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Circumcision: Why the big deal?!


Forum: December 2013 Playroom

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  #1  
June 9th, 2013, 07:38 PM
ErinBoshnyak1985's Avatar Super Mommy
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So I was watching a pregnancy vlog on youtube and she did a vid on circumcision. She didn't exactly say if she was going to do it or not, but apparently a bunch of people started to harass her on her comments. Why is circumcision such a controversy? I don't see the problem....Just do what you think is fit for your boy and be done with it! Mothers get attacked for so many reasons, why does this end up being such a hot topic? I mean....I can see why vaccinations are a hot topic, but I don't know why circumcision is.....
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  #2  
June 9th, 2013, 07:55 PM
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I don't know, and I hate conflicts like this. I can't stand it when people get on a soap box about topics like this and attack others who don't share their views.

We thought LONG and HARD about circumcising our son, and did, but it wasn't on a whim. He's fine No regrets. I certainly can see why others don't want to. That's fine, too! Sigh.

I sure hope we don't get into a heated debate about this, cuz that make me
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  #3  
June 9th, 2013, 08:00 PM
ErinBoshnyak1985's Avatar Super Mommy
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Yes, thanks, can we not make this into a controversial argument?.....but JM mommies I have always found to be a kind and caring group of ladies!
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  #4  
June 9th, 2013, 08:13 PM
hugssandi's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I don't think circumcision OR vaccination should be such hot topics. I think each family is SUPPOSED to be a unique unit, and that different parenting styles should be celebrated. I don't understand why we divide and judge so easily over differences in family dynamics and how homes are run differently. I mean, we all have different strengths and weaknesses, so it makes sense that they would manifest themselves in our decisions. And that of course we would not all be the same.

OH don't get me started! LOLOL!
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  #5  
June 9th, 2013, 08:21 PM
ChicaChels's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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We chose to leave Hunter intact for many reasons, and I feel strongly about the debate, but as a child birth educator and doula I have really learned my place in the debate. I'm all for informed decision making, but that means truly informed - reading both sides, talking to adult men who are circumcised who are angry at their parents for doing it, as well as talking to adult men who are intact who wish their parents would've cut them. I wrote a huge paper on it for my nursing, and I talked to 20 different men over age 18 and it was pretty eye opening to see both sides of the fence from people who didn't have the right to decide what was best for their own body.

I do think it's a big deal, but I think our society in general just has a weirdness about intact penises. The circumcision rate currently for the US is somewhere around 34%, so statistically circumcised babies are the minority nationally, but where I live (Iowa) the circumcision rate is like 84%, so Hunter will be the minority for sure, and only 1% of intact babies will ever need to be circ'd for medical reasons in their life. Female circumcision was legal up until recently, so it'll be interesting to see where the male circumcision national debate ends up within the next 10 years or so.

I don't judge people for doing it, and I've been there for quite a few of them per the request of several doula clients. I absolutely think someone should watch a circumcision before deciding whether or not do it.

Also, my nursing goal is to become a post partum nurse so I can focus my energy on breastfeeding, circumcision, and carseat education
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  #6  
June 9th, 2013, 08:32 PM
anybodyinthere's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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A lot of people see it as making a permanent, body altering decision for someone before they are old enough to make that decision for themselves. That's a large part of the controversy.

My son is circumsized. I did not want him to be but my husband did. Basically, if this had to do with a vagina, I would expect to decide since I have a vagina! I allowed my husband's choice to override mine only because he has a penis and has the perspective of a circumsized male.

It is a personal decision that each family needs to weigh. I made DH watch a video of the procedure before it was done.
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  #7  
June 9th, 2013, 08:41 PM
swade66's Avatar My friends call me HIRB.
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It is a choice that should be up to the parents and it really isn't my business if you do it or don't.

We did. I know people who didn't and who did. Neither them doing it or not has effected me in anyway.

I also left the choice up to DH since he is the one with the penis.
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  #8  
June 9th, 2013, 08:51 PM
JulieMc's Avatar Loving my babies. :)
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It is such a hot topic because many people, like myself, view it as an unnecessary, permanent surgical operation on a tiny baby that results in the removal of a functional piece of the body before they are of age to consent to such a permanent thing. I got SO much crap for NOT circumsizing my son when he was born in 2009 from both of our families, however, DH's family was the worst. My family didn't understand my choice, because even in my generation it was just what was done...but they eventually dropped it and my mom got my dad to shut up about it by telling him that removing the foreskin results in less feelings during sex. What man can argue with wanting less feeling then? lol. Anyways...my DH was not on board with my decision either...but I told him, over my dead body basically...and that the OB wouldn't do it if both parents did not consent. Also, just because my husband has a penis, that doesn't make him any more qualified than me to make a decision about cutting off a part of our kid's body..that's how I look at it. I also thought...in regards to some religious aspects...if he were meant not to have this part, then certainly god would not have created him with it in the first place...afterall, we don't chop anything off girls when they are born. Blah. Just my thoughts and my experience. Should we have a boy again, it won't be an issue...it's already been there done that, argument over here....no boy of mine is getting cut unless there's a very serious medical need for it.

Also...weird thing I have noticed...but not being circumsized I think makes them look "bigger". My sister's boys are all circ'd and honestly, they look weird to me...they look smaller, and when they are healing, omg it looks painful. for awhile
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  #9  
June 9th, 2013, 09:04 PM
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I understand why people feel passionately about it one way or the other, but I view it a lot like religion. I'm passionate about my religion and if someone asks me about it, I give my opinion and move on. Just like spirituality, all beliefs are personal. Beliefs about parenting aren't any different. I don't believe that people should be guilt tripped for making a different choice or have it shoved in their faces by someone claiming superiority for a different belief.

People make the decisions that they believe in and that work best for their family. DH and I ultimately make decisions that we know will allow us to continue to sleep at night. Beyond that, as long as they are not in some way putting their child at grave risk physically, mentally, or emotionally it's no one else's business.

I don't think that my husband having a penis makes his opinion more important than mine, but it sure does make me weigh his opinion considering that he has experience on one side or the other that I can't claim.
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  #10  
June 9th, 2013, 09:06 PM
ChicaChels's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JulieMc View Post
It is such a hot topic because many people, like myself, view it as an unnecessary, permanent surgical operation on a tiny baby that results in the removal of a functional piece of the body before they are of age to consent to such a permanent thing. I got SO much crap for NOT circumsizing my son when he was born in 2009 from both of our families, however, DH's family was the worst. My family didn't understand my choice, because even in my generation it was just what was done...but they eventually dropped it and my mom got my dad to shut up about it by telling him that removing the foreskin results in less feelings during sex. What man can argue with wanting less feeling then? lol. Anyways...my DH was not on board with my decision either...but I told him, over my dead body basically...and that the OB wouldn't do it if both parents did not consent. Also, just because my husband has a penis, that doesn't make him any more qualified than me to make a decision about cutting off a part of our kid's body..that's how I look at it. I also thought...in regards to some religious aspects...if he were meant not to have this part, then certainly god would not have created him with it in the first place...afterall, we don't chop anything off girls when they are born. Blah. Just my thoughts and my experience. Should we have a boy again, it won't be an issue...it's already been there done that, argument over here....no boy of mine is getting cut unless there's a very serious medical need for it.

Also...weird thing I have noticed...but not being circumsized I think makes them look "bigger". My sister's boys are all circ'd and honestly, they look weird to me...they look smaller, and when they are healing, omg it looks painful. for awhile

the bolded part is what really swayed my husband. He was VERY pro circumcision, but after I had him read the book, "What your Dr. Isn't Telling You About Circumcision"...when he read that the foreskin removes 20,000 sexual nerves his mouth literally dropped open. I also told him I would sooner divorce him than sign the consent form. He also was stunned to read about the little boy from Canada who was changed into a girl unknowingly shortly after birth because of a botched circumcision. That scared him a lot - he really didn't want that to happen to his son.
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  #11  
June 9th, 2013, 09:08 PM
n8tsmomma's Avatar Super Mommy
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It is a huge debate because people have very strong feelings. My problem is the "it's not my body not my choice" arguement. By not having it done you are making a choice so stand by your choice. Personally I would have had my first done but he had hypospadias so the foreskin was used in the repair. Because it was a repair and involved moving his urethra to the correct place he was under general and felt no pain except during the recovery when his dressing needed changed and his stitch was removed to get his tube out. Now three years later he looks like every other circumcised boy with no scars or leaks

My second son I did not have done purely because if I had it done again I would want it done by a pediatric urologist under general. That is expensive so my boys will stay intact.

I did have a partner a couple months ago who told me he wished it had been done when he was a baby.
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  #12  
June 9th, 2013, 09:16 PM
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The big deal to those who feel strongly against not doing it is because you are removing a part of the body that the child was born with and naturally supposed to have. We did not circ Greyson and at first DH wanted to but I made him research and watch videos of it being done in the most popular methods. He changed his mind obviously.

When he was born we were in El Paso TX and none of the doctors there recommended having it done (the peds) and in fact made you wait until they were at least 4 weeks old before doing the procedure. Here in Kentucky it is done before they leave the hospital. Our insurance also would not have covered the procedure and I can say that I am quite happy about the fact that more and more insurance company are considering it an elective cosmetic procedure and refusing to cover it.

With all that said I think as long as you make a truly informed decision and not one just based on well my Dh is cut his family is cut etc I am okay with the decision anyone makes for their family. We all have choices and honestly most of the time the choices we make we consider them the best for our families right?

I just want them to be educated choices
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  #13  
June 9th, 2013, 11:20 PM
lily26's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I wonder if I actually watched the same video on youtube.

I don't have a baby boy yet, well I'm not even sure this baby will be a boy. However, if we do have a boy we will make an informed decision and I'm not sure what side of the fence I'm on. *TMI ALERT* I know my S/o would rather be for it because he's one of those males who wishes that his parents would have done it.

A friend told me what she was doing with her baby boy, and I felt really neutral about it. I wasn't for or against it, I figured that it was a personal family choice, that shouldn't really be anyone else's decision. I'm slightly bothered by the fact that people want to know what the actual plan is...especially random people.

However as a first time mom to be, I really like reading both sides of the story. I find it very informative, and like how this forum hasn't made this issue into a catty fight.
Before I got pregnant, I wasn't even aware that this was even an issue to be a heated debate.
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  #14  
June 10th, 2013, 12:31 AM
HorseGal's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I saved the decision for my son to make.

Without repeating whats been said 10x already.. My exDH's ONLY reason for wanting to circ our son was " Even I would call him rumble foreskin".

I was going to go with it to avoid the fight but when it came time to take my perfect son away, I couldn't do it.
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  #15  
June 10th, 2013, 02:08 AM
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I think it's healthy to hear both sides of the argument, in any case. this being no different. you try to make the best decisions for you and your family and hope it works out lol and no one should judge anyone else for that. we did decide we will cut, if the opportunity presents itself because that's the best decision for us.
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  #16  
June 10th, 2013, 04:50 AM
hugssandi's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I will agree that decisions need to be educated, informed ones, but thankfully I had a midwife that guided me to learn more. She never answered my questions but made me research for myself! LOL! Would I have done things differently without her, I wonder?

We did not circ any of our boys. I'm sure though there are those who became informed later and have regrets. I'm not here to point fingers and make them feel worse! We go with what we know at the time, I guess, and there still is no ONE right way to do just about anything under the sun!
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  #17  
June 10th, 2013, 05:36 AM
Oriyan's Avatar Platinum Superdupermommy
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I too saved the decision for my son to make. Who am I to make a decision about what to do with his penis? My husband was OVER circ'd and has little feeling in his penis (which of course made for WORSE issues as an adult -- not being able to perform) and a scar to boot. Once he did his research, he too was against it. Just cause my husband has a penis does not mean he automatically gets to make decisions about our sons penis. We talk about it together -- like we do ALL his health decisions.

Most health insurance companies no longer cover it because it is considered cosmetic and because the AAP does not even recommend it anymore. People have their own reasons for why they do or don't do it. We taught our son from an early age to clean his penis and when the skin retracted we taught him to pull it back and clean it too. Simple really. We've never dealt with bad smells, infection, redness, issues, etc. We just had to teach him to point when he pees. Which really was not a big deal, either.

Would I put holes in my little girls ears (if i have one)? No. That's HER decision to make. Not mine.

People get uppity about it, like they get uppity about FF/BF, diapers, co-sleeping, etc. They just think THEIR way is the RIGHT way. There is no right way. The "right" way, is if your child grows up healthy regardless.
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Last edited by Oriyan; June 10th, 2013 at 05:43 AM.
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  #18  
June 10th, 2013, 05:41 AM
swade66's Avatar My friends call me HIRB.
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The only problem I have is that I have never tried to make anyone feel like crap for their choice to circ or not. Yet time and again I have been judged for mine.
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  #19  
June 10th, 2013, 06:16 AM
swade66's Avatar My friends call me HIRB.
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Even in this thread there is back handed judgment going on.
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  #20  
June 10th, 2013, 06:30 AM
JulieMc's Avatar Loving my babies. :)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by swade66 View Post
Even in this thread there is back handed judgment going on.
I think you're being overly paranoid and sensitive, if that is what you got out of my post an others. From what I can see everyone is being pretty civil, but it is impossible to discuss the topic without sharing our individual opinions, which may offend others by their very nature! If you can't take the heat, stay away from the fire.

I have gotten plenty of remarks from pro-circ people like "your son is going to get made fun of", or even "girls won't want to give him a blowjob" and stupid ignorant stuff like that.....I just let it go in one ear and out the other. I've also gotten plenty of stupid remarks about my children's sleeping arrangements (bed sharing in particular). I disagree with sticking a baby in their own room by themselves, but I know plenty of people who do it that way. Whatever floats your boat!
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