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Feel so guilty!


Forum: December 2013 Playroom

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  • 2 Post By Urchin
  • 1 Post By Brittanie
  • 1 Post By Oriyan
  • 1 Post By Brittanie
  • 2 Post By blakesgirl09

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  #1  
May 20th, 2013, 06:38 AM
Oriyan's Avatar Platinum Superdupermommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: I am a stranger in a strange land.
Posts: 10,467
I feel so guilty! I dish out THOUSANDS of dollars to be able to get pregnant and I hate EVERY stinkin' moment of being pregnant! I know there are millions of women out there who would LOVE to be pregnant, and be able to get pregnant right away from fertility treatments, but I really just can NOT stand being pregnant!

I am more depressed pregnant than at any other time (I remember when my son was born, I was THRILLED i was no longer pregnant! They asked about PPD and I was like Oh heck no! Dont have that at all! I feel great!).

I just dislike the constant sickness, and pain and just general BLEH feelings I have. The heartburn, the constant being hungry --- UGH.

I keep telling DH if this is a girl, I am DONE. And if its not, as much as I want to be done having kids soon, there is gonna be a wait if I do this a third time.
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Samantha (30) (Hashimoto's)
DH: Joseph (33) (Oligoasthenoteratospermia)
DS1: Johnathan "J.J" (4.5)
DS2: Lucas "Luca"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IVF #1: October 2008
July 22, 2009: Johnathan Jarrett is born! 10:41 am, 7lbs, 12oz, 21.5 inches

FET #2: March 2013 (Medicated cycle)
November 25, 2013: Lucas Ryan is born! 8:46 pm, 8lbs, 8oz, 20 inches (No epidural!)
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  #2  
May 20th, 2013, 07:38 AM
*Leah*'s Avatar TTC the newfashioned way
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 3,420
I'm sorry you are feeling so crappy....as long as it took us to get pg...we should enjoy it. I swear acupuncture is magic. I never felt better while doing it before and after pg. Is that an option for you? ((hugs))
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TTC#1 since 10/2006, 5 failed IUI's, 1st IVF successful BFP!! Baby Girl 2/2011
TTC#2 BFP 9/2011, Natural Pregnancy! 3/30/12 M/C'd on 5/15/12 (9 weeks)
IVF#2 BFP 4/2013 M/C 6/2/13 (8 weeks)
FET #1 BFP 8/2013 - Chemical Pregnancy
IVF #3 - Retrieval Oct 31st, Txferred 2 on 5d - a Blast and Morula - Chemical Pregnancy
IVF #4 - ER scheduled for 4/4/14 retrieved 4 eggs. Txferred 3 embryos 4/7/14!....BFN...NOW WHAT?
Check out my NEWBORN Hats and Baby Items
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  #3  
May 20th, 2013, 07:47 AM
Oriyan's Avatar Platinum Superdupermommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: I am a stranger in a strange land.
Posts: 10,467
If insurance doesn't cover it, its not an option.

I felt like this my first pregnancy too.
__________________
Samantha (30) (Hashimoto's)
DH: Joseph (33) (Oligoasthenoteratospermia)
DS1: Johnathan "J.J" (4.5)
DS2: Lucas "Luca"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IVF #1: October 2008
July 22, 2009: Johnathan Jarrett is born! 10:41 am, 7lbs, 12oz, 21.5 inches

FET #2: March 2013 (Medicated cycle)
November 25, 2013: Lucas Ryan is born! 8:46 pm, 8lbs, 8oz, 20 inches (No epidural!)
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  #4  
May 20th, 2013, 08:35 AM
Urchin's Avatar Loving every minute.
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Atlantic Canada
Posts: 7,906
Just lurking, but I had to respond.

Honestly, who actually does like feeling sick, nauseated, hot, uncomfortable, etc.

You're not taking your frustration out on your child, so don't be so hard on yourself. You can absolutely not enjoy pregnancy, and that's ok!

Don't beat yourself up! It's 100% ok to feel the way you do!
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  #5  
May 20th, 2013, 08:55 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 43,573
I agree with you 100%. If I could get the results of pregnancy (ie: a newborn biological child of my own), WITHOUT the pregnancy, I'd do it. I've told people that I'd be in labor for a week straight if I could go without being pregnant first.

I HATE pregnancy. But I love being a mommy. And in the end, being a mommy lasts longer and is WAY more amazing than pregnancy is miserable, so here I am. Pregnant again.

But this is the last one.
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  #6  
May 20th, 2013, 09:13 AM
monkeymama2's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Suburbs of Chicago
Posts: 1,922
I'm the opposite. I don't like feeling sick, fat, tired--but I do love pregnancy. I do however get PPD so I have that to look forward to. Luckily it's manageable. I have very few friends who enjoy pregnancy so I think it's pretty common!
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  #7  
May 20th, 2013, 10:10 AM
Oriyan's Avatar Platinum Superdupermommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: I am a stranger in a strange land.
Posts: 10,467
I have like pregnancy depression. Just where I don't want to do anything, I hate everything, etc.

I actually find IVF and labor BETTER than being pregnant. I'd rather go through IVF for 9 months than be pregnant!

There is just NOTHING i enjoy about it. Right now I am at that "she looks like she got fat" stage -- I dont really have a belly, I just look fat. Next up, I will look pregnant and everyone will want to ask me the usual questions that I don't want to answer. That is followed by "Oh your not due for another X months? You are huge!" and all the "can i touch your belly", "when are you due", "whats its name", etc etc etc.

There are so many pictures of me right after I gave birth with the BIGGEST smile on my face -- not just cause I had a baby, but cause I was not pregnant!
aln030482 likes this.
__________________
Samantha (30) (Hashimoto's)
DH: Joseph (33) (Oligoasthenoteratospermia)
DS1: Johnathan "J.J" (4.5)
DS2: Lucas "Luca"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IVF #1: October 2008
July 22, 2009: Johnathan Jarrett is born! 10:41 am, 7lbs, 12oz, 21.5 inches

FET #2: March 2013 (Medicated cycle)
November 25, 2013: Lucas Ryan is born! 8:46 pm, 8lbs, 8oz, 20 inches (No epidural!)
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  #8  
May 20th, 2013, 10:13 AM
kara74's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 2,389
When I was younger (I had my boys at 22 and 23 years of age, respectively) once the first trimester was over, I didn't mind pregnancy. I had plenty of energy once the first 12-13 weeks were behind me and until late in the pregnancy, I didn't have many aches or pains. I didn't get bad heartburn or any of it. I had no idea how rough pregnancy could be until I was pregnant with my daughter. Ugh. At first I was like oh once I hit 13 weeks, I'll be good. 13 weeks came and went, 14, 15...30....when is this crap going to end??? Aches, pains, fatigue, nausea, vomiting, heartburn, you name it it lasted to the bitter end. She was going to be my last. This one is definitely going to be my last. I will do whatever it takes to not be pregnant again! I love babies and I love being a mom but this pregnancy crap is for the birds.
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  #9  
May 20th, 2013, 11:29 AM
kayakr's Avatar Persuaded by POAS’ers
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,747
I understand how you feel. I am in the same boat. I tried so hard for so long and spent so much money to have a baby. I have been blessed with this miracle and I feel like I am more depressed now then I was TTCMA? I am not even sure why. I am doing acupuncture and it is helping with nausea but I have zero energy and I am depressed. I thought maybe I was freaking out a little because I am having twins but really I am just freaking out. haha! It feels like because we did TTCMA that we lost our right to be grumpy or scared or just not feel well. I know that isn't true though but it feels like I am being ungrateful if I complain but all I want to do is sleep. I know EXACTLY how you are feeling.
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Gretchen
Me (43) DH(33) 12 years together - ttc our first together-I have 14yr old DS
Cycles 1-6 = BFN
Cycle 7 SA results abnormal morphology 2%, 50 mg clomid = BFN
Cycle 8 sonogram normal 50 mg clomid + trigger = BFN
Cycle 9 SA results abnormal morphology and motility. Count 200 mill, 100mg clomid + trigger = BFN
Cycle 10 natural = BFN
Cycle 11 hsg tubes clear, natural + trigger+IUI = BFN
Cycle 12 repronex + trigger + 2 IUI = BFN
Cycle 13 natural ovaries to stimulated for more meds = BFN
Cycle 14-22 natural cycle with Acupuncture and planning ivf/icsi/DE = ALL BFN
Cycle 23 Clomid 50 mg & Progesterone = BFN
Cycle 24 Natural = BFN
Cycle 25 BCP, SA result 7% morphology = BFN
Cycle 26 BCP and Lupron preparing for IVF
Cycle 27 IVF Acupuncture, DE Retrieval April 7, Transfer April 12 =
7 eggs retrieved, 3 fertilized, 2 transferred - zero snow babies
BETA # 1 16DPO or 11dp5dt = 569
BETA # 2 19 DPO or 14dp5dt = 1078
BETA # 3 22DPO or 17dp5dt = 2414 TWINS!
BETA # 4 30DPO or 25dp5dt = 12,685 6weeks 3days 2 heartbeats! 114 & 116
Clayton and Colton Born @ 34 weeks 11/22/13
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  #10  
May 20th, 2013, 12:30 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 43,573
Quote:
Originally Posted by kayakr View Post
It feels like because we did TTCMA that we lost our right to be grumpy or scared or just not feel well. I know that isn't true though but it feels like I am being ungrateful if I complain but all I want to do is sleep. I know EXACTLY how you are feeling.
You know, if anything, you TTCMA girls have MORE right to complain about crappy pregnancies because you went through so much CRAP to get pregnant in the first place!! You *deserve* an easy road. DH and I had one night without a condom. We weren't even technically trying (although, in reality, not preventing is actively trying for us). If anyone, I don't have any right to complain because I can get pregnant at the drop of a hat.

But that's crap too, because EVERYONE has the right to complain about being sick and tired and not being able to do anything. It doesn't mean you aren't thrilled to have a baby or that you don't love him/her. It just means that you're sick and tired of being sick and tired.
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  #11  
May 20th, 2013, 12:38 PM
blakesgirl09's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,705
I don't enjoy being pregnant either! I feel awful saying that because I know there are so many members, even here at JM that would kill to be in my situation. Especially you TTCMA ladies. I feel guilty complaining because I don't want you guys to read something and misinterpret it. I too, LOVE being a mommy and I can't wait to hold my precious little baby in my arms. The baby that I planned for and tried for and completely knew what I was in for. But at this moment, I really wish it was December already!!!
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  #12  
May 20th, 2013, 01:22 PM
aln030482's Avatar <3 Proud Mommy <3
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 163
BIG BIG HUGS hun.... I know how you're feeling & I'm really hoping this all gets better. I know I've been down this road before, but this just feels so different than with all of the others. Please don't misunderstand me, I love all of my children & I love this one just as much, but I am just not really loving this whole pregnancy thing right now like I did with all of the others

As far as...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oriyan View Post
. Next up, I will look pregnant and everyone will want to ask me the usual questions that I don't want to answer. That is followed by "Oh your not due for another X months? You are huge!" and all the "can i touch your belly", "when are you due", "whats its name", etc etc etc.
I'm CURRENTLY dealing with this and I HATE it!!! Really, random people just feel the need to ask me this & I have all I can do to not turn around & literally scream at them that it's none of their business!!!
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~ Proud parents of 7 & happily expecting!! ~

DH - 35, Me - 31
DD - Kira Rae - 3.29.00 - induced @ 41w 3d
DD - Kaila Rose - 9.8.01 - stalled labor, c-section @ 39w6d
DD - Kelly Rebecca - 1.14.03 - induced, VBAC @ 41w5d
DS - Kobe Rian - 8.12.04 (lost twin at 13w) - IUGR - stopped developing @ 34w, emergency c-section @ 37w
DD - Kurstin Rubi - 1.9.07 - unexplained pre-labor starting at 26 weeks, spontaneous labor @ 37w & repeat c-section
DD - Kyleen Ryli - 5.16.08 (lost twin at 8w3d) - preeclampsia - emergency c-section @ 34w6d
DS - Kory Reed - 3.1.10 - gestational diabetes - repeat c-section @ 39w2d
EDD 12.2.13 - Kole Reese - TEAM BLUE!!!



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  #13  
May 20th, 2013, 09:39 PM
CherryLimeade's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 1,060
I hate pregnancy too. Between the morning sickness and the 2nd half of pregnancy's daily heartburn (i have to sit up while sleeping or else i get acid reflux, coughing up stomach acid is so gross) i get 1, maybe 2 months tops where i'm actually comfortable being pregnant. I don't do it for the pregnancy, i do it for the baby at the end! Haha
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