorry for such a depressing post, but...


Forum: December 2013 Playroom

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  • 1 Post By **jessie**
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  #1  
May 19th, 2013, 02:50 AM
CherryLimeade's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2013
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I feel so unprepared for another baby. I love this baby, in a way. But part of me just can't imagine having enough love for two children. I know I'm looney, and it will all change when I meet him/her. My mother said she felt the same way and that our hearts grow every time we have a new child. I really wanted to be pregnant, don't get me wrong. But I've just had a lot of mixed feelings in the past 2 weeks.

Part of it has been from the fact that my son is about to be a year old (in exactly 1 month as of today). He's getting so big. I wish he could stay my teeny baby forever. Part of me doesn't want to replace him as my baby. It's so bittersweet.

This pregnancy has also brought forward some fears from my son's birth. We had a shoulder dystocia - his shoulder got stuck immediately after his head emerged. And I had a postpartum hemorrhage because of it. And some terribly painful stitches that almost required surgery to have them done. I didn't realize how scary it all was until months later, but it's still fresh on my mind.. It was only 11 months ago.

I feel like poop.
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  #2  
May 19th, 2013, 03:33 AM
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What you are feeling is completely normal!!! Trust me, I felt that way expecting my second and feel is about 10x more now that the 3rd is coming. Of course, you love that little baby but it is normal to mourn the fact that your little boy will soon be your 'big' boy. And I think you are much more aware of what it means to be a mommy to an infant. With your first, you have an idea about it being hard but after you have had a child you REALLY know what you are getting into.

So don't feel bad! You will be a great mommy to two. After the new baby is a couple months old, I promise you will barely be able to remember a time without him/her
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  #3  
May 19th, 2013, 04:53 AM
HorseGal's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I think it would be harder if you still had a baby. My son is 2 and doesn't have much baby left!

I do feel your fear for another birth experience. I had an emergency c-section and the thought of all that pain and long recovery if my VBAC attempt doesn't work scares me. I told myself if this baby's presentation was incorrect like my sons i'd just do an elective one for our safety but the thought of walking into a hospital to be cut open is more then I can handle thinking about.

My other fear is just going through another pregnancy. I carry out and low so I get HUGE and I'm already showing alot. I have back and hip pain everyday already and I deal with BP drops and a lot of anxiety issues.
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  #4  
May 19th, 2013, 06:57 AM
Ms_jamie's Avatar Super Mommy
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Glad to hear I'm not alone... I go back and forth all the time. I wonder how I'll be able to love another child as much as I adore my daughter. Clearly it's possible..just worries me, what if I am an exception to that rule??
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  #5  
May 19th, 2013, 07:04 AM
bajars2531's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I feel what you are saying!! I feel some days that I couldn't possibly love another baby as much as I adore my son, and that kind of freaks me out. This baby was a surprise for us, and has come at a very difficult time for me. I feel guilty because I am SO stressed out about everything that is going on right now and while I am happy to be pregnant and I know this child is a blessing for us, I find myself sad, scared, and depressed way more than I did when I was pregnant the first time. I have been trying to not compare my experiences to each other and tell myself that this is a new pregnancy, a new baby, and no matter what, things will work out, because they always do. Hang in there mama. It will get better. Have you considered hiring a doula? That may help ease some of your labor fears. I don't blame you for being a bit afraid, it sounds like you had a really tough birth the first time around. But you got through it and you have a healthy baby. Our wounds heal, our stitches and scars are our battle wounds--celebrate how tough you are mama!
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  #6  
May 19th, 2013, 07:24 AM
kara74's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Awww. You will absolutely love the new baby as much as your son. I know at this point it's hard to imagine but you will. It's amazing how mothers have the ability to love all their children equally yet differently. When you hold that new little one in your arms it will hit you, trust me.

I have my own weird feelings that are similar in early pregnancy. It's not really love yet and sad to say it's a little bit of resentment about feeling so bad which obviously isn't the baby's fault but it's still hard to feel love and excitement when you feel like crap all the time. It's like a detached feeling I guess. I know once the baby grows and I see the ultrasounds, I'll get more attached. I feel a bit guilty feeling this way but it is what it is.
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  #7  
May 19th, 2013, 09:34 AM
redbirds's Avatar Blessed Again!
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I felt this same way through my 2nd pregnancy. I'd lie in bed crying, wondering how I could love anything else as much as my first, but believe me, you are right in that your heart just SWELLS and you love them both amazingly equally. You also find the knack to attend to both children with just as much time, love and attention. I can't explain it, but it just happens. You will never love another being like you love your first, and you will never love another being like you love your second. It's a wonderful feeling.
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  #8  
May 19th, 2013, 10:03 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Here's something I've learned. You love all your children unconditionally, and equally, but you do not love them the same. They are different people, you will love them differently.

The human heart is an amazing thing. It's still amazing to me that I can love all of my kids and not, just, explode.
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  #9  
May 19th, 2013, 04:27 PM
CherryLimeade's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I just hope the feelings fade away when I'm further along, maybe after I can actually feel this baby. That was the point in my last pregnancy that it all started to feel real. Everything y'all said I can so relate to right now. I have so many different mixed feelings. It's a little overwhelming.

I know I felt a little bit like this when I was pregnant with my first. I just didn't know him yet, couldn't see him, and I had no idea what he would look like or be like, and I felt a little detached because of that. I knew that I loved him though. And after he came out, my love just amplified times infinity. And just like Jessie said, it feels exactly like I am mourning my son no longer being my little baby. I wish he would stay little forever.
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  #10  
May 19th, 2013, 07:02 PM
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I had the same feelings when I had my I was pregnant with my second. I am sure as you get further along you will start to feel differently. Its hard to imagine loving another baby but you will! I struggled alot with feeling of guilt about making my first grow up and it all works out and I like to say the same thing Brittanie said, you will love them both, but in different ways.(((hugs)))
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  #11  
May 19th, 2013, 08:43 PM
BoyerMom's Avatar Super Mommy
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Location: Oregon
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Hang in there. My nieces are about 20 months apart, and my SIL was really great at giving each the same amount of attention. (Now they are 6.5 and almost 5, and are great friends). I think it will just take some time.
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  #12  
May 20th, 2013, 09:24 PM
CherryLimeade's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thanks ladies, really.
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  #13  
May 21st, 2013, 05:59 PM
1fabulousfem's Avatar Mommy to Finn + 1!
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Lurking but my two will be just under 15 months apart and I wonder how in God's name I will ever love this one as much as Finn.
Today I felt the baby kick for the very first time and those thoughts are completely gone ...already!!!
Chin up. I promise, it will all fall into place!
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