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Circumcision: Why the big deal?!


Forum: December 2013 Playroom

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  #41  
June 10th, 2013, 10:22 AM
kara74's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Giving an exact reason why someone does or doesn't do it doesn't really answer the OP's question. To answer that question I would say because some people feel very strongly/passionately about why they do or do not circumcize. That is why it's a hot topic. It's just like other parenting topics. What I don't understand is why people can't just accept that others aren't going to do what they do for the same reasons they do it (not saying just people in this thread, I'm talking about people, in general). I can read the pros of not circumcizing a child all day long but it still wouldn't convince me to not circumcize my male children. I have my own reasons for doing it and no one is going to convince me otherwise. I would never try to convince others to circumcize their male children because obviously not everyone is like me and not everyone believes the same thing I believe.
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  #42  
June 10th, 2013, 10:29 AM
swade66's Avatar My friends call me HIRB.
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Here is the thing everyone telling me to calm down. I am not even not calm. I am just pointing things out.

This is my third go around. I am comfortable in my choices. A FTM might not feel the same way.

I have already said there are ways to educate without including opinion. So maybe it is all of you who thought I was talking about your posts who need to calm down.
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  #43  
June 10th, 2013, 10:54 AM
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I haven't been offended by any of these posts, but I do think some of them are a tad judgey. I can't even remember who said what but, because you CAN'T see tone here, there is a little of what seems to me like...do your research...but the obvious right choice is X. And totally ironic that the original post asked why it's a big deal, and indirectly, I guess it was answered!! If the first post said: Why should I, or should I NOT, circumcise? GO! Then this thread would have made more sense.
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  #44  
June 10th, 2013, 02:19 PM
ChicaChels's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I think if anyone is on the fence about circumcision, Drmomma.org is a great website full of up to date, factual, medicalized information and studies. I pass out a TON of circumcision information to my CBE students, too, so if you want anything specific, I would be happy to share it.

That being said, I think everyone has been pretty respectful with the exception of a couple of snarky comments, but that's bound to happen in a group full of hormonal pregnant women...let's not let something like this break down our DDC we will all choose different paths, and some people will research and some people won't, and that's okay.

One thing to consider; on average every year 111 babies die from circumcision. That's more than SIDS & carwrecks combined.
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  #45  
June 10th, 2013, 02:35 PM
anybodyinthere's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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To clarify that statistic, it is only for the time period of 28 days old and younger. Circumcision does NOT kill more babies than car accidents or SIDS during the entirety of infancy.


Quote:
Originally Posted by ChicaChels View Post
I think if anyone is on the fence about circumcision, Drmomma.org is a great website full of up to date, factual, medicalized information and studies. I pass out a TON of circumcision information to my CBE students, too, so if you want anything specific, I would be happy to share it.

That being said, I think everyone has been pretty respectful with the exception of a couple of snarky comments, but that's bound to happen in a group full of hormonal pregnant women...let's not let something like this break down our DDC we will all choose different paths, and some people will research and some people won't, and that's okay.

One thing to consider; on average every year 111 babies die from circumcision. That's more than SIDS & carwrecks combined.
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  #47  
June 10th, 2013, 03:52 PM
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Annnnnnnd this is why I don't discuss circ's, religion or politics with anyone lol
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  #48  
June 10th, 2013, 04:58 PM
hugssandi's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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As I reread my second post, I can see where someone might take my second paragraph as backhanded judgment. I surely didn't intend it that way~open mouth, insert entire leg! LOL! So (((((Swade))))), please forgive me if I came across that way.

As Christians, we did take Biblical mandates into consideration. However, as Gentiles we have the example of Titus who refused to be circumcised. I was thankful for that and honestly don't know how I would have handled it had I believed it a religious necessity. Another reason I cannot judge it!
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  #49  
June 10th, 2013, 05:38 PM
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I absolutely hate when the topic of circumcision becomes a huge trash talking debate because at that point no one is being open-minded and learning anything, they're just spewing sh*t back and forth. I see it on Facebook all the time lol!

I left my son intact because I felt like it was the gentlest choice for him. I agree with the research I've found stating that circumcision isn't medically necessary. But, to tell you the truth, I thought I was going to be circumcising him up until the day he was born - so that he would not be different from his dad. I intended on it, but after I saw him, I thought "what's wrong with this? He looks perfect just the way he is."

Since then, I have done more research about it, and it only makes me feel more confident in my decision. It's just a totally natural thing. I think a lot of people are turned away from it because they find it to be "strange" because they haven't been exposed to it. Of course, I guarantee all of our great great grandfathers and older were all intact because it really is a relatively new procedure in the US.

As far as the extremely "passionate" (the ones who speak out and say that NO ONE should circumcise their children), I believe most of them do so because they see it as a human rights issue. With the infant being the one having their rights taken away.

^ i'm truly not trying to offend anyone here, because I would never want anyone to believe that I think they are any less of a parent for circumcising. Every man or boy in my family aside from my son IS circumcised. I think it's a matter of learning and making the best decision for your own children.
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  #50  
June 10th, 2013, 06:23 PM
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I don't really find uncircumcised penises strange. I mean, any stranger than other penises, being that I find them strange things. We do circumcise. I did research, I educated myself and my husband (who is circumcised) and I considered the options. He has never wished he wasn't circumcised. It's all he knows, of course. But it was not a difficult decision for us, after talking to our pediatrician and others we know. I consider myself a very informed and educated person. I have read all the statistics. I'm not worried about my son's rights. Or any future sons I may have (don't know yet if I am having a boy or girl).
It's funny..my friends and I never talk this way to each other. I mean, we may ask..are you doing this? But there is never pressure to change a person's mind or re-educate or whatever. My SIL (my husband's sister) didn't circumcise her son (her husband isn't). It never even came up as a topic. I think it's a lot easier for people on either side of the issue to climb up to the podium when it's more "anonymous" like this. Maybe it's because in real life, we know if our friends are making a snap decision or it's something they have really thought about.
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  #51  
June 10th, 2013, 06:26 PM
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I will say one thing. Lol imo it's usually the parents who choose not to circ that sound like they are judging people because they always follow up their "opinion" with " you should do the research" why are you assuming that people who choose to circ have not done their "research"? It's insulting. I personally absolutely circ all my boys for personal reasons, on top of those personal reasons I know two MEN who have had it done as adults and cursed the fact it wasn't done before. That aside I completely respect everyone's decision for it is the one they feel is right for their family, so leave your boys "intact", breast feed them till they are 12, let them sleep in your bed till college, eat your placenta. Have a ball but please don't state your case like your the only people who "research" things.
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  #52  
June 10th, 2013, 06:37 PM
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You really can't have this type of conversation normally without someone getting offended...it is just one of those topics. I don't think anyone, myself included, intended any comments to be snarky.

As I said before as long as you are making an informed decision based on facts and knowledge I really don't care. Most of us feel we make the best decision for our children and for some that is not circing and others it is.
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  #53  
June 10th, 2013, 06:38 PM
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Okay, I also just read through all of the comments. I do agree that the TOPIC of circumcision and our opinions about it is a completely reasonable one -- As long as the discussion doesn't turn into attacks against anyone who made the opposite decision.

If I had never been exposed to different views through online discussions, I would have never even known that leaving your son intact is completely okay! Both DH's family and my own didn't know anything about NOT circumcising, and all I really knew of the subject was that it was "what everyone did." So in that sense, I'm thankful for mature discussions on the topic.

And if there are any women who are FTMs in this group, who read this post and the comments, I hope that it encourages them to research something that they may not have given much thought about thus far. Researching and making a decision based on an educated judgement is a heck of a lot better than making a decision without being informed and regretting it in the future. And that can apply to all parenting decisions
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  #54  
June 10th, 2013, 06:49 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NCRG2010 View Post
I will say one thing. Lol imo it's usually the parents who choose not to circ that sound like they are judging people because they always follow up their "opinion" with " you should do the research" why are you assuming that people who choose to circ have not done their "research"? It's insulting. I personally absolutely circ all my boys for personal reasons, on top of those personal reasons I know two MEN who have had it done as adults and cursed the fact it wasn't done before. That aside I completely respect everyone's decision for it is the one they feel is right for their family, so leave your boys "intact", breast feed them till they are 12, let them sleep in your bed till college, eat your placenta. Have a ball but please don't state your case like your the only people who "research" things.
I almost hate to say this because it is most likely going to make someone mad...

However I have yet to meet one person in real life ( you ladies on here seem to be the exception..yay!) who does choose circumcision who can give me a reason other than I don't know or my DH/SO is cut. Maybe that speaks volume to the areas I have been in as that is how it is around where I am now. I am happy when hear of a pro-circ momma who has done her "research" and still made that decision! At least she is informed and can give another reason besides Dh is cut.

I know for some people circing because their DH is cut is their reasoning and I will be honest here and say that I don't understand that (if someone wants to help me understand feel free). I have heard all kinds of reasons but the main one is DH is cut and we don't want X to feel or look different from my DH.

Another thing to note here is this....pro-circ momma will link you to research stating how doing it is better and a non-circ momma will do the same. There is NOT one right answer for everyone and thankfully we are all free to make our own decisions, informed or not really.

I really don't mean to sound mean about it but this is my real life experience which probably does create a bit of bias towards those who do circ which I will admit is not fair and is a broad generalization. So after all that I have to say thanks for reminding me of this. There are moms who choose circumcision based on their own research and I think that is great.

I really appreciate that we are having this discussion really.....the more it is talked about the more each side will come towards the other I think.
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  #55  
June 10th, 2013, 06:50 PM
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I don't mind people doing the research and choosing to circ at all. I think as parents we are responsible for EVERYTHING our child goes through, and I really do believe that something CAN go wrong either way with most any decision. It's more a matter of which would you feel better with if something DID go wrong?

I have known people IRL who did not circ and had serious complications with infections. I know some who chose to do it as adults and had serious complications. Research *to me* does not always = circ, and I'm sorry if it came out that way. NOT my intention at all!

This reminds me of something that happened at my doc appointment recently~from my fb:

"I so enjoyed talking with a beautiful Mom at the doctor's office today, and then I offended her. UGH. And you can't, like, wait outside like a stalker to share that what you meant was you know she works circles around you without a break as a single Mom! I also moved away from her because I didn't want my back to her~so we could talk more easily, and that only made it more uncomfortable. This is a lesson to myself to not become easily offended and to give others the benefit of the doubt, as you NEVER KNOW where someone is coming from! Open mouth, insert entire leg...."

It's hard to be perfectly eloquent all the time! LOL!
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  #56  
June 10th, 2013, 07:02 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eilla05 View Post
I know for some people circing because their DH is cut is their reasoning and I will be honest here and say that I don't understand that (if someone wants to help me understand feel free). I have heard all kinds of reasons but the main one is DH is cut and we don't want X to feel or look different from my DH.
Yes, this is what I brought up in my comment because this is the reason I see most often. It's not that I believe every mom hasn't researched circumcision, because I don't. Also, I mentioned this because it was why I was originally on the fence about circumcision. For moms deciding to circumcise based solely on this reasoning, I just really would like for them to understand that going against the norm is not always a bad thing! Your kid is not going to look "strange" or "weird." If you google intact men (which I have done, out of curiosity because I have never seen an intact penis in person) you can see that it's really not that different from a circumcised penis. And making your son match his father is impossible. Circumcised or not, all penises are completely different! And yes, they are all funny looking, monkeymama2!
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  #57  
June 10th, 2013, 07:37 PM
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Not saying this is why I'm pro circ but what if someone does it simply because their SO is circ'ed and is fine with her decision and has no regrets? What's wrong with that very personal reason for doing it? Even if that is why parents choose to do it, that is ultimately their decision to make and I don't think they should be vilified for it. I have many reasons why I choose to do it but I don't feel the need to justify it to anyone. Judgmental comments, shaming, guilting, etc. would never change my mind because I feel strongly about my choice just like those who choose not to feel strongly about their choice. I don't need to know why they choose not to. There are also women who keep their sons intact just because their SO is intact, is that wrong? No. Because that is their own personal decision. I don't care if people do extensive research or if they just feel that whatever choice is right for them. No one just says hey I want to cut my baby just for fun. Even if it's not researched endlessly, it's still a decision that most people don't take lightly.

Just wanted to add, I'm not saying anyone here is being super judgy, but some people are in regards to this subject.
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  #58  
June 10th, 2013, 07:43 PM
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Amen.
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  #59  
June 10th, 2013, 08:47 PM
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I think a lot of people (myself specifically) say "I would encourage you to research the subject" because in my personal experience with 78 doula clients, 44 of them being boy mommas, and 57 bradley couples (29 of them being boy couples) i would say 95% of them don't research it, they don't give it a thought. more than one of my couples didn't even know you had a choice - they literally thought it was just something that had to be done before you left the hospital. So many people I come across don't know it's not recommended anymore, they don't know that the hygiene stance has been disproved, they dont realize that the USA has the highest circ rate AND the highest STD rate in the world, they just don't realize there's an option other than circumcision before discharging from the hospital. So, at least from my experience, that's why many people recommend researching it before doing it.
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  #60  
June 10th, 2013, 08:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kara74 View Post
Not saying this is why I'm pro circ but what if someone does it simply because their SO is circ'ed and is fine with her decision and has no regrets? What's wrong with that very personal reason for doing it? Even if that is why parents choose to do it, that is ultimately their decision to make and I don't think they should be vilified for it. I have many reasons why I choose to do it but I don't feel the need to justify it to anyone. Judgmental comments, shaming, guilting, etc. would never change my mind because I feel strongly about my choice just like those who choose not to feel strongly about their choice. I don't need to know why they choose not to. There are also women who keep their sons intact just because their SO is intact, is that wrong? No. Because that is their own personal decision. I don't care if people do extensive research or if they just feel that whatever choice is right for them. No one just says hey I want to cut my baby just for fun. Even if it's not researched endlessly, it's still a decision that most people don't take lightly.

Just wanted to add, I'm not saying anyone here is being super judgy, but some people are in regards to this subject.
Good point Kara ! I obviously don't circ and we didn't for many reasons but I can see your point. I don't mind to share why we choose as a family to not do it but I can see where some wouldn't want to.
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